KWIBS - From October 8, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From September 24, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From September 17, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From September 10, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From September 3, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From August 27, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From August 20, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From August 13, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From July 30, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From July 16, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From July 9, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From July 2, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

For Christmas last year, Ronda asked me for an inversion table.

Her back had been bothering her and we had borrowed Steve and Suellen Bryan’s inversion table. Ronda was instantly hooked, so I started shopping around and reading the reviews.

So we bought this torture-looking device that you lock your ankles into and hang upside down sometime in mid-December. I brought the heavy box into the living room with the help of one of the boys and there it sat for about 3 months. Eventually, Ronda got one of the boys to help her haul it downstairs where it remained until last week.

I was so out of whack. My back was hurting and I just couldn’t get relief.

I asked, "Hey, where’s that contraption I bought you for Christmas?"

Ronda said, "I had Joey help me take it downstairs and we put it behind the couch since you never put it together for me."

Shame overwhelmed me. Had I really procrastinated for almost 7 months?

So I got motivated (pain will do that for you) and we headed downstairs to get the inversion table.

"This thing is heavier than I remember," I told my wife, who was struggling to help me get it back upstairs.

After a few minutes of groaning, huffing and puffing, we had it back upstairs in the light where I could take a look at what we had. I opened the box and I let out a gasp. This thing was broken down into the simplest form. I swear to God it was nearly molecular in nature.

I felt every last ounce of patience slipping away from me as piece after piece was removed from its shrink wrapped sarcophagus.

This project was not for the faint of heart or for anyone suffering from back pain. I needed pain medicine, possibly a stiff drink and a Ph.D. to put this thing together.

Ronda and I spent the next two hours grumbling and sighing while completing 24 steps of 56 parts to completion. No wait, Ronda graciously held the parts while I did the grumbling and sighing and she talked me through a couple of the steps.

Merry Christmas Sweetheart!

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Congratulations to Doug and Liz Hanna on their recent marriage over the weekend. They made it official! Liz has been writing for us for about a year now and you will remember her as Liz Glomb.

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Even being as hot and dry as it is, we live in a beautiful area. Ronda and I recently returned from a trip through New Mexico and down into El Paso, Texas where we saw some mountains, but mostly desert. When we got back to Barber County, we had a new appreciation of the beauty we have here.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From June 25, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

We decided to "get away from it all" last week. Ronda and I loaded up the truck with 6 days worth of clothes and headed south towards El Paso, TX. Ronda’s dad lives there and we were going for a surprise party in his honor.

Leaving for 6 days from our office wouldn’t have been possible without Doris Sorg. She did the little things I do that make the big things happen, like getting the paper to press and uploaded to the Internet.

It was our first road trip of this kind in the 24 years we’ve been married. Our anniversary was Sunday, so we thought this would be the perfect get away.

We made it a point to pick our stops along the way and we did great sticking to our schedule. Our first stop was in Amarillo, TX to see friends Dale and Michele McCurdy and Bryan and Cindy Goucher. We went on to Santa Rosa, NM and spent the night, seeing the Blue Hole and cruising the old Route 66. On Friday, we stopped in every little village or community we could find between there and El Paso, TX with a stop at White Sands National Park. After two days in El Paso, we hit the road for Carlsbad, NM and pulled into the visitor’s center. I hit the trip meter and we’d gone 1120 miles since Thursday.

We put on some warmer clothes and headed one mile down a path, 750’ down under the surface. The caves were awesome, but nature was calling after a couple of bottles of water and I went looking for a bathroom.

It was Fathers’ Day and the place was packed. You stood in line for everything, but fortunately, the bathroom line was short. When I rounded the corner I ran smack dab into Mike Rutan from Medicine Lodge! I couldn’t hardly speak. What are the odds of running into someone from your home town so far away from home?

The Rutans had made a trek across the west which included pulling their Air Stream to the Grand Canyon and through Albuquerque, NM to see Kyle and DeDe Vick, which is Ronda’s brother, my in-laws. They actually came to El Paso and we were with the Vicks the day before.

When I came out of the bathroom, Ronda had found Christi and Izzy and their nephew Ben near the elevators. We had Ben take this photo of us. It almost looks like we were vacationing together.

So, we sort of "got away from it all", less the Rutans, which were welcome faces 750’ below the Earth’s surface!

On Sunday night we rolled into Roswell, NM. The nerd in me couldn’t resist seeing the UFO museum and alien artifacts from the legendary cover-ups from the 1947 UFO crash site near Area 51.

Ronda and I posed with some "cheesy" aliens and props at this visit. There was much eye-rolling coming from my wife’s direction, but I think she sort of enjoyed it.

This was a short stop along the way before going to Ft. Sumner, NM to see Billy The Kid’s grave and museum. This was one of our favorite stops along the way. They have a very nice museum and collection of old west items. The store is owned by a man who is a third generation owner of the family’s museum.

And I had to ask the owner of the museum if Billy The Kid was really killed by Pat Garrett in 1881. He assured me that he in fact did kill Billy The Kid and he was buried at their cemetery in Ft. Sumner.

Something odd had just happened in Ft. Sumner on Saturday. Vandals tipped over the grave marker of Billy The Kid and broke in to the town’s museum and stole two long rifles. Reward posters hung all over town for information leading to the arrest and conviction of the responsible parties. I would guess a lynching was about to occur! The town had repaired the damage to the museum by the time we got there on Monday.

Leaving Ft. Sumner mid-afternoon and on our way back to Amarillo, I called our friends Bryan and Cindy (Clarke) Goucher about having dinner with them.

Bryan was at work in Hereford and we made a plan to meet for dinner in Amarillo after we checked into our hotel. A couple of hours of travel put us through Hereford at about 5 p.m. and as we were cruising along the highway 45 minutes outside of Amarillo, a black Chevy truck screamed up beside us, honked and a guy started waving his hand at us. We looked closely and it was Bryan! Maybe not as much of a story as running into the Rutans, but it’s still very strange to run into people you know, so far away from home.

It’s not so far fetched, but when it happens it seems like Vegas odds. When I was younger I remember running into a classmate from Medicine Lodge in Boston, MA. Ronda reminded me of a time when she was traveling with our kids in Chicago, IL and she ran into Melvin Thompson at O’Hare. I also remember a time that we ran into Dan and Jean McKay while at the Houston, TX airport coming home from Mexico.

So, can you imagine what song was going through my head all the way home from this trip? "It’s a small world." And now it’s going through your head!

Have a great week!

I went to the movies last weekend at the Pageant Drive-In Theater. It was the first movie I had seen at the theater this season.

A few weeks back I had gone to the movies in Pratt at the Barren. When I looked at the screen at Mike Sill’s drive-in, I couldn’t believe my eyes. This was the sharpest picture I had seen at a movie theater in a long time. The FM broadcast of the movie came across loud and clear in my truck. I had forgotten what a quality place we have right here in good ole’ Medicine Lodge.

This was quite the contrast to the Barren. When we went three weeks ago, the picture was dark and out of focus. This was in addition to the fact that the air conditioning was broken. I did complain to the folks up front, but it did no good.

It’s a shame that this could be the last season of the drive-in. I looked around and the place was packed for Men in Black, III. Families gathered in lawn chairs and children laughed and played in the very same place that I did as a kid growing up and going to the movies.

I commend Mike and Amy for the service they have provided to this community. I also pledge my support for their efforts to convert it to the digital upgrade necessary to keep it open.

If you haven’t been to the movies in a while, I encourage you to go out and see one of this summer’s blockbusters. Mike and Amy have been very timely on getting current movies and like I said earlier, the picture quality was incredible and if you have a decent FM radio in your car, you can hear it loud and clear.

My friend and former resident Kevin Colborn also commented on how cheap the concession stand was in comparison to theaters he goes to in Wichita.

So if you want good quality entertainment, right here in Medicine Lodge, why not go to the Pageant Drive-In. It could be your last chance to see a movie under the stars.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From June 11, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

Putting me in a car for an extended period of time is like removing a baby from its mother’s womb and placing it on a cold metal table.

There will be whining and crying.

We’ll see how this goes, but for the first time in my adult life, I am going to pack up the truck and drive an 800 mile trek across the southwest. The destination is personal and a surprise for someone special.

We’ve done a lot of traveling, but rarely by auto. With our limited number of consecutive days off between publications, we’ve often chosen to travel by air. When we priced tickets and saw the limited number of destinations from local carriers, we decided to just take "a road trip."

This coming Sunday marks 24 years of marriage for Ronda and I. We rarely get a break from our hectic office and we will take a well deserved rest for several days and see some sites and be by ourselves. I’m looking forward to it! I love you sweetheart and look forward to a little time away with you. ;-)

The on-line edition for June 18 will take a break as well, since I won’t be here to do it. Our on-line flip page PDF viewer will be available. If you haven’t taken advantage of this, I urge you to try it out. We have over 100 subscribers now and the viewer allows you to get the newspaper as soon as it hits the streets, so no matter if you live in California or Medicine Lodge, you get the paper without delay! I want to thank Doris for filling in for me this next week and picking up part of my load!

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My son Nicholas just got back from a football camp hosted by OU in Norman, OK. We are so proud of him for going.

He and Caden Rusk attended the camp. During the three day event, the boys got to meet and be coached by NFL players and top coaches across the region. Nicholas called on Friday to say, "Dad, I just shook hands with a former Dallas Cowboy’s linebacker and he was wearing a Superbowl Ring!"

I told him that he "must have been retired for quite a while!" Zinger! And I’m actually a Cowboy’s fan.

I wanted to thank Clay Rusk for taking the boys down for this once-in-a-lifetime chance to be trained by some of the best in the industry.

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Finally, I received an anonymous letter in the mail last week. I won’t give any of the details about the concerns in this letter. It is my belief that anyone who doesn’t have the courage to put their name to something, isn’t worth the time or trouble to respond to. If you would like to come in to the office, I would be more than happy to address your issues and concerns.

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Father’s Day is Sunday. The paragraph above reminds me of my father. He always gave me practical advice about doing the right thing when dealing with people. He hated anonymous letters. Most newspaper people do. If you don’t have the courage to put your name to it, it shows your character or lack thereof.

Many of you may not know, but my dad suffers from severe dementia. He just turned 66 a couple of weeks ago. He has struggled for many years with his speech and reasoning and now is in long term care in Attica, KS. His condition has worsened over the past month.

He’s not the witty newspaper man that many of you remember, but he’s still my dad.

He made amends for his wrongs when he first understood that his mind was leaving him to disease. He recognized that he was not the perfect father, as none of us are. He also made me realize that I was not the perfect son either. He taught me many other very valuable lessons throughout my life, even when I wasn’t trying to learn them.

He was the best dad he could be.

I love him and my heart breaks seeing him struggle to communicate and do the simplest of basic functions. I choose to remember him during the good times, forgive the bad times and accept life as it is for him. I’m grateful to the kind people in Attica who are treating him with respect and dignity and caring for him.

I would like to end with this quote from Charles Wadworth:

"By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

Have a great week.

KWIBS - From May 28, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

It’s part of a story that we didn’t cover in the paper. When I say "part", I just left it out. I left it out because one of the guys asked me to.

Now it’s fair game and he can’t be angry for telling you about it and maybe you actually heard the story.

On March 8, 2012 David Colborn and Josh Graham, MLFD volunteers, entered the burning apartment complex and risked their personal safety to rescue people trapped inside.

Neither really wanted the recognition, but the city has made a proclamation honoring these two guys and I am so glad they did.

For weeks I’ve wanted to tell my readers of their heroics, but promised I wouldn’t. I don’t really feel like I am breaking the promise since the city paid for a proclamation on page 8 of this week’s Premiere.

A partial quote from this proclamation reads:

WHEREAS, the City of Medicine Lodge will be forever grateful to David and Josh for their bravery in the early morning hours of March 8th, 2012.

The community is proud of you guys.

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As this community recognizes the selfless act of others, we also mourn the loss of one of our own friends and businessmen.

Laurn Cope was critically injured and passed away last week. He was doing what he always did - work. Laurn was just one of those guys who you had to like. I found this photo of him as I searched my archives. It was from Halloween last year. I’m pretty sure he was successful of getting smiles out of everyone on Main Street during the parade. Here’s one more time to smile because of Laurn.

KWIBS - From May 21, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

I wanted to apologize to Deb Wesley and her ladies at the Clerk’s office for unintentionally beating them up last week with my "new countertops" comment.

You guys did deserve new counters and my point wasn’t supposed to be against that. It was to state that Home Health was not a priority for Barber County.

The power of the pen can sometimes be a stinger when the meaning wasn’t fully expressed.

My grandpa and my dad both used to say, "Don’t get into an argument with a person who buys his ink in 55 gallon drums."

I would also say, "Be careful how many ladies you offend in one office at a time! "

Smiles girls. :)

KWIBS - From May 14, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

Somewhere as humans, citizens of our county, we dropped the ball on a vital service.

In a last ditch effort to save it, Home Health was neatly discarded (sold) late 2011. It was passed on to someone else to give it a whirl.

It failed this past week and now the doors are closed for good.

As a county, we can have "special funds" to allow for capital improvements and purchasing things like new counter tops and windows, but we can’t find the money to help take care of our elderly. We can’t find the resources or management needed to keep a service like Home Health going in our community. It’s no wonder many older people have to move away.

It’s sad and one of many complex problems we face.

KWIBS - From May 7, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

Our area has been getting a lot of press in recent weeks and months over the impending oil-boom.

I had heard rumors at the courthouse that even Diane Sawyer’s office was interested in doing a peice on our area. Betty Jo Swayden said that someone had called her office and I told her how I would have responded.... She said, "Why didn’t I think of that!?!"

I finally got the chance. Friday of last week a fellow by the name of Daniel called me from ABC News. He was a producer from Diane Sawyer's office and wanted to know if I knew of someone from our area who had a "rags to riches" story they could cover. Apparently, news of our "hitting it big" has hit the Big Apple news circuit.

I said, "Well, there's Jed."

He said, "Yes, go on. Tell me more about Jed."

Oh my... I couldn’t beleive he was going along with this.

I said, ".....Was a poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed......"

You know the rest.

Funny thing was, the guy didn't catch on for the longest time. I bet I rattled off half the song.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From April 23, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

Several years ago "Frosty" Wayne Sill promised me that I could peek inside the Pastime Movie Theater. He warned me that "it was bad."

I never got that chance before Frosty died, so when I heard Doris was going down to do an interview with Wanda and Linda, I tagged along hoping to see inside the theater.

It had been 30 years since I saw my last flick there. Time has not been on her side, but so many memories came rushing back to my mind.

Restoring the theater is a worthy cause. It will be no easy task, but it’s an opportunity to really come together as a community. It’s in the early planning stages and will take a lot of time and a lot of money, but isn’t Medicine Lodge worth rebuilding? Thank you for the sneak peek!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From April 16, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

I’ve had the opportunity over the past couple of weeks to see first hand the economic impact being made as a result of the Flat Ridge 2 Wind Farm and the local oil boom.

Wednesday, April 4 Ronda and I went to Harper where we ate lunch with officials from British Petroleum’s Wind Division and officials from Sempra.

Governor Sam Brownback was there too and he was very encouraged at the growth of our counties.

It’s exciting to see progress in our area and to know that we are just at the beginning of a good period of economic growth for our area. It’s been a long time coming. Our communities have seen a steady decline in population and valuations. If not for companies like BP, Shell, Sandridge, Osage and Chesapeake, we would probably continue on a steady decline.

I’ve always credited local oil operators for being the backbone and base of our local economy. They are equally as important to the economic growth as the companies I’ve listed above, so please don’t think I don’t appreciate the importance of their contribution.

Thursday was an interesting day. Early in the week I received an email from Edward Cross, the President of the Kansas Oil and Gas Association. He invited me to tag along with him and Senator Pat Roberts and Mel Thompson on a tour of Osage’s horizontal rig west of Medicine Lodge. I, in turn, invited my wife to tag along with me as my copilot.

We met Mel and the Senator at Casey’s and did quick introductions with other media members before caravaning out to the fracking site some 45 minutes away. It was mostly dirt roads and since it had been raining, it was muddy!

I realize I have been beating this horse to death, but the oil industry is going to be good for us in Barber County. We have to look this gift horse in the mouth, so to speak. We have the opportunity for growth for many years to come, but we have to seize the moment. We need planning and we need it now. If the growth in the south part of the county is any indication of what is to come, we must get ready and be proactive and not reactive.

From everything I’ve learned by visiting the people in the industry, I come away with the same realization each time. They want to work with us and they want to help with being a part of the solution. We need to work with them, communicate with them and appreciate what they bring to our area.

Ronda and I want to thank Ben Crouch, Robert Murdock, Edward Cross, and Steve Stanfield for the tour. I also want to thank and recognize Senator Pat Roberts and Mel Thompson for taking the time and showing interest and support in our county during this time of economic growth.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From April 9, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From April 2, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From March 26, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From February 27, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From February 13, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From February 6, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From January 30, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From January 23, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From January 16, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From January 9, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From January 2, 2012 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From December 26, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

KWIBS - From December 19, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

A few weeks ago, one of our country’s $6 million spy drones (the RQ170) made a somewhat gentle landing in Iran.

Without missing a beat, Iranians declared they shot it down, but later displayed the virtually undamaged craft for its country run media and propaganda machine.

Later in the week, Iran claimed to have decoded our military’s technology and jammed our signals, landing this supersecret plane after it went astray from a CIA and Department of Defense mission in Afghanistan.

As I understand, once contact with the operators is broken, drones such as the RQ170 are programmed to circle an area until contact is reestablished, sources said. If contact is not reestablished during a pre-programmed period, it is designed to return to base or to self-destruct -- directed through a separate channel or program. A common outcome is that the drone crashes and is burned by its fuel.

Who knows why this didn’t happen, but it’s obvious that it didn’t.

President Obama asked Iran to return the drone. Iran has stated it will not return the drone and that the drone landing in their country and violating their airspace was an act of war in itself.

I’m pretty sure that everyone knows we’re flying these things over Iran and that one of these things was bound to crash or be shot down at some point.

A couple of things that struck me as very odd about this situation was that - we lost this thing in the first place; and that we had no plan to be 100% sure it would be destroyed rather than fall into enemy hands in the case of malfunction. We are (or were recently) the most technologically advanced nation in the world.

Why doesn’t this thing have cameras all over it and a button that can be pushed that makes this thing go "boom!". (You would want the cameras for the surprised look on everyone’s faces...)

I’ve offered my assistance to President Obama this week to help resolve the problem.

My letter:

"Dear Iran,

We’re sorry that one of our remote control planes landed in your desert. We were flying it over here in Afghanistan and it malfunctioned and for some dumb reason, we’ve programed it to land gently. We’re correcting that problem. In the future, if we lose contact with one, they are set to fly over the ocean climb to 30,000’ and then nose dive at full speed. I’m not sure yet who is getting fired over the default setting to "auto land".

We’re pretty sure you didn’t shoot it down and we are even more sure that you do not possess the technology to force it from the sky, but consistency and storytelling have never been your country’s strong points.

We’re asking, kindly and formally, that you return our $6 million spy-plane. We’ll meet you at the border and compensate you for your time and delivery. We realize that it might seem like an unreasonable request, but we want it back. We do have like close to 1,000 of these things ready to go in a moment’s notice, but it just doesn’t seem right to let you have even one.

We’ll give you a few options:

A) Return it now.

If you won’t give it back by: (insert exact time and date here) we’ll destroy it.

Yes, we realize that this would be another act of aggression against your sovereign nation, but if you don’t give it back right now we’re going to drop one of those really, really smart bombs with pinpoint precision that will destroy a 100’ radius with, hopefully, no collateral damage. We do have compassion for innocent lives. That’s why we’re going to give you 10 minutes to get out of the way before we drop it.

By keeping our aircraft and accepting and cashing the enclosed check for damages, you have agreed to hold harmless the United States and its interests.

Other options to consider:

B) Return it now.

C) Return it now.

Signed, President Obama"

Well, I read today that Obama actually considered a covert mission to reclaim or destroy the drone, but decided not to because any mission of that nature could be considered too aggressive or an "act of war."

News flash.... Iran has already declared that invading their airspace with a drone was an "act of war."

Seriously, what do we have to lose here?

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With the Thanksgiving Holiday rushing right into December Christmas celebrations, our psychic abilities dimmed. I got a phone call last week from a reader who asked, "Why wasn’t anything in the paper about the vandalism to the Sharon Christmas light display?"

Honestly, I didn’t hear about it until last week when this reader called us. Folks sometimes think we just know everything, but often we don’t. "Well it was on TV!," the person said.

Well, who called the TV and not the local newspaper?

We ran three stories on the Christmas celebration in Sharon, but no one ever bothered to call us and tell us about what happened with the park.

We have a story this week on page 11. I’m sorry it took this long to cover it. That’s a sad deal and such a disappointing thing to have happen in any community. I hope the punishment is severe for those responsible. I suggested that those responsible be wrapped in LED lights and be forced to stand in the Sharon Park on display each evening until Christmas.

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This is the second to the last issue of the Premiere for the year of 2011. It’s also the time we celebrate Christmas in our newspaper and share the letters from the grade school children. I have a few favorite issues I print every year. These last two of the year are my favorites because of the letters to Santa and The Year In Review.

Here’s my favorite letter from Derrek Randels. He writes, "Dear Santa,

I want a feed pickup with red front and flat black bed. Also I want a color maker, and one sock and a skunk also I want a KU real helmet and a ninja set. Wait! Also I want an ipad also two big boxing gloves. Thanks.

Love, Derrek Randels written by Elf Garrett Randels".

One sock and a skunk? Oh my, next year this boy is getting another sock, some tomato juice and a bar of soap.

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I pray that each one of you has a blessed Christmas celebration with those you love and remember what it is that we’re celebrating this time of year: The birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Merry Christmas to you all.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From December 12, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Can you imagine my excitement when my wife handed me the envelope that was addressed from "Settlement Department."

I actually read my mail. I can’t tell you the number of class action law suits I have inadvertently become a party to by simply doing nothing.... I didn’t even know I was harmed.

Several years ago, I got a settlement check for $930 from an overpayment to my motorcycle insurance company. That was a good one! Last week, I got a settlement check for $18.35 from an attorney who sued Visa. That bought me lunch. This week, I got a check from Ying Ling vs. Ebay Settlement in the amount of, (drum roll........), 14 cents. That bought me nothing and only got my wife crazy stares from the bank tellers when she cashed it.

Seriously? 14 cents? The check itself, the paper, envelope and postage probably totaled closer to $1. Some lawyer made millions and I got 14 cents because Ebay Motors miscalculated some final charges on a Harley I sold on Ebay back in 2002.

From what I read, that was a pretty average amount on the settlement. Some were actually as high as $18,000, but mine was far less.

Here’s the problem....

"Bill" (as we’ll call him) recently received a card, letting him know about a class action settlement involving his lawnmower. To be honest, Bill didn’t even know that he was a part of this class action lawsuit. He didn’t even know there was a problem with his lawnmower.

This class action lawsuit had nothing to do with the product’s safety. Bill’s family wasn’t in jeopardy because of his lawnmower. This ridiculous lawsuit was over "claims that the Defendants misrepresented and overstated the horsepower of their lawnmowers and lawnmower engines." Although the defendants deny these claims, they did agree to settle.

In this particular class action case, the lawyers intend to collect over $14 million in fees.

Here is the problem I have with these types of class action lawsuits – Bill never knew he was harmed by his lawnmower and I bet the hundreds of thousands of consumers who bought these products between January 1, 1994 and April 12, 2010 never knew they were harmed either. It is a prime example of lawsuits gone crazy. Cases like this one jam the court system and prevent the timely resolution of legitimate claims.

Stupid class action lawsuits are an abomination of the tort system. Tort claims should only be made by people who have actually suffered harm and are not part of an unknown class of individuals who weren’t harmed, never once thought they were harmed and did not go out and hire an attorney to file a lawsuit.

KWIBS - From December 5, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Barb Keltner would roll over in her grave. Wait, Barb Keltner isn’t dead. She might die when she finds out what I bought last week.

For years Barb and I have had this "good vs. evil" fight over Mac/Apple and PC platforms. She being a Mac fan and me being a PC fan.

I used to joke that they put the handles on the old IMacs so that you could carry them into the repair shop easier or toss them in the landfill without straining to pick them up.

She of course at every opportunity would tell me how wonderful Apple products were and I would give her the "mmm-hmm" man-sound that means I really didn’t care.

But thanks in part to the power of marketing, the death of Steve Jobs, the alignment of the planets or whatever else you want to claim did it, last week I bought an Apple Ipad 2.

And I like it.

My son was like, "Why do you need an Ipad?"

Well, I’m sure there is a free application that will help me to deal with teenagers.

Actually, there are a lot of really cool "apps". Most of them are for sale, at a nominal fee, but some are free and are sort of useful.

Take for instance, "Duetsch". This application helps you to learn German. That would be great if I really wanted to learn German, but I don’t. However, my son set up my Ipad and installed this little "free" app so every 30 minutes my Ipad automatically turns on and says a German word or phrase. It startles me and I’m annoyed with this, but not smart enough to figure out how to turn it off.

Another "app" is one called "Lightsaber." This practical application allows me to hone my futuristic sword-fighting skills. I am sure this will come in handy in my day to day newspaper activities.

My favorite "app" though has to be the "Paper Toss" application. In this application, you are challenged to throw wadded up paper into a trash can with interference from a fan blowing.

There you have it, Barb. I’m now an Apple user.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From November 28, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

This is a story, too good not to share, about small town living. We are blessed to be able to laugh at ourselves every once in a while. Norma Ricke was good enough to let us reprint this story after a mishap she had at the grocery store last week.

Well, I have gone up and opened the door of a vehicle that looked like mine in front of a store, I have even got inside and sat down in one that looked like mine before I realized it wasn't, but I have never got in, sat down, started it up, and drove home in it, until today! Many thanks to a lovely lady named Bonnie Bailey who only laughed and assured me that it was no big deal when I brought her 2004 maroon Chevy pickup back to White's and exchanged it for mine! Not so much to Norm who kept yelling "THIEF!" at me!

Here’s the story.....

Well, I was in my kitchen cooking lunch with what I had picked up at the grocery store. The shop phone rang and I ignored it knowing Mark would get it, then he could tell whoever it was if he had something or not.

In a couple seconds my cell phone rang and it was Mark. I asked if he was ready to come in and eat lunch and he said, "No, but I am ready for you to jump in Bonnie Bailey's pickup and take it back to her."

Thinking he meant it was a customers and he needed me to help deliver it back to her I asked, "Ok, where does she live?"

He laughed and said," I don't know but she's at the grocery store and would like to have her pickup back!"

And that's when I knew.

I started freaking out and saying "Oh my gosh, am I in trouble?", but of course all he could do was laugh.

I finally hung up on him and went and got into the pickup that looked EXACTLY like mine and started the long drive back to town. I was practically in tears when I pulled in and saw the cop car parked in front of White's.

I very timidly started walking into White's when Norm stuck his head out of their liqour store and yelled, "Thief! Thief!"

Then Charlie Ricke and another lady I assumed was Bonnie came out and they were laughing.

I said "I am so sorry!"

The Bonnie lady gave me a big hug and said it could have just as easily been her. The cop who had been walking towards us must have realized I was just a moron, not a thief so he turned around and got in his car and drove off. THANK YOU LORD FOR THE BLESSING OF LIVING IN A SMALL TOWN!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From November 21, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

I had meetings almost every night last week, so it was late when I made my trek back to the ranch.

Several nights just after mile marker 30 on US281, a very healthy looking coyote sat on the east side of the road to greet me. He startled me a couple of times and I had to swerve to miss him.

He was there in the morning as I went back to work, munching on the carcass of a deer. This is a major crossing for them by the way, with no sign telling them to cross or warning motorists of their crossing. I just know they are there because of the amount of trips I make through there.

The coyote was just an opportunist.

On Wednesday night, we were returning home from the Harper County Oil Summit and we came up on him. Only this time, he was the victim. The poor little guy got creamed by some unassuming vehicle. He became dinner for the crows by Thursday morning.

It just goes to prove it’s a crow-eat-dog-eat-deer world out there.

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Speaking of the oil summit...

Ronda and I went to Chaparral High School on Wednesday with Steve and Suellen Bryan. We sort of figured on seeing a few Barber County residents. Imagine our surprise when we saw over 1,000 people in attendance. The Harper County K-State and research center were equally surprised to see the turn out. I don’t think anyone realized how much interest there is in the oil activity in our area. Everyone is an opportunist.

The program featured speakers from Chesapeake, SandRidge and Shell. It was informative and has reaffirmed my belief that our area is about to burst at the seams with activity. This will include a boost for retailers, property owners and will also bring in new money to the area for quite a few years. Hopefully, it will make some of you wealthy too!

I think we are all a little bit like that coyote - looking for opportunity. I just hope we don’t get eaten by the crows.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From November 14, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

On Thursday, November 3rd President George W. Bush spoke to about 5,000 people at the Wichita Metro Chamber of Commerce's annual meeting at the Convention Hall in Century II. It was a "bucket list" item for me, but because of ballgames and schedule (and not enough money for the $250 ticket), I had to pass.

An email crossed my desk over the weekend from former Premiere staffer and MLHS graduate Seth Oldham. Seth got a chance to hear the former president speak and shared this blog with me and asked me to share it with my readers.

He came in at just the wrong moment. President George W. Bush walked onto stage just two sentences too early to start his night off in Wichita. After confidently back-stepping behind the curtain, he successfully entered the stage thirty seconds later, waving and thanking the energetic crowd.

This was the first of many instances in which the former president caused the enormous crowd to burst into laughter. The former president seemed to let his guard down as he entertained and informed Wichitans last night. His humanness smacked the audience in the face right from the start. His speech began with an anecdote about the day he watched Barack Obama being sworn into the office of the president. He plopped down on his couch and started conversing with his wife.

"Thank goodness that's over." he said to Laura. "I'll finally have some free time on my hands."

"Yes, George," she replied, "Now you finally have the time to do your own dishes."

"Laura. You do realize you're talking to the former President of the United States?" he responded.

"Yes, I do. Just call this your new Domestic Policy Plan."

Wichitans were wooed by the President's southern charm and casual demeanor. Bush even managed to utilize the word "dude" in his speech. Most were disappointed that no "Bush-isms" were coined, but they were impressed with how frequently he made fun of himself. While talking about his book, he acknowledged that most people in D.C. didn't think that he could even read, let alone write. He also cracked jokes about the fateful day that he choked on a pretzel, passed out, and was resuscitated by the President's doctor.

All jokes aside, the former President spoke with incredible honesty about some of the decisions and events that shaped his presidency. At about the middle of his speech, he referenced his decision to send 15 billion dollars worth of aid to Africa to battle the HIV/AIDS epidemic. At the time of this decision, many Americans were upset with his choice to send aid abroad when the U.S. had its own problems to deal with. In one heartfelt sentence, he justified his decision, saying, "As the President of the most powerful nation ever, you must have priorities."

Most audience members had to fight their way through protesters outside chanting, "ARREST GEORGE BUSH." And although they were causing a ruckus, the one word that George Bush yelled during his speech was volumes louder and better received. He spoke of the choice to use faith-based programs to implement the HIV/AIDS prevention programs in Africa and the controversy that it caused because of their conservative and traditional approach. "If you want to tick some people off," he said, "just go to the Lincoln Memorial and yell 'ABSTINENCE' at the top of your lungs."

After wrapping up his speech, the president transitioned into a one-on-one interview with a member of the Wichita Chamber of Commerce. The interviewer asked him several questions, including "What went through your mind on September 11, 2001 and what are your thoughts ten years later?" Bush answered with sincerity and expressed his surprising lack of emotion during the 10 year memorial service. "The service was impersonal," he said. "I was sitting in a bulletproof glass box and watching the service from a distance."

Whether Republican, Democrat, or other, each member of the audience left Century II with a better sense of who George W. Bush is and the rationale behind his decision making during his presidency. His Christian values permeated throughout the entire presentation, but they really shone when he ended his speech saying, "God is Good," to which the Kansas crowd joyfully responded, "All the time!"

Thank you for sharing this Seth.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From November 7, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

 Every day I make my way to town from the north on 281. I watch the sun shine on our sleepy little town and I wonder, "Does Medicine Lodge have any idea what is about to happen to her?"

The oil boom is about to hit our area like a wicked summer storm. Only this time, we know it’s coming.

I’ve written about this numerous times, but I need to hammer it home with my readers. It’s coming. Unlike previous oil booms from the past, this wave and the new technology involved, is bringing in one of the world’s largest oil companies. Shell Corporation has made clear its intentions to drill horizontally in our area. With their coming, hundreds, perhaps thousands of jobs will lie in the wake.

Are we getting ready or are we burying our heads in the sand? Will we give up opportunity to cities like Pratt, Kingman, Harper and Anthony or will we grab the bull by the horns and get a piece of this fossil fuel stuffed pie? Some surrounding counties are already feeling the growing pains from the first wave of oilfield workers entering the area. We’ve already missed out on offices for local executives.

I’ve been speaking with some of my friends who I trust and believe are in "the know". We cannot move fast enough to develop housing and infrastructure. During our discussions this week I ran across a story about a similar situation in a community not so unlike our own. Could this be us?

Thu Oct 27, 2011 1:43 AM EDT

By Catherine Kim and Jessica Hopper, Rock Center

Those hurt hard by the ailing economy are flocking to Williston, N.D., where an oil boom has turned a sleepy prairie town into a place producing thousands of jobs.

"There's opportunity here and that's what we all need is opportunity," said Williston Mayor Ward Koeser. "It's kind of been an oasis for the country. You know, there's a lot of jobs here, good paying jobs in the oil industry."

Williston is situated on the Bakken formation, an oil field that some say will produce the biggest boom in North America since the 1960s. Koeser said that his town currently has 2,000 to 3,000 jobs and they haven't been able to fill the openings fast enough.

"A lot of jobs get filled every day, but it's like for every job you fill, another job and a half opens up," Koeser said.

A job on an oil rig can pay as much as six figures. The starting salary for truck drivers is around $80,000. While the nation's unemployment rate is 9.1 percent, Williston's unemployment rate is less than 1 percent.

Locals say job seekers from all 50 states are heading to the North Dakota town, becoming modern-day pioneers. The town's population has nearly doubled from 12,600 people to 23,000 people.

Patrick Parker hitchhiked from Yuba City, Calif., to Williston. When NBC News spoke to him, he had just $12 in his pocket. Parker, a paving stone layer by trade, has been out of work for two years.

"One of my goals is to make my daughters proud of me," said an emotional Parker. "I want to make them proud because I worked a good job for 10 years and then for it to go away it's just, it just gets to me a little bit."

Parker is one of a dozen people NBC News saw setting up camp or living in their cars in the parking lot of the local Wal-Mart. Williston's housing construction hasn't caught up with its rapid growth.

Parker said the town feels "like the old gold rush town."

Oil was discovered in this part of North Dakota 60 years ago, but it was only recently that oil producers have found a way to get at it more effectively. After drilling about two miles down, they drill horizontally for another two miles through the bed of rock where the oil is trapped. Using a technique called fracking - water, sand and chemicals are shot into the rock formation from that horizontal pipe to create cracks and fractures. From those openings, comes the oil. Those in the oil industry say the tight rock that traps the oil, also prevents it from escaping into the water table during the fracking process.

North Dakota is currently the fourth largest producer of oil in the United States, but that is projected to change soon. A spokesperson for North Dakota’s Mineral Resources Department said that oil production in the state is expected to surpass Alaska and California by 2015 which means North Dakota will be the second largest oil producer in the country soon.

Along with the bounty from the oil boom, come some stresses and strains. A sewage system that's running at full tilt, truck traffic congestion, an influx in 911 calls-those are just a few of the headaches that keep Mayor Koeser up at night.

There is such a large influx of people that thousands are staying in 'man camps'- shipping containers converted into housing units for the workers new to town. When more teachers were hired to deal with the rising number of students, an apartment building had to be built to house the new teachers, Koeser said.

"When we have as many people come here everyday looking for work, where are they going to live," Koeser asked. "How are we going to get water to them and sewer to them and a road to them and power to them and all those sorts of issues. Yeah, it's putting a tremendous amount of pressure on the infrastructure."

Of all the stresses, the biggest strain on the community is truck traffic, the mayor said.

"That's really stressing us, the traffic, a lot of accidents," said Koeser. "In a small community, you're used to getting from one side of town to the other in just a few minutes, that's no longer the case."

The number of accidents in September were double the amount the same time a year ago, the Williston Herald reported.

The surplus of people living in the town coupled with the traffic accidents has led to a drastic rise in calls to 911. Koeser said that the police receive at least 10,000 more calls a year than in pre oil boom times.

"Now keep in mind, you've got, you know, probably 9,000 men living in man camps around the city, not in the city limits, but living around the city and what do they do at night when they're done with work? They come to town and find a bar and want to have a good time, and sometimes get in trouble," Koeser said.

But that means more jobs: the town is adding six new policeman and three dispatchers this year, the mayor said.

Even with the headaches, Koeser said he and Williston's other residents are lucky that the town has become an oasis for job seekers.

"I've lived here most all of my life and I love it. And although we're really being challenged right now, with those challenges come some great opportunities," he said.

KWIBS - From October 31, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Will return...

KWIBS - From October 24, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Last Tuesday evening, a little over 100 people came to The First Christian Church for the community’s first public meeting on Peace Treaty.

It’s good to see so many interested folks. I scanned the room and saw every face being familiar. They were all involved in some aspect. Whether actors, sponsors, board members, committee chairs or just people working with various groups and organizations, they were all part of Peace Treaty’s success.

And no one wants it to end.

108 people filled out a survey as to when the next pageant should take place. 33 people want it again in 3 years, 41 want it in 5 years, 28 people want it in six years to coincide with the 150th anniversary of the signing of the treaty in 1867, 6 others had anywhere from 4-5 years.

The current board recommends waiting until 2017 to do the next one, with events in between to build up the excitement for the 150th. I am in favor of this idea. There are so many pros and cons to doing it sooner or later, but the biggest concern I have is, will people still want to come and participate in 6 years? I hope they will.

Three years is just too soon. I can tell you that this community is not ready to begin planning a 2014 event. We would need to start immediately and frankly, a few people need a breather before beginning another one.

Several ideas are floating around for events between the next pageant. One of those ideas was announced on Tuesday. The Indians that participated this year would love to have a pow-wow event in Medicine Lodge. Steve Bryan recommends we pursue that idea. Some other ideas include music events and scaled down performances of the night show’s cancan girls.

Whatever we do, we need to first select the people who will lead the next celebration. So far, there are many workers, but few willing to lead. For those who made 2011’s event so succesful: You’ve set the bar high!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From October 17, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

First let me say that this is in no way directed at our local folks at the USPS. These folks do their job to the best of their ability given the resources they have and the shrinking budget.

It is my opinion, one gathered and formed from being a decent-sized customer of the USPS, that this business is in desperate need of a complete revamp in its service.

Recent discussion of closing smaller post offices only frustrates me when I hear talk of ways to make the Post Office more profitable. Each week I read at least a dozen emails from frustrated newspaper publishers across the state in regards to delivery problems.

A perfect example of this comes from a customer in Sharon this week who received his Monday-mailed paper on Wednesday. Now this was normal for this past week with Columbus Day, but for the past several weeks, it was unacceptable. He’s considering dropping his subscription and buying the newspaper over the counter.

Another customer in Alva dropped her subscription to the paper after it took more than two weeks for it to arrive.

Newspapers to New Mexico and California can take as long as 3-4 weeks to deliver.

We have little, to no control of the speed at which the newspaper is delivered. The mailing is done each and every Monday, provided it is not a holiday. The mailing programs we use are certified by the USPS to ensure best rate and delivery.

My final straw this week was an important package delivered to us on Tuesday. This package was shipped 33 days prior and arrived to us, opened and retaped. Inside, half the contents were missing or damaged. Packages inside this package were opened. Someone went through this package while it was in possession of the USPS. No explanation was given to why its contents were lost, stolen and damaged.

There are more reasons that the Post Office is in financial trouble. First, Congress requires that the USPS fund both the retirement program and the health plan at 100%. The average for the S&P 500 funding is 80%. Other federal employees is 41%; the military is 24%; and the some government bureau which requires the USPS to fund at 100% does not fund its plans at all.

Second, it’s run by the federal government (and funded by fees). No one can deny the inefficiency of the government. The Post Office is expected to handle 167 billion pieces of mail this year. That’s a huge number – but it represents a 22 percent decline from just five years ago. Also, the Post Office’s total volume is expected to plunge by another 30 percent over the coming decade.

The Internet and corporately owned companies like UPS, FedX and DHL are cutting into their business and providing a faster and in some cases, less expensive solution to mail.

A perfectly stated opinion by Fitsnews read, "Of course it’s not just the ongoing decline in mail volume that’s creating this gaping financial hole. Like everything else government does, it delivers packages inefficiently, too. According to the latest data, more than 80 percent of the Post Office’s expenses are devoted to labor costs. By comparison, only 32 percent of FedEx’s expenses are labor-related.

Like any business who wants to survive, change must occur. It’s not always easy. Years ago, we had issues with the quality of the printing of our newspaper. Our customers wanted a better quality product. We demanded change and got it. It was not the smoothest of transitions. It required a new way of thinking and lot more work than what we thought, but we did it to survive.

I am thankful to our local Post Office for working hard to provide us with the best service available. I hope someone out there is smart enough and determined enough to make this service work without wrecking it even further.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From October 10, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Stop what you are doing and get out a pen and mark this date. October 18, 2011 there will be an informational meeting about Peace Treaty at the First Christian Church Family Life Center at 7 p.m.

If you are interested in the future of this event, I encourage you to attend and learn about what it means to serve this fine association.

I know that many of you want to keep this tradition alive and this meeting will be the first of many to come before planning the next big event for our community.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From October 3, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

The response about the 23rd Peace Treaty has been overwhelming.

Monday evening the Peace Treaty board held a short meeting, a debriefing of sorts, to talk about the pros and cons of the event. The pros definitely won. It might be weeks before we have the final numbers, but it looks like it was around 11,500 in attendance over the three day celebration

My inbox was so packed coming in Monday morning, that it crashed and I had to reboot my computer.

I’ve tried my best to sort through the letters and comments and put them in the paper this week. Surprisingly, I ran across one negative letter about Peace Treaty, but it was obvious that this person poorly planned their trip to Medicine Lodge and it was in no way our fault that she and her family didn’t have a good time.

The weekend was a great moral shot in the arm for our community. Everywhere I went this week, someone wanted to talk about how great Peace Treaty was. No doubt, we have some momentum that we can either build on or we can reminisce about the great Peace Treaty of 2011 one day. It’s our choice.

As far as the future of Peace Treaty, it is up to all of us to decide. It looks like it won’t be the last, but for many on the board, it’s time for fresh blood.

Everyone on the board agrees it was one of the best celebrations ever and we all enjoyed working together. It was strange going in to this past week without some Peace Treaty task before me. Monday night’s meeting was a climax of several months of planning. It left me with a feeling of real satisfaction and pride in our community. Peace Treaty truly was a product of a town coming together. It doesn’t just have to be with Peace Treaty. It can be that successful with everything we do, if we work together.

I hope you enjoyed yourself and I hope you enjoy the letters to the editor this week.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From September 26, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

What a weekend!

I’m actually writing this before it ever happened, but that’s how this business works sometimes. The town could have been destroyed by a freak earthquake, but my paper will say the weekend was a huge success!

It was all accomplished by the many hours of volunteers in our community. Some of them have been visible on the front page of the paper, or you see them actually working during the pageant and other related events. Some were nearly out of sight and out of mind. Those were some of the most important people making Peace Treaty happen.

One of those people was David Colborn. He got little recognition for what he did, but each and every one of us on the board and on committees knows his contribution. David spent countless hours and got the electricity flowing to our vendors, our bands and the pageant grounds. He also got our sound system on Main Street patched up in a couple of spots to help with announcing the parades.

When he first said he’d do it, I don’t think he understood the magnitude of the project he’d undertaken. David zipped all around town hooking things up, figuring things out and got it all done before the events took place.

We thank him for what he did for Peace Treaty and the community. His services were invaluable.

At last Monday’s meeting someone said, "Hey, he’s our new Ron Ward!" For those who remember Ron, he was the guy that always took care of the electrical needs of Peace Treaty.

Also of great importance was the work that Southern Pioneer did for the association. Thank you to Mark and Brian and Amy for answering all my calls

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I also want to thank my staff here at the paper for working so hard these past few weeks. It has been a little hectic, to say the least, in our office. The week of Peace Treaty we answered a lot of calls and did a lot of running around.

I was gone a good majority of the week with making some of the final arrangements and people stepped up to help me out and I do appreciate it. Thank you to my Wife Ronda, Doris and my Mom Joyce. You guys are the best. Because of the short week for us, much of our photography work is only available online. Go to www.facebook.com and search "The Gyp Hill Premiere" for hundreds of photos of the weekend.

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There are just too many people to thank. Actually, the most important person I can think of to thank is you. If you came and enjoyed the weekend, we thank you for being a part of it. It wouldn’t have been Peace Treaty without you.

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2011 Peace Treaty was very special for me and my family. I appeared in the pageant with my two boys, Nicholas and Joey and AFS daughter Elli Unger. It was a cool experience. We leave 2011 Peace Treaty wondering what its future holds. I hope it continues for many more generations.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From September 19, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Are you ready for a fun weekend? Well, we’ve got you covered, wagon! Ha! Peace Treaty humor....

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As you felt by the weight of this week’s paper, we’ve been very busy. The special section for Peace Treaty is in this week’s paper. Hopefully, you didn’t get too upset when you saw that we charged a buck for it. It was a mammoth project with an impressive cost to produce. For the first time in the history of Peace Treaty special sections, we have put out a multi color edition. The cost of next week’s paper will return to the normal 75 cents.

Speaking of next week’s paper.... For the past several weeks I have been stressing out over the September 26th copy of The Gyp Hill Premiere. With it being a Peace Treaty weekend, it’s hard to find the time to actually work at our real jobs! I had originally thought about taking an extra day to make the newspaper come out on Tuesday, but when I requested a print date change, I discovered we wouldn’t be able to come out until Wednesday, so we decided to stay on schedule.

So for the past week or so, I keep having these reoccurring dreams that we didn’t make our press time. I hope these are just bad dreams!

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Here we are, just a few days away from what some have said "could be" our last Peace Treaty Pageant. It seems almost sacrilegious to even utter the word "last and Peace Treaty" in the same sentence.

I’ve been asked many times if this is true and I always have to answer, "You know, it could be, but I don’t know." The decision is actually up to me. It’s up to you and everyone else who treasures this event. Peace Treaty can only go on with the support of the many people it takes to put it on. Frankly, some of them are tired, some are old, some are just too busy. The list for reasons to stop the pageant goes on and on.

Keep in mind, the list of reasons to keep it going are bigger than the reasons to stop it, but it still takes countless hours of volunteerism and sacrifice to do this event.

I want to commend Sarah Whelan and everyone on the board and who helps make Peace Treaty possible. It has been such an honor to be a part of the process. My part is so small.

I’ve been to many of the meetings and I always leave with a sense of pride in the people who donate time, money and their blood, sweat and tears to this event. Some of these people say it will be their last time. I can only hope that they reconsider.

I do know this to be true. It will be a fantastic event, rain or shine. So much buzz has been generated that it can be nothing but a success. It might be an ironic marketing twist that this could be one of the top Peace Treaty weekends in its many years in existence simply because so many think it could be the last one.

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It’s going to be such a busy week in our community. I actually had to schedule a place and a time to shower for the three day weekend. Since we live out in the country and I have so many things going on each day, I realized I didn’t have time to go home and freshen up after the Pageant.

I play the part of Colonel J.K. Rankin of the US Cavalry. He was one of the many diplomats that attended the original Peace Council. I can only imagine how hot he must have been in his dark blue wool jacket and pants. On top of that, he was surrounded by some irritated Native Americans. That must have been stressful. He probably smelled worse than I do after wearing that outfit for a couple of hours. But still, I owe it to you and everyone else I plan on running into over the weekend to find time to take a shower.

Speaking of seeing people, I so look forward to running into former class mates and seeing old friends over the weekend.

Medicine Lodge thanks you for attending Peace Treaty 2011. We hope you have as much fun this weekend as we’ve had planning it out. With your support, it won’t be the last time we get together and remember our history.

Have a great weekend!

KWIBS - From September 12, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

I was so mad.

I got my Peace Treaty uniform out of the closet a couple of weeks ago to discover it had shrunk! I’m not sure if just hanging idle did it or if it got wet at some point, or what had happened.

In a major panic, I called a friend to see if she could fix it. Apparently, the problem isn’t with my uniform, but with my gut. She laughed and said it must have been my wife’s fault with all of that good cooking. Come to think of it, five years ago it barely fit. Ten years ago it was a snug, but breathable jacket. It had been shrinking for the past decade.

I got on-line and ordered a new one and got an email that it was back ordered 6 weeks, so I panicked again. I finally found an outfit that could ship me one ASAP. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I won’t be a shirtless Colonel J.K. Rankin at the 2011 Peace Treaty. That would definitely be the end of Peace Treaty!

Peace Treaty is just barely over one week away and I am seeing some pleasing things going on in our community. The City crews have been working very hard to clean things up, painting crosswalks, parking places and curbing and mowing. I commend these guys for their work.

I’ve also seen several others cleaning up their homes and business fronts. It’s good to see so many people showing pride in their community before such an important event.

A couple of weeks ago I had actually considered doing a "worst yard of the week" photo in the newspaper. I had discussed it with several people, all who thought it was a great idea. My wife ended up being the voice of reason. Just think though, about how freaked out you would be to see your trashy yard on the front page of the newspaper. I think it would be very effective.

My son Joey had a day off last week and helped me build our float for the Peace Treaty Parades. This isn’t a new float idea. I actually did this very same float in 2001. It’s a giant paper airplane. I originally built this out of some scrap wood and newspapers 20 years ago. It was a big hit and we decided that since we’re celebrating our 20th anniversary this year, it would be a great idea to recreate this.

After the Peace Treaty in 1991, I took the plane to the dump and tossed the plans. Last week I sat down and drew it back out and after Joey saw it, he took an interest in helping me. By the end of the evening we had the whole family working on it. I have one problem though, I don’t know how I am going to get it to town.

The 1991 trip the dump is a story all by itself. Tate Henke and I dragged the fake, oversized airplane to the dump one Tuesday afternoon. It did fine at about 25 mph. At 60 mph, the thing actually tried to fly and we ended up picking up pieces of it off of the highway.

KWIBS - From September 5, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

You read a lot of things on the Internet that just aren’t true. So when I saw the message pasted in all "caps", I thought it was another bogus post. Upon researching it. I found it was completely true.

The message read: NYPD, FDNY AND EMS OFFICERS WERE NOT INVITED TO THE TENTH ANNIVERSARY CEREMONY OF 9/11... MAYOR BLOOMBERG CLAIMS THERE IS NO ROOM FOR THEM... 10 YEARS AGO, THEY WEREN'T INVITED, BUT THEY SHOWED UP WHEN EVERYONE ELSE WAS RUNNING OUT!!! RE-POST IF YOU AGREE THEY SHOULD BE THERE

This protest message, which is currently circulating rapidly via Facebook and other social media sites, claims that first responders to the 9/11 attacks in New York have not been invited to the upcoming 9/11 tenth anniversary ceremony. According to the message, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg has stated that there is no room at the event for first responders.

The claims in the message are true and have been confirmed by a number of credible news reports. An August 16 report published on UPI.com notes:

NEW YORK, Aug. 16 (UPI) -- First responders who rushed to the disaster scene on Sept. 11, 2001, are not invited to this year's memorial service at Ground Zero, New York officials confirm.

The service is scheduled for Sept. 11, 10 years after the terror attacks.

In a statement, a spokesman for New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Andrew Brent, said the memorial is for victims' families, CNN reported.

An August 17 Fox News report concurs, noting:

New York – They were the first ones on the scene when the World Trade Center towers fell on September 11, 2001, but ten years later, the first responders are being told that they will not be invited to take part in this year's tenth anniversary ceremony at Ground Zero.

The city announced earlier last week that due to security and space issues, there would be no room for the first responders.

The move has generated much controversy and has been viewed by many as disrespectful to those brave men and women who risked their lives and health to respond to the disaster. New York officials claim that the 10th Anniversary memorial ceremony will focus on the families of victims. New York Mayoral spokesman, Andrew Brent told UPI that "given the space constraints, we're working to find ways to recognize and honor first responders, and other groups, at different places and times."

Although official invitations were not usually sent to first responders in previous years, they were still free to attend memorial ceremonies if they wished and many have done so. However, 2011 is reportedly the first year in which first responders have been officially advised that they are not invited to the event.

Many other news agencies are reporting that Mayor Bloomberg has declined to invite religious leaders to speak and attend as well. He has asked that there be no prayer in the ceremony. Some say he’s given up on the idea after threats by atheist groups to sue the city if religion plays any part at the event.

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I drove past the Peace Treaty barn on Tuesday evening and saw a familiar site. The wagons were out and lined up on the hill. It’s just one of those things that brings a smile to your face when you think about Peace Treaty being just over two weeks away.

Our special section was put to bed last week. It always occurs to me that there was so much more that could have gone in, but we’re always restricted by a deadline to squeeze in a print day for it. It’s a mammoth project that has been months in the making. Whatever happens between now and Peace Treaty that doesn’t make the edition will have to be in our September 19th edition. One of those important things is the cast of characters. This evolving list of names is almost always one of the last things to be completed.

We discussed the pageant at Monday’s meeting. There is a lot of excitement at these last meetings before the big weekend. I have enormous respect for everyone who is working hard to make this Peace Treaty the best ever.

There is also a lot of talk about this being the last Peace Treaty. I’m confident it won’t be, but as for the pageant itself, it is unknown. I do know this: October will begin a new chapter of Peace Treaty. Planning will already be under way to keep this tradition alive and well in our community.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From August 29, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

We have just over 3 weeks until Peace Treaty! The time is flying by and getting shorter each day to accomplish a laundry list of things.

I’ve been frantically working on the special section for Peace Treaty. I shouldn’t just say "I am working..." My whole office is working on this edition. It’s a monster issue packed with our area’s history.

Not a day goes by that someone doesn’t want to talk about Peace Treaty. Almost every day we hear about something new that’s going on during the celebration that we didn’t know about. This week was the promotion of the Friends of NRA during Peace Treaty. Twnety-five numbered Henry guns have been manufactured commemorating the Peace Treaty. These things are awesome (and completely out of my budget). There is a story on this week’s front page about the guns and the fund-raising activities of the local chapter of the Friends of NRA.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From August 22, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

So, being a creature of habit, I strolled down to White’s last Monday to grab some deli food. I greeted everyone up front and mosied on to the back corner only to say, "what the...?"

There was nothing there. The deli was just one of the early moves that the grocery store made to their new store on the highway. I understood. No deli today. I can live with that.

I just decided to round the corner and get a TV dinner or something frozen I could stick in my microwave.

I got there and I was like, "what the....?"

There was no food in the freezers. I learned that the freezers had been knocked out by the wicked storms that hit our community on Friday, August 12. It made no sense to pour money into freezers that would be abandoned in a week, so the store moved that section as well.

I wandered around the store for another 10 minutes and decided I wasn’t really that hungry, grabbed a bag of peanuts and went back to work.

It might seem like an inconvenience to some, but when the move is done and the new store opens, we’re all going to have a better place to shop for food. I’m so gratful to Pat White and his family for making this huge investment in our community. This was no small task and he has been in the thick of things along side store Manager Norm Clouse and his crew.

White’s move will happen the first of this week, leaving the old store and the new store closed on Tuesday while they make some final adjustments to inventory. It’s a bitter sweet ending to a store whose presence has alway been in my life time in Medicine Lodge.

Change is sometimes hard, but in this case it’s going to be great for our town. Let us not forget that our Main Street still needs your support. We hope another business will go into the old grocery store building.

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Those crazy storms on Friday, August 12 were enough to fill up one of our ponds half way. The drought nearly killed off this pond that has been there for 50 years. That storm was also a heck of an initiation for the newest member of our family. Elli Unger came to live with us on Friday. We drove around the storm so we missed most of it, but saw its aftermath.

Elli is from Austria and will be attending MLHS this fall as a senior. Elli enjoys music and swimming. She also enjoys cooking! We’re excited about that. She told my boys last week that she was going to make them a "crap", to which my boys were completely confused. We later discovered she meant "crepe".

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From August 15, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Rev. Rodney M. Worsham, Senior Pastor of the First Assembly of God in Medicine Lodge has issued a challenge. His church is having a FREE back to school movie night on August 20th and 21st. He says if he gets 175 people or more in attendance on Saturday he will shave his head. Yes, you read that correctly. He will shave his head.

That’s something I find interesting and funny all at the same time and I would like to reissue that challenge to everyone here in the newspaper. What could be better than a FREE movie, FREE popcorn, prizes and a guy shaving his head? See The First Assembly of God Church’s ad on page 7 for further information about this event.

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America was saddened by the death of 30 U.S. soldiers who died when their helicopter was shot down in Afghanistan. We often forget that these men and women are real people with families and loved ones at home. Sometimes the news just blurs for me as I hear about our fallen heroes.

This particular tragedy hit close to home. I learned that one of the soldiers who died in this accident was a Kansan. Bryan Nichols was the pilot, and being a close friend, was in the wedding party of Julie and Seth Kastle. Julie is Doris Sorg’s daughter. Both Seth and Julie served with Bryan Nichols in two tours.

A CW2 Bryan Nichols Memorial Fund has been established. Seth and his friends are working with a financial advisor to set up a 529 College Savings plan for Braydon (Bryan’s son) with the proceeds. You may donate by visiting www.cw2nichols.bbnow.org

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The Peace Treaty board has been meeting every week now and there are only five more weeks until the big weekend in Medicine Lodge. We are frantically working on our Peace Treaty special edition and this week we will close advertising on this 40 page section with 16 pages of color. We’re extremely pleased with the response so far. If you are interested in advertising your business and we haven’t contacted you, please call Ronda at 620-886-5654.

Have a great week

KWIBS - From August 8, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Our area was blessed with some rain last Wednesday. Reports from Leroy Weber indicate that 1 1/4" fell at Lake Arrowhead.

And unofficially, the temperature dipped to a chilly 99 degrees on Thursday, breaking a 47 day streak of 100+ degree weather! brr...

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On Friday, our family will go to Wichita to welcome Elli Unger to our home and to Medicine Lodge. Ellie comes here from Austria and will be living with us through the AFS program. She is a semester student and will stay through mid-January of 2012.

There are still students who have not been placed in the Heartland area. If you are interested in hosting a student, please call Peggy Schneider at 316-641-7876.

KWIBS - From August 1, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

They were a little jetlagged and shocked at the change in climate, but Joey and John are home from their 23 day adventure in Europe.

While we are having unseasonably warm temperatures, Germany is experiencing the opposite. Many days were rainy and in the 60s there. Joey packed like he was from Kansas - shorts and t-shirts. They were both very cold and had to buy clothes to keep warm.

We met them at the airport on Monday afternoon. They traveled 4800 miles and arrived 2 minutes ahead of their schedule with only one layover in Chicago.

This trip was in contrast to my mother arriving home on Tuesday.... We went back to Wichita to get her at the airport only to find out that her flight from Atlanta had been delayed. As it turns out, she was over 5 hours late landing. Ronda and I spent the day trying to fill in 5 hours. We ate pretty well and we saw a movie, so the trip was not a complete pain. Mom went and visited family in Rhode Island for the past couple of weeks. We’re happy that Joey and Mom are back home.

I couldn’t wait for Joey to get home. He had brought me home two requested items: A giant beer mug and chocolate. I about made myself sick on the chocolate. I haven’t test driven the beer mug yet! The Germans don’t mess around when it comes to drinking beer. I believe this mug will hold about 3.5 of our 12 oz. beer cans, which is about 2 more than I can actually stomach to drink in one setting.

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You already know this, but we’re just weeks out for our big Peace Treaty Celebration and All-School reunion. Things are progressing quite smoothly as the weekend approaches. Do you have your tickets? Do you have a place to stay?

Have a great weekend!

KWIBS - From July 18, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Well, John Nixon and my son Joey are well into their second week of vacation in Europe. While there, they are visiting former students Max Zinowsky, Simon Wildberger, Christoph Wustner and Nick Gaertner. They also met John’s new AFS student, Leopold Luz.

This has been a trip of a lifetime for both of them, but especially for Joey. This is Joey’s second "out of the country" experience since a trip he took to Mexico a few years ago. He’s officially been to more countries in his 18 short years of life on this planet than his mother and I have been to put together.

This trip was made possible by Joey’s own hard work. He’s saved his money and worked very hard to be able to go to Europe. It’s also made possible by the friendships he’s made with these boys through the AFS program and with our neighbor and friend, John Nixon. When they began planning this trip more than a year ago, I knew it would happen and I knew they would have a great time.

AFS is an incredible program not just for students visiting out country, but also for the families who host them. There is a great need in our own community for host parents for the Heartland Team. If you have an interest in hosting a child for just a few short weeks, months or even an entire year, there is a student to who would be most appreciative and I promise, your family will benefit. Contact:

Peggy Schneider - Volunteer

Heartland Hosting Coordinator for AFS-USA

316 722 5439 Home

316 641 7876 Mobile

peggy.schneider@afsusa.org

We’ll be a host family again this year. Our newest daughter arrives in mid-August from Austria. Her name is Elli Unger. We’re excited to meet her and share our community with her. It’s especially exciting that it is a Peace Treaty year.

I’ve only spoken with Joey and John a few times since they left on July 2nd. Facebook has been a wonderful way to keep up on their travels and Skype was handy for receiving a phone call from the travelers last week.

Joey said he has sampled some native cousine including horse and beef tar tar. Sounds delicious doesn’t it?

John emailed me a photo of himself with Joey and "Lars", who was an exchange student two years ago and lived in Hutchinson, KS. The shot was taken off of Simon’s front terrace overlooking their community in Switzerland.

KWIBS - From July 11, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Sometimes we are quick to paint a gloomy picture of our local economy. Here’s a little bit of information that should make you confident in Barber County’s future.

I recently reported that our county is expecting upwards of $30 million in increased valuation, mostly due to oil and gas production. This week I learned that Pratt County reported their total valuation fell from $129.5 million to $124.6 million. Barber County’s total valuation is sitting at nearly $136.6 million.

We’ve got more good news!

Oil and gas production in the county will bring in more jobs and even more money in production. White’s new grocery store will be opening in the next month. The wind transmission line project is about to begin. The Medicine Lodge Memorial Hospital could be breaking ground on their upgraded facility by October. Southern Pioneer is expanding.

There is so much going on, it’s almost impossible to report it all. There are also a lot of things in the works that we can’t report about yet, but we’re very excited about.

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My family went to Hardtner this year for the 4th of July. It had been nearly 20 years since I had been there for one of their shows. With the fireworks ban in place, our lake didn’t have a night show, so we decided to give it a try. WOW! That’s all I can say. Hardtner did a bang up job and we sure appreciated how hard they worked to put on such a top-notch event. Thank you to those of you who make that possible for the area. It was truly amazing.

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We reported for several weeks about Sharon’s 125th celebration. Although my wife and I didn’t make it over during the 4th of July weekend, we saw lots of photos on Facebook. The community put on a great celebration and everyone says they had a blast. Congratulations to the Sharon community for turning 125 years old! What will you do to top that when you turn 150?!?

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From July 4, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

I thought the 4th of July weekend without fireworks would be like Christmas without Jesus, but I guess we made it without the pops and bangs.

Barber County was one of several counties that banned fireworks for the 4th. This is the first year in my lifetime I can remember not having fireworks during the 4th. I know that folks in town were able to shoot them off, but us rural folks were just fine without them. The recent drought has gotten serious enough that drastic measures had to be taken.

It's so hot that I saw two trees fighting over a dog.

It's so hot, today I saw a chicken lay a fried egg.

Some may not realize this, but conditions are so hot and dry that Elm Mills Resort has been ordered to release their hold on their water that flows into Elm Creek.

I’ve lived on M-Bar ranch for 22 years and for the first time, I am witnessing spring fed ponds drying up. A well that is better than 70 years old is not able to pump water for more than about 5 minutes. Even 99 Springs is seeing lower levels than normal for this time of year.

So far the levels at Lake Arrowhead are holding and the springs are still producing, but we desperately need rain. Counties just north of us have received less than normal rain fall, but at least they have gotten some rain.

Levels at the Barber County State Lake are alarming as well. Wells and springs just can’t keep up with this grueling heat we seem to have this summer. And remember, it’s just now July. Some of our hottest parts of summer are yet to come.

I don’t mean to sound depressing. Driving through town you can see how the drought has hit our town. Higher water rates have forced many to cut back on watering their yards and without the rain, much of the town’s yards have gone dormant. I know many of you aren’t growing gardens this year either.

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UPDATE: We did get some rain on July3rd and it helped, but we need more!

This weekend we saw our son Joey off for his three week tour to Europe. He and John Nixon will be visiting some of the old AFS students that have lived with John the past 4 years.

Europe may never be the same.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From June 27, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Something strange is happening to Ronda and I. It was brought to our attention by our cousins a few weeks ago.

We were sitting on the front porch in our deck chairs and commenting on how beautiful the birds were singing, how we loved to watch the humming birds and just sit on the porch and play with our grandson.

Our cousin pops up and said, "You’re turning into our parents. You guys are OLD!"

Wait a minute.... We’re only 5 years older than them. But we do enjoy hanging out with their parents!

It got me thinking. There are warning signs that we are getting older. We just announced that we have been in business in Medicine Lodge for the past 20 years.

There are other indicators:

All my favorite music is now in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart.

90% of the time I actually spend in front of a computer is for real work.

A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer considered "pretty good stuff."

About half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

One of my most prized possessions is my lawn mower. I can tell you everything about it.

Conversations with people my own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

The clothes I put away until they came back in style are now in style, but I can’t fit into them.

I spent last weekend getting intimate with a chain saw after a freakish storm uprooted trees and peeled shingles off of our home north of town. After cutting trees and then spending a few hours on a roof in 100+ heat I realized it takes longer to rest up than it did to get tired in the first place.

The good news is that there are fewer things in life to learn the hard way!

Have a great week and a happy and safe 4th of July!

KWIBS - From June 20, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

I renewed my membership to the NRA this past week and I got a gift from them in the mail on Saturday.

I opened the package with great anticipation and pulled out a ball cap that said, "140 Years of Freedom - NRA". I put the hat on with pride and showed my son Nick.

"Nice hat!" he said.

I put it on his head. Nick took it off to adjust the size and looked at the label.

"Hey, this thing was made in China," he said.

Seriously, the NRA can’t find a hat maker in America? You speak of freedoms and you don’t support your country. I can’t tell you how disappointed I am at them and yes, they will be getting a letter from me.

Speaking of China....

China is the largest foreign creditor to the United States, holding more than $1 trillion in Treasury debt as of March. Recent discussion of a U.S default on its interest payments to China has their country up in arms. A default could undermine the U.S. dollar. So, if this hat is a deal-breaker, then by all means, keep buying Chinese hats....

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For the past couple of years, it’s been my duty to disrupt the Rucker’s wheat harvest. This year was different though. They worked so fast by the time I got down there, they were done.

Flint and Gary have ground just to the south of us and work with some pretty neat old open-cab style combines that are probably from the late 50s or early 60s. I love to watch those guys work with those machines and I try to go down with a cooler of beverages for them during harvest.

I saw them cutting late Friday evening a week ago and ran home to fill up my cooler. By the time I got there, they were gone.

It appears that much of harvest has been completed for our area. Some got the good news that it wasn’t as bad as everyone expected. I know it wasn’t good news for everyone though.

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If I’m not careful, this could be my last column. What I am about to write about could be the most controversial thing I have ever written about in my paper.

I stopped in to see our county commissioners on Wednesday of last week to show them a proclamation and ordinance for the City of Guymon, OK in an email to all Kansas media outlets.

I received the email the night before and couldn’t sleep all night thinking about it.

The proclamation was implemented last week prohibiting the sale, distribution, firing, igniting, lighting or exploding of any fireworks due to the severe drought.

In recent months we have reached nearly a state of emergency with severe drought conditions all across Kansas, especially so in parts of Western Kansas.

The 4th of July is just a few weeks away and as one of my favorite holidays. I love the displays and I know so many folks that are so responsible with their fireworks, but I am afraid that our area may need to consider restrictions this holiday.

I can already hear my phone ringing and hear the grinding of pencils on paper as you frantically write nasty letters to the editor. Here me out. I don’t want anyone to think I am a fun hater. I am just very concerned about how dry it is. I know many of you personally that do a lot in fireworks sales during the summer for the 4th of July and depend on that income, so I write this opinion thinking about how my concerns could affect you.

We’ve seen the devastation in parts of Texas and Arizona and in to New Mexico. Fires that are burning out of control and fire fighters exhausted and overworked. These same conditions are worsening for many Kansas Counties. Emergency funding and lifted restriction for grazing are already in effect for our county as well as surrounding counties.

I am not alone in my concern for public safety during this extended drought. Guymon is only following the example of many counties and communities that are banning fireworks this year. Finney county was the last to join in the ban of sales and discharge of fireworks.

The Garden City Telegram reports fire officials fear they wouldn't have enough manpower to cover all the fires that could occur on the Fourth of July because of the extremely dry weather. The city of Garden City also has canceled its Fourth of July show.

County and fire officials have agreed to ban the sale and discharge of fireworks within county limits during this year's Fourth of July season due to dry weather conditions that increase the likelihood of fires.

On Tuesday, June 14, Governor Rick Perry considered Travis County’s order declaring a local state of disaster and banning the sale and use of any fireworks. Perry has indicated that he would grant an extension of the order until July 5.

Commissioners also voted unanimously to prohibit certain fireworks - skyrockets with sticks and missiles with fins.

County Judge Sam Biscoe said he signed the order over the lunch break. If drought conditions change, he said commissioners have the authority to lift the disaster declaration and fireworks ban.

Comanche County Commissioners will be meeting Tuesday with their fire chief to discuss similar restrictions and possibly even a ban because of the low amount of precipitation that we’ve had in recent weeks and months.

I hope our county and city officials consider the risks this 4th of July and do what is right to protect our homes, property, livestock and our very lives in this terribly dry season.

A few weeks ago, someone in our church asked Dennis Colle to pray for our area to receive rain and he stood up and asked God to give us the blessing of rain. Within 24 hours we got some and we were all so thankful. Dennis, we need you to step up to the plate and pray some more. In fact, we all should be praying for that very same thing. God willing, we can all celebrate another fun and safe 4th of July. If God has other plans, I hope our county commissioners and officials consider some sort of plan for public safety.

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There is an interesting number on this week’s front page. It is Volume 21, Issue 1. This edition marks 20 years for The Gyp Hill Premiere!

The bets were on in 1991. I heard from a friend that one person gave us 6 months before we would be out of business. Another person gave us no more than 1 year. Because of some great people, we’re celebrating our 20th birthday today. There won’t be any big celebrations, just great satisfaction in doing something we love to do - print a newspaper. I remember my Grandpa Bill telling me, "You know, you have ink in your blood?" I always thought that was icky as a child, but now I understand.

We have you to thank most of all. Without our readers and advertisers we wouldn’t have made it.

We thank you all from the bottom of our hearts.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From June 13, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

A few of important dates are coming up this week.

June 17, is our anniversary. Ronda and I were married in 1988, making it our 23rd wedding anniversary. I looked on the internet to see what that would be as far as a gift goes and was surprised that it was a silver plate. Ronda and I aren’t much on silver, but I’m pretty excited about our 24th anniversary. That’s the year you’re supposed to give a musical instrument! I’m already thinking about how cool it will be to get a vintage Gibson SG Bass guitar. It’s not really going to be a good year for Ronda. I am the one with the musical instrument fetish.

Just last weekend I bought a trombone and a paddle boat. They are not to be used together. I just stumbled on to them while hitting the Junefest garage sales.

Ronda: "What are you going to do with a trombone?"

Me: "I don’t know, but it’s so cool."

I have a small collection of things like, slide whistles, harmonicas, guitars, basses, drums, keyboards and even kazoos... Some of them I play, some of them just hang on the walls as decorations. I have always loved music and musical instruments.

I kind of got off track a little bit.

The second important date is June 19, 2011.

Father's Day is coming up this Sunday and I was thinking about the joys and struggles associated with fatherhood.

"Father" is one of those titles that demands respect, but often gets much less. I remember that I was far from the perfect child growing up. I know I gave my father grief.

Now that I am a father (of 21 years now) and a grandfather, I realize that you take the good with the bad and you try your best in every situation to, as the song goes, "teach your children well."

Most ot the time I probably come off sounding like I am nagging and ragging on my kids, but my hope is that they will learn, not only from their mistakes, but mine as well.

It’s a blessing to still have a dad. My dad has struggled with Altzhiemer’s for the past several years, but still has some good days. I love you dad. Happy Father’s Day.

I’m also very blessed to be a dad. I have three great children, a son-in-law and a grandson too. Joey, Bree, Nick, Devin and Kycen: I expect great things from you this year! *wink*. Wouldn’t it be great to get that bass guitar now instead of waiting to get it for me and your mother’s 24th anniversary? (Worn Cherry finish - item #513285 at Musician’s Friend website if you are interested).

Finally, the last important date is next Monday, June 20th. This date will be Issue 21, Week 1 of The Gyp Hill Premiere. It marks 20 years of publication for us. We thank you for that!

KWIBS - From June 6, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

And the headlines read: "Oops, we screwed up." I am speaking of the story on the Johnson family from May 30th’s issue. I take responsibility for the mistake. We didn’t get the story continued and it sort of just ended on the front page without actually ending. I apologize to the Johnsons and our readers and we have reprinted that story on page 10 of this week’s paper.

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After a long weekend many of us came back to Main Street to discover we had lost a business. Well, we didn’t actually lose the business, but it lost its building.

Sometime during the evening or night on Monday, the roof at the Country Club Wellness Center collapsed. I don’t mean, ceiling tiles. I mean part of the roof actually collapsed in on some of the exercise equipment and new aerobic flooring that was just installed three weeks ago.

Barb Ransom is the manager for the fitness center and showed us inside on Tuesday morning. You could see the blue sky. Nearly 1/3 of the building collapsed.

It almost feels like the death of a friend, losing a building like this. Fortunately, the fitness center will reopen in the Middle School down in the cafeteria. In the meantime, the building is somewhat condemned and blocked off to prevent injury. It was by the grace of God that no one was in the building when it happened and no one was injured.

The collapse raises new concerns about the condition of Main Street. Aging structures and lack of maintenance is a recipe for disaster. It brought back memories of our building’s front collapsing back in the early 1990s. It nearly shut us down for 3 months while new fronts were put on this office and our building next door. Close examination showed deteriorating mortar and brick. Wind eventually pulled the faces of the buildings completely away from the walls.

Seeing the fallen roof made me think of what communities like Sun City and Lake City felt when they saw buildings crumbling in their once vibrant towns.

It gives new purpose and drive to the recent Medicine Lodge Main Street program. It seems like a step backwards, but it might be just the thing we need to prove the worth of such a program. Marcia Lawrence recently announced that our town has been officially accepted to the "Inside Track" tier. It’s going to take a lot of work and money, but isn’t our town worth it?

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From May 30, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

All I can say to Mr. Harold Camping is, we all make mistakes. It’s not like it’s the end of the world or anything.

But if at first you don’t succeed, guess again? Now Mr. Camping is predicting October 21 as the new "end of the world" date. His original calculations were off he said, "by a few months." He’s also made predictions in the past. His last one, also incorrect, was for "between September 15 and 27 of 1994."

This so called "Bible Scholar", forgot one very important scripture. Mark 13:32 "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

No where did I read, ".. and Harold Camping."

In Acts we read: 1:7 He said to them: It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority.

I feel sorry for those folks who invested their money in his false witnessing. I don’t feel sorry for anyone who invests in his October 21st prediction. I read where many people had quit their jobs, maxed out their credit cards and gave all of their belongings away.

Speaking of the end of the world, obviously it didn’t happen this weekend. I’m sort of glad. I had plans and was out of town. I would really prefer the end of the world to be on a Thursday before deadline. If I had my say of course.

Justin and I and our wives decided it would be fun to drive to Oklahoma City this past weekend and surprise former editor, David Fasgold. We had learned that his band, The Mighty Regulars, was playing in front of the Ford Center for the Thunder vs. Maverick’s game on Saturday evening. Secretly, Justin and I had hoped that David would let us play a song or two with them, but that didn’t happen! Joey also wanted to try and get a ticket to the playoff game. That also didn’t happen!

What did happen was Justin and I helping a man who passed out because of the heat. "Bob" had a ticket and was from Dallas. He fainted and cracked his head open on the concrete. After several minutes, EMTs arrived and took Bob away. We didn’t even think about asking to buy his ticket from him.

We got down to Bricktown at about 5 p.m. Saturday. David’s band was scheduled to go on stage at 6 p.m. We grabbed a bite to eat and made our way through a crowd of more than 20,000 Thunder fans to the front of the stage.

Justin, Doolie, Ronda, Joey and I all hid off to the side of the stage and waited for them to start playing. I pulled a wrestling mask out of my pocket and put it on. It was show time.

I paced back and forth across the front of the stage. David stared at me with a, "who is this weird-o," look on his face.

To be fair, I blended in perfectly with the masked man wearing a cape and riding a bicycle. I also fit in with the clown and the dude with the basketball goal strapped to his head that people where throwing balls at. Finally, I stood right in front of David and sang along with him to Pink Floyd’s "Time". Halfway through the song, I ripped off my mask and the biggest grin formed on David’s face. Then Justin came out from behind the speakers and his grin got even bigger. If he had smiled any bigger his ears would have fallen into his mouth. We all gathered in front of David and rocked out to the rest of their two hour show. It was really fun.

The last song David and The Mighty Regulars played was REM’s "It’s The End Of The World." I had suggested David play this on Facebook on Friday. The crowd went wild.

Below is a picture of David, Justin and I after the show.

After we said our good-byes, we headed down into the middle of Bricktown. The first place we walked into we ran right into some familiar faces. Matt Tedrow and his wife Carla were coming out of the same club we were going into. Matt is the son of Stan and Becky Tedrow, formerly of Medicine Lodge. We visited the Tedrows a couple of years ago in Oklahoma City.

There are about 1.5 million people in the metro area of OKC and it’s pretty incredible to run into someone you know, especially during the injection of thousands more people coming to watch an NBA playoff game. To top that off, Matt told me that he and Carla rarely visit Bricktown and it was just by coincidence that they decided to go out for the evening.

We hung out with Matt and Carla and called it a night just around midnight. Due to the large number of people in town for the playoffs, we had to get a hotel out of the Bricktown area. We stayed at a hotel a few minutes down the road and took a shuttle back to get ready for bed. We all had to be up bright and early to head back to Kansas.

But like most people who were roaming Bricktown all evening, I started getting hungry. I suggested breakfast. Everyone took me up on it except Ronda. By this time it was about 1 a.m. and the only thing open was a Waffle House across the street between two truck stops. We got Ronda back in the room and we headed out for some omelettes!

We ran across the busy intersection when suddenly there were police cars and officers with guns drawn all over the parking lot. We had just missed the actual commotion. Apparently, the short order night cook had a bad evening and decided to take out a large knife and waive it crazily at the customers. He was arrested and taken to jail.

I asked the waitress, "Can we still get breakfast?"

We did get breakfast and a small discount for the inconvenience. We made it back to our rooms for a good night’s sleep and were up and home by noon on Sunday. Crazy weekend!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From May 23, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

We all have things that just drive us crazy. Sane or insane, you can probably think of a few things that really "push your buttons". I had a few that I was thinking about this week, when my mom sent me an email titled, "What’s the difference between snot and cauliflower?" The answer: Kids won’t eat cauliflower....

Things That Can Drive A Sane Person Insane:

· The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper that never works.

· You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic tag in the middle of them.

· The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.

· The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.

· You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.

· There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING!

· You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.

· Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.

· You slice your tongue licking an envelope.

· Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.

· You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.

· The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.

· You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7 PM instead of 7 am.

· You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.

· You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it. (me)

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From May 9, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

I only get three special columns like this in my lifetime. The first one happened back in 2008 when my daughter graduated.

This is the second time one of my three children will graduate from MLHS. Joey will take those steps across the stage on Saturday with 38 other classmates.

It’s super tough to not be emotionally attached when putting together any senior edition for our paper. It’s even more-so when your kid is in the class.

And what a great group of kids they are. As I placed their senior photos and their baby photos on the page, I couldn’t help but to remember some really good moments in these kids’ lives. Because Joey went to school with most of them since preschool, I consider them all family.

I’m especially proud of Joey. My oldest son has grown up to make his mother and I very proud. He may not be at the top of his class, but he’s accomplished so much during his high school years. He’d be too modest to mention any of those things, but I think I’ve earned the right to be proud of him.

Several years back, Joey took an interest in going to Mexico with the UMC youth to help build a home for a pastor and his family in the Sonora Province. It was a life-changing experience for him that made him appreciate the blessings we have in America.

Joey also got very involved with AFS. He was the student president of our local chapter this year. As I write this, he’s on a trip to Wichita with his group.

He’s far more courageous than I was at his age. Joey and a friend from Germany even took off over the summer and spent a week in New York City, where he learned to navigate the subway system and busy airports across the country. He also went out to California with Jim and Cathy Colborn for a whirlwind trip up the 101. He paid for all of this by himself, working many long hours after school and on weekends.

He is planning on a trip to Europe after school is out. He’s excited to see friends he’s made through AFS.

Joey has always been someone to count on as a hard worker. He’s been employed by John Nixon for the past four years working auctions and has been at White’s for the past two years, carrying many of your groceries. I always smile when someone says to me, "You have the nicest son."

Even with all of his travels and experiences, he’s unsure about his future. It’s been something we’ve discussed and prayed about for a while now. Joey has always told us that he wants to be a beach bum. Whatever he decides to be is okay with me. I couldn’t be prouder of him.

The world awaits him and it will be a better place because of him no matter where he goes or what he does.

I love you, buddy. Congratulations to you and the class of 2011.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From May 2, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

It always amazes me that while one part of the country is praying for rain to come, another is praying for it to stop.

Just a short ways east of us, flash floods and deadly storms have riddled the area. Here we barely get a drop. What small amounts we did get is of little use now to area farmers. It won’t be a record breaking year for our area wheat producers.

I’m getting old enough that I remember significant years of precipitation. I don’t have all the facts, but I remember back in 1999 we began breaking ground on our home. We’d just gotten the basement walls poured and the subfloor on in late April. The first of May came and rains didn’t stop for over 11 days. I think we got somewhere in the neighborhood of 18 inches that month. It washed out my driveway and broke a small dam on our pond. This year, we’re about to lose that pond to the drought.

But we’re in so much better shape than parts of Texas. In 1999, the same year as our house was built, we took a trip to Amarillo, TX to SCUBA Lake Meredith. The lake is located 30 miles from Amarillo and was a fantastic fresh water SCUBA-diving spot. I just learned a few weeks ago that an ongoing drought in that area has all but dried up the big lake. The area that we dove down to 25’ is now dry earth.

The lake has gone down so much, in fact, that a plane reported missing on January 27, 1984 was discovered back in June of 2008. The water had gone down enough that the wreckage appeared. That’s a lot of water to dry up.

Other parts of Texas have just burned away. Over 1.65 million acres have burned this year. Hundreds of homes have been destroyed. That’s twice as much ground that usually burns in a given year in Texas. At least two fire fighters have died fighting these fires.

Just down the road from us in Missouri....

Rivers and creeks have already flooded. The Mississippi was at or approaching major flood stage in several communities Easter Sunday. Many dams broke in the area.

The Missouri Department of Transportation reported dozens of road and highway closures in eastern and southern Missouri. U.S. 61 has been shut down due to flooding near the Iowa border, and U.S. 160 was closed in several spots in far south-central Missouri.

All of this and then tornados on Wednesday that killed more than 250 people in 6 states. Just tragic... It leaves one humbled to think of the power of these storms.

Mother Nature is a moody one these days.

KWIBS - From April 25, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

I once ran in to Kirstie Alley in Wichita at a gift shop. I was so excited.

Alley is from Wichita and last I knew, her dad still has a place there.

I recognized her, despite the lack of makeup and fancy clothes. She was in gray sweatpants and a white T-shirt. Her hair was pulled back, but it was still Kirstie Alley.

I don’t know what came over me. I could have complemented her in her role in Look Who’s Talking, Blind Date, Village of the Damned, or her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I didn’t even mention Cheers, which she played Rebecca Howe. I mean, it was one of the most popular sitcoms on TV at the time.

Instead, here's what came out of my mouth: "I loved you in Star Trek II, The wrath of Kahn, where you played that hot Vulcan chick, Lieutenant Saavik." I think I was even wearing a Star Wars or a Battlestar Galactica T-shirt at the time. My brother-in-law was with me and he about ran out of the store. She actually signed an autograph for me across the top of a Wichita Eagle. It's still in a frame in my office.

I’ve never hid the fact that I am a geek. My DVR list on my television gives it away.

- In a fight between William Shatner and Patrick Stewart, I think Shatner would win. However, I think Patrick Stewert would make a fine president in 2012, as long as he isn’t serving on The United Federation of Planets Council.

- I learned from Battlestar Galactica that a secton is a Colonial measurement of time and analogous to one Earth week. Its plural form is "sectons". More on this next secton.....

- The recent bravery displayed by the 50 Fukushima Nuclear Plant workers reminded me of the time Spok gave his life at the end of Wrath of Kahn saying, "Logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."

A dear departed friend of mine, Jo Meador, gave me a poster years ago for my birthday. It was titled, "All I need to know from life, I learned from Star Trek." The poster stills hangs in our storage room in our office.

Seek out new life and civilizations.

Non-interference is the Prime Directive.

Keep your phaser set on stun.

Humans are highly illogical.

There's no such thing as a Vulcan death grip.

Live long and prosper.

Having is not so pleasing as wanting; it is not logical but it is often true.

Infinite diversity in infinite combinations (IDIC).

Tribbles hate Klingons (and Klingons hate Tribbles).

Enemies are often invisible -- like Romulans, they can be cloaked.

Don't put all your ranking officers in one shuttlecraft.

When your logic fails, trust a hunch.

Insufficient data does not compute.

If it can't be fixed, just ask Scotty.

Even in our own world, sometimes we are aliens.

This one is mine, "If you aren’t a regular on the show, always ask for any uniform color other than red."

When going out into the Universe, remember, "Boldly go where no one has gone before!"

KWIBS - From April 18, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Mike Roe forwarded an interesting article to me about rural America.that was in the Hutchinson News recently. I contacted John Montgomary, the News’ Publisher and he has given us permission to reprint the article giving credit to The Hutch News and the writer. We sort of have an "in" with the Hutchinson News. That’s where The Gyp Hill Premiere is printed each week.

The article is a good read and applies to our area. I was also sent an article from Kansas Governor Sam Brownback this week outlining a Rural Opportunity Zones Bill he recently signed into law. This bill will give incentives to those willing to relocate into rural Kansas. Barber County is one of the counties that qualifies for the incentives. You can read that article on page 13 of this week’s Premiere.

LEOTI - A sign in a window of an empty storefront beckons visitors with a plea: Move to Leoti.

The sign has been there for several years, the maker probably hopeful to attract the attention of a passing motorist in an attempt to stabilize the downward slide in population that has happened for decades in Wichita County.

After all, with farms continuing to disappear from the landscape, leaders in almost every small town dream of getting bigger. They dream of manufacturers bringing jobs, of vibrant downtowns and of families with children populating their schools.

Yet several of the state's agriculture-based communities haven't survived the growing trend - the decline of population as youths turn to the bright lights of bigger cities, never to return.

When population wanes in a town, the bank closes. So does the grocer, the hospital and the hardware store. The ultimate demise, however, is the loss of a school, from which many communities never recover.

It's a fear of any remote Kansas county, said Wichita County resident Terry Woodbury. The rural community promoter, however, see the decades-old trend as a battle that can be won.

That's because there is optimism on the prairie, he said. Residents want to stop the bleeding.

County leaders are developing industrial parks to lure small businesses. Some are addressing needs, such as affordable housing, quality day care and Internet availability. Many have tried to boost community pride and activity, including starting recreation programs and sprucing up main streets.

"I think we are in the latter days of decline because of our attachment to agriculture," said Woodbury, who operates Public Square Communities LLC, a business geared to sustaining rural areas. "We've got Internet. You can come here, have high quality of life, safety, good schools, know the neighbor, drive for three hours and go to Colorado Springs. Rural communities are starting to sell that and believe in it."

"I think we are on the front end of an urban to rural transition."

Smallest county, big plans

Woodbury's assessment comes after nearly a century-long slide for some Kansas counties. From Montana and the Dakotas down to the Texas Panhandle, the rural Great Plains has been losing citizens since around World War II.

In all, 77 Kansas counties have lost population in the past decade, according to census numbers released earlier this month. Of those, 23 saw declines of more than 10 percent. Western counties took the biggest hit, with an increase in only seven counties in this half of the state.

"The irony of rural America is the thing that has built our communities is now depopulating them," Woodbury said of farming. "We are losing people and we have to think different and come up with different economies."

Even in the state's smallest county, Greeley, with 1,247 people, leaders have recognized the issue. Tribune, the county seat, sits isolated in the center of the west-central Kansas county, largely surrounded by crop fields and pasture. It's 86 miles from Garden City and more than 60 from Goodland.

County population peaked in 1960 with 2,087 people. Then decline began, slowly but steadily.

In all, the county has lost 40 percent of its population in the past 50 years, with 18.71 percent coming in the past 10 - the fourth biggest drop in the state.

Those figures might seem grueling to turn around to most people, except Christy Hopkins.

She couldn't deny she wasn't disappointed and a little shocked at the census numbers after five years of hard work, she said as she sat in her office in early March, preparing to leave the next day for a trip to Vietnam with a leadership group.

"We're not giving up by any means," she said matter-of-factly.

The issue isn't one that sneaked up on Greeley County residents. After consecutive years of bad harvest and the acceleration in people moving away, community leaders held a survival meeting in 2004. More than 150 people attended. They hired Woodbury to offer advice and direction.

Woodbury helped develop focus groups on government, education, health care and business. Residents zeroed in on certain areas and began setting goals for the community.

Community leaders have been busy ever since.

They started adult and youth recreation programs. County officials invested some money into building a dairy - eventually attracting a buyer.

Meanwhile, one team of residents helped form a community foundation to serve the interests and goals of the county. Another team is dealing with affordable housing. There is a marketing team, a welcoming team, a health services team and a team for downtown revitalization.

While some businesses have closed, including a company that made hazardous-material trailers, about 17 other new businesses have come to town, including a feedlot, she said.

Residents also voted to unify the county and city governments in 2007. And residents in November passed a bond issue for the school - despite tough economic times, Hopkins said. Meanwhile, those who work for the community, such as referee at games, are paid in "Greeley Bucks," which help support local businesses.

She wished the numbers had reflected growth, she said. However, positive change is happening no matter the numbers.

"We really are doing a lot of things to help stabilize the community," Hopkins said. "We even have an action team focused on business transition assuring that our businesses here today will still be there tomorrow."

While every county will have their own unique plan, Woodbury calls Greeley's efforts exemplary.

"These communities are shifting gears, developing a way past the agriculture mind-set," he said, but added it will take time. "This is not a microwave job. This is slow cooking."

Leaders in other counties are giving the same rallying cry.

Shannon McCormick, who owns Main Street Supply in downtown Lakin in Kearny County, which has nearly 4,000 people, said he thinks the decline of farmers has stabilized.

"I don't know if farms can get any larger," he said, then added, "unless, I guess, we have robots driving the tractors."

Still he noted, some counties, including Kearny, can take advantage of the county's close proximity to a regional hub. For Lakin, it's Garden City, which is just 22 miles away. His county is hoping to begin a program that allows residents to fix up property and, in return, pay the same in property taxes for a period of time.

In Edwards County, population 3,000, officials started a tourism committee to lure in more visitors to the county attractions, such as its national carnival heritage museum, said Economic Development Director Linette Miller.

The county also is addressing affordable housing and fixing up dilapidated properties, she said.

And in the Lane County town of Dighton, which is nearly an hour away from regional hubs like Hays and Garden City, county Economic Development Director Dan Hartman brushes off the current decline, calling it beatable.

He says this as he takes a drive to the site of what some locals have dubbed a "Field of Dreams" - a roughly 60-acre industrial park complete with paved roadways that has one business, an oil well service company.

Hartman, however, said he plans for more, noting he's had prospects considering the site for development.

Other efforts are helping make the town more attractive. Local insurance agent and Main Street business owner John Levin, who serves on the economic development board, said the board is matching up to $1,000 for business owners who do storefront beautification projects. And, Hartman said, by next year, the county should have a community garden.

What Hartman is promoting, he says, is a lifestyle in the state's second smallest county at 1,750 people. Living much of his life in California managing a business, he drove an hour to work each way.

"We don't have a Walmart, but we don't have a crime rate that is sky-high, either," Hartman said. "It's a community where I could sit on the front porch and smoke a cigarette and wave at people I know."

He gets tired of the hubbub "that rural America is dying," he said.

"It's not dying. It's changing," he said, adding that with technology, one can work from anywhere. "The only thing wrong with rural America is the way we talk about it. I personally think we're going to see growth in the next 20 or 30 years."

He pointed to the local classified advertisements, saying they listed seven or eight jobs. But the question is whether the town's college-educated youth will return for that kind of pay. Maybe, Hartman said, leaders can attract college graduates back who have an entrepreneurial spirit, noting there are already two success stories in downtown Dighton.

Young couple Joe and Rachel Schulz are running Joe's family's new pizza restaurant. Joe's sister, Margo, 24, recently purchased the town's flower shop, and sister Michelle, 21, who helps her older sister, plans to open a bakery and coffee shop. She already does some special orders.

Pioneering youth are what towns want to attract, Woodbury said.

"Rural communities have to quit thinking we need to pave a highway of gold to get them back here," he said. "These wonderfully brilliant kids, we don't have to create a job for them. Tell them to come home, bring their job and create it. No one paved the way for my family when they settled in Leoti, Kansas. They paved the way and created it."

There is promise in the heartland, said Laszlo Kulcsar, a Kansas State University professor and director of the Kansas Population Center.

Take Greensburg, for instance, he said. The Kiowa County seat, stricken by a tornado in 2007, has reinvigorated itself into a "green town," attracting youth and technology as the city continues to rebuild.

There's also a new trend for retirees to find a place away from urban cities to retire, he said. Although they don't bring children to populate the schools, they do have a savings they want to spend before they die.

Yet, finding a niche to attract residents is the real key, he said. The slogan of good schools, good hospitals and a slow place of living with limited crime is a dime a dozen.

"There are 30,000 places just like this," he said of rural America. "In the end, these places are going to lose young people no matter what. The question is, how many young people can be retained."

Hartman remains hopeful. He said he's been working with a group promoting a new transmission line being built by ITC Great Plains LLC. The line goes from Medicine Lodge to Spearville and, eventually, the second phase of the project will take the line from Spearville to Axtell, Neb.

That means jobs, he said, whether it is for building the line or the future wind farms that a transmission line could bring. Kansas' abundant wind could be the rescuer for many of the small communities along the way.

Growing a community is possible, Woodbury said, but only with a change of attitude.

He said in the 16 communities he works in, changing attitudes is sometimes one of the top problems to combat.

"Rural people really have to believe they have a future," he said, but added, "The hardest thing for people is to change."

KWIBS - From April 11, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Boys and girls, men and women, we just think differently.

Take party planning...

In a little over a month, my oldest son Joey will be graduating from MLHS. With any graduation comes a party and the planning.

We sat down in the kitchen Sunday night and Joey’s mamma made the big announcement, "We need to talk about the graduation party."

Joey and I just groaned.

There is just nothing a man wants to do less than plan a party. Especially a graduation party. Don’t get us wrong ladies, we’ll go to parties and participate, but we don’t really want to be involved with the planning.

Guys’ party planning: Cooler, check; Ice, check; Beverage, check; Music, check; Chairs, check.

She made us sit there and name off people we wanted to invite to the party.

I said, "I can more easily name the ones I don’t want to invite."

Joey piped in, "I want a band and girls dancing."

Hmm.... so did I. Keep going Joey.

Ronda just glared at us.

"No, I want to know who your friends are and who we want to have over to celebrate your graduation," she said firmly. "I also need to order food, drinks, get napkins, have a cake made, get matching table cloths, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Joey and I just glazed over.

Just when we thought it ended, we were informed of a stop we were making while in Wichita this week.

"Boys, we’re going to Party City", said Ronda.

Party City. Wow, a whole city partying. Joey and I were actually thinking ‘this could be cool’.

If cool is looking at 40 different colors of napkins, forks and spoons, then Party City is your place. Most men don’t care. We’re content with the clear plastic utensils, cups and plates, but no.

My only contribution to this stop was buying a medal that will go around Joey’s neck that day that says, "Winner".

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From April 4, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Many events in one’s life mark great accomplishments. The birth of children and grandchildren, graduations, promotions, and an occasional big birthday make up the list.

I’d never really thought about retirement until last week. My mom, Joyce Noland, recently retired after 35 years of working for the same person. An accomplishment that few can lay claim to. My mom worked for Alan Goering shortly after he began practicing law in Medicine Lodge way back in the 1970s. She was with him when he started his own practice in the 1980s and was there when he later partnered with Bob Slinkard. Her last day was March 31st.

Alan and Bob held a very nice reception and dinner for my mom at the Vintage House in Burlington, OK on Friday, March 25th. He said some very nice things about my mom that I know brought tears to many at the table. He also said some very funny things as well.

I commend mom on her loyalty to Alan and I also commend Alan on putting up with my mom for all those years! She was surrounded by her family, coworkers and friends. It was touching to see her honored that way and I can’t tell you how proud I am of her. It’s a great accomplishment and I know she will miss her friends and family at Goering and Slinkard. Thank you Alan and Bob for being so good to her.

? ? ? ?

Probably the biggest news this week is the return of Days of Yore. The column, disappeared from the newspaper along with the folding of The Barber County Index back in 2009 and it’s always been something our readers have requested. After some thinking, and some prodding from Doris, we’ve decided to resurrect it. Doris has spent countless hours combing through microfilm and even our own archives for stories to share with our readers.

? ? ? ?

In preparation for Peace Treaty and it being our 20th anniversary, we’ve decorated our window at the office with some newspaper memorabilia. We’re looking for anything that fits in with our motif. If you have something you’d like to share with us, we’d love to have you drop it by!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From March 28, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

A petition is being circulated to force City Charter Ordinance 19 to a public vote.

Should you sign it?

I don’t know.

Jan Bertoglio has started and is circulating the petition. I called her and we got together last week to discuss its merits or lack thereof.

"It’s no good," she said.

The ordinance gives an administrator the authority to make certain appointments and allows for disciplinary actions in accordance with the personnel manual, all of which were passed by a 2/3 vote city council majority.

This move has some folks in the community nervous. Some even believe it was a sneaky move by the council to pass such an ordinance. I suppose timing is everything.

I spoke with Councilmember Roger Lukens last week. He explained there was no intention of this being done quickly or behind closed doors. In fact, we published discussion on this ordinance in at least one paper before it passed. Lukens told me that this ordinance has been one of the visions the council has had for quite some time now.

Perhaps passing it so close to election is what people don’t like.

Removing the powers from the mayor and giving them to an administrator is not something our one-and-only mayoral candidate likes. Bob Stutler and I have been discussing this topic over the past few days.

"I don’t like it either," he said. I want to have the same level playing field that every mayor before me had."

I see his point and I support Bob whole-heartedly as the new mayor.

The reason I support him is that he is competent to deal with those appointments and issues. Not every past mayor has been able to and we may not have a mayor in the future that is as capable and experienced as Mr. Stutler.

Thus a reason for such an ordinance.

One thing to remember is that regardless of an action by a city administrator, that person still answers to the mayor and council. If they [the council members] don’t like the decision, they have the power to remove that administrator and get one that is on board with their line of thinking.

For the record, this ordinance is not the dream child or an evil scheme conjured up by our current administrator. He did not write it. In fact, it comes from an example of the charter ordinance used by the city of Greensburg, KS. According to Austin Gilley, many third class cities in Kansas have adopted similar ordinances.

"It’s an attempt to clear up confusion and accountability," he told me. And it is the direction that our current city council set when beginning the search for a new administrator.

Roger Lukens added, "Before [the charter ordinance] , it appeared that city employees had 7 bosses - the mayor, five councilmembers and the city administrator."

Gilley is indifferent about the ordinance. If it goes through the 60 day protest period without being recalled, great. If it doesn’t he assures me and my readers he is "very excited to work with the mayor and new council regardless of the outcome."

The outcome?

Jan Bertoglio says she has more than enough signatures to stop this ordinance from taking effect on April 22nd. The next step will be for a new council to decide whether to put it to a special election in 2012 or let the issue die.

My gut feeling is, it will die.

Should you sign it? I don’t know. Do you really understand the motivation behind the ordiinace? Probably not. Do you have all of the facts? I doubt it. Did I sign it? Nope, but I am one of those folks who works and calls Medicine Lodge my home - but lives outside the city limits. I don’t have to make that type of decision and I’m sort of glad I don’t have to!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From March 21, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Each year, Kansas Press sets aside to remind citizens how important transparency is in our participatory democracy.

This was actually done last week, March 13 through 19, but we were a little rushed with remodeling and trying to leave for a trip to Amarillo. I held it for this week.

Our country was founded on the principle that government is of the people, by the people and for the people.

As Alexis de Tocqueville wrote in his middle 19th century classic, "Democracy in America," the system of self-government we chose for ourselves was unique because we relied on each other, rather than royalty, to chart the course for our nation.

Tocqueville was fascinated that in America, we elected "people like us" to make decisions on our behalf, but we also decided that for democratic rule to succeed, we had to be participants in our own governance.

Sunshine Week, March 13 through 19 this year, was a reminder to elected officials and to those they serve that for America’s system of government to work, we have to have an informed citizenry. This requires unfettered access to the information necessary to keep us abreast of just what government is attempting to do on our behalf.

Sadly, while our political leaders often talk a good line when it comes to transparency, many fall short when the rubber meets the road.

In Topeka, for instance, the city is embroiled in a controversy about the apparent theft of scrap metal from a city construction site. The scrap reportedly was sold and the money shared by a handful of city employees.

The city manager and his team decided to handle the incident as a personnel matter rather than a criminal one, even leaving the city council in the dark for six months. Had "transparency" been the rule and not the exception, this controversy most likely would have been handled in a few days. It has continued to boil for six weeks and counting.

When the duly-elected city council members were blocked by city staff from getting access to documents about the theft, the council was forced to vote 9-0 to subpoena documents that had been withheld for "personnel" reasons.

What is wrong with this picture?

Each week, the attorney for the Kansas Press Association gets call after call from local newspaper staff writers and editors fighting roadblocks to information access thrown up by public officials. Whether it’s access to agenda packets, minutes or notice of meetings or the abuse of executive sessions, transparency seems to be no more than a campaign pamphlet bullet point for some public officials.

On Thursday (March 17), a bill was heard in the House Local Government Committee that would give cities, counties and school districts the "option" to name their own governmental website rather than their local newspaper as the official publication for public notices.

Never mind that a third of Kansans don’t have access to the internet. Never mind that the internet has been proven time and again to be unreliable and susceptible to hacking and manipulation while printed newspapers are verifiable, permanent, more likely to be seen and independent from government.

It’s ironic (maybe appalling is a better word) that this bill was heard during National Sunshine Week. It illustrates that far too many of our elected officials don’t understand why they alone should not be in control of public information.

Why is "sunshine" important?

"Publicity," said Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis , "is justly commended as a remedy for social and industrial diseases. Sunlight is said to be the best of disinfectants, electric light the most efficient policeman."

Brandeis was right.

If we are to remain a free nation and able to compete with the rest of the world in the 21st century, citizens must be well-informed. To be well-informed, government must operate in the light of day.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From March 14, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Well you may not see it as front page news, but we do.

Our one-month long remodeling project of the front of our office was completed during the middle part of last week.

We ran a little over on our budget, but we’re thrilled with the results! If you haven’t been in to see it, we’ve recarpeted, repainted, added a wall and put in a HUGE reception area. Doris and Ronda seem comfortable in their new space.

Spending the past few weeks huffing paint fumes, carpet seams and glue, I’m ready for warm weather so we can open the door!

Ronda and I spent countless hours just talking about what to hang on the walls. For years we had the same old pictures that hung, some by tape, to our walls and we wanted something that would scream MEDICINE LODGE. While at a recent Peace Treaty board meeting, I learned there were some of the older posters for sale, so I quickly hooked up with Sarah Whelan and bought all the posters from the time frame we have been in business, which is 1991 through present. With a trip to Hobby Lobby and some nails, we’ve created a neat tribute to our town’s famed Peace Treaty.

We still have the north wall to decorate. With our limited budget, we’re hoping to do better than some paint by numbers!

There’s a few people I want to thank.

Thank you Lee Wade for being ever so patient when working with me. Lee is a perfectionist and I am a hurry-up-and-get-it-done-er. Lee helped me get the counter set in place and didn’t allow me to cut any corners. Lee also did our finish work and built our wall and doorway.

Thank you Matt and Sean Forsyth. I boasted to them how I had gotten everything out of the front office before they laid carpet and only asked that they help us move it back in. They were much obliged, but I sort of tricked them. The new furniture was the heaviest made since the Egyptians carved out stone tables in 1500 B.C. We had to remove the door and with some grunting and sweating, we got the furniture back in.

Thank you Ann Bell for the new carpet! We love you. :)

And thank you customers for being so understanding while we remodeled! Have a great week!

KWIBS - From March 7, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Sadly, free speech isn’t nice. It is often ugly and hurtful, painful to listen to and intended to cause distress.

But in the United States of America, it’s protected by the First Amendment to the Constitution. And Wednesday, the U.S. Supreme Court affirmed that basic principle in an 8-1 ruling in Snyder v. Phelps, a.k.a., the Westboro Baptist Church case.

Church members and Fred Phelps, their "minister," are infamous for their anti-gay protests at high-profile funerals, most notably, those of servicemen killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. They believe the wars and casualties are God’s revenge on America for "tolerating" homosexuals. Their shouting of anti-gay epithets and hoisting signs proclaiming "Thank God for dead soldiers" and "God hates fags" are designed to be inflammatory and provocative.

It was a brave act that the father of fallen Lance Cpl. Matthew A. Snyder filed a lawsuit against the church to stop them from spreading their message of hate at the funerals of soldiers killed in battle.

Veterans groups across the nation filed briefs with the Supreme Court in support of Snyder, as did the attorneys general of 48 states. The Westboro gang’s actions, their speech is simply hateful and disgusting.

Writing for the court, Chief Justice John Roberts said, "Speech is powerful. It can stir people to action, move them to tears of both joy and sorrow, and — as it did here — inflict great pain. ... (But) we cannot react to that pain by punishing the speaker."

Just as the Supreme Court ruled more than 30 years ago in 1977 that neo-Nazis could parade through the streets of the heavily Jewishh Skokie, Ill., so too do the Westboro homophobes have their right to protest and to express their views.

I understand the importance of freedom of speech all too well being in the business I am in. I just can’t see the point in allowing these whackjobs to protest at funerals of soldiers.

Only one Supreme Court Justice, Alito, had the courage to stand up to the hateful "free" speech.

The others feel it’s fundamentally what America is all about.

I dispute that wholeheartedly. This is what America has become and I fear it is still evolving into something even more repugnant.

KWIBS - From February 28, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Several weeks ago, I was inspired to make some changes in our office. After sitting in on the Main Street Medicine Lodge meeting last month, I began to think about the appearance of our office and presence on Main Street.

We’ve been here for 20 years this year and since that time have done little in the way of remodeling. Our desks are old and falling apart. Our carpet is stained, torn and faded. Our window is boring and our signage is showing its age. It was time for a change.

Since it is a Peace Treaty year and since Marcia Lawrence has been somewhat of a cheerleader for the upgrade in appearance of Main Street, we made the decision to do some upgrading in our offices a few weeks ago. We’re going to kick off this whole Main Street Medicine Lodge right here at The Gyp Hill Premiere. I contacted a friend in Wichita who recently closed down an office at the Epic Center. I bought his receptionist counter and other furniture, which took me most of the day to bring down three stories out of that building. Thank you to John Nixon for allowing me the use of his trailer. We’ve ordered new carpet from Forsyth’s which is schedule to be in the week of March 7th. We’ve had Lee Wade build us a new doorway, bought primer and paint and we’re going to town!

And the results thus far? We’re a mess in progress....

Customers entering our store last week were greeted by a folded up section of our carpet and a whole lot of clutter. Most managed not to trip over it. My mom sort of tripped over it, but she’s not considered a customer. As of this writing, our walls are half primed and painted. Most of our furniture is taken out and Doris and Ronda are operating out of boxes. The floor has some sheetrock dust and scraps and the office smells of primer.

In about a week, we will begin assembly of the new reception counter. During this time, we will be a little unorganized and we ask for your patience while we get things back in order. My plan right at the moment, is to move Ronda and Doris into the middle server room and have them share a phone between them for a few days. I hope to have their computers up and running so they can take care of customers.

We’re planning on being closed Monday-Wednesday(ish), March 7-9, while we put things back together that week.

When we get the inside finished up, we’ll be working on the outside of both our building and the Allegiance building. We’ll be doing some cleaning and replacing some signage during the spring and summer. We’re excited about "spiffying" things up for Peace Treaty and we encourage the rest of our community to do the same!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From February 21, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

My youngest son’s birthday is on Friday. Nick is turning 13! In honor of his 13th birthday, I would like to announce to my readers that he is now a teenager and knows everything!

It reminds me of the sign

But my little Nicholas doesn’t act that way. Although he is becoming a little man and has entered adolescence, he is still my baby boy.

I’ve really enjoyed seeing his, sense of humor develop over the years. He’s got a quick wit, just like his old man. I’m proud of you buddy and I love you. Happy Birthday Nick! Summer is just around the corner!

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"Those fluffy towels will bring you nothing but trouble," said Joey this week.

I nearly burned the office down - the second time in the past month for me. The first time it was a tinfoil lined plate in the microwave. This time it was a smell-good candle from Pat’s called "Fluffy Towels".

Wednesday was just nuts for me. I was on the phone, had one caller holding for me and was trying to fill out paper work on a desk covered in stacks of papers. I slid my candle to the back of the desk to have more room to write and ignited a pile of papers on my desk on fire.

I was calm, cool and collective. While continuing my conversation on the phone with my customer, I calmly said, "Hold just a second sir," and then said, "Doris, could you please assist me for a minute?" as I was holding the phone and flinging burning papers off of my desk, would grab another and blow it out, only for it to reignite. The look on Doris’s face was just priceless. It was a mixture of horror and amazement.

We just began a remodeling project in our office this week. For the next month or so, we are painting, putting in new furniture and new carpet. As Doris was wiping off the charred remains of paper off of my desk she said, "Either remodel or burn the place down, but make up your mind!"

I want to remodel, so they took my candle away from me. Now it smells like burnt fluffy towels in my office.....

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From February 14, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Imagine a government that spoon-feeds it's citizens the information they want them to have, a state that controls the media, controls information about taxpayer funds and how they are spent, government that eventually controls the internet, newspapers, television and radio. It sounds like a communist regime or a bad sci-fi/horror flick, doesn't it?

It might sound like an alarmist's statement, but these things are closer to truth than you think and at least one of these is in the process of becoming reality right here in the state of Kansas.

HB2166 was introduced last week. It is, at best, the state's way of trying to eliminate an independent, proven source of communication that supplies the general public information about local government.

HB2166 gives municipalities, counties and schools an "option" to place these public notices on websites that they would designate as "official publication sources" - an option that would remove the information from the public’s view.

"Why have public notices always appeared in newspapers? It's simple: public notices are meant to be 'noticed.' If you want them to be noticed, you put them where that is most likely to occur," stated Doug Anstaett, Executive Director Kansas Press Association.

This attempt to sanction the placing of public notices on a government website is simply allowing the fox to guard the chicken house. Government should never be in control of its own information. We call that totalitarianism when other countries do it, and it's not a stretch to argue that this bill is a prescription for the worst kind of mischief from government.

Newspapers are the "watchdogs" and "activists" for fair and open government. For hundreds of years newspapers have been the leading source of supplying public notices and safeguarding the public's right-to-know about the actions of our city's, county's, school's and state's actions.

"Newspapers work because they are verifiable, you can't hack them like you can an internet site, they are a permanent record that cannot be altered or lost and they are guaranteed to be accurate by the publisher. In addition, affidavits of publication from newspapers have long been recognized as adequate notice in a court of law. How are you going to be able to guarantee a notice was published online, in a timely fashion and accurately? It can't be done," said Anstaett

It's not the first time that this concept or bill has come up. In fact, I think it's the third or fourth time in recent years. Each time the newspaper community and the general public have put a stop to it. The government waits patiently for complacency and when the time is right, they will pull the wool over our eyes. Lawmakers and some local governments will make the claim that it's all about saving money, but the truth is the average local government spends less than .0005% of its budget publishing notices in newspapers. For example, USD#254’s total budget exceeded $9 million in 2010. The district paid $474 in public notices to this newspaper in that same year. That’s .00005 of their budget spent notifying the public in our area. Taking that out of their budget would hardly "save" any significant funds.

Giving cities, counties and schools the option of placing their notices on state-run or sponsored websites removes the accountability of government and places the information on potentially hard to navigate sites and removes these legals from the public's eyes and scrutiny of the taxpayers. More than that, many questions arise: who will control the information? how will it be safeguarded and verified? will it be utilized and seen by the majority of the general public? Several more questions will come up.

Each week, the newspaper is printed, mailed, read and recorded for historical purposes. It has been the most reliable source of "hard" information in history and dates back to the birth of our great nation. This bill and these types of actions by our government, in reality, are attempts to eliminate "free" press.

Anstaett fears for the future of small town newspapers.

He said, "In addition, the effect of removing public notices would be devastating to our smaller newspapers. A number of them are hanging on by a thread in today's economy and this would likely spell the end of the road for a number of them. Local newspapers are very important to their communities. We have calculated after discussing this issue with our association members that we would — conservatively — stand to lose 50 newspapers in Kansas if public notice income went away. If public notices went away, and with it many newspapers, it would rob the people of Kansas of the information they need to keep an eye on their cities, counties, school districts and other governmental entities."

It's an issue we have and are watching very closely in our industry. Giving government the "option" of accountability is not acceptable in a free nation. Hold your elected officials' feet to the fire. Don't let them remove public notices from newspapers. Budget crunches are not an excuse to hide information from you. You have a right to know.

An "option" for governments to choose internet over newspapers will also give governments an upper-hand when newspapers demand accountability and transparency. Objective, fair reporting could be replaced by timidity and fear of losing important income for many newspapers. A threat of moving these public notices from newspapers to the internet could have a negative influence as to how newspapers report on local governments. It would be strong-arming the media to comply and it is not acceptable or fair to our readers.

This action, if passed, could mean the beginning of the end of the free press. Please contact your local representatives and tell them to stop passage of HB2166.

Two more bills of interest to newspapers and voters were filed Monday by the House Committee on Local Government. One is a good enhancement of both the open records and open meetings act; the other is another attack on public notice and the requirement for publishing certain notices in two or three consecutive weeks, cutting the requirement to one week plus the local government website.

HB 2185 would amend the civil penalties for violating KOMA and KORA to include in those who can bring an action "any person" rather than just the attorney general and county or district attorney. We believe it probably is a bill that won't see the light of day, but it came from a legislator, so it won't hurt to support it. It gives broad power to individuals to pursue KORA and KOMA violations.

The other bill, HB 2189, is a bill designed to reduce the number of consecutive insertions of certain public notices such as for the issuance of bonds, for sheriff's sales, for elections and for delinquent taxes. The bill would reduce those publications to once in the official county newspaper and also on the governmental entity's website.

As you can see, your Kansas legislators are trying to poke holes in a number of statutes on public notices, KORA and KOMA.

Thank you for your support of our newspaper and all of Kansas’s newspapers. Kevin Noland, Publisher

KWIBS - From January 31, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Our newspaper turns 20 years old in July of this year.

What reminded me of this event, was a birthday celebrated by a special friend of mine.

Bob Greer, Publisher of the Protection Press, turned 85 on January 20th. He almost forgot another important birthday during that same month, the 25th birthday of his newspaper.

Bob is one of my newspaper heroes. He still hammers out a weekly column in The Press titled "Bobbing Along Broadway". Back in 1986, Bob came to Medicine Lodge with his first edition of The Protection Press. I had the weekly pleasure of printing it on Wednesdays over the next few years until my dad sold the Index in 1990. Bob went into competition with the existing newspaper of 75 years, owned by a large chain. Does that sound familiar? His competition only lasted for a few months before the Protection Post vanished.

Sure, he was a younger, version of himself in 1986, but Bob has managed to keep his wits about him all these years, or kept what little he began with!

Over the past 20 years, Bob has stopped into my office to say "hi", usually monthly, on his way to "check up on his doctor in Wichita." He and his wife Wilma are always welcome visitors, even on the busiest days. He calls me "scooter boy", remembering my love of my Harleys years ago. On his way through, he uses my "facility" and steals a roll of toilet paper - his sense of humor.

Bob started his newspaper up on a wing and a prayer in 1986. He had many years of experience writing and editing, working at several newspapers in Kansas, Colorado and Nebraska.

Bob stated, "Ever since I was a kid of 5-6 years of age, I always wanted to be a newspaper person. I simply am in love with what I do. I am one of the lucky people you will meet: someone who loves what he does. And making big bucks is not one of my priorities."

I think I am a carved out, younger version of Bob Greer (probably a little better looking and more hip too, if you ask me)! I’m blessed to love what I do.

I called Bob just a couple of days before his 85th birthday, as I try to do every year, to tell him I was thinking of him. We talked for a while and he ended his conversation as he always does with, "I love you, old friend", to which I tell him the same.

Bob has been an inspiration to me over the years. Just a little more than 5 years after Bob started The Protection Press, Ronda and I started The Gyp Hill Premiere. Bob has a about 231 more newspapers under his belt than I do. He just printed issue 25, week 52 of The Press. That’s 1,302 (plus a couple more in the past two weeks). Our number is 1,073 as of this edition.

Bob was recently a featured person on Hatteburg’s People. Congratulations to you my old friend. I love you.

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I’ve been spending some time researching my Grandpa Bill’s newspaper beginnings, as well as my Uncle Gary’s and my dad, Ron Noland’s history in the newspaper business.

Although my dad struggles with his speech these days, he lights up when we talk about our newspaper heritage. I asked him when Grandpa started "KWICK KWIBS" this past week. He couldn’t tell me, but he gestured that he was very young. My Grandpa Bill bought his first newspaper in 1946. It was the Logan Republican in Logan, KS.

My grandpa continued his columns clear into the early 1970s with The Kinsley Mercury and The Barber County Index.

That "KWICK KWIBS" column spun off into my dad’s column called "KWICK KWIBS, Jr." in the early 1970s. In 1988 I remember sneaking into the composing room and replacing a house ad on page two with a column called simply "KWIBS". My dad was not impressed when he got his newspaper in the mail out in Branson, MO. He later relented and let me write my silly column. I continued it even after he sold the newspaper and took it over with me when we started this paper in 1991. I’ve written more than 1,000 since I first started. Guys like Bob Greer and me have "ink running through our veins." We love what we do and the communities we serve. I can’t wait until I’m 85 years old and publish my 3,380th issue.....

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From January 17, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

Former Editor and band mate David Fasgold and I used to play this silly game called "Shoot it into the sun."

The game was basically this: Anything you didn’t like, you could load it on our imaginary rocket ship and shoot it into the sun. The thing you disliked would eventually be burned up and gone forever. We would even occasionally put a person in our imaginary rocket and shoot them into the sun.

Things or people I used to shoot into the sun: Al Sharpton, Barry Manilow, Osama Bin Laden (if we could find him), deadline days at the newspaper, an assortment of grumpy customers, men’s pink shirts, sweet 80s mullets and pretty much every Oak Ridge Boys song ever written (Sorry Amy Axline).

I also would take my bills and shoot them into the sun. What could be a better excuse for not paying your electric bill?

"Mr. Noland, we did not receive your August payment for your electric bill."

Me: Oh, that bill.... well, I put that in my rocket and shot it to the sun because I didn’t like it.

"Understood Mr. Noland, we’ll do much better for you next month."

I thought David and I pretty much had the market cornered on this idea and that one day our plans would come to fruition. Of course this means we would need a cheap way of shooting rockets into the sun and since NASA can’t even do that yet, we’re still in a holding pattern.

Last week it was announced that 400 people had volunteered to go on a one-way mission to Mars.

I realize it’s not the sun, but it’s a start.

I was searching for a nomination form to print several copies off. I had several people in mind for this mission.

Where do I sign people up, I wondered? Then I read "volunteered."

What kind of person would volunteer for a one-way mission to Mars? Well, a man named Peter Greaves has. Greaves is the father of three, and a jack-of-all-trades who started his own motorcycle dispatch company and fixes computers and engines on the side.

"I envision life on Mars to be stunning, frightening, lonely, quite cramped and busy," he told FoxNews.com. "Unlike Earth, I wouldn't be able to sit by a stream or take in the view of nature's wonder, or hug a friend, or breath deeply the sweet smell of fresh air -- but my experience would be so different from all 6 to 7 billion human beings ... that in itself would make up for the things I left behind."

(Notice how I got rid of Mel Brooks and VHS all at the same time?)

Six guys are already in a "long journey scenario" going to Mars. These guys are being locked up in a "rocket ship", or in a clubhouse with attractive hardwood floors and are PRETENDING to go to Mars to test the long-term impact of such a journey.

It takes 520 days to go to Mars and back.

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

No, we’re not. We’re only 3 months into this trip. I just told you a month ago how far we were. Shut up David! Watch Blazing Saddles again or look out the opposite window....

Do we really need to do this study? Six men, no women, 520 days. We have something similar to this called PRISON!

These six guys are from a bunch of different countries too and don’t even all speak the same language.

These morons are going to emerge in November a year and a half older, with nothing to show for it except an item on their resumes saying, "Most recent employment: Pretended to go to Mars." Yeah, I bet lots of employers are looking for that.

KWIBS - From January 10, 2011 - By Kevin Noland

I’m holidazed....

That’s my new word to start off 2011. Yes, 2011. Wow! We still don’t have flying cars. That makes me so mad.

Joey and I took a day off last week to enjoy one final day of his Christmas vacation. We had decided to spend a near fortune on seeing a movie at the new Warren IMAX in Wichita on 21st street. I felt a little violated paying $24 for a movie that originally came out when I was 13-years-old. The movie was Tron. The average price for a movie ticket in 1982 was about $2.50 a person. I think popcorn was still like $10 a bucket though....

When they told me it would be $24 for the two of us to see Tron in 3D on the IMAX, I asked the lady behind the counter if she would take $8 if we just saw it in 1D. She didn’t get it.

Nobody seems to have a sense of humor these days.

While in Wichita, we stopped at Walmart before coming home. I had to buy some goofy filter for a humidifier. It was like $10 but all I had was a $100 bill. I handed it to the clerk and she held it up to the light, marked it, gave me the once over and then counted back my change.

As she did this I said, "Wait, stop."

I took each bill she handed me and I held it up to the light.

She asked, "What are you doing?"

I explained that I was examining the money she was giving me to make sure it was real.

She said, "Of course it’s real. We already examined it."

I said, "Well, my $100 bill was real and I had already examined it. Obviously, you didn’t trust me enough to think I had done that, so why would I trust that the money you are giving back to me is real?"

She sort of glazed over. The people behind me were moaning.

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On 1-11-11 my grandson Kycen will be 1. I thought this was kind of cool. I think we should celebrate his birthday party at 1:11 p.m.

Happy birthday to my special little guy!

KWIBS - From December 27, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

My brain hurts...

As I poured over the year’s worth of news and determined what would make our year in review and what wouldn’t, I couldn’t help to marvel at how much "news" there was last year.

Much of the year’s coverage focused on the funding for the county’s two hospitals. Back and forth the commissioners went with the voting public, hospitals and PBC. An offer of $10 million was presented to the hospitals, $6 million is what Medicine Lodge will have to work with. It’s a far cry from the $26.5 million that we voted on not so long ago.

I would have to say that was the most important news story this year. It actually continues to haunt the taxpayers and voters of Barber County. This week a resolution is published for the funding of the hospitals. A new chapter will continue into 2011.

This year I feel the nomination should go to Austin Gilley. Gilley and his family moved here in June and Gilley hit the ground running with many difficult tasks to accomplish with the city’s budget, infrastructure, water rates, cemetery issues and a projected deficit.

He is beginning to turn things around and he’s got ideas for the community that will help us grow. He needs the community’s support and appreciation.

Not everyone will be happy with the changes that will come our way. Austin has many projects on his plate and often many who stand willing to criticize and complain and few to complement and encourage him. I want to encourage him.

I’ve had the opportunity to spend several hours working with Mr. Gilley. I can tell you he is sincere in his efforts to help Medicine Lodge. He needs your support in this endeavor. My impression is that he can help this community, if this community is willing to be helped. Show him your support and your support for the city of Medicine Lodge.

And have a great 2011!

KWIBS - From December 20, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

As Christmas approaches, I always think about the reason we celebrate this time of year. We celebrate the birth of Jesus. It’s also a time of giving and being thankful for family and friends.

It’s also close to the end of another year in our community. Next week we’ll be looking back at our accomplishments and failures for 2010 as we anticipate another flip of the calendar.

We have so much to be grateful for in this community. I want to thank everyone for their support over the past year. We are still in a questionable economic climate. Many people including many businesses have felt the pinch this year. Even though we are all a little tighter than in years past, there is still a spirit of giving and goodness that comes from Medicine Lodge during Christmas time. Take a moment to browse the greetings in our newspaper this week.

We’re truly blessed to live in a community with so many caring people. We often spend a lot of time grumbling about what is wrong with our community, but during this season, we should look at and be thankful for all that is right with our community.

I hope you take a moment to reflect on your blessings this Christmas season and I hope and pray that Jesus is the reason for your season, as it is mine. - Isaiah 53

Merry Christmas!

KWIBS - From December 13, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

In the newspaper business, you seldom hear when you do something right, but make an error, and everyone will let you know.

Sometimes though you make a whopper. My friend and fellow publisher in Coldwater, KS recently made a great boo-boo on his front page.

Dennise Andersen placed a box on the front left, bottom corner of his newspaper on November 25th that read "Happy Easter". Oops...

I called up and disguised my voice last week and told him I wanted to put an ad in his paper. He said, I’m ready. Go ahead.

I said, I’d like a small box on the front page around Christmas time that reads "Happy 4th of July." It was quiet for a minute before the cursing and name calling began. Apparently, I did well in disguising my voice, but my sense of humor gave me away. Have a great week!

KWIBS - From November 29, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

One thing I am always thankful for is Thanksgiving. This year was no different, spending time with family and friends.

We had a dear friend come and spend the holiday with us. Daryl Johnson from Topeka has been grafted into our holiday family. This is our second time spending Thanksgiving with him.

You probably remember Daryl. He was the Superintendent of Schools for USD#254 back in the mid-late 90s. Daryl and his wife Cathy were special people to us and our community. She passed away and Daryl eventually moved back to the Topeka area where he is retired and does some substitute teaching.

Daryl tells me all the time that he has a special place in his heart for Medicine Lodge. It was great seeing him and spending time with him.

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Medicine Lodge was a busy place the weekend of November 19-21. The Medicine Lodge Area Chamber of Commerce held their annual Christmas Open House and NBCRC held a benefit dodge ball tournament. I attended both and I have to say, I had a great time at both events. It’s fun to see the town getting together and having fun during the holidays and supporting good causes.

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My 10-month-old grandson is becoming a Ninja. He skillfully knows where and when to hit you to inflict the most pain. My glasses have been the most recent target of his quick hands.

It also amazes me that he went from crawling in an area no bigger than a 10 foot radius, to exploring any and all areas of our home in a matter of weeks. He pulls up on everything that is sturdy enough to support him and if he can move it or pick it up, you can bet it will end up on the floor. This includes candles, cups of water, pictures, plants, etc..

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With all of the recent controversy on airport security and new security measures being implemented, I ran across this interesting idea.

Here's the solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the Airports:

Have a booth that you can step into that will not x-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your body. It would be a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this garbage about racial profiling and this method would eliminate a long and expensive trial.

Justice would be quick and swift.

This is so simple that it's brilliant. I can see it now. You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system,

"Attention standby passengers: We now have a seat available on flight number 4665 ....paging maintenance. Shop Vac needed in booth number 4."

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I read a lot of news copy each week and my mind does strange things with the information I process.

In this week’s issue of the Sheriff’s News on page 4, Jesus Montano is reported to have hit a deer on HWY 160. Rumor has it that he got out of the vehicle, found the deer, said, "Be healed," and the deer got up and ran away. That’s probably just not true.....

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A lot of times people will take the time to let you know when you are not doing a good job. Seldom does someone take the time to say you are doing a great job.

I thought it should be done this week. Mr. Hanna is the high school band and choir instructor and is rebuilding a program that has declined in numbers and talent over the years. Through football season and most recently at the Christmas Open House on Main Street, Mr. Hanna and his students have shown great promise in their performance.

I want to tell him and his students, GREAT JOB! You guys keep up the good work and we thank you for the great music you are generating.

? ? ? ?

A couple of weeks ago, my oldest son, Joey, went on a little excursion to California. He and Max Zinowsky, John Nixon’s AFS student traveled there by invitation from Jim and Cathy Colborn. The Colborns were already in Califonia and invited the boys to fly out for the weekend, share a rental car and a hotel with them and then a flight home.

The boys got to travel the famous 101 from Los Angeles to San Francisco where they finished off their trip with a helicopter tour of the bay area and city.

Joey shared a funny story of how he and Jim Colborn listened to local "rap" talent in the car on the way to San Francisco. Can you imagine Jim Colborn listening to rap music? It’s even harder for me to imagine Jim wanting to spend close to 8 hours in a car with two teenage boys that don’t belong to him.

One of the coolest things the boys got to do was stopping to photograph Elephant Seals on the beach. The photos are just amazing and I was so jealous of their trip. Below is a photo that Joey took of Alcatraz. Thank you to Jim and Cathy for bringing him home safely and letting the boys experience the coast!

KWIBS - From November 22, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

My fantasy football team entered Monday night’s game with 7 points for the week. I was playing my evil twin brother, Dr. Ruben Garcia and only had one player left for the evening that needed to put better than 25 points on the board if I had any hope of winning. A nearly impossible feat, I did end up winning, 43-32.

My last guy playing was infamous former Atlanta Falcons Quarter Back Michael Vick. If you remember, Vick plead guilty to illegal dog fighting and spent time in prison and came back to the NFL in 2009.

Now as the Quarter Back for the Philadelphia Eagles, Vick has exploded with talent and a new attitude.

Everyone laughed at me during the 2009 season draft when I picked up Vick. He didn’t do much in the 2009 season, but now has emerged as one of the top quarter backs in the league setting a record Monday night with 4 passing touch downs with over 300 yards for the evening against Washington. Adding to that, Vick had 2 touch downs running, for more than 80 yards.

I think I’ll keep him on my team!

KWIBS - From November 8, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

Publisher’s note: I in no way am making light of the seriousness of abusing children.

Psalm 127:3-5

I spent the past weekend with my children, a son-in-law and my grandson. We spent a total of about 16 hours in the vehicle together. We took our first family vacation together since the last time I said I would never do that again.

So to say, "fill his quiver with them", we did, but my quiver was my Suburban. We set sail from Medicine Lodge late Friday afternoon.

Our mission: To get to Dallas, TX without killing each other, enjoy a football game (hard to do when Dallas is so bad this year), visit family and friends, see the sights and get home (again, without killing each other.)

It’s been 12 years since I have traveled anywhere with a 10 month old baby, but I have to tell you, my grandson was almost a perfect angel. At 10 months, he didn’t really have the concept of a "bathroom break" established. Thank God for leakproof diapers and air fresheners.

We made it to our hotel in Dallas on Saturday after spending the night in Oklahoma City. We got up early Sunday and took a shuttle to the Cowboy’s Stadium in Arlington and my little Cowboy Kycen experienced his first professional football game.

He was an absolute blast at the game. He cheered no matter who scored or made a penalty. He didn’t care. 100,000 people were all there for his enjoyment.

When we got home, I posted some photos on Facebook and the first reply I got was from an old friend from college. He wrote: "That’s child abuse dressing a helpless baby up in a Cowboy’s shirt!"

I know, Cowboys are 1-6 (probably worse after this past weekend), but isn’t this little guy the cutest Cowboys fan ever?

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From November 1, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

One of our family’s favorite past times is watching NFL on Sundays.

Once or twice a year, we try to take in a professional football game. Usually, we schedule it around a birthday or two. So, three months ago we bought our tickets for the October 31, Cowboys vs. Jaguars game at the Cowboys’ stadium in Arlington, TX.

Now when I say "scheduled around a birthday or two" I mean, Breeann - Oct. 3; me - Oct. 4; Joey - Oct. 28 and Ronda - Nov.3. So, we loaded up the suburban on Friday and ventured to Texas. When I say "we" I mean, me, Ronda, Joey, Nicholas, Breeann, Devin and Baby Kycen. Kycen is a true Cowboys fan. He told me so.

Three years ago when we went to the game, I wore my Tony Romo jersey. The week before the game, he was placed on the injury list with a broken pinky and we didn’t get to see him play. Last year, I wore my Jason Witten jersey and he was injured a week before we were to see the game and he didn’t play. Monday night, while wearing my Tony Romo jersey again, Romo was taken to the ground by 233 lbs New York Giant Michael Boley, breaking his clavicle on his left shoulder. This will take Romo out of the game for our trip to see the Cowboys, if not for the entire season. Remember when it wasn’t cool to wear a Kansas City Chiefs jersey? Thank God those days are behind us for a while.

As of this writing (Thursday, October 28), I’m debating on even wearing a Cowboys’ jersey all together. I’m afraid of what it might do to the team, not to mention they are 1-5 and it’s sort of getting a little embarrassing with all of the jeers I am receiving.

Part of our trip involved a short visit with Ronda’s dad and stepmother. All 9 of us went to the game together on Sunday. We also planned a dinner with my Uncle Gary and Aunt Millie and family who live in Ft. Worth after the game.

Today, Monday, we’re on our way home. My prediction is we’re tired and grumpy. I also predict we had a blast and I’ll probably have some column material for the next week’s edition of The Gyp Hill Premiere.

? ? ? ?

I got to spend a little time with Dennis Blake this week. He and his foster boys are starting a car washing service in the community. The idea is for the kids to earn their own money and for the boys to learn responsibility, respect and to have pride in something they do.

I think it’s a brilliant idea and I hope everyone picks up the phone and calls Dennis for an appointment this week. What the Blakes do is short of amazing with these kids. They’ve had a calling placed on their hearts and they really care about these boys. They washed one of my vehicles Thursday. WOW!

? ? ? ?

In closing this week, I’d like to wish my beautiful wife a Happy Birthday. Jazz hands baby! I love you. :)

I’d also like to wish my son Joey a late happy 18th birthday. Happy birthday buddy!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From October 25, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

Will return.....

KWIBS - From October 18, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

This column will be unpopular. Try not to judge me or my motives when reading. Try to keep an open mind.

A couple of issues I am watching November 2nd are liquor by the drink and the referendum to the Kansas Constitution concerning the right to bear arms for individuals.

First: Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating drinking and driving or promoting any abuse of alcohol when I say I support liquor by the drink. I’ve seen firsthand the devastation that alcohol can cause in families.

This issue isn’t about that. This issue is about lost tax revenues by Barber County to surrounding counties when people who do drink decide to take their business elsewhere during construction, harvest and other times when work comes to our community.

It’s true, we send thousands upon thousands of dollars out of our community because we have a membership type status in Barber County concerning purchasing alcohol at a restaurant or club. I would also argue against the fact that liquor by the drink makes it easier for someone to have access to alcohol. Any liquor store or convenience store offers a cheaper and quicker purchase of liquor in our county. Those wanting or choosing to have an alcoholic beverage at a "bar or club" environment look for places that don’t force a membership or waiting period and that’s why our hotels, restaurants, convenience stores and other local businesses, including our city and county governments, lose out to Pratt during a migration of workers during times like harvest and the recent construction of the windmills.

The tax money that could be generated from liquor by the drink could stay here and help keep your property taxes lower and help to keep people employed in our communities in Barber County. You could even make the argument that it keeps people off of the highway and in town. As unpopular or misunderstood as the issue might be, I support keeping tax money in Barber County and benefiting local businesses in the process.

Mike’s Sports Bar has raised thousands of dollars for local groups and organizations in the past through fund-raising events at his sports bar. He recently had to stop because of this outdated law in our county. That’s only one example of how this law has hurt Medicine Lodge and Barber County.

My liberal anti-gun friend should be sending me an email at any moment........

KANSAS: Vote YES on 1 November 2nd! A 1905 ruling from the Kansas Supreme Court interpreted Section 4 of the Kansas Constitution to mean that the Right to Keep and Bear Arms only exists as a collective right for those in the militia or military and no individual right exists. For that reason, the NRA has worked with the Kansas State Rifle Association, Senator Mike Petersen and the legislature, to pass a Constitutional Amendment during the 2009 legislative session, which provides new language that clarifies Section 4 and guarantees an individual Right to Keep and Bear Arms. The language reads: "A person has the right to keep and bear arms for the defense of self, family, home and state, for lawful hunting and recreational use, and for any other lawful purpose." Our elected officials have done law-abiding Kansans a tremendous service by passing this landmark Constitutional Amendment. Now it is up to YOU to do your part on November 2, 2010 and vote this provision into the Kansas Constitution.

Have a great week

KWIBS - From October 11, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

Last week started out poorly for many business owners on Main Street. With seven businesses being broken into in one night, the town’s business district was lacking in the moral department. I had spoken with many of the victims of the senseless break-ins and vandalism and all of them felt very violated.

Most had feared the worst. They feared someone local was responsible for the cowardly acts. Later in the week, we learned that it was a random act of theft and vandalism committed by someone from outside our community and the town took a collective sigh of relief. However, it doesn’t change the fact that our community took a pretty hard hit last week.

The hardest hit was Cecil Newman and Home Lumber & Supply. It made me angry to see the mess that was left behind and how someone could hurt someone I consider a friend.

I know many who are very grateful for the hard work that local law enforcement have done in cooperation with other jurisdictions. The work was quick and professional. I would like to personally thank Chief Brian Miller for keeping the newspaper informed of the progress made in the investigation. Kudos to MLPD and Pratt PD for their work in solving the crimes.

We as a community now ask for justice to be served out to those who would steal and damage property from our city’s businesses and residents.

I’ll echo Bob Stutler: "We have a right to demand aggressive prosecution."

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From October 4, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

It chaps me a little, but I do understand.

I got a notice for the paper from City Administrator Austin Gilley last week about the upcoming city wide clean up days that are to be held October 18-22.

What frustrated me was the city’s exclusion of commercial properties. The clean up will be for residential properties only.

I’ll be the first to admit that I have used and abused the city wide clean up days in the past, but it’s always been a great opportunity to get rid of unwanted chairs, broken desks and various other uncollectible items that our office accumulates over the year.

To solidify my frustration of exclusion, our "commercial property" produces less trash and uses less water than your average resident, yet pays a higher price for the service. Commercial properties are also the ones generally producing tax revenues for the City of Medicine Lodge. And to top that, many people use the back alleys of local businesses to dump their unwanted items in our trash dumpsters or leave big items behind our stores for us to pay to have removed.

One year during clean up days someone dumped a couch behind our office that remained there for weeks because they missed our trash pick up and the city refused to haul it off. I hauled it off at my expense. To this day, there are still items that were dumped off at our office for the last city wide clean up day in the spring that the city did not remove. I had intended on just leaving those items there for this round of pick up, but now I might have to haul them to some unsuspecting residential property to get it hauled off!

In my frustration, I picked up the phone and called city hall on Tuesday morning. Austin wasn’t in, but City Clerk Kandi Simmons explained to me that the council had approved Austin’s rules for the upcoming clean up.

So I decided to vent to my very-most-favorite council member - Norm Clouse. Poor Norm. He always gets an earful from me whether he wants one or not.

Hopefully Norm won’t kill me for saying this, but being completely honest he stated he didn’t like the program at all explaining, "It costs the city a lot of money, time and resources."

I appreciate his honesty, but still think it should be an "all or none" program. I hope my column won’t result in the city pulling the plug on clean up days. It has been a great benefit to the residents, as well as the businesses, of Medicine Lodge over the years.

In closing, I would like to thank the city crew and the city council for providing this service. The city guys work their tails off trying to stay head of the game. They do this extra hauling in addition to their normal duties and we give them little to no credit for the hard work they do keeping our city up and running.

In a time of budget crunching, I realize that providing certain services are difficult for the city. I would suggest that maybe the city consider a special week of clean up for commercial properties.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From September 27, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

On October 3rd, 1989, with just 23 minutes left in the day, my little baby girl was born. When the clock struck midnight, I turned 20 years old and she has been the greatest birthday gift I could have ever asked for every year.

On Sunday of this week, she’ll be 21 years old.

She’s now a mother and a wife, but she’ll always be my little girl.

Happy 21st Birthday, Breeann. We love you and we’re proud of you!

KWIBS - From September 20, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

I wish I could say that it was completely out of character for me to take a risk like this, but nobody that knows me would agree.

Early morning, Friday, September 10, I cruised out to the airport to check out the powered parachute group that was in town for the weekend.

I made my way over to a guy who looked friendly enough and stuck out my hand and said, "Hi, I’m Kevin Noland, Publisher of The Gyp Hill Premiere."

I proceded to take some notes and pictures of his PPC contraption. Somewhere between my introduction and my leaving, Mr. Terry Clarkson had used his hypnotic powers to convince me to get into one of these contraptions and fly with him that evening. As I got into my truck for the ride back to town, I was both excited and frightened that I had agreed to come back at 6 p.m. that night with my camera in tow to go up 500 feet above town and shoot some pictures before the football game.

I had a hard time concentrating on my duties on Friday. I finally left work at 4 p.m. and went home to "relax" for a moment before coming back to fly with Terry. I found myself putting things in order at my house like I was never to return.

What was I thinking? I guess I wasn’t. I’ve always been that person who just couldn’t say "No, thank you."

Before I knew it I was on my way to town and at the airport at 6 p.m. My son, Joey, came to video my first and hopefully not last flight.

He must have thought I wouldn’t have showed up. Terry’s first words to me were, "You made it!" and "Don’t worry, I’ve only killed three other people in this thing!"

I chuckled nervously and put on my helmet to test the communications equipment out. I could hear him and he could hear me. Good, I thought. Because I wanted him to hear me clearly when I screamed like a little girl.

Preflight was interesting. Terry examined his machine from all angles and unpacked his parachute. I have a kite made of the same material. I too closely examined every string that connected it to the frame of this contraption. The frame of one of these aircrafts closely resembles a backyard aluminum swing set with wheel barrow style tires attached to it. Included in the middle is a plastic lawn chair for your comfort. A five point harness straps you in.

I jokingly asked, "The seat belt is so your body stays with the wreckage in the event of a crash, right?" He laughed and told me that this was his first flight in this or any other machine like it.

Terry buckled me in and I felt like a 195 lb. infant being strapped into an amusement park ride. As the sweat poured off of my head (because the helmet was hot), I said a little prayer before he fired up the motor powering what looked like a giant box fan bolted to the back of the swing set.

"Are your dental records up to date," he asked?

Before I could say yes, the fan drowned out my words (screams) and we were moving forward, dragging his pretty multicolored parachute behind us.

He looked up and I looked up too to see that the parachute was now directly over us and inflated. We slowed down a bit and then gently lifted off the ground. I took a picture of my family waving at me nervously from the runway in front of the hangers. I figured if they found the camera on the ground and went through the pictures, they would see who I belonged to. Joey was taking a record of my departure with his video camera. I thought to myself, "I hope they aren’t playing this video at my upcoming funeral."

Within a short period of time we were in the air. My first order of business was to ask Terry when I could remove my seat belt and get up and roam the cabin, maybe take a bathroom break.

"Sorry, this is an economy flight," he replied over my headset.

I noticed that Terry’s hands were free and he was snapping pictures out of both sides of our flying swing set.

My first thoughts were to scream at him, "Keep your hands on the steering wheel man!" Then I remembered he was flying with his feet. Going up and down was as easy as increasing the throttle to his right.

"Here, give it a try," he said. He explained that there was a throttle control to my right as well and this was a training machine to teach people how to fly PPC.

I told Terry that I wasn’t qualified to fly this thing and he said, "Neither am I!"

In order to fly I had to release the death grip I had on the frame with at least one hand. I talked myself into letting go with my right hand and grabbed the throttle.

Hmm... It really was easy!

I was loosening up by this time and had let go with my left hand too and the blood flow was returning to my fingers. I wasn’t roaming the cabin freely, but I was at least able to grab my camera and start shooting some photos.

We flew over the entire town and even did our own touchdown in the newer part of the cemetery plot behind the high school football field.

"Please don’t let us crash here," I prayed to God. "Oh, the irony...."

We bounced gently off the ground and were airborne again within seconds.

We flew over the football game and then near the water tower, which was an interesting perspective at that height. Returning to the airport, I looked down and saw my daughter and her husband in their driveway. They were waving and I waved back. I could see the drive in and before I knew it, we were circling the airport again.

"I’m going to show you how safe these things really are," Terry said. "I’m going to shut off the engine and show you what it’s like to have a mid-air stall."

What? We were at about 500 feet.

"NO, that’s really not necessary," I said. Before I could get my sentence completely out, it was dead silent (no pun intended). All I could hear was air rushing in to my helmet. Terry had shut the engine off. It was peaceful and quite. We were floating. We were also falling, but mostly floating.

"You see," he exclaimed. "We can just float down and land from here."

He fired up the engine and our fall slowed to a hover above the ground as we skipped across the grass field.

I was ready for a bathroom break at this point. I was glad to have had the experience and was glad when we were back on solid ground.

I want to thank Terry and his friends for choosing Medicine Lodge for their fly-in and thank him for giving me the experience of a lifetime!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From September 13, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

Even though Monday was Labor Day, I got up early and drove to town to go to work. I was actually excited about the fact I had to work. The brand new Premiere was printed and delivered to my office and despite the fact I built the paper days prior and knew everything in it, I wanted to get a copy and see it for myself.

I was really excited to see what a fantastic job the Hutchinson News printing plant did on the Premiere.

Then suddenly, I got this sick feeling in my gut and thought, "What will I do to top this next week?"

Most of you don’t realize that it took three times longer to lay out last week’s newspaper than in weeks past. Changing the format really "ate my lunch", so to speak. I was worn out and tired from the conversion. My head hurt and my mostly sleepless nights were filled in periodically by dreams of screwing something up with the newspaper.

Backing up to Saturday... I spent the morning wrapping up the sports pages and doing corrections. At noon I was ready for my first file transfer to the Hutchinson News servers. I believed it was a success and went home to enjoy the warm weather and lake with my family.

At about 5 p.m. I got a phone call from their computer tech. Nick Hemphill told me that everything looked good, but the photos were all in a very low resolution and wouldn’t print well.

I gathered myself up and went to town Saturday night where I spent an hour readjusting photos and uploading them. By dusk, I was given the "all clear". It was in the printers’ hands.

So I was very excited about the finished project. I was sitting in my office on Monday without a clue how to follow up the previous edition. Keep in mind, I’ve done this for more than two decades, but for some reason the 1878 story about The Barber County Mail Editor Cochran came to the front of my thoughts.

Legend has it that Cochran put out at least one good edition of The Barber County Mail, before letting his work slide. One of the stories I was told years ago was that Cochran put out his newspaper, to which the town was thrilled with it’s stories and advertisements.

He took their complements, let them buy him rounds at the local saloon and kept on partying until deadline of the next week. It was then he realized that he had nothing for the upcoming paper. So I was told that Cochran rearranged some type and stories and put out virtually the same issue as the previous week.

Tom McNeal tells a slightly different story.

"In the early part of the year 1878 a man by the name of Cochran concluded that there was a field for a newspaper in the frontier town of Medicine Lodge. He purchased a Washington hand press from McElroy of the Humboldt Union, together with a couple of racks, a few cases, a well worn font of long primer type and another font of brevier, a few job fonts for advertising purposes, moved the outfit to Medicine and commenced the publication of the Barber County Mail. Possibly Cochran concluded that it didn’t make much difference what kind of a paper was published in that kind of a town, or possibly he didn’t know how to keep the worn type clean and a decent ‘impression’ on the Washington hand press, but whatever the reason, the fact was that the paper was generally unreadable. Cochran was a man of fair ability with a rather catchy style of writing, but a good many of his local and editorial observations were lost because it was impossible to read what he had printed. Whether it was the poor print of the paper or the flirtatious disposition of the editor that caused him to become unpopular, I am unable to say, but the fact was that before his first year in the town had expired a number of residents gathered together and decided that he must depart thence in haste and with a promise never to return.

It was also decided that there must be meted out to him punishment commensurate with his offending, and on a decidedly cool night in the month of February, 1879, the regulators took the editor from his humble office, stripped him of his clothing and then administered a punishment which I think was entirely unique and unprecedented in the treatment of editors. There was no tar in the town and not a feather bed to be opened, but an enterprising settler had brought in a sorghum molasses mill the year before and as sorghum generally grew well there, had manufactured a crop into thick, ropy molasses. Owing to the cold weather the molasses was thicker and ropier than usual. The regulators secured a gallon of this, mixed it well with sandburs, which grew with great luxuriance in the sandy bottom of the Medicine, and administered this mixture liberally to the nude person of the editor. I do not need to tell my readers who are familiar with the nature of the sandbur, that it is an unpleasant vegetable to have attached to one’s person. Clothed with this unwelcome covering of sandburs and sweetness, Cochran was elevated upon a cedar rail and carried about on the shoulders of the self-appointed regulators. He privately acknowledged afterward that while this was an elevation and distinction such as no other editor perhaps had ever received, he would personally rather have remained a private and humble citizen on foot. After carrying the shivering and besmeared editor about to their hearts’ content, occasionally adding to his general discomfort by bouncing him up and down on the rough and splintered corner of the rail, the regulators told him that he must leave town within twenty-four hours, and never show his face or form there again.

There were other citizens of the town, among them a brother of mine, who, while not particularly enamored with Cochran or his style of journalism, felt that his morals would at least average up with those of his persecutors. They also organized, armed themselves with such weapons as were convenient, and told the editor that he could remain as long as he wished and they would be responsible for his safety. Cochran expressed his appreciation of their kindness, but confessed to them that the atmosphere of the town did not seem salubrious or congenial to him and if they would arrange to purchase his paper and outfit he would seek other climes where it was not the habit to decorate editors with sandburs and sorghum molasses. His proposition was accepted by my brother and his brother-in-law, E. W. Iliff; the Barber County Mail slept the sleep that knows no waking and a new paper, the Medicine Lodge Cresset, was born.

Whichever story is true is debatable. I’m very grateful for all of the kind comments about the new look for the paper. I’m also thankful that the town is not out purchasing large quantities of molasses intended for my demise. At least as of yet!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From September 6, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

Many things in the newspaper printing business have changed since the first printing press was made. Heck, it’s changed a lot since I’ve been alive.

Now I am not this old, but as early as 1041, movable clay type was invented in China.

Johannes Gutenberg, a goldsmith and businessman from the mining town of Mainz in southern Germany, borrowed money to invent a technology that changed the world of printing. Johannes Gutenberg invented the printing press with replaceable/moveable wooden or metal letters in 1436.

By the 20th century, many advancements were made in printing including the web press, cold set printing and 4 color process printing.

With all of the advancements in the commercial printing business, many small town papers still use technology that first came to the area in the 1950s.

My Grandfather Bill Noland was an innovative risk taker that worked part time hand setting type after school in Mullinville, KS in the 1930s. This work sparked his interest in the newspaper business that now is in its third generation.

After high school, Bill left Mullinville to attend college at Pittsburg, KS. He continued in his interests and studied linotype.

In 1947 my Grandpa Bill and Grandma Ethelyn bought their first newspaper in Logan, Kansas.

By 1958 an opportunity arose and my grandparents purchased a weekly newspaper in Kinsley, KS called The Kinsley Mercury. In 1967 they purchased the Barber County Index.

In the spring of 1967 The Barber County Index was one of the first newspapers in Kansas to place a web press in their shop. After three months the newspaper was completely converted to web. The linotype days were over.

I grew up in the printing business. I know the lingo and can still recall how to operate a Goss Community Press, such as my family owned for 30 plus years.

In 1991 Ronda and I started The Gyp Hill Premiere out of our living room. We quickly moved into a shop on Washington Street and later to our home on Main Street.

We generally printed black ink on white paper, with an occasional spot color throughout the 20 years of this newspaper.

So much has changed since those early days of webpress printing from my grandparent’s and dad’s print shop.

This week we’ve unveiled our new broadsheet format. As a result of the retirement of Sam Clester of the Belle Plaine Printing Company, we’ve begun printing our newspaper in Hutchinson, KS with The Hutch News. With this new relationship, we are now able to more easily and affordably provide our readers with full color.

Ronda and I took a tour of the printing facility two weeks ago and I have to say we were impressed. We used to print to paper and then it went to camera and then burned to plate and then to press. Now we will print to file and directly to plate and on to the press. The process offers much higher quality photos to be reproduced without as much "loss" in reproduction.

When we first entered The Hutchinson News offices, we were greeted by aon old Linotype typesetting machine in the lobby.

For years, we had one of these machines sitting in our warehouse. When I was young I used to pretend it was a robot!

A fast Linotype operator might have been able to type 14-16 lines per minute.The machine weighed more than a 1000 lbs and had many moving parts that could have easily taken a finger off in a flash. Along with the moving parts was a boiling pot of hot molten lead! Lead was supplied in "pigs" which were long ingots of lead weighing about 22 pounds each. They had an eye in one end from which they were suspended by a hook and chain above the melting pot. As the level in the pot went down, the pig would be lowered a bit by the chain to keep the level of molten lead constant. The eyes had a gap in them. When the pig went all the way into the lead and the eye melted at the bottom, the two sides would fall into the pot and the chain would rapidly zip up to the top on a counterweight letting the operator know it was time to hang another pig.

This machine was not the user friendly device we now have in the modern day PC.

In fact, this dangerous process nearly killed my Grandpa Bill Noland. He was severely burned on his legs from an accident where this molten lead spilled on him. He endured several painful months of rehabilitation and skin grafting by an accident caused by this printing process.

Terms such as slug (a line of lead), chase, quoin, turtle, Linotype, and even hellbox—except for what you’re reading—are never heard in the printing shop anymore, but I can still remember some of them. I even have a few pigs laying around the office somewhere.

Shortly after the demise of the Linotype, "cold set" printing came into being. We had giant machines that set line type that were called Compugraphic typesetting computers. These things were probably 500 pounds and could display about one line of copy at a time. The copy came out in film strips that we would wax up and paste on pages.

When we started our paper back in 1991, we had been away from the Compugraphic machines for nearly a decade. We were in the "modern day" computer age. Still very primitively, we set type on paper instead of film to be waxed up and pasted on pages.

In 1994 we converted everything to full pagination. To this day we set the entire newspaper up on computer. As of last week, we printed each page out on one single sheet of paper.

Now I just see the newspaper on the screen and when it is all done, I send it to a file and an FTP site across the internet.

I think it’s neat that I have now been alive long enough to see the complete evolution of newspaper web printing. I can only imagine what the future holds for print. My guess would be a completely digital format. I believe that will be the case in my lifetime.

We hope you enjoy the new format. I would like to thank Nick Hemphill, Greg Jerauld and Gregg Beals of the Hutchinson News for helping us with this conversion. I appreciate all of the help of my staff and family too.

I’m sure the newspaper will evolve much over the next few months as we implement new software and technology. Bear with us as we make these changes and thank you all for your support!

In closing, don’t expect my columns to be this long and informing! I’ll soon return to some bizarre subject matter that will leave you scratching your head.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From August 30, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

I got a call from an old friend last Saturday evening. Brent Shaw was in town. His grandmother had passed away and he and his sister April flew in from Phoenix, Arizona to be with their parents Connie and Dean Shaw and attend her funeral.

Brent is a Lieutenant with the Phoenix Police Department. Brent and I have kept in touch since high school. Ten years ago he even met up with me at the airport in Phoenix during a layover to San Diego.

Over the years, we have met up with Brent and his wife Tracey at any given chance that they were in Wichita to see family. It had been a few years since we had last hooked up.

Brent knew it was short notice, but wondered if I had the time to come to Wichita for a visit before he flew home on Monday. It was a request I was happy to satisfy and I needed to come to Wichita anyway to find a guy who had skipped bond on me a month ago. I asked Brent if he would be interested in having lunch and helping me find my guy and he was more than willing to accommodate!

We had lunch on Sunday afternoon and caught up. After our lunch we met up with three Wichita Police officers in a parking lot next to Dillons on South Broadway, a lovely neighborhood....

Brent and I had driven past my defendant’s house and saw his car in the driveway. We devised a plan to catch him and as we were discussing this plan with the local police, my guy drove past the parking lot where we were gathered! The Wichita PD was awesome to work with. They were quick to pull my guy over and allowed me to take him, without question, back to Pratt County where his warrant was from.

I got to spend the day with a great old friend and caught a guy who had been causing me a little stress for the past month.

Brent will probably be reading this to his guys he works with in Phoenix.

Thanks for the good time Brent!

? ? ? ?

This is the final week of tabloid format for The Gyp Hill Premiere. Next week, we’ll have a brand new look. We’ll go back to a full broadsheet format and will be printing in full color on at least the front and back. Many times throughout the year, we’ll have some special full color runs on the inside pages. .

If you are keeping up on my columns, after 19 years of printing in Belle Plaine, KS, our new printing home will be the Hutchinson News. Early in the week Nick Hemphil, The Hutch News’ IT person, came to Medicine Lodge to help me with some of the conversion.

I had always believed our newspaper was pretty up to date on technology, but quickly learned that we were very out of date on our software and were not compatible with much of the new "print to plate" technology. After 5 grueling hours, we determined that our software and the Hutch News’ software were slightly incompatible. This means we’re going to be upgrading equipment and software over the coming weeks as well.

On Tuesday, by invitation, Ronda and I went to the Hutch News printing facility and met their production manager, Gregg Beals and Nick Hemphil. They gave us a tour of their state of the art printing plant. I’ve been out of the web press printing business for about 22 years now. There have been a lot of changes in the industry. I was very impressed with their operations.

Our newspaper will actually go to prepress at 8 p.m. on Saturday evenings and will be printed after the Hutch News’s Sunday edition, sometime around 2-4 a.m. on Sunday morning. The paper will be delivered early Monday at around 3 a.m. Ellis Mayfield will then have the paper in the stores early Monday morning and with luck, in many of your local mail boxes. Those details have yet to be hammered out.

Please bear with us during this change. We may have a few mailing hiccups, but we’ll get it straightened out quickly!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From August 30, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

I have to admit, I’ve had a few moments in my life where I wanted to act just like Steven Slater did two weeks ago.

In case your TV is broken, Slater is the jetBlue flight attendant whose meltdown on the tarmac at JFK after a flight from Pittsburgh Monday, August 9th has made him a folk hero in recent days.

Slater became an overnight celebrity when he cursed out a passenger on the plane’s intercom system, grabbed two beers and popped the emergency slide to dramatically quit his jetBlue job.

Undoubtedly the coolest way to quit your job ever, we’ve all wanted to take a turn down that slide (under ideal circumstances of course). But to grab two beers on the way out? Simply classic. The ultimate "Take This Job And Shove It" moment.

Upon exiting the plane, with a prelude of cursing Slater said, "I've been in this business 28 years and I've had it."

In just under a week after quitting his job, Slater has been photographed hanging out on the beach, met Barry Manilow and has even been offered his own reality TV show. All this for a guy who flipped out after asking a passenger to sit down (the passenger cursed him out first). Then he was struck in the head by a falling carry on bag.

Slater even has a celebrity fan page with more than 211,000 fans. Groups like "Free Steven Slater" popped up on the web within minutes of the news.

So, is he a hero or a jerk?

Don't misunderstand me. What Steven Slater did was wrong. Very wrong. And he's probably made himself unemployable in his chosen trade as flight attendant or about any job other than clerk at the DMV for that matter.

We all have bad days at the office.

Nobody should "go postal" as the old saying goes. If nothing else, the incident should be a reminder to cranky airline passengers that flight attendants are people, too, with problems of their own. Just because they're the public face of the airline doesn't mean your bumpy flight is their fault. So stay in the upright position and keep the skies friendly.

That goes for dealing with people in about every aspect of life. I can’t count the number of times over the past 20 years that people have come into my office to rip my butt about misspelling their names, not getting their paper in a timely fashion or even to just complain about the fact I put my own kid’s picture in the paper.

The world would be a better place if we could all just treat each other with kindness and respect. When you don’t treat people with kindness and respect, don’t be surprised if you run into a "Slater" or two.

I’ve often times wanted to make a public announcement, pull the emergency slide, grab two beers and jump.

? ? ? ?

In just two short weeks, The Gyp Hill Premiere will undergo a huge transformation. We’ll be printing our last tabloid edition on August 30th. This is a great opportunity for you to go out with all of your friends and buy up every last edition to keep as a collector’s item!

Starting Monday, September 6th, we’ll publish our first broadsheet on 22" newsprint. We’re planning a full 4-color front and back page to kick off the new format.

As I stated last week, our printer of 20 years is retiring at the end of the month. With Belle Plaine Printing closing shop, we were forced to find a new home to print the newspaper. We’ve made arrangements with The Hutchinson News to do our printing and with this comes some new opportunities that we are very excited about.

I walked to the back room where we store our archives and looked back at the 10 years of tabloid editions we’ve published. Our newspaper originally published as a 32" broadsheet back in 1991. We published on that format until the year 2000 and then we switched to an 11.5" wide tabloid. The new format will measure the same width, only we’ll be 22" tall. Currently we are 15" tall. That means you’ll have to look at an additional 7 inches per page when reading the new Premiere!

You’re looking at your paper thinking about that right now aren’t you? Go get a yard stick.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From August 16, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

When I was 13 years old, Sam Clester was the most towering human I had ever met. Standing better than 6’5" to my 5’ frame and carrying close to 300 lbs, he was a giant.

Even though imposing, he had a fun nature and gentle goofiness about him that made me love to buck paper for him.

Yes, I bucked paper. At the time, most kids my age were bucking bales. Yeah, they were tough throwing those 50lb. bales around, but that was minuscule in task compared to bucking paper.

Our paper truck came every few months. When I say truck, I mean semi truck. When I say paper, I am referring to rolls of newsprint that weighed at minimum 998 lbs.

These rolls had to be maneuvered into our building, lined up and lifted on to other rolls in our warehouse with the aid of a roll lift and chain hoist. It was hard work.

Sam would sometimes buy part of our load. He was the owner of The Belle Plaine News and owned the print shop there.

My first encounter with Sam came when my dad told me to help Sam load some rolls up in his truck. I used a small piece of wood scrapped paneling that we referred to as a "cheat" to spin the rolls. At 100 lbs., dripping wet, it was all I could do to spin one of these rolls 20 degrees at a time with a butt-bump.

"Here now, let me show you how to do this," Sam said.

He grabbed that roll of paper and spun it 90 degrees with one shove and no cheat. I was impressed and always remembered this giant from Belle Plaine who could easily handle a 1000 lb. roll of paper in our warehouse.

Seven years later, I was married with a kid and my wife and I were starting our very own newspaper. I needed a place to print my newspaper and called Sam Clester up. He was eager for my business and we agreed to print at his plant in Belle Plaine the second weekend of July in 1991.

Our friendship has been solidified in ink, so to say. We’ve done many hours of bs’ing back and forth and I’ve seen Sam’s business grow over the years to the point of him selling off his newspaper businesses and simply becoming a "printer" of newspapers around the area. He’s gone through at least a half-dozen pressman over the years. I even worked for him for one day as a pressman while his pressman was on vacation. Although I had much experience with web press and sheet fed printing over the years, I had never printed on a News King or a Color King. Sam assured me that it was like, "Riding someone else’s bicycle." I had enough ego to give it a shot.

The agreement was that I could have my paper for free that week, if I printed for him while his pressman was on vacation. I got a quick tutorial on the press one day the previous week and then I was standing in front of this machine the following Monday.

If running this press was like riding my friend’s bicycle, then this was like a unicycle with one pedal and no seat. It kicked my butt.

After wasting more papers than I needed for my customers, and barely printing one legible copy of The Gyp Hill Premiere that week, I was a nervous wreck.

For some reason, many small towns had a bar not far from the newspaper office. Belle Plaine had one just to the south and Sam took me there. I had just barely turned 21. I had a few drinks and put an end to our "free papers for printing" deal. I was out of my league.

Sam understood and let me off the hook. He even discounted my shabby print job that week. I went home with my tail between my legs and we never talked about it again until last Saturday.

Ronda and I were on our way to Wichita when my phone rang. It was Sam.

Sam usually only calls when there’s bad news. Things like: the press is broke down or I’m behind on my printing bill. He wanted to eat lunch and talk face to face. When I hung up the phone, I turned to Ronda and asked, "Are we behind on our printing bill?" We weren’t.

Sam met us for lunch and explained that he was selling off his printing business and retiring. I’m not surprised by his decision. I’m now close to the same age that Sam was when we first met. I’ve known him for almost 27 years now.

He was one of the people who helped me start the newspaper more than 1000 press runs and close to 20 years ago. I’ve trusted him and his staff to provide our town with a finished product for all of these years and in two press runs after this paper, it will come to an end. He’s never let me down and he’s been there when the times were tough. There were times in the history of this newspaper, that if it weren’t for Sam’s generosity and patience, we might not have made it.

I thanked Sam in person and on the phone this week, but wanted to print my gratefulness in ink, this one last time - with Sam’s ink and paper.

Sam told me that I had courage for going up against the big boys of the newspaper industry and starting The Gyp Hill Premiere years ago. I told him I was just too young and simply too stupid to know better.

He said, "I guess there’s a fine line between courage and stupidity." I agree, but Sam has had the courage to stick it out for all these years and we’ll never forget his help and will always call him a friend.

Starting Monday, September 6, we will be changing to a new format and printing with The Hutchinson News. On most Mondays, the newspaper will actually be delivered earlier than normal. If all goes as planned, you’ll notice some big and exciting changes for our little town’s newspaper.

Have a great week!

- 30 -

KWIBS - From August 9, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

As I wrote last week, Joey and Nick Gaertner returned from New York City after a week-long adventure.

The kids had a great time and took some amazing photos.

We looked through a thousand photos last week and we’ve decided that Ronda and I should take a trip to New York someday.

I’m proud of you Joey and I’m glad you got to go on such an awesome summer trip.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From August 2, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

At about the time this newspaper comes out, I'll be heading to Wichita to pick up my son from the airport.

Call me a bad parent or consider me for father of the year, but I let my 17-year-old son travel to New York City with a friend for a week long adventure.

The trip was completely planned by my son Joey and his 19-year-old friend Soeren Niklas Gaertner of Germany. Many of you will remember Gaertner as the 2007-2008 AFS student that lived with John Nixon. Nick, as I'll refer to him, came back for a visit this summer, spending 6 weeks here between his last year of high school and his first year of college. He'll be moving to Holland to attend school in a week from now.

Upon learning that Nick would be traveling to see New York City, Joey became interested in seeing the city himself. At first there was protest from my wife, but she came around and they finalized their plans a couple of weeks ago.

Joey paid for the trip with his own hard earned money. He's an industrious young man who saves his money for such an event or to satisfy his fetish for electronics. I'm sure he's broke now..... He's also no stanger to traveling. Two years ago he went to Mexico wtih a local church group. Over Christmas break he toured Washington, D.C. He's been the most adventurous of all of our children. He's even considering a month in Europe after his graduation in the spring from MLHS to visit John Nixon's three former AFS students.

I took the boys to the airport and listened to them as they formed their "bucket list" for their trip. It included the John Lennon Memorial. Joey is a huge Beatles fan. It also included Central Park, the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, The U.N. Headquarters, The Brooklyn Bridge, St. Paul's Cathedral, Madison Square Garden, two famous art museums, Times Square, China Town, Little Italy and the list went on and on. I couldn't believe the journey these two kids were about to take.

Their flight left at 6 a.m. from Wichita and they arrived safely in New York shortly before noon. On their first day in New York, they conquered the subway, went to the Hard Rock Cafe and then stumbled on to a Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers concert at Madison Square Garden. Tom Petty is one of our favorite musicians and Ronda and I were extremely jealous of their good fortune. They bought tickets from a scalper and saw the sold out concert. Their trip back to their hotel was literally a 10 minute walk.

As scared as I was to send my son/monkey to the concrete jungle, I thought about how much this trip will shape his future. The confidence he gained and the experience he's had will last a life time. I'm grateful to Nick for his guidance and travel experience and for helping Joey see so much on this trip and thanking God for their safe return to Kansas.

KWIBS - From July 26, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

 Our Aunt and Uncle, Greg and Debra Alexander from Mulvane, KS were here this week doing some fishing, kayaking and swimming.

Thursday afternoon they stopped in the office to show us Greg’s boo-boo. While fishing he caught more than just a fish. He ran a hook through his finger which resulted in a trip to our local emergency room.

Greg admitted that our ER facilities were lacking, but made a comment that echos with almost anyone who is fortunate/unfortunate enough to end up there. Greg said that, "I’ve never had that kind of attention before from hospital staff."

That’s what has always made MLMH a great place to be when you need health care.

Two weeks ago we had our grandmother in the hospital, twice in just a week. The hospital was completely full. The staff was busy, working in tight spaces in their ER, but they performed flawlessly in spite of the things that are needed for their facility.

I thought about what kind of message our community has sent them over the past two years as we’ve waited for the funding that was voted on back in 2008. If your voice wasn’t heard then now is the time for action.

It’s just one of many issues in our county to consider, but because they’ve always been there for us, we should be there for them on August 3rd.

KWIBS - From July 19, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

Len Gratteri and Rod Cook were in Medicine Lodge on Tuesday, July 13 at the Lincoln Library to promote their book: William Sherod Robinson, Alias Ben Wheeler.

I’ve been excited about this book for weeks and was second in line behind Roger Lukens for my autographed copy that day.

The book is an in-depth look at the life of the outlaw we always called Ben Wheeler. I’m not going to spoil it, but the book offers some different insights to the bank robbery and characters involved in one of our town’s claim to fame.

The book also contains many pictures and documents about the historic 1884 bank robbery in Medicine Lodge.

I believe the book will be sold at The Medicine Lodge Stockade Museum. You can also get a copy at the Lincoln Library.

? ? ? ?

At the time of this publication, my little girl, Breeann Noland, became Breeann Schaffer over the weekend. She and her new husband, Devin, will be home today from their little honeymoon to Wichita.

We’ll be anxious for them to come home. We baby-sat our grandson, Kycen, all weekend. I am sure he’ll be as excited to see his mommy and daddy as we will be!

Congratulations Breeann and Devin!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From July 12, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

Kycen Joseph Schaffer is excited to announce the approaching marriage of his mommy and daddy, Breeann Alaina Noland and Devin Michael Schaffer.

It all started October 3, 1989.

It seems to me that only a few short years ago Ronda and I had a little girl. We helped her learn to crawl and then to walk.

She went to her first day of preschool and then on to kindergarten. We taught her how to ride a bike, then a motorcycle and then to drive a car.

Our little girl matured before our very eyes. She certified in SCUBA, graduated from high school and then left home for college.

Life changed for us after Breeann graduated from high school and moved out on her own. She met a young man named Devin Schaffer. Their relationship soon resulted in a pregancy and earlier this year we welcomed our first grandson into the world. Kycen Joseph Schaffer was born on 01-11-10. The news of Breeann becoming pregnant and not finishing her education was at first devastating to us. In reality, it has been the best thing to ever happen to our family.

Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

If I’ve learned anything in life it’s, our plans are not our own. We think we know how things will turn out, but we’re often surprised how they actually do turn out!

Devin and Breeann stayed together through the birth of their son and now are getting married next weekend.

Sure their lives might seem a little backwards - meet, have a baby and then get married. We’ve never claimed to be the perfect family. We only claim that God has a perfect plan for our lives.

We are so thankful that Devin loves her. And she has found someone she loves and that he is a good father to their son.

Our little girl is getting her special day on Saturday, July 17, 2010. They will be married in the morning with family in attendence in front of the beach area at Lake Arrowhead. The same lake she learned to swim in, was baptised in and has played at nearly every summer weekend of her life. Her little boy Kycen is loving this same spot only 6 months into his life and I’m sure he will spend many years swimming and playing there.

Who knows what life might bring us next? Maybe one day in the near future, Kycen will be writing a column about his daughter and upcoming marriage.

Life flies when you’re having fun.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From July 6, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

I’m so not a morning person.

So Tuesday, I rolled out of bed and made my way to the coffee pot. It was 7:10 a.m. That’s when I wake up. My brain wakes up somewhere around 8 a.m. The only portion of my brain to wake up before that controls simple motor functions like breathing, my heart beat, limited vision and hearing and some lower limb activity. To my surprise there was a line in front of the coffee pot. Since I wasn’t very focused, I grabbed a cup and looked at the line.

I thought, "Who the heck is this guy in line for my coffee and why is there even a line?"

Upon a closer look, I realized it was my 17-year-old son.

He turned after he had filled up his coffee cup. "Good morning sir."

I’m sure I sounded very grumpy when I said, "Why are you drinking my coffee?"

"I like coffee now!" He said.

Joey was all dressed for work and was sitting down at the counter with his very own cup of "Joe". He had the dumbest grin I’ve ever seen on his face. He almost looked like he was on something.

"This stuff is great," he said, almost yelling. I barely made that out as fast as he was talking.

I just rolled my eyes. Then I thought about my first cup of coffee. My dad had landed a contract for Gibson’s discount stores years ago and we had to pull a few all-nighters printing their sale fliers. I was only a junior in high school, nearly the same age as Joey. I was getting super tired about 5 hours into a press run and one of the people working for my dad at the time poured me a thick cup of black coffee. It was the most terrible thing I had ever injested.

I remember pouring about a cup of sugar and half a gallon of cream in it so that I could stomach it. As the night went on, I was feeling great. So great, in fact, I didn’t even go to bed. I left the office and went straight to school!

As the years rolled on, I kept drinking coffee, but lost the urge to have all of the sugar and cream in it. Actually, I had just discovered that it was a lot easier and a lot less work to just drink it black.

My wife and I have a long history of drinking coffee and some very humorous stories about drinking it. Neither of us function without it and will lie, steal and possibly even kill if we don’t get it in the mornings. One evening years ago, we spent an unexpected night at our cousins’ house in Wichita. Being an early riser, my wife was the first up and on the hunt for the magic brown fluid we must have.

Not being familiar with our cousins’ house, Ronda searched frantically for coffee. After finding the coffee pot and some stale coffee (our cousins aren’t big coffee drinkers) she went in search of the coffee filters. Apparently, the search for coffee filters went on for several minutes before Ronda’s survival instincts kicked in. She finally gave up and began thinking of ways to make coffee without the coffee filter.

Minutes later I could smell the coffee brewing and knew it was my cue to get up and partake. Little did I know what she had done.

I poured myself a cup and sat down at the breakfast table. Just as I was about to take a sip she said, "I had to improvise on the coffee this morning."

The cup was nearly at my lips. The aroma filled my nose with joy.

"I couldn’t find the filters so I went into the baby’s room and searched for something to make a filter with," she said.

"Oh?," I said.

By this time I was flirting with the warmth of the coffee on my lips.

"I got a diaper out and cut out the middle and made a filter," she proudly proclaimed!

I put the coffee down and I know I must have looked scared.

"What’s wrong," she asked?

By this time our cousin Andy was in the room and overheard her coffee story and ran into the baby’s room. He returned with the diaper box and began reading the laundry list of chemicals in the diapers.

The anatomy of a Disposable Diaper: The outer cover of a disposable diaper is made of special plastic that has been formulated to feel like cloth. But it's still plastic, and it is waterproof and coffee proof, so Ronda cut that part off.

The absorbent middle layer, or Ronda’s makeshift coffee filter, is the essence of the "magic" disposable. It has a cotton/polyester mesh that covers a chemical powder that will turn into gel when it gets wet and release pleasing fragrance. The gel is supposed to stay inside the diaper but it's common for parents to find gel beads on their baby's skin during a diaper change or in Ronda’s case, in the bottom of her cup. The gel will allow for multiple pees, or one good brew, before needing a change. The child will probably not feel wet until the diaper gets very full. And for the coffee drinker? Well, the coffee drinker may or may not become ill, depending on how many cups he or she drinks from the baby diaper coffee filter.

It was an hour later before we made it to Starbucks, but I am proud to say, I made it without drinking Ronda’s survival brew.

As I sat and watched my son enjoying his coffee I thought about all the adventures he’ll have enjoying this magical drink.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From July 6, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

People are always sending me emails. Most are just jokes, but occasionally I get the "useless facts" message. I read them and then ponder to myself why I need to know these things.

However interesting, they are useless to me in my day to day life. This week I got some facts sent to me titled "interesting". I have put my comments about them in italics and made them even more interesting!

If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on your right side. If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on your left side. If you are ambidextrous you swallow your food whole.

The Titanic was the first ship to use the SOS signal. It would have sent out an SOSA (save our sorry arses), but they ran out of time.

Bats always turn left when exiting a cave. Most caves have a no right turn lane.

Men’s shirts have the buttons on the right, but women’s shirts have the buttons on the left. Men’s breasts always turn right when exiting their shirts.

The owl is the only bird to drop its upper eyelid to wink. All other birds raise their lower eyelids. It’s call kniwing.

Roosters cannot crow if they cannot extend their necks. Just like men can’t be wrong if they don’t open their mouths.

Every time you sneeze some of your brain cells die. Achoo! I just got dumber.

Your left lung is smaller than your right lung to make room for your heart. Your right arm is slightly longer to compensate for the loss in balance.

The verb "cleave" is the only English word with two synonyms which are antonyms of each other: adhere and separate. Really? Whitehouse?

When you blush, the lining of your stomach also turns red. But no one sees or cares about an embarrassed stomach lining.

When hippos are upset, their sweat turns red. That’s why hippos don’t wear white after Labor Day.

The first Harley Davidson motorcycle was built in 1903, and used a tomato can for a carburetor. Harley Davidson immediately discovered that their motorcycles would not run on tomatoes.

The attachment of the human skin to muscles is what causes dimples. I always thought it was ice cream that caused that.

There are 1,792 steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower. You lose count when falling down them.

Human hair and fingernails continue to grow after death. But few dead people continue to go to the barber.

Every day 200 million couples make love, 400,000 babies are born, and 140,000 people die. and 199 million, 600,000 thousand people say, woa... that was close.

Colgate faced big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries. Colgate translates into the command "go hang yourself." 4 out of 5 suicide victims have plaque tartar build up.

Large kangaroos cover more than 30 feet with each jump. Small kangaroos say, "weeeeeeee!" It's also common knowledge that kangaroos carry their young in pouches and ants can lift many times their own weight, but few realize that an ant can't lift a kangaroo and kangaroos seldom carry ants in their pouches.

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural cause. If the horse has all four legs off the ground the person died trying to sky dive with his horse.

The human heart creates enough pressure while pumping to squirt blood 30 feet!! Once......

It’s a fact: Ancient rock pictures, recently discovered in a prehistoric cave in France, reveal that as early as 2 million years ago, cavemen were really bad at drawing.

KWIBS - From June 21, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

I didn’t have enough room in my column last week to mention a couple of important items in my life. I didn’t forget them.

Sunday was Father’s Day. I’m blessed to have my father still with me and also blessed to have my children, and now a grandson, who love me.

None of this would have been possible without a June 17, 1988 wedding. Ronda and I celebrated our 22nd anniversary last Thursday. I love you Ronda!

Then, quietly, a number changed on our front page this week. Volume 20, Issue 1. This might not mean much to you, but it marks the beginning of our 20th year as Medicine Lodge’s newspaper.

We couldn’t have done this without you!

KWIBS - From June 14, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

I’m still reflecting on Memorial Day.

For the past couple of weeks, I have heard such great things about Maj. Robert Stutler’s Memorial Day speech and also had the opportunity to talk with some veterans in our area.

My column may be more appropriate for our 4th of July edition, but this should be a reminder to us all of what our nation has always stood for. I just happened to glance at the calendar and saw that it was Flag Day today.

Last week I received a YouTube video of a former Marine singing what he said was the last verse of the Star Spangled Banner.

I’m 40 years old and I had never even heard that verse. I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t even learn in school that we had more than one verse to our National Anthem.

I got on line and read the lyrics that Francis Scott Key penned in 1814. I also read up on Key himself.

from wikipedia:

During the War of 1812, Key, accompanied by the American Prisoner Exchange Agent Colonel John Stuart Skinner, dined aboard the British ship HMS Tonnant, as the guests of three British officers: Vice Admiral Alexander Cochrane, Rear Admiral Sir George Cockburn, and Major General Robert Ross. Skinner and Key were there to negotiate the release of prisoners, one being Dr. William Beanes. Beanes was a resident of Upper Marlboro, Maryland and had been captured by the British after he placed rowdy stragglers under citizen's arrest with a group of men. Skinner, Key, and Beanes were not allowed to return to their own sloop, they had become familiar with the strength and position of the British units and with the British intent to attack Baltimore. As a result of this, Key was unable to do anything but watch the bombarding of the American forces at Fort McHenry during the Battle of Baltimore on the night of September 13–September 14, 1814.

When the smoke cleared, Key was able to see an American flag still waving and reported this to the prisoners below deck. On the way back to Baltimore, he was inspired to write a poem describing his experience, "The Defence of Fort McHenry", which he published in the Patriot on September 20, 1814. He intended to fit the rhythms of composer John Stafford Smith's "To Anacreon in Heaven". It has become better known as "The Star Spangled Banner". Under this name, the song was adopted as the American National Anthem, first by an Executive Order from President Woodrow Wilson in 1916 (which had little effect beyond requiring military bands to play it) and then by a Congressional resolution in 1931, signed by President Herbert Hoover.

Here’s that song --

KWIBS - From June 7, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

I did something so crazy last week, I’m almost ashamed to write about it. This was completely out of character for me. I took 4 whole days off in a row from work!

For the first time in nearly a decade, I took a very long weekend.

What did I do with all my time off, you ask?

Well, I worked on my jet ski for the kids, changed spark plugs in the boat. I worked on a 4 wheeler for my cousins, I dredged the bottom of the lake looking for my wife’s lost shoe, I aired up floatation toys at the lake, I fixed a sump pump in the basement at the farm house that had quit and flooded everywhere and I baby-sat my grandson!

It doesn’t sound like time off, but it was one of the best "Memorial Day" weekends I have ever had. In addition to all that extra work stuff, I watched my kids ski and tube, play baseball and play in the water. I also got to enjoy my grandson’s first weekend of his life at the lake. I just got to hang out with my family and some friends for several days of sun and fun.

I guess the worst thing about the weekend was, it ended.

Bring on summer!

KWIBS - From June 1, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

It's been exactly one year ago since Dorfus CrackTractor played together and the band is preparing to get together for its second annual reunion show here in Medicine Lodge this weekend for JuneFest. For those that remember, Dorfus CrackTractor is a band made up of myself, my former Editor David Fasgold and local Deputy Sheriff Justin Rugg. Our band played events, clubs and venues in the area for about 4 years before taking a break in July of 2007. Back then, gas was inching up over $4 a gallon and David had moved to Oklahoma City, making it hard for us to make enough money even to pay our gas to get to shows in Wichita which was nearly half way for all of us.

Gas is slightly cheaper now and since we’re all still friends, we’ve decided to get together and do another show before we forget all of our material. The idea for the second annual reunion stemmed from an email from Jessica Rausch with the Chamber of Commerce last fall.

I called up David Fasgold and Justin Rugg and we set it up for this coming Saturday, June 5th.

If you never caught a show, Dorfus was full of whacky costume changes, part comedy act with parodies of songs and we played a wide variety of music from rock, swing, country, disco and even rap. Some of our costumes (they don’t fit anymore!), along with our talent are gone, but we’re still up to playing a street dance for those who remember us and maybe a few who don’t!

So, we're keeping our fingers crossed that we still have a few of those fans that will come out and dance on Saturday and welcome David Fasgold back into our community for this one night only event.

We're throwing this together with a short rehearsal the Friday night before, so expect to hear a few minor train wrecks!

This will be a family-friendly show. So, make plans on Saturday to come out see us for Junefest 2010!!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From May 17, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

On behalf of the paper, I want to take a moment to congratulate the class of MLHS 2010. I also want to take a moment, as a member of the human race, to apologize for not having flying cars by now. I know we were all promised them by the year 2010, but we might have to wait until the class of 2020.

Seriously, congratulations graduates. I know you’re all thinking, "We’ve got to get out of here!" I encourage you to take one day at a time and enjoy life. You’ll grow old faster than you think!

God bless - Grandpa Kev, Class of 1988.

KWIBS - From May 10, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

It’s not too often that we hearabout those who grew up here in Medicine Lodge who do really cool things in life. David Mayfield, son of Trude and Ellis Mayfield, is one of those guys who just gets to do the coolest things! I hear stories about him in movies and meeting famous people from his parents.

Last week, David forwarded me a photo of him and Kenny Rogers together! Now you wouldn’t think it, but I actually think Kenny Rogers is pretty cool and I used to listen to his music growing up.

David writes.......

Hey Kevin..I drive Limos part time out here and Kenny was coming to town to do a concert at the Renovated Fox Theater, here in downtown Riverside, originally built in 1929?.." Gone with the Wind " Premiered here in 1939.

Anyway the boss knew I was a country fan, and asked if I would want to drive him.. DUH, I said Heck Yes!! The boss gave his manager my name and phone#.. I got a call Saturday morning 5/1/10 from the manager confirming that I would be driving, and he also indicated that Mr. Rogers was an avid photographer and would like to take some pictures at the Mission Inn (an historic hotel here that dates back to the 1890's) and wanted to know if I could set something up. I told him I would try.. The manager said they were getting on the private jet now, leaving Nebraska, and would be there that afternoon at 4:30p.m.

I was there waiting when the jet pulled up.. Kenny got out and kept eye contact with me as he walked up.. With a big smile, and his hand extended.. he said, " Hi Dave, I'm Kenny Rogers, Nice to meet you."

I told him that it was an honor to meet him and that I had made arrangements for him to take as many pictures as he wanted. He told me thanks - let’s go do it..

He spent about 45 mins. in the hotel taking pictures. He later told me that he has 4 books out on all the pictures he has taken, and working on his 5th. We then went to the concert sight. There was a fan standing at the security gate waiting to have some albums signed.. Kenny told me to stop so he could sign them for him.. 6 albums ..and he signed every one of them.

We drove up to the back stage area.. Kenny's manager invited me to come in and han gout with them and watch the show from backstage.. In the green room area, I told Kenny that my Mom and Dad were big fans of his for 40 years or so, and that I used to listen to his albums all the time.. I asked him if I could get a picture with him and he said "Of course". He put his arm around me.. and with a smile said, " You know it was child abuse, your parents making you listen to my music at such a young age!"

I laughed and said, "No way, I love your music". I told him my mom asked for an autograph.. So he grabbed a concert program and wrote, "To: Trude, Where were You ??" and signed KENNY ROGERS.

We then went down stairs to the stage area for the concert. I stood just off stage with his stage manager and listened to that man sing..(HE STILL HAS IT !!!! )

At the end of the night.. I drove him back to his jet.

He thanked me for doing such a great job.. and his manager gave me a couple of bills and said, "Have dinner on Kenny!"

I told him that it was an honor and pleasure to meet and drive for him. He shook my hand again and boarded his jet and flew off onto the night for his next gig.... Below is Kenny Rogers and David Mayfield.

KWIBS - From May 3, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

Years of playing in bands and listening to loud music have taken its toll on my hearing. Towards the end of my rock and roll days, I bought wireless in-ear monitors to try and salvage what little hearing I had left.

People say things to me and I usually say, "huh?" and ask them to repeat what they just said.

Background noises really throw me off and going to meetings, I have trouble hearing things, so I purchased a digital recorder to assist me in getting the facts correct. These things work great as long as you can hear what you just recorded....

Last week I attended the PBC meeting at Southern Pioneer here in Medicine Lodge. I took extensive notes and also recorded the meeting. I listened to the recording several times to check my facts and was satisfied with my story after a couple of proofreads. Then on Tuesday morning I got an email saying I had misspelled the name of the company that did the report for the county commissioners and hospital boards. I wrote "Burden Associates". It was "Virden Associates!"

Can someone say, "Beltone?"

? ? ? ?

Monday afternoon we were finishing up at the office and Ronda and I began making plans for dinner.

Earlier last week, I had received a package from California. It was a huge box of fresh avocados! I got them from an unnamed gentlemen that I had bailed out of jail in Pratt County. He expressed his gratefulness with produce from his farm.

My wife and I love avocados, but when you get 40 of them at once, and they all begin to ripen at once, you have to start getting creative. The first thing I suggested is a giant bowl of guacamole le! We did that, but we also decided to have chicken on the grill, wrapped in smoked bacon, with cheese melted over tomato and avocado. mmmmmm.

We were talking about the guacamole and wondering about seasoning and my son Joey pops up and said, "Isle one, left of the peanut butter."

Joey recently became employed by White’s and is now a great source in helping us find different items at the local grocery store. He’s also great entertainment when it comes to shopping.

The other day the family stopped at White’s after church and as we were taking items off of the shelf, Joey was following us straigtening and arranging the items. He wasn’t even working that day.....

So Monday we went shopping to get chicken, asparagus, milk, cheese, tomatos and biscuits. We ended up also purchasing an apple pie, some roasted nuts and a bunch of other things not on our list.

We checked out and drove home to prepare this dinner that had our mouths watering all afternoon. I started up the grill and Ronda began preparing the other entrees. I was inside looking for the chicken to get it seasoned for the grill when my boys came running in screaming, "Dad, FIRE, FIRE!!"

I ran outside to find my grill in flames, an apparant grease fire from last year’s left over grilling. I knew I should have cleaned the grease out before the current grilling season, but I was lazy and decided it would just burn off. And it did.

Calmly, I shut the gas off and pulled the grill away from the house (which sort of warped the siding for the third time since I have lived there). After about 30 minutes the grill cooled down to 400 from its peak that had reached over a 1000 degrees.

That sort of temperature would have cooked the chicken in about 2 minutes..... had we remembered the chicken.

Ronda called the grocery store and we had left the chicken in the bottom basket of the cart, along with our milk. The good news was we didn’t pay for the chicken or the milk and they just restocked it. The bad news was, we had all of this other food we had started preparing and we were not making a trip back to town.

I dug around in the freezer and found a sack of half freezer burned chicken and threw it in some warm water for defrosting. Things were not looking good for supper. Ronda was already making noise that we should just go out and eat, but I was determined to fix this meal.

We ate a little later than expected, but our dinner turned out fantastic. I guess the worst thing was that we had to ration our cereal for the evening and next morning, but we had milk to spare!

We also got a good laugh. Have a great week!

KWIBS - From April 26, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

Last weekend, my Aunt and Uncle from New Hampshire came to town for a visit.

It had been nearly 11 years since I last saw my Uncle Mike, my mom’s youngest brother.

Not many 40-year-olds can say this. I met my Aunt Laurie for the very first time this past weekend. She’s lovely and intelligent. She teaches middle school science. I’ve never even met my two cousins Miles and Tristan.

Dare I ever admit a favorite uncle. I have three and they are all great men, with great stories, but I have always been partial to this uncle.

When I was younger and used to visit my Grandpa Joe in Rhode Island, my Uncle Mike gave me special attention and always made sure I had the coolest Christmas presents. To this day, we still get a package from Uncle Mike and Aunt Laurie.

My Uncle, Mike Amaral works for Wildlife and Parks. His exact title is unclear to me, but he’s dealt in the area of endangered species for as long as I can remember. The last time I saw him, he was on his way in to Oklahoma to study some kind of poop-eating beetle.

Most recently, he appeared in a segment on the Discovery Channel special about the Appalachian Mountains. He is seen repelling down the side of a mountain to look at a nest of hawks in a crevice.

On one day of their trip to Kansas to see my mother, my sister’s family and ours, he spent some time around our ponds, picking up bugs and trying to observe a water snake that wasn’t interested in my uncle’s curiosity. I learned what dragonflies look like before they become dragonflies!

Both my aunt and uncle are like walking classrooms. On Monday we went to Hutchinson to the Cosmosphere. During a demonstration on rocketry, my Aunt Laurie sat on the front row of the group and quickly answered all of the questions of the person portraying Dr. Goddard, the father of the U.S. rocket program.

They shared their photos of a recent family trip to Ireland. They also showed me photos of my 17 and 20 year old cousins. Miles is a blacksmith and engineer who recently built a garage near their home. It’s made entirely out of local timber that he designed, milled, jointed and raised himself along with help from his dad and a boom truck. He even made the hinges to the door in his very own blacksmith shop. My cousin Tristan spins wood on a lathe and makes beautiful salad bowls he sells and local fairs.

They hike, fish and love our planet. The miles between us have hindered a close relationship that I crave to have with this incredible family. Their time in Kansas was a real blessing to our entire family. I know my mom, my sister and I couldn’t be prouder of them and can’t wait until the next time we meet again. Have a great week!

KWIBS - From April 19, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

I wanted to give a quick, public, compliment to Doris Sorg for the "Grave Tales" series she is doing on Highland Cemetery.

I had a feeling this would be a well received series, but had no idea it would be as popular as it has been.

Doris is doing some digging on this one, pardon the pun. She’s unearthed some very interesting stories about the history makers of Medicine Lodge, so stay tuned.

If you have an interesting story to share with us about someone interred at Highland Cemetery, please drop us a note, call or email us. Doris’ email is doris@medicinelodge.com. Our phone number is 620-886-5654.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From April 12, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

I love reading stories about crime, especially when they are funny!

As a bailbondsman, I get to hear some pretty funny stories and I usually have to keep them to myself, but this week I opened the Anthony Republican to find a story that made me roll on the floor laughing.

Note: I don’t support anyone assaulting another person and don’t find that funny. I just found the circumstances of this story very funny and wanted to share them with you.

Reprinted from The Anthony Republican on Wednesday, April 7, 2010

At approximately 1 a.m. last Tuesday, March 30, a disturbance occurred at 205 N. Madison in Anthony.

Johnny Gene Eveland Jr., 28, of Anthony, arrived there and physically assaulted resident Deborah Dry, according to Anthony Police Chief John Blevins. Dry knew Eveland but did not want him at her residence, Blevins said.

Blevins said that Eveland assaulted Dry with a Bible for unknown reasons and also grabbed a knife and threatened her life.

When law enforcement arrived, Blevins said, Eveland assaulted an officer before he was finally subdued. The Harper County Sheriff’s Office and Harper Police Department assisted the Anthony Police Department with the incident.

Dry was transported to Anthony Medical Center by EMS and treated for injuries sustained in the assault.

County Attorney Laurel McClellan charged Eveland with aggravated burglary, aggravated battery, obstruction official duty, aggravated battery against a law enforcement officer and criminal damage to property.

Blevins said that Eveland was not intoxicated, but tests will reveal if Eveland had drugs in his system at the time of the assault.

Eveland is being held in the Harper County Jail on a $1,000,000 cash or professional surety bond.

? ? ? ?

It is said that the word of God is a double-edged sword, but if you aren’t careful with it, it’s called assault....

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From April 5, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

I have a very small space to try and introduce some changes in The Gyp Hill Premiere.

After careful consideration, we’ve decided to retire "Yep-n-Howdy", a cartoon drawn by Blackfoot Willie since 1991.

We’ve had many requests for a crossword puzzle and a variety / entertainment section for our paper. So this week on page 3, we’re debuting our new entertainment section. At the last minute, I realized that the answer page didn’t match up to the puzzles, so please check back next week for the answers! Sorry! We’ll have them in the same edition as soon as we can work it out with the provider.

KWIBS - From March 29, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

Things puzzle me from time to time. The recent passage of the massive health care reform bill is one of those things.

How will a government takeover of 1/6 of our economy work out for us? I hope it works out better for health care than it did for social security, the U.S. Postal Service and Medicare and Medicaid.

Without question, I believe there needed to be changes in our system, but I can never believe that a complete government takeover is the best answer.

And call me crazy or simple, but being forced to purchase something seems to go against everything I believe in. I have health insurance. I’m not exactly thrilled with it, but it’s what I can afford. If the government makes all of this affordable and gives me more coverage, hoorah! But if it squeezes me or my business even harder, then I can’t possibly tell you how frustrated it will make me.

I can’t tell you everything that’s in this bill, but I can tell you a few things. One writer about the bill stated, "It's 1,017 pages long and written in an alien form of bureaucratic English that can barely be decoded by earthlings."

A couple of good things I do know to be true about the health care bill:

- It was designed to protect consumers and reduce waste, fraud, and abuse. So, we’ll see.

- The Congressional Budget estimates the bill will reduce the deficit by at least $100 billion over ten years. A government estimate... enough said.

The fact remains that it is still a government run program at best and the language isn’t clear. No one really knows how this will affect small business owners or people who just can’t afford health insurance.

What is clear is that something must be done. The present system is broken. Waiting, or keeping what we have now, are not viable options.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From March 22, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

I’ve always been one to be known as the "practical joker" around the office and at home. I’ve pulled some doozies on my family and employees over the years.

One of my favorites used to be stacking chairs and lumber against the bathroom door when someone was in there and stand in the hallway and watch it all come crashing in on them when they opened the door. Yes, I actually did this and had it done to me several times when David Fasgold worked for me.

Occasionally, a good one is pulled on me and because I am a good sport, I appreciate the quality of a good prank.

My wife gets my esteemed praise this week for pulling a joke on me that I actually told her how to do.

The victim of the joke is the passenger in your vehicle. We’ve all seen semi trucks towing semi trucks. You make sure your passenger is either sleeping, or in my case, reading a book. You come up on the semis (going the same direction of travel as you are) and slam on the breaks and scream! Your passenger will awaken or look up to see a semi truck coming right at them and usually empty their bladder or bowels or both.

Ronda successfully startled me (I did hold my bladder and bowels, but my heart skipped a few beats). We were traveling home from Oklahoma City this weekend and when she screamed, I totally fell for it and screamed a little too. We both got a good laugh. The following photos illustrate how to set it up and what it actually looks like when you pull this joke on your next sleeping or occupied passenger on the interstate.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From March 15, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

People come and go over the years in Medicine Lodge. Some of them make a huge mark on our community. Others disappear without a trace and are long forgotten.

Thursday of last week, I was in my office working, when I heard a costumer speaking with the girls up front. The voice was strangely familiar. I hadn’t heard it in quite some time, but it triggered my memory sensors.

I overheard Ronda say, "Oh my gosh! You look so different! Kevin! Come up here and see who is here!"

I already knew who it was by the sound of her voice, so I stepped out of my office.

I couldn’t believe my eyes! She had changed so much since I had seen her last. I think you could say with little doubt, that retirement is good!

Now, you are wondering, who is he talking about?

Rather than just telling you, I chased her down to Somewhere in Time to snap a photo. I thought it would be fun to play a little guessing game with my readers. Some of you who have been away for some time, won’t know her, but locally, you’ll know this lady if you can only recognize her now!

The only clue you get is this "super" photo I took of her!

If you can’t guess who she is, send me an email and I’ll give you this answer: knoland@cyberlodg.com

KWIBS - From March 8, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

Call me sick and twisted, but after a week of putting together a newspaper, I sometimes relax by searching the archives of the strange and unusual news events on the Internet.

Last week was a particularly interesting/weird week for news and I thought I would share a couple of the more humorous stories with you.

The first story somewhat surprised me, but being a bail bondsman, I have dealt with a similar situation. I once bailed an 82-year-old gentleman out of jail for a DUI when he got in his car in Wichita, headed for Joplin, MO and ended up in Medicine Lodge, KS. So I guess crime doesn't discriminate on basis of age.

An 80-year-old woman with a criminal record stretching back to 1955 has been sentenced to three years in state prison for ransacking and stealing cash from a Southern California medical office. Doris Thompson thanked a judge Wednesday for not sending her to Los Angeles County jail, which she doesn't like, and said she deserved a longer sentence. She also told the judge, "God bless you."

State records show Thompson, who has used 27 aliases, has repeatedly been arrested during the past 55 years, mainly for petty theft and burglary. She's gone to jail several times.

Thompson slipped into the medical office on Dec. 19 and stole money from drawers. She pleaded guilty to burglary and was ordered to pay about $1,400 in restitution. She will be eligible for parole in about 18 months.

The following story is true, but I added my own headline for humor purposes.

Police said the mother of an elementary school student drank a 40 ounce bottle of malt liquor before brandishing a sword in her child's school. The woman, 32, apparently intended to confront the parents of another child who had been in a spitting match with her child the previous day.

According to court records, an employee at Riverview Elementary School in Memphis reported a drunk woman armed with a sword was running through the halls of the school and had threatened to cut her.

Officers who arrived on the scene retrieved a black cane that concealed the blade.

The woman charged with aggravated assault and having a weapon on school property.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From March 1, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

I wanted to take a moment to recognize a few people in our community who have been behind the scenes here at the paper.

You may or may not look at photo credits and bylines in the paper. If you are like some that don't look, you may not realize that we have several people who contribute news and photos to the paper who are not regular staff. We're a small town paper whose success is credited to the people who take pride in our community by sharing news and photos with our readers.

I'm very fortunate to have Daryl Musgrove taking our high school sports photos, Becky Clouse contributing NBCRC and grade school photos and Daryl Honas writing our Lady Indians' sports news. I couldn't do it without you guys and I can't thank you enough!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From February 22, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

Anyone who has ever entered my office has noticed my "white board" behind my desk.

This board sort of acts as the memory portion of my brain. I keep track of the week's stories and advertising that needs my immediate or future attention.

I also jot down notes like who borrowed a camera or when I have a family birthday coming up.

But one of the most interesting things I keep on my board is when someone says something funny or stupid.

I'm not immune to this part of my board, which comprises more than 30% of the 4'x4' white board. I once said, "I'm going to the store to get a lead of hettuce."

Sometimes these things are just improper uses of a word or combining two words together like, "interflicted". My spell checker is going to go crazy this week.

We all say dumb things from time to time. I actually write them down and sometimes they end up in the paper...

I've kept a running tab on this board since about 2003. Most of my favorites come from my buddy Justin Rugg. Justin seems to have problems with math and English so he's made the board several times. One math problem on my board reads, "3+5=7". Another one of Justin's math problems was "1974+30=2009".

I'm not claiming to be any better at math than him, but I tend to get the easy questions right! However, I have no excuse for my bad grammar and spelling.

Here are some of my other favorites and their proper attributes:

"I was the same age as him in school." - me....

"Oliver bought a zero gravity mower." - Joey

"That's what dugs to your bain." - Doris

"Understandment" - Justin

"Suicide! It just kills me...." - Erin

"That's being a hicaprit." - a local pastor....

"We are well in to the 20th-1st century." - same pastor....

"I was oppositioned by an 80-year-old woman!" - Justin

"The truck made a transmissionish sound." - Justin

"He is bi-social and needs to be on SSI." - one of my bond customers.

"He has a depression hearing at 1:30 p.m." - same bond customer.

"He should win a Pulitzer Surprise!" - Kenny Joe

What started this column this week was a comment my wife made to me. We were watching a program on the History Channel about possible scenarios for the end of the world in 2012 (yes, just 2 short years away!).

Ronda looked at me and said in the most serious voice, "What do you think would happen if Mt. Rushmore erupted?"

I calmly looked back at her and said, "I would imagine pieces of stone presidents' faces would rain down on to the earth killing everyone in their paths."

Obviously, Ronda was talking about Mt. St. Helens or some other volcano, not Mt. Rushmore.

My daughter thought that it was pretty funny for her mother not to know the difference between Mt. St. Helens and Mt. Rushmore. My wife asked her, "Oh yeah Breeann? What is Mt. Rushmore?"

Breeann snapped back quickly and said, "It's where the Hollywood sign is!"

Another one on the board......

A big HAPPY BIRTHDAY goes out to my youngest son Nicholas! Nicholas is turning 12 on Thursday, February 25th. Only one more year before you're a teenager buddy!

KWIBS - From February 15, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

I took my son Joey to visit with an Air Force recruiter last week. He's expressed interest in the service field after high school and I couldn't be prouder of him.

It blows my mind how fast time goes by. I look back with amazement how quickly my children have grown up and how proud I am of each one of them.

I'll be the first to confess that, as a parent, I have planned each of their futures! That's a little unrealistic I understand, but our hopes for our children sometimes reflect what we wish we could have done with our own lives when we were younger.

So many older folks tell me that if they could do it all over again with what they know now, they wouldn't change a thing! That might be a little unrealistic too. That kind of knowledge would have helped me make some different decisions in life!

As I sat and listened to Joey and his plans for the future a scripture came to mind: Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From February 8, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

Almost everyone takes issue when it comes to having their name misspelled or pronounced incorrectly.

The past 20 years of being the owner of the newspaper has made me especially conscious of that fact. We strive not to make a mistake with a name, but it happens from time to time.

There's one name that we seem to always get wrong in the paper, even though everyone in this office knows how it is spelled.

I was eating lunch on Monday at noon and got a phone call from a gentlemen who was not especially pleased about the spelling of his name in the paper. Granted, all of the letters were there in their proper order. The problem was one letter that was supposed to be capitalized was not.

Now keep in mind that it was only about 1 p.m. The paper had just come out. This is one keen reader!

We did misspell his name. It's a mistake I had made once in the past and after a good tongue lashing, I promised it would never be made by me or my staff again.

Unfortunately, the mistake repeated last Monday. In all fairness (and to pass the buck), neither me nor my staff made the error. The article was submitted by a third party. However, we failed to reproof the material for the spelling of names and opted to just run spell check over the lengthy article.

With my unintentional lack of judgment, came the spelling of one Charles "Degeer".

It should have read Charles DeGeer, with a capital G!

I do feel badly about the error and take partial responsibility for the mistake and would like to dedicate my column this week to Charles DeGeer with a little poem I've written for him.

Ode' to Charles DeGeer......

by his friend Kevin Noland, 2010

Now I'm sure old Charles wasn't really that mad,

But it irritates him to see his name wrong - real bad,

I knew in my gut

When he was chewing my butt,

That he knew I was no college grad.

I plead my case to him over the phone,

The mistakes in the past I did own,

But this wasn't my doing,

Someone else's rear he should be chewing,

Since the article was not even home grown.

And we all know how to spell his name

Because 'round here it's a name of great fame

But it's wrong in the phone book,

Don't believe me? Take a look!

A mistake none-the-less just the same....

Make no mistake his name is DeGeer,

And his name when misspelled instills great fear,

He did use such class,

While ripping my ____,

and his point was made loud and clear!

I'm timing Charles to see how long it takes him to call and comment on this week's article.

Have a great week Mr. DeGeer

KWIBS - From January 18, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

Something very cool happened last Monday. Most people probably didn't even notice, but it was a palindrome - 01-11-10. A palindrome is a word, phrase, number or other sequence of units that can be read the same way in either direction. I suppose, the next date to be a palindrome will occur in 11-11-11. The last one would have been 10-11-01.

Now for the really cool thing that occurred last Monday.

Ronda and I became grandparents!

Our Grandson Kycen Joseph Schaffer was born to Breeann and Devin at 3:55 p.m. at Pratt Regional Medical Center.

One of the coolest privileges of my job is getting to print my immediate family's birth announcements. The last one I printed for myself would have been Nicholas on February 25, of 1998. So it's been a while since I got to print a birth announcement and I am very proud to print this one!

Kycen was welcomed to the world by an entourage of family! Maternal grandparents are Kevin and Ronda Noland of Medicine Lodge. Paternal grandparents are Joe and Stephanie Schaffer of Pratt, and Ladonna and Richard Weiss of Germany.

Kycen is the great grandson of Don and Linda Vick, the late Barbara Vick, Joyce Noland, Ron Noland, Carole Schaffer and Linda Coffemann.

He is the great-great grandson of Mildred Meairs!

Kycen's aunts and uncles include Nicholas and Joey Noland, Gage, Libby and Joey Schaffer and Kayla and Cory Degenhardt.

He's got hundreds more cousins, great aunts and uncles - more names than I have space for or even want to try and name. I would surely leave someone out!

Bree had called us on Sunday night and said she was having contractions. We got pretty excited. In fact, we didn't get any sleep that night. As soon as we did relax, the phone rang at 2 a.m. (and Hillary was not there to answer it). Breeann was pretty sure she was in labor. The contractions were closer and closer and by 4 a.m., Breeann, Devin and Miley (their dog) were at our house to drop off Miley on the way to the hospital.

We all congregated at the hospital for what would be a very long day.

After more than 2 hours of pushing, they wheeled Breeann in for a cesarean section at about 3 p.m. Shortly before 4 p.m. on 01-11-10 the little guy came into the world and will surely be a source of joy for so many in his large family.

And because no one else in his family has a column in a newspaper, I have chosen a photo appropriately!

KWIBS - From January 4, 2010 - By Kevin Noland

I'm sure this week's column will constitute someone typing me an ugly email response, but I can take it.

Christmas day's attempted terrorist plot over the skies of Detroit should remind all of us that Muslim extremists still want to kill Americans.

Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab allegedly tried to ignite a device attached to his body as the Northwest Airlines flight from Amsterdam began its final descent in to the American city on Christmas Day. 280 passengers, mostly American were on board Northwest Airlines Flight 253.

Here are some basic facts about the terrorist himself (yes, he is a terrorist) and the events that unfolded.

Nov. 19: Abdulmutallab’s father goes to the US Embassy in Abuja, Nigeria, to express concern his son was in Yemen and had fallen under the influence of extremists.

Nov. 20: The US Embassy sends a so-called VISAS VIPER cable with the information that Abdulmutallab’s father had provided. The cable is sent to all US diplomatic missions and the State Department in Washington, where it was also shared with the interagency National Counterterrorism Center for review.

Nov. 20: Abdulmutallab’s name is entered into the National Counterterrorism Center’s Terrorist Identities Datamart Environment database based on information provided by his father.

Dec. 16: Abdulmutallab’s round-trip plane ticket is purchased in Accra, Ghana, for $2,831 in cash, presumably by Abdulmutallab himself, according to Nigerian officials.

Dec. 24: Abdulmutallab reenters Nigeria for only one day to board a flight from Lagos to Detroit, via Amsterdam.

Dec. 25: Abdulmutallab allegedly tries to bring down Northwest Airlines Flight 253 as it approaches Detroit. The plane lands safely, and he is taken to the University of Michigan Medical Center in Ann Arbor, Mich., for treatment of burns.

Dec. 27: Abdulmutallab is transferred to a federal prison in Michigan.

Hopefully, he'll never again experience freedom.

Over the past year, we've been conditioned to feel that the war on terror is no longer a priority for our country, but the facts remain clear. Extremists hate America and our values and it's time we start accepting that fact and not worry about hurting people's feelings when it comes to profiling.

Yep, I said the ugly word. Profiling.

We've been doing it for years. It might be uncomfortable to say, but let's face it - profiling would add an extra measure of protection for America's interests.

We have to stop being so PC (politically correct) in this country. I'm not saying remove fundamental rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I'm talking about common sense and scrutinizing those who choose air travel.

I've got other ideas that aren't very popular too, but it could mean protecting American lives and that means more to me than upsetting someone because of their race, color, religion or name.

We've all heard of the "do not fly" list. Why don't we have a "do fly" list? Millions of Americans use air travel for moving about the country and the world every year. Screen these people first. If you have been flying for 20 years, have no criminal background, no association with Islamic fundamentalists or known countries that support terrorism - you get a DO FLY card and you get to go through a special line at the airport for screening. It's like the fast pass at Six Flags. Go straight to the front of the line and enjoy the ride.

If you are a flyer that travels once in a while and have passed basic background checks, then you go in another line that has a little extra security for screening. You might be asked to remove your shoes, belt, be searched for weapons or "no fly" items, but don't worry. It's for your safety.

Finally, if your name can't be spoken without spitting all over, you are on a "watch list", have terroristic connections or are flying from a country that does support known terrorists, then you go to a special line and strip naked, are X-rayed and get a full body search. We're sorry for any inconvenience. You'll get an extra bag of peanuts for your flight.

KWIBS - From December 28, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Who doesn't love exchanging gag gifts year after year?

For twenty-five years, two brothers-in-law traded the same pair of gift pants back and forth between them, each time finding more inventive ways to wrap them.

The one present Roy Collette wasn’t looking forward to getting for Christmas 1988 was those darned pants. Yet he knew he was in trouble as soon as the flatbed truck bearing a concrete-filled tank off a truck used to deliver ready-mix rolled up. Sure as God made little green apples, those pants had to be in there. And he was going to have to fish them out, else declare his brotherin-law the winner of a rivalry that had then spanned 20 years.

Being the sport he is, brother-in-law Larry Kunkel thoughtfully supplied the services of a crane to hoist the concrete-filled tank off the flatbed.

What’s this game, you ask? What was the significance of these pants, and why were two grown men going to such efforts year after year to retrieve them, only to send them off again?

It all began in 1964 when Larry Kunkel’s mom gave him a pair of moleskin pants. After wearing them a few times, he found they froze stiff in Minnesota winters and thus wouldn’t do. That next Christmas, he wrapped the garment in pretty paper and presented it to his brother-in-law.

Brother-in-law Roy Collette discovered he didn’t want them either. He bided his time until the Christmas after, then packaged them up and gave them back to Kunkel. This yearly exchange proceeded amicably until one year Collette twisted the pants tightly and stuffed them into a 3-foot-long, 1-inch wide pipe.

And so the game began. Year after year, as the pants were shuffled back and forth, the brothers strove to make unwrapping them more difficult, perhaps in the hope of ending the tradition. In retaliation for the pipe, Kunkel compressed the pants into a 7-inch square, wrapped them with wire and gave the "bale" to Collette. Not to be outdone, Collette put the pants into a 2-foot-square crate filled with stones, nailed it shut, banded it with steel and gave the trusty trousers back to Kunkel.

The brothers agreed to end the caper if the trousers were damaged. But they were as careful as they were clever. As the game evolved, so did the rules. Only "legal and moral" methods of wrapping were permitted. Wrapping expenses were kept to a minimum with only junk parts used.

Kunkel next had the pants mounted inside an insulated window that had a 20-year guarantee and shipped them off to Collette.

Collette broke the glass, recovered the trousers, stuffed them into a 5-inch coffee can, which he soldered shut. The can was put in a 5-gallon container filled with concrete and reinforcing rods and given to Kunkel the following Christmas.

Kunkel installed the pants in a 225-pound homemade steel ashtray made from 8-inch steel casings and etched Collette’s name on the side. Collette had trouble retrieving the treasured trousers, but succeeded without burning them with a cutting torch.

Collette found a 600-pound safe and hauled it to Viracon Inc. in Owatonna, where the shipping department decorated it with red and green stripes, put the pants inside and welded the safe shut. The safe was then shipped to Kunkel, who was the plant manager for Viracon’s outlet in Bensenville.

The pants next turned up in a drab green, 3-foot cube that once was a 1974 Gremlin. A note attached to the 2,000-pound scrunched car advised Collette that the pants were inside the glove compartment.

In 1982 Kunkel faced the problem of retrieving the pants from a tire 8 feet high and 2 feet wide and filled with 6,000 pounds of concrete. On the outside Collette had written, "Have a Goodyear."

In 1983 the pants came back to Collette in a 17.5-foot red rocket ship filled with concrete and weighing 6 tons. Five feet in diameter, with pipes 6 inches in diameter outside running the length of the ship and a launching pad attached to its bottom, the rocket sported a picture of the pants fluttering atop it. Inside the rocket were 15 concrete-filled canisters, one of which housed the pants.

Collette’s revenge for the rocket ship was delivered to Kunkel in the form of a 4-ton Rubik’s Cube in 1985. The cube was made of concrete that had been baked in a kiln and covered with 2,000 board feet of lumber.

Kunkel "solved the cube," and for 1986 gift-giving repackaged the pants into a station wagon filled with 170 steel generators all welded together. Because the pants have to be retrieved undamaged, Collette was faced with carefully taking apart each component.

What happened to the pants in 1987 is a mystery, and their 1988 packaging 1989’s packaging scheme brought the demise of the much-abused garment.

Collette was inspired to encase the pantaloons in 10,000 pounds of jagged glass that he would then deposit in Kunkel’s front yard. "It would have been a great one - really messy," Kunkel ruefully admitted. The pants were shipped to a friend in Tennessee who managed a glass manufacturing company. While molten glass was being poured over the insulated container that held them, an oversized chunk fractured, transforming the pants into a pile of ashes.

The ashes were deposited into a brass urn and delivered to Kunkel along with this epitaph:

Sorry, Old Man Here lies the Pants. . . An attempt to cast the pants in glass brought about the demise of the pants at last. The urn now graces the fireplace mantel in Kunkel’s home.

KWIBS - From December 21, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Overly bragging Christmas letters: We have all gotten them. You may have even sent them. David's soccer team led the division. Erica played the lead in the school play, made the honor roll, again, and was elected homecoming queen. Mike got a promotion and a raise along with a large office with a private bathroom. Shelly is quite busy chairing three community charities in between serving in the food line at the homeless shelter.

Well, shucks; if Sally made the Dean's list at MIT while Steven got off with a strict warning and 200 hours of community service for his DUI, which one are you going to write about? Sometimes life is hard to write about.

Do you ever just want to write the truth and slip it in the mail to your family and friends? You can be proud of all the good things in your life, but life isn't always as smooth as one might believe from reading a Christmas letter.

Every year, I say I am going to write a Christmas letter and send out cards and every year, I forget or don't have time.

Since I didn't write a "personal" Christmas letter, mine will be more public and go something like this.....

Hey all,

It's Christmas time and wanted to give you an update on the family.

First off, I am very proud of my kids. I just wanted to get that out up front even though my daughter had to drop out of college earlier this year because she is pregnant, Joey asked me if he could get "black guy" dreadlocks last night and Nicholas is going through a very rebellious, back-talking stage. They're good kids and I couldn't have been blessed with better!

Despite some setbacks in our plans this year, Ronda and I are good and life is good. Ronda is very excited about becoming a grandma. I, on the other hand, am excited about the new baby too, but refuse to be called grandpa just yet. I prefer "K-Pa" the artist formerly known as Kevin.

Breeann and her boyfriend Devin will become parents in just a few short weeks. Devin has a good job and works for the county road and bridge department and Bree does some baby-sitting. They just moved out from the appartment above Taco/Tico and into a small house here in town. The apartment was a great start for them, but Breeann and the baby needed to be on the ground level, especially in inclement weather.

Joey has been working on his levels of Call of Duty..... and his stand-up comic act. He's doing good in school and ran cross country this year. He's been working for John Nixon, helping out with auctions, but would like to find more work. We've been talking about his future plans. He's a junior this year. It won't be long and he'll be graduating.

Nicholas played football this year for the first time and really showed some athleticism. He likes all sports, but I think football is going to be his thing. He's a big Cowboys fan (because his mother and I are) and we took him and Joey to a Kansas City vs. Dallas game back in October. That was a cool experience for him. He's also doing well in school.

Ronda and I aren't big fans of this cold weather snap we've had. I turned 40 in October and had knee surgery earlier this year. I really feel the cold weather now.

The newspaper business is going well and I am still a bail bondsman on the side. We enjoy what we do and most days and going to work is fun for us.

We experience the same challenges, victories, failures and special moments that most people do in life as each year comes and goes.

So now we take a moment to thank you for your friendship and love and remind you why we celebrate this year.

It's so easy to forget what the holiday is all about. If you're like me you have last minute shopping to do, gift wrapping, decorating, parties to go to, school programs to attend, baking, family and everything else that goes along with this time of year.

For me and my family Christmas symbolizes God's love and mercy and the gift of his Son Jesus.

My favorite scripture about this season is in Luke 2, beginning with verse 8: "And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

Ronda and I may be the worst when it comes to sending out Christmas cards, but we do have bragging rights to what this season means to us and for the blessings of family and friends.

So this is our card to you all - to our friends, our family and our readers. We wish you a Merry Christmas.

We pray that the peace and hope that is Jesus's birth fills your home this holiday.

ps: Of the 52 weeks out of each year we print a newspaper, the last two weeks of the year are the most hectic for us. Usually Christmas falls somewhere either on a print day, deadline day or smack dab in the middle of it all. We rush around at the paper weeks before, trying to schedule the time off and find ways to get work done in advance so we can produce the last two papers of the year.

We may be shutting the office down a few weeks over Christmas and New Years to spend time with our family and friends. We'll leave a note on the door if we do. If you have news, email me at knoland@cyberlodg.com.

KWIBS - From December 14, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Did you hear the collective "groan" on Sunday morning December the 6th?

That was the sound of those who competed in the dodge ball fund-raising event sponsored by NBCRC.

I went to the event all bummed out because my weekend plans changed. Originally, I was supposed to have been out of town and didn't get on a team, but as my luck (or lack there of) had it, I got picked up in a late draft by Norm Clouse.

Without a warm up or even an explanation of the rules, I was throwing, dodging and being hit by flying balls.

But they didn't hurt. There was no pain! That was, until the next day.

OH MY LORD! When was the last time I used that particular muscle group? It is the one that started somewhere at the top of your head and ended at your toe nail.

I limped out of bed for church Sunday, with a sort of shameful satisfaction as I remembered throwing the balls at some people in our community - ones that I had always dreamed of throwing a ball at! The event was a blast and my hat goes off to Becky Catlin and all who helped put this on. What a blast. I can't wait until February for the next one!

? ? ? ?

Please take a moment to read the following column. It's worth your time and why I even bother to put out a newspaper each week.

It’s not recognized as a national holiday.

We don’t get the day off from work.

We don’t have throngs of people carrying signs celebrating it — or denigrating it, for that matter.

And the day doesn’t even show up on most calendars.

In fact, if Jay Leno went Jaywalking and asked the average American citizen what we celebrate on Dec. 15 each year, he likely would get nothing more than a blank stare.

Dec. 15?

' have no idea,' would be the common answer. I’m too busy shopping for Christmas presents.

Yet, on that day and virtually every other day of the year, Americans freely exercise the rights that came with the ratification of the Bill of Rights, the first 10 amendments to the U.S. Constitution.

Freedom of speech.

Freedom of religion.

Freedom of assembly.

Freedom to petition government for a redress of grievances.

The right to due process.

The right to bear arms.

The right against self-incrimination.

The right to a jury trial.

And, lest I forget, freedom of the press.

Yes, 218 years ago, the founders accepted almost verbatim George Mason’s ÒVirginia Declaration of RightsÓ as the bedrock statement of our individual rights as Americans.

George Mason isn’t a household name, unless you’re a huge sports fan, especially of college basketball.

While we should put our nation’s founders on their own unique pedestal, we can’t lose sight of the fact that had it not been for George Mason’s dogged determination to get his ÒDeclaration of RightsÓ accepted as the first amendments to the new constitution, we might not live in a country where we can speak out, hold opinions that others find objectionable or even abhorrent, be considered innocent until proven guilty, exercise our religious beliefs or choose not to believe and assemble for or against an issue without fear of recrimination.

George Mason held back his support of the new constitution, saying that the blueprint for a new nation lacked the absolutely essential ingredients that would place the individual above the state in almost all circumstances.

Had he not done so, we might be living in a very different country today.

So, on Dec. 15, whoop it up a little in celebration of Bill of Rights Day.

And if you happen to go to a holiday party or two, you can impress your fellow guests with your knowledge of the history of the Bill of Rights.

Someone once said they never discuss politics or religion.

What country are they from?

Doug Anstaett is executive director of the Kansas Press Association.

KWIBS - From December 7, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Well, we made it through part I of the holiday season.

Key to the celebration of Thanksgiving is gathering with family and friends to partake of a sumptuous feast prepared in honor of the day. Central to that feast (or at least to our common mental image of it) is a roasted turkey laid on a platter before the hungry guests, the bird presented in all its mouthwatering crispy-skinned perfection.

Yet not every aspiring Thanksgiving-maker knows how to properly roast a turkey. The bird proves an utter mystery to some, resulting in many a holiday mishap of a culinary nature.

Luckily, those confounded by the fowl can access a great deal of help by calling a number of turkey preparation hotlines. While some offer only recorded tips on how to prepare and roast the bird, others provide live assistance from trained experts well experienced not only with poultry but with nervous and overwhelmed cooks. Over the years, these talk line mavens have fielded all manner of queries from those bewildered by the fickle bird.

One of the more unusual questions handled by Butterball’s Turkey Talk-Line (which the company has operated since 1981) comes from those who have mistaken a well-traveled joke for an actual recipe: They call to ask if they can pop popcorn in the turkey’s cavity during the roasting process. (The joke’s punch line is: "You know the turkey is done when the popcorn pops and blows the rear off the bird.") And no, you can’t.

The hotline has heard from a gal who couldn’t find the turkey she buried in a snowbank, a guy who wanted to know how to carve his bird with a chain saw, and a mechanic who worried about using motor oil as a baste.

Then there was the young mother who failed to notice her children playing near the oven-ready bird. The kids decided the turkey’s cavity was a good place to park toy cars. Their mom didn’t discover Ol’ Tom was doubling as a garage until after the turkey had been roasted.

Another confused cook called the Butterball line after cleaning her turkey because she wanted to know how to get the metal pieces out.

"Apparently," said one of the Butterball economists, "she had scrubbed her bird with a steel scouring pad." A West Coast woman who had taken anti-bacterial precautions too far called Butterball to find out how to get the bleach she’d used off her bird. Butterball turkey experts still talk about the Kentucky woman who called in 1993 to ask how to get her dog out of her turkey. It seems the woman’s Chihuahua had dived into the bird’s cavity and become trapped there. The woman tried pulling the pooch and shaking the bird, all to no avail. A Butterball economist finally suggested the woman carefully cut the opening in the turkey wider to release the captive canine.

The Reynolds Wrap Turkey Tips Line (800-745-4000) took a query from a woman who wanted to know if she could cook her turkey by placing it in a Reynolds Oven Bag, putting it in the window in the back of her car, and letting the heat from the sun bake the turkey. (She was told that would be an uncontrolled heat source and was instructed to use an oven instead.)

The folks at Butterball have also dealt with cooks determined to roast turkeys on the back ledges of their cars. And they’ve had people call to ask if they could cook their holiday birds on radiators. Then there was the bride who had a small, apartment-size range and was worried the turkey would get larger as it cooked (similar to a loaf of bread rising) — she was fretting she wouldn’t be able to get it out of the oven after it was done. Some other howlers include the woman who cleaned out her turkey with a scrub brush, people who thawed their turkeys in the bathtub while washing their kids, and a man looking for a quick way to cook his turkey who put it in the oven on the cleaning cycle.

There are those whose problems are not how to get the turkey out of the oven, but when. Said Nancy Rodriguez, coordinator of the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line in 1985, "One lady in Arkansas had her five-pound turkey in the oven 24 hours — did we think it was done? Another caller wanted to know the best method for reattaching the thighs and drumsticks when they fall off. His 12-pound turkey had been in the oven since 8 a.m. the day before."

The self-cleaning option offered on a number of ranges has caused its share of Thanksgiving troubles when confused cooks have inadvertently started its cycle while their birds were in the oven. Others have different range-related questions, such as: "Your directions say to roast the turkey, but my oven says only bake or broil; how do I set it?"

We’ll leave it to others to provide the more mundane advice regarding thawing and cooking times, how to prepare the bird for roasting and how to prepare stuffing, and instead offer these useful tips, as gleaned from the experiences of turkey hot line counselors:

Do not leave your turkey on your back porch, either to slow thaw it or to keep it chilled until the big day. Those who have failed to heed this advice have discovered themselves birdless on Thanksgiving morning. Their loss was the local raccoons’ gain — those masked marauders celebrated the day in fine style.

If you choose to bring home your frozen bird within the car proper rather than in the trunk, do take care to seatbelt the fowlsicle lest a sudden stop transform the star of the upcoming dinner into a weighty frozen projectile.

One woman who failed to belt down her bird was rewarded for her lack of foresight with a broken toe when a sharp tap of the brakes caused the iced fowl to slide off the seat and onto her foot.

KWIBS - From November 30, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Topeka, we have a problem...

The holiday season is supposed to be a time of thanksgiving and appreciation, but that's going to be difficult for Kansans.

Last week Kansas Gov. Mark Parkinson announced $259 million worth of spending cuts, reducing funds for highway maintenance and education to shore up a troubled state budget.

Parkinson made the cuts in response to a Nov. 5 revenue estimate that foretold a gap of $260 million between state revenues and approved expenditures. Parkinson said he could not promise there wouldn't be further cuts next spring when the next revenue forecast is given.

This is the 5th time reductions have been made to the state's budget and the second year in a row that Kansas has seen revenue declines. It is expected to last out to four years.

We're all going to feel this adjustment in ways that aren't going to be comfortable for us.

These cuts are now going to do severe harm to our public schools, community colleges and universities and the most vulnerable Kansans who are relying on state services to survive this economic downturn.

If you don't believe, take Governor Mark Parkinson's own words to heart, "As a result of these cuts, children’s classrooms will be overcrowded, creating an environment in which learning is a challenge for every student. Some districts will be forced to lay off teachers and close schools. The arts, athletics and extracurricular opportunities that make our schools and communities great may be a thing of the past."

But it's a business and has to operate like one, unless you are one like AIG who got billions of tax payer money to stay in business and shore up our financial institutions. Much of that money went to pay bonuses. There is so much fraud and mis-use of taxpayer money, you would think that they would build a special prison for those who have abused the system.

I'm appalled that some of this stimulus money can't be earmarked for our public school systems. It's something that is barely talked about.

It's nearly 8 months after a stimulus bill was signed by President Obama. I still wonder if that $787 billion was just a bunch of baloney.

Just a little over 10% of the stimulus money has been spent since being voted in. Of the $787.2 billion in American Recovery and Reinvestment Act funds, $499 billion is for stimulus projects, of which $157.8 billion has been made available and $56.3 billion has been spent. The biggest chunk, $22 billion, has been spent by states for Medicare and Medicaid payments.

If each state could get $1 billion of that stimulus money earmarked for "stimulus projects" and it were used to help our school systems, Kansas could balance their budget and have money left over to start funding programs that would stimulate our economy.

However, this $787 billion is all play money. We don't actually have the money that we're investing in this so called stimulus.

Government has just gotten too big and we're now in a cycle of spending more than we have and I wonder if we'll ever see the end of it.

Although I understand that cuts have to be made, I'm disappointed that we couldn't find them in other places. Education is just too important, and if our future is our children, and we're leaving them this incredible debt to shoulder, then I would think that education would be the last place we would cut. . You can bet that in the coming months we're going to see some critical services and cuts to our most basic everyday lives. One of those cuts is going to greatly affect our schools - the backbone of our community.

We've taken a "bury our heads in the sand" attitude over the past year and have been pretty critical of our school board and superintendent for making cuts and preparing for the "worse case scenario". Well, it's now the worse case scenario and it's time to pull our heads out and put them together for solutions to save our community and our state.

KWIBS - From November 16, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Another Veterans Day celebration in Medicine Lodge has come and gone. This year's program, veterans museum and lunch with a veteran brought students, veterans and the community together.

I've heard it said many times over the past few weeks that this could be the last of the veterans museum due to low attendance. I hate to hear that and I did some investigating for myself.

At 9 a.m. there were 37 students and 14 adults. At 11:25 a.m. there were 65 students and 31 adults. My son Joey said there was a steady flow of people all morning long.

Mr. Hill and his Junior Class have been doing the museum for many years and I would encourage them to keep it up. It's an amazing service to the community and such a cool way to honor our veterans.

The program at the High School was incredible. We have always, for as long as I can remember, had Mrs. Hartley heading up the event. This year she's stepped down, but is still volunteering her services to the district's celebration. I commend her for building this event up and thank her for her tireless service to our veterans.

The student essays and poems were a great tribute to our men and women who have served our country. The music was great, the dedications and the slide show brought tears to many eyes in the audience. I spoke to one veteran who said, "I fought back tears when I looked around the room and saw my fellow veterans standing for their branch song."

This program and the museum have become such an important part of our community, I can't imagine a Veterans Day without them.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From November 2, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

The second wave of the swine flu pandemic is now under way in the northern hemisphere. Case numbers are climbing fast and in some places vaccination has begun.

So what's the big deal? The virus hasn't evolved into the monster that some feared and most cases are mild. Were all those pandemic warnings just scare-mongering?

The Merklein family of Kiowa, probably wouldn't say so. Just over a week ago, their daughter Lauren, 14, became sick and collapsed in her hotel room while on a school trip. She died in a hospital three days later. She had an underlying heart condition, but tested positive for H1N1.

Any flu virus provides a serious threat, especially to the very old, those with underlying medical conditions and the very young. While the swine flu is not MORE virulent than previous strains of influenza, our problem is that of May 2009 scientists had not had time to produce a vaccine. As a result the virus spread more quickly than with 'normal' strains, this is why the swine flu is referred to as pandemic - world-wide.

It is interesting to look at the Spanish flu of 1918. In countries such as USA and UK about 25% of the population were infected. Of those infected approximately 3% died. While the percentages are much lower than I would have guessed, nevertheless the flu caused a huge number of actual fatalities. Just in the USA alone there were 500,000.

There's a lot of talk that the vaccine is unsafe and untested. Myths and worries about the vaccine have spread on talk radio and anti-vaccine Web sites, but Dr. Thomas R. Frieden, director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention seemed to debunk them in an interview with the NY Times.

While most people recover, he said, "on average, flu is not a ‘mild’ illness. It can make you pretty sick, knock you out for a day or two or three." And in rare cases, he emphasized, it kills.

He rejected suggestions that the new vaccine is untested. Its seed strain was created, grown and purified in the same slow way as seasonal flu shots, which hundreds of millions of people have had, and rapid clinical trials last month showed the same lack of serious side effects.

What about the vaccines? I've had heated discussion with family and friends who are convinced it's more dangerous to get a flu shot than to just let the flu run its natural course.

People's nervousness about swine flu vaccines is understandable. In 1976, after the death of a US army recruit triggered fears of a repeat of the deadly 1918 pandemic, around 48 million Americans were given a swine flu vaccine. Of these, 532 developed Guillain-Barré syndrome, a paralytic condition caused by rogue antibodies attacking nerve cells. Most people recover from Guillain-Barré, but not all; 25 died after 1976 and others suffered lasting damage. The 1976 vaccine caused around 10 cases per million vaccinated.

Does this mean it is safer not getting vaccinated? Absolutely not. First, there is the risk of swine flu killing you. Second, what few people know is that flu itself is far more likely to cause Guillain-Barré than any flu vaccine.

The risk of getting Guillain-Barré from a flu vaccine is almost certainly less than 1 in a million; the risk of getting it from flu itself is more than 40 in a million. Swine flu is estimated to have killed 800 people in the US already, or more than 2 in every million so far. And during the first wave of swine flu this summer, 1 out of every 20,000 children aged 4 or under in the US ended up in hospital. Still think it's safer not to get vaccinated?

So, you are probably wondering, did I get my swine flu shot? No, unfortunately, I don't fall into a category for qualifying for the shot since it is still in short supply. My pregnant daughter did and my youngest son got his shot last week.

I have asked to be notified when the vaccine is available and I meet the criteria to get one. I too have an underlying heart condition and had an MI (Myocardial infarction or heart attack) when I was just 35 years old. I have some scar tissue and have three stents, but am otherwise healthy.

My prayers go out for the Merklein family in their time of mourning and I encourage everyone to take the flu shot when it becomes available.

KWIBS - From October 26, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Next weekend is Halloween and I wanted in the worst way to dress in a hospital lab coat and go as Dr. Garcia, going door to door and making house calls, but I am going to be out of town.

So maybe, Dr. Garcia could dress in shorts and flip flops and go as the local newspaper publisher? It's easy for me to dress up like a doctor, but what does a normal newspaper publisher look like? I dont' know.....

I went to the hospital's disaster training event last Saturday and Dr. Garcia was there. We always joke around about looking alike. One of the program directors was handing out assignments to the personnel at the hospital. Each EMT, nurse or staff member was given an assignment and when they got to me, I just said, "I'm Dr. Garcia's stunt double."

Wednesday is my son Joey's birthday. He's turning 17!

Happy birthday Joey!

KWIBS - From October 19, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

If you've ever been in a situation in which you've almost completed an important project, only to have your computer spontaneously crash seconds before hitting the "save" button, you understand how frustrating losing your data can be.

Now, imagine losing all your important files - everything from business files, to family photos, to your tax returns - permanently.

I can't stress the importance of backing up your files, but I can give you an example of why I am so thankful that I do.

Last weekend was the first weekend in about two years that I didn't do a complete backup of the newspaper on Saturday when the corrections were completed. I had to leave town and Doris finished up the paper. My plans were to do the back up and archives on Monday.

When I got back to town on Monday, I noticed my newspaper file was locked up, so I rebooted my PC. After restarting it, I attempted to open the file and it was corrupted. I had lost an entire digital issue of the newspaper. I've been electronically archiving since about 2005 and I have had a couple of issues that have become corrupted in that time.

Fortunately, I had the previous week backed up and only lost about 4-5 ads that were built last week. Our stories and photos are located on separate drives, so they were safe. I opened the previous week's file and rebuilt this week's newspaper. Thankfully, the crash happened after the newspaper had already been printed. It was a mild inconvenience to rebuild the pages, but it could have been a disaster without a recent back up.

There are many devices that can be used for backing up files. CDROMs, zip drives, tape drives, DVDs and my favorite - the flash drive. These little sticks of memory can be purchased for as little as $5 at electronic stores. I have a couple of them and frequently back up my important data, especially my family photos. If you don't have one, you should get one. And if you aren't backing up your files frequently, you should be.

We put an enormous amount of faith in computers to store our information. It only takes a simple flicker of electricity to destroy a day, a week, a month or even a lifetime of information.

What's worse, the modern computer is ever more vulnerable to the imminent threats multiplying on the Internet - everything from adware, to spyware, to viruses.

I don't care how much antivirus software you are running, if you are on the internet, you are vulnerable. Backing your files up is the only safe and sure way that your data will be protected.

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We took a trip to KC last week and took our boys to see the KC Chiefs vs. Dallas Cowboys game on Sunday. It was Nicholas's first professional football game.

Nick is 11 and we watch football on TV every Sunday afternoon. He was pretty excited to be at a live event with so many people. Arrowhead Stadium is a pretty loud, and intimidating place to be and he was overwhelmed with the excitement. The game went in to overtime and ended with the Cowboys walking away with a 26-20 win over the Chiefs.

We were there in our Dallas Cowboy's jerseys. Sorry goes out to you Chiefs fans. For a while it looked like the Cowboys were going to break the Chief's losing streak. We thought we were going to have to take the walk of shame to our vehicle. I was glad that the game was close, but happier that Dallas won.

As we were leaving the stadium Nicholas was still beaming from the event and asked, "Dad, who plays next?"

I responded, "Where?"

He said, "Here!"

We all started laughing and told him the game was over and that it was time to go home.

He is so used to seeing the next game come on TV that he thought there was another game being played right after the Chiefs vs. Cowboys game. When we explained that other teams play at other stadiums he seemed a little disappointed that we weren't staying for another game. It was 35 degrees outside. I'm not sure my toes could have taken another game!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From October 5, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Well, a very important milestone occurred in my life over the weekend. I turned 40. 14,600 days have passed since my birth....

It sort of crept up on me with little warning and then BAM! I was 40.

I started to panic a little bit about the new age bracket. My 20s were spent being in a band, having children, publishing a newspaper, riding Harleys, getting tattoos and being a little on the wild side.

My 30s were spent being in a band, getting tattoos, publishing a newspaper, mowing the lawn, SCUBA diving, gardening and raising my kids and graduating my oldest from high school.

I know that, God willing, my 40s are going to be spent publishing a newspaper, seeing my two boys graduate from high school, gardening and welcoming my first grandchild into the world in January. I'm pretty sure I am done with tattooing, I've given up my Harley for a ZTR lawn mower, I can't afford to go SCUBA diving anymore and I really am probably too old to be in a band.

It appears that I have grown up! Ha... you only wish.

As I reflected on this, I realized the importance of keeping a journal. It's something we've discussed in our mens' group from church and the more I thought about it, the more important it became to me.

A year ago my dad was diagnosed with alzheimer's. He's pretty good at remembering most things, but there are times he struggles for the words, names and endings for stories and memories. This illness gives me personal motivation to keeping a journal.

So for one week now, I've kept a journal. I am 40 years old and just starting, but I've been cheating for years. I've written a column of some sort or fashion for the past 20 years called KWIBS. It may have only been a once-a-week entry, but it gives some idea of my thought process and things that have been important to me over the last half of my life.

So when I started on September 27, 2009, I had no idea what to write, so I pondered my day and made my first entry. It was only a few paragraphs long, but it detailed friends Dale and Michele McCurdy coming to see me for my 40th birthday. My wife set the whole thing up and it was "mostly" a surprise. I sort of figured out what was going on the day they arrived, but I'm like that. Ronda hates going to see movies with me because I'm always figuring out the endings. I'm a walking movie spoiler....

Later in the week it got easier to make journal entries. I just set a time in the evening after everyone went to bed to type out a few paragraphs about my day and my thoughts.

This one was kind of funny: Tuesday, September 29, 2009. "Ronda and I went out on the deck to drink a glass of wine. I was filling up the hot tub and a moth flew out and got in Ronda's hair. She jumped spilling her wine all over the deck and I hosed it off. She went back inside to finish her wine."

I guess my journal will contain whatever I want to write about - The beauty of the half moon I saw last night, my concerns and hopes for my children, my wife throwing wine across the deck and screaming when a moth got in her hair - whatever is on my mind.

So, I'll add journaling to my list of things I'm doing while in my 40s and I hope to continue that routine for quite a while. It will be something to look forward to along with retirement, AARP benefits, Social Security, the point where my kids stop asking me for money and grand kids start asking me for money.....

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It wasn't just an important milestone for me this weekend. It was also one for my daughter Breeann. Breeann turned 20 years old on Saturday. She's exactly 20 years younger than me by just a few ticks of the clock. She'll only be half my age for this one year of her life and mine. It will be the last time I can say, "I'm twice your age!"

I smile as I write this, thinking about all she'll experience in her 20s, 30s and beyond. I love you sissy. Happy belated birthday to you.

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One more milestone to talk about.... The Gyp Hill Premiere just printed its 1000th issue two weeks ago. That means over 1,000,000 copies printed. I meant to mention it, but the week it happened I was short on space. It's kind of cool that it happened near my 40th birthday. Also, it's National Newspaper Week!

KWIBS - From September 28, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

A school bus carrying a Texas high school swim team slid off a road and into a pond on Monday of last week.

The swim team coach, eighteen students and the driver were able to get out of the bus and swim to safety.

If any of the students were unable to swim to safety, I think you could safely say that it would have been one sorry swim team!

The driver and five students were transported to local hospitals with minor injuries.

Last week ten very courageous Junior Indians took the field against the Douglass Bulldogs who were twenty-nine boys deep. We no longer have enough players for an eleven-man team and from what I understand, we're playing the season - forfeiting our games because of the small number of players out for football this year.

The Indians even resorted to playing eight-man football last week at home, on an 11-man field, adding to their exhaustion. Our Indians are playing with heart, but even the best conditioned team can't take four quarters without rotating players and they get worn down.

So, even though they didn't win their game, they're all winners in our eyes and the Indians and Coaches Cannon and Fischer are to be commended for the effort they are putting out this season.

Keep fighting Indians! We're proud of you!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From September 14, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

So what, the President wanted to speak to our kids and encourage them to be good students and good citizens. I'm sure many would have been more upset if he'd told them to drop out of school and rebel against the government. You just can't win.

If the Democrats remember, they too had a problem with the President speaking to school children. President George Bush, Sr., took heat from a similar speech on October 1, 1991, from Alice Deal Junior High School in Washington DC. Democrats, then the majority party in Congress, not only denounced Bush's speech -- they also ordered the General Accounting Office to investigate its production and later summoned top Bush administration officials to Capitol Hill for an extensive hearing on the issue.

Sadly both Presidents just wanted to address and encourage school children. I don't think there were any hideous agendas involved.

I did have some fun with it even though our school did not participate in the event. Across America, many schools carried the President's address and 6th graders were asked, "What has the President inspired you to do?"

My youngest son Nicholas is a 6th grader and I had prepped him all week with what I thought would be a really witty answer to his teacher's question. He was to answer, "Vote Republican," but sadly my brainwashing was all for naught. Ha!

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It will forever be known as "stinky day" in our home - the first Monday in September, renamed from the ever popular Labor Day.

Normally a day full of good smells like hamburgers and hotdogs on the grill, this Labor Day started out with the fresh smell of dog poop.

Yes, at 7 a.m. Monday morning, I woke up to the sounds of my wife screaming another word for "poop". I got up to find the largest dog turds I've ever seen indoors, lying neatly in a pile in front of my bedroom door.

For clarification, we don't have an indoor dog. However on this day, in my living room was my 80 lb. German Shepherd who had the look of, "who me?" on his face.

If he could talk, he would have said, "Good morning mom and dad. I couldn't find the coffee or the filters, so I just took a crap in front of your bedroom door."

Our garage door was wide open and inside were three bags of trash spread out in what appeared to be his Labor Day celebration.

Rewinding the day....

Our dog sleeps in the garage so that we don't have to listen to him howl all night long. We had produced several bags of trash during the holiday weekend, which we placed in the garage so that the raccoons didn't get into it..... The night before, Hyde had taken out his share of food from the day's events and left a little bit of a mess. I picked everything up and scolded him. Hyde will only get into a trash sack if the bag is untied. He will not tear open a sack. He just knows better. So I can't really blame him for the night before.

As I put him away on Sunday I told him, "Don't you dare get into this trash." He looked at me and went into his crate and laid down.

Later Sunday evening my oldest son Joey came home with friends in tow at around 11:30 p.m. I was up watching TV. I had locked the front door because the bugs were gathered for their Labor Day celebration and I didn't want them moving their party into my living room. Joey knew to come in the garage door.

Last one in, shut the door. Somebody missed that one. The door between our home and the garage was left wide open and sometime in the middle of the night, Hyde came in and made himself at home. Apparently, no one had showed him where the bathroom was so he just took a stab that in front of our bedroom door was the place to go. So we spent the better part of Monday morning cleaning up dog poop. And if you have ever had an 80lb German Shepherd go #2 in your house, you can relate to the smell it made.

I also forgot to tie the bags of trash in the garage, so I cleaned that up too... again. That didn't smell very good either.

KWIBS - From August 31, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Even though other schools in the area started school as long as two weeks ago, it just seems strange that the summer break is over and it's time for our kids to start learning something again.

Like most parents, Ronda and I enjoyed the extra two weeks vacation, but we are ready for our kids to be back in school and out of our house! lol...

Classes for USD#254 begin on Wednesday. There are several new faces in our district, new classes at different buildings and many adjustments to make with the 2009-2010 school year.

I'd like to take a moment to welcome Dick Wood, chemistry and biology teacher at MLHS, Pete Jelovic, new MLHS football coach and P.E. teacher and Lindsey Ritchie, music and band teacher at MLGS.

It will be challenging for the faculty and staff of both buildings with the recent consolidations, but I have the utmost confidence in them.

I am sending out an SOS here. We don't have a sports writer to cover for MLHS football at present. I believe we're lined up for MLJH football, and MLHS volleyball and cross country. I'm looking for a parent or anyone that goes to the football games that would be interested in writing up the articles. We have an excellent photographer, Daryl Musgrove, but we've just run out of ideas on a sports writer. If you are interested in doing this, please contact our office at 620-886-5654. We love giving the kids the coverage and we know you love reading it! Thanks in advance for your help!

and.... GO INDIANS! Have a great school year!

and Have a great week!

KWIBS - From August 24, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Occasionally, I've been known to be somewhat opinionated. Correction. My wife just caught that typo and I've been told that I have been known to be VERY opinionated.

My recent rants on the hospital bond situation have left some of my readers asking, "What happened to Kevin's funny columns?"

It's hard to be funny when you are being passionate about the future of your community. Yes, I believe this issue could be a factor in our future success or our future demise. We have to do something. We need to do something and it needs to be sooner, than later.

But I'll give it a little bit of a rest this week to talk to you all about body hair. Yes, body hair. My wife is groaning right now and she's pulled out her red "edit" pen.

I'm not going to get [too] disgusting, I just want to talk mainly about how cool it is to be a guy and have the option of rearranging his own face (for once) and changing appearances by simply growing a beard or a mustache.

Women don't have that luxury, thank God, of simply letting some hair grow on their chin to make them look more distinguished.

My oldest son Joey recently began his 3 month process of growing just enough hair on his chin to be noticed. I only noticed because I was like three inches from his face one day. Sometimes you have to get that close when speaking to your teenagers.

"What's that on your chin," I asked?

"That's my stache," he said proudly.

I'm going to call it his weird beard. Joey thinks it makes him look older, but he's not fooling me. He told me I was just jealous, so I ripped open my shirt and did my best Chewbacca impersonation and said, "grow hair like this and I'll be impressed!"

To which he said, "Oooo, gross dad."

Yeah, so it's 2009 now and chest hair isn't as popular as it was in 1979, but hey, I was only 9-years-old then and couldn't grow hair yet. It figures that chest hair would be out of style by the time I could grow it.

If I only had a time machine......

Joey tried to make out beard-growing to be some awesome feat. Just about anyone with testosterone can do it....

Ladies, please don't try this at home. You and your significant other will not be pleased with the results.

Here is how to grow a beard. On Day 1, do nothing. On Day 2, do nothing again. On Day 3, continue to do nothing. On Day 4, check to make sure that nothing was still being done. Then simply repeat the cycle.

I can remember my first beard. I was twenty, with long flowing hair. It only seemed natural to grow a beard. Truth be told, I did this four-day nothing cycle more by accident while working on my secret identity in the witness protection program, also known as Peace Treaty. Before I knew it, I had the foundation of a growing beard.

Later in life, I shaved it off only to frighten my children to the point they wouldn't have anything to do with me. Over time they accepted that I was their father.

A few years back, I regrew just a Fu Manchu to hide a double chin I was working on at the same time. Now I just have it because it's a part of me that people recognize it, sort of like a trademark. It's like my very own Nike swoosh.

It's weird how hair works for a guy. We are born, many of us bald. We grow some hair on our heads, (then hair grows in *uh-hum* another region), then on our chins, later on our chests. Then some of us start losing the hair on our heads, growing some on our backs, rear ends, toes, fingers and out the ears and our nose!

Life is so cruel.

So in a way Joey and I are both starting hair growing points in our lives, only on opposite ends of the hair growing spectrum.

I have a friend who has a sweet mustache. It was his birthday this weekend. Justin Rugg turned 34 and his mustache turned 30.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From August 17, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

"My mind is already made up so don't confuse me with the facts". - unknown

That quote really stuck with me this past week as I pondered the hospitals' situation.

Friday's commissioners' meeting was far less hostile than the last one and some light appeared that could signal some cooperation between the commissioners and the hospital boards.

And ABC's General Hospital could write a few scripts from our current situation.

The plot:

- A county wide vote in favor of new hospital facilities.

- The commissioners appoint a Public Building Commission whose job was fact finding in nature.

- Thousands of dollars of tax-payer money is spent at the request of the commissioners to guarantee that the price is right.

- This Public Building Commission recommends it and sends it to the commissioners.

- The commissioners do nothing with it.

- Outrage in the communities sets in.

- One of the hospital's administrator is abruptly fired.

- Everyone comes back to the table peacefully. For now....

You just can't make this stuff up. Tune in next week.

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A headline you won't read in this week's Premiere that is a true story. "Lightning victim's pool party and fundraiser rescheduled due to lighting."

It's true. Dakota Lonker's pool party fundraiser was rescheduled after lightning moved in last Monday night.

KWIBS - From August 10, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Last week was one of the most stressful weeks I have ever had as a newspaper publisher.

Sadly, my lead story as of Monday was the passing of Bev McCollom. Bev passed away Sunday evening, too late for the Monday edition that was already at the press.

Bev was a dear friend to me and to The Gyp Hill Premiere. She was also a friend to so many others in our community. Her son Jerry told me that even in her final days, she requested a laptop so she could get a Meandering done for the paper.

Bev's death marks a sad chapter in our community's historical and colorful past. She was good enough to document so much history for us in her lifetime.

Bev wrote Meandering for my grandfather, my uncle, my dad and for me. Her column was a highlight every week for me and many of my readers have expressed their sadness that Meandering will no longer be on the back page.

But Bev's story, as important and worthy of front page recognition as it was, was bumped lower on the fold for a shocking story of survival when Dakota Lonker was struck by lightning during a freak storm later that afternoon.

Incredibly, Dakota survived and is now home healing up from what many are calling a miracle. We're glad to hear that he is doing well!

But before the week ended, even Dakota moved below the fold after the county commissioners met Thursday.

Many shell-shocked folks are left wondering the fate of a bond issue passed last November. A lot of people spoke to me about letters to the editor, but in the end only two wrote in. Others wanted to, but want to take a "wait and see" approach.

So, what about the vote? What about the public building commission's vote? What about the taxpayer and hospital money spent so far in what seems to be a waste? What about the needs of our health facilities?

These are all issues that will have to be addressed, sooner than later. We have a vote to form a public building commission. One has been formed and that commission recommended moving forward.

August 14, 2009 the commissioners will meet again for a public hearing on the budget. Some folks have expressed their desire to attend this meeting, but one wonders what good that will do.

I can tell you with little doubt that name calling and yelling at the commissioners will do little to no good. Cooler heads must prevail. You can have a difference of opinion and not turn it into a screaming match.

Some of the most ridiculous statements I have heard this week have come from people outside of our community through KAKE TV's website.

Here's one: Why don't you spend the money on a Life Flight helicopter with crew. That way you can transport those people with critical emergencies to the Pratt medical center which is only about 22 miles away.

Folks, nobody knows better the needs of Barber County than her residents. That includes: other county commissioners or other clerks, other health care professionals or anybody else outside this county. We're unique (not to be confused with eunuch, just a little humor to lighten the mood) in the respect that we have population spread out through our entire county and not congested into one urban setting. We also have good oil and land evaluations.

There are good things going for this county, but we have to seize the day! Carpe diem!

Our declining population is of our own doing. We're simply not giving anyone any reason to come here or to stay here.

Doing nothing at all just isn't an option or in the best interest of the citizens of the county anymore.

I'll be the first to admit I was pretty angry at the outcome of last week's commissioners' meeting. I still believe the voters are owed an explanation and a satisfactory outcome to their vote.

I also still believe democracy took a bad beating here in our county and I hope I am proven incorrect in my assessment last week that democracy is a sham here.

KWIBS - From August 3, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

It's an arrogance that you would normally see in some far away country without democracy.... and a short leader with crazy hair.

The majority and the will of Barber County voters was denied on Friday by three county commissioners who had their own agenda in mind when it came to the construction and funding of two hospitals in Barber County.

That agenda seems to be unclear. They project gloom and doom for Barber County with declining population and a national economy with no hope of recovery in site. They predict a national health care reform that will wreck funding for our local hospitals. They are sure they are acting in the best interest of the voters and taxpayers of this county, no matter how we voted.

Never mind that two separate hospital boards and steering committees spent more than two years planning out the needs of each of their respective community's needs for a hospital.

Never mind that these professionals know the business of providing health care and know the requirements to ensure code is met in their facilities.

Never mind the needs of each hospital facility or the needs of health care recipients of Barber County.

Never mind that interest rates are at an all time low.

Never mind that construction costs are at an all time low.

Never mind that a project like this could boost both Kiowa's and Medicine Lodge's economies for 18-24 months and attract more professionals to our communities.

Never mind that the vote in November of 2008 was won 52-48%.

Never mind that our hospitals, in good faith, followed the requests of the commissioners and the Public Building Commission and spent 10s of thousands of dollars getting a guaranteed maximum price from builders.

Never mind that the guaranteed maximum price came in slightly under budget with over runs built in for safety.

Never mind that a Public Building Commission recommended it to the Barber County Commissioners on a 5-2 vote.

People of Barber County, none of this mattered. None of you mattered.

Mr. Garten, Mr. Thomas and Mr. Harbaugh all told me that they do not support this project.

"All along, we as commissioners have had the final say so and individually and as a group, we have chosen not to proceed," stated Garten. "I personally was not willing to vote for two new hospitals in this size of county."

Never mind that a majority of tax payers were willing.

It's not up to them. It's up to three men, elected by a majority of voters.

There is no way to begin calculating the wasted money and man hours that have gone into this project to see it succeed for our hospitals and then ultimately to be shot down by three men.

But they didn't even get that satisfaction. No, there was no vote - simply silence. No record of their real intentions to be recorded in our minutes for all generations to see.

They say there was no agenda, that each of them looked at this with an open mind, but in the end, the evidence speaks clearly as to their intentions. I don't believe they ever expected our communities to pass this. I don't think they ever expected their appointed Public Building Commission to recommend it.

In the end their choices were to pass it, vote it down or simply do nothing.

They did nothing.

Friday, more than 100 people showed up to support the hospitals and many people including Dr. Meador and local Pharmacist John Hagood, spoke in support of the hospital and issuing of bonds, but in the end, Commissioner Mike Thomas motioned to adjourn. Commissioner Paul Harbaugh left abruptly. Commissioner Mike Thomas slipped out quietly and Commissioner Garten faced a crowd of angered and confused taxpayers, voters and hospital employees.

Garten said he would like to see the two communities come together and build one hospital. He already has gotten one of his wishes: The two communities have come together.

Democracy is a sham in Barber County.

KWIBS - From July 20, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

I am a nerd.

I humbly embrace this now, and I'm happier for it.

It was only recently that I came out of the "nerd" closet. I've always had a deep affection for science, technology, a short love-affair in my youth for "Dungeons and Dragons". I have the eyeglasses for the nerd look too.

My fascination with the series "Star Trek" is my biggest nerd claim to fame. I've been a fan of the series since I was old enough to watch TV. Now I DVR every episode.

I can form a compelling argument on why TNG is better than DS9 (that's Star Trek for: The Next Generation and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine for all you other "nerd" people).

Years ago, I dragged my wife and brother-in-law to Wichita to a Star Trek convention. It was awesome. Or at least I thought it was.

There were nerds everywhere and I could have been their king, except for the fact I was the only one not dressed as a Klingon or Vulcan (besides my wife and brother-in-law).

My son Joey is following close in my footsteps. He even wears a shirt that says "Dork" on it. He's not ashamed of his video game addiction, nerdy glasses or the often "pants are too short" moments he has had after a recent growth spurt. Joey's dream car is his 1974 AMC Gremlin. It's parked in the driveway waiting for its day of restoration.

And yes... I have a few Star Trek dolls. I also have the Bionic Man and the Bionic Women (who used to be my girlfriend back in the early 80s, but she didn't know it.) I still have some of my Star Wars characters too.

I love the SciFi Channel! There, I said it. That was very liberating for me.

Who cares if I am a nerd? So, what if I like science fiction movies and TV shows and still play with dolls? I contradict that by sucking at math and by being married and not living in my parents' basement.

I say all this because Seth Oldham was anxious to get away from work and to get out of town last Tuesday. The premiere of the new Harry Potter movie was happening at midnight in Wichita. He says he wasn't going in costume, but it still didn't stop me from pointing out that he too was a nerd.

Yes, Seth is a nerd, or in his case a "Dumbledork". It actually could be the reason that I like this kid.

Live long and prosper....

KWIBS - From July 13, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Would the real Dr. Ruben Garcia please stand up?

This is the chorus line to a song written by Foreigner in 1978. I don't have any idea what it means, but I was singing it all day on Wednesday of last week.

The saying goes, "everyone has a twin somewhere in the world - an identical match." Very few ever meet their "double".

I was sure if I had a twin, it would be the "evil twin". Or maybe I was the evil twin. Who knows?

Several months ago, I ran into Dr. Ransom inside the fitness center. He said, "I met your twin brother today. He's going to be the new doctor at the hospital."

Later in the day, a call came from Kevin White, Medicine Lodge Memorial Hospital Administrator. He called to tell me they were hiring a new doctor who had a striking resemblance to me.

That night, Dr. Pete Meador called to tell me that he met the new doctor and he looked just like me. It went on and on for days.

I didn't think there was any way this guy could look like me. First off, he was of Cuban descent. I don't look Cuban, do I?

Months passed and I seldom gave it another thought until, my phone rang on Tuesday. It was Jeff Clarke.

"Dude, I met the new doctor and you guys could be twins," he laughed.

It's an age-old belief with a strange appeal that somewhere on this planet, alive today, is someone who looks like you -- maybe not precisely, but close enough to be your double.

It can be fascinating to imagine. But not everyone is ready to encounter an unexpected twin.

As was the case on Wednesday morning. I was sitting in my office, catching up on work, when I heard footsteps approaching my office. I turned to see who it was and my jaw hit the floor.

"You must be Doctor Ruben Garcia," I laughed.

I thought I was looking into a mirror.

Ruben came in and sat down. It was like a strange family reunion from a separation at birth that probably never happened.

I say probably, but as our introduction went on for nearly two hours, I was wondering if interrogating my parents might be a prudent thing to do!

We decided to go to lunch at Subway. The fun had just begun. In the line, one of the girls making our sandwiches asked me, "Oh, Kevin, is this your brother?"

We both just laughed.

I asked Ruben what he liked to do for fun, what his hobbies were. He likes to SCUBA.... I have been into SCUBA for about 10 years now. This was just too freaky!

On our way out the door, I ran into a lady from Pratt I knew and she did a double take, asking us the same question, "Kevin, is this a family member you've never introduced me to?"

We left Subway and drove back to the office. I pulled behind in the alley and we talked for a few minutes.

Down the alley came my wife looking for a place to park. She saw we were in the vehicle and she pulled up - her mouth wide open....

She too had heard that the new doctor held some shared quality features with me, but she had no idea.

Ruben told me a story about him going in to Home Lumber earlier in the week. A customer in the store struck up a conversation with him. He thought it was odd because the customer was asking him personal questions about his daughter. He even asked if she was getting big! My daughter is pregnant. Ruben's daughter is 4 years old!

I can say in my 39 years of life on this planet, I've never sat across from someone and studied them as hard as I did Ruben on Wednesday. I think he did the same.

As we visited I wondered if looking like me would be a good thing or bad thing for Ruben. I think I definitely have the advantage here. Who wouldn't want to look like a doctor?

We shared a few laughs and took a few pictures that I immediately sent to family and friends. I have to admit, that Ruben is a handsome devil (if he were my evil twin of course).

I encourage everyone to welcome Ruben and his family to town and see for yourself how much we look alike!

Ruben begins his practice on Wednesday at The Medicine Lodge Memorial Hospital.

You never know, it might be me giving you your next exam.....

KWIBS - From June 29, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Here's the biggest "boo-hoo" I've heard for quite some time.

Oklahoma City bombing conspirator Terry Nichols is asking for a court-appointed lawyer to help him with a lawsuit complaining about the food he gets in prison.

Nichols claims in his suit that the federal Supermax prison in Colorado is causing him to "sin against God" because he doesn't get enough whole grains and fresh food.

Nichols asked for the legal aid in a document addressed to a federal judge in Denver on Monday.

According to the Associated Press, Amy Padden of the U.S. Attorney's Office in Denver did not immediately respond to a call seeking comment Tuesday about the suit Nichols filed in March.

Nichols is serving life for conspiracy and involuntary manslaughter in the 1995 federal building bombing that killed 168 people. Timothy McVeigh was convicted of murder and executed.

You can only imagine how sorry I feel for Mr. Nichols and how I hope God forgives us for not giving him enough whole grains. The poor guy must be constipated something terrible.

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Tuesday night, family and friends gathered to say thanks, share a story and honor Max and Gail Ferguson for their many years of friendship and service to our community. The Fergusons will be making their new home in Derby, KS.

As long as I can remember, Max and Gail have been a part of our community. As much as I hate to see them leave, I know they'll always be a part of our town.

Max was a young school teacher when I was in 7th grade. I believe he had been teaching there for about 7 years. John Nixon had him as a teacher his first year in Medicine Lodge back in the mid-70s. That really dates him!

Gail blossomed into one of the best preschool teachers of all times right around the time that my oldest child (Breeann) started school. Each one of my kids attended her preschool and each one of them remember her as one of their most favorite teachers growing up.

Medicine Lodge's loss will be Derby's gain. We'll miss you guys and we appreciate everything you've done for us, our children and our community. Good luck and God Bless!

KWIBS - From June 22, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

You might take note of the volume number change on the front page of this week's Premiere. We turned 18 years old today!.

We're old enough to vote!

I remember the very first issue of the Gyp Hill Premiere back in 1991. It had a story about Rick Pyle's bee hive inside his apartment window. It also had a story about Ronda and I starting the paper. We had our beginnings in the old Palmer Floral building on West Washington.

Back then it was just me and Ronda and my daughter Breeann. She was just 1 year old at the time. We had a couple of stringers to write for us. Now we have Joey and Nicholas. We're also expecting our first grandchild in December.

Time flies when you are having fun and we have had fun. In the 18 years since we've been in business, some familiar names have helped us over the years and been a part of our staff: Tate Henke, Cathy Bergner, Jim Emrick, Justin Howlett, David Fasgold, Deana Horn, Doris Sorg, Gimmy Jo (Maize) Rose, Seth Oldham, Casey Long, Deb Kolb, Deb VanRanken, Sharon Bishop, Jenny (Dafforn) Howard, Billy Eliot, Justin Fluke, Chris and Gabe Goering, BlackFoot Willie (cartoonist and illustrator), Joyce Noland (our typesetter and proofreader and mother....), Mandy (Walker) Brozek, Justin Jacobs, Ellis Mayfield (our driver), Rose Mary Shoemaker (fill in proofreader), Barb Keltner (fill in proofreader), Bev McCollom (who writes Meandering), Jason Offutt (who writes As I was saying...), Joe Klock (who writes Like Klockwork), Ellen Knowls Bisson (who writes Bygone Barber County Bylines), John Nixon (who gives us old photos to print from time to time).

There are numerous more columnists and guest columnists that have been a big part of our success over the years. It's about impossible to name them all, but you have our thanks.

Not everyone can say they have a rewarding job that they look forward to doing every day (and there are some days that I struggle). For the most part, this is a great job and it is rewarding to be a part of a great community. So happy birthday to us, happy birthday to us.... you know the rest of the song.

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I was at the grocery store the other day and saw a can of Pringles and thought to myself, "Did the Pringles can come before or after the tennis ball can?"

Because it either went like this: "You can fit Tennis Balls in this Pringles can," or "You can fit potato chips inside this Tennis Ball can." It had to be one or the other.

According to the internet, Dr. Fredric J. Baur was so proud of having designed the container for Pringles... that he asked his family to bury him in one. His children honored his request. Part of his remains was buried in a Pringles can — along with a regular urn containing the rest... Dr. Baur, a retired organic chemist and food storage technician who specialized in research and development and quality control for Procter & Gamble, died May 4 at 89... He developed many products, including frying oils and a freeze-dried ice cream, for P&G... But the Pringles can was his proudest accomplishment, his daughter said. He received a patent for the package as well as the method of packaging Pringles in 1970.

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Our band, Dorfus CrackTractor, successfully pulled off a reunion show at Mike's Sports Bar on Saturday, June 13, 2009. We "sold out" and "firemarshaled" the joint as one might say.

I can't thank Mike enough for hosting us and to all the people who came out to see us. It was a blast. We'll see you again in a couple of years.

David Fasgold was back in town for our show. We practiced a few songs the night before in the back of the newspaper office. I was surprised at how well we remembered the songs we used to play.

David roamed around the office looking at how things had changed, and how things hadn't changed. He walked into my office and said, "I see you are keeping things exactly as I left them two years ago," referring to my messy office.....

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This week we say "farewell" or "Zai Jain" to our AFS student Frank (Wang Haiji) from China. We'll be taking a little trip down the Illinois River together this weekend as a send off. If all goes well for Frank, he'll get a student visa and be studying at Washburn University in Topeka in the fall of this year.

We'll miss you Frank.

KWIBS - From June 15, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Father's Day is coming up this Sunday and I was thinking about the joys and struggles associated with fatherhood.

"Father" is one of those titles that demands respect, but often gets much less. I remember that I was far from the perfect child growing up. I know I gave my father grief.

Now that I am a father (of 19 years now), I realize that you take the good with the bad and you try your best in every situation to, as the song goes, "teach your children well."

Most ot the time I probably come off sounding like I am nagging and ragging on my kids, but I my hope is that they will learn, not only from their mistakes, but mine as well.

Father's Day is a day to honor your dad. The idea for creating a day for children to honor their fathers began in Spokane, Washington. A woman by the name of Sonora Smart Dodd thought of the idea for Father's Day while listening to a Mother's Day sermon in 1909.

Having been raised by her father, William Jackson Smart, after her mother died, Sonora wanted her father to know how special he was to her. It was her father that made all the parental sacrifices and was, in the eyes of his daughter, a courageous, selfless, and loving man. Sonora's father was born in June, so she chose to hold the first Father's Day celebration in Spokane, Washington on the 19th of June, 1910.

In 1926, a National Father's Day Committee was formed in New York City. Father's Day was recognized by a Joint Resolution of Congress in 1956. In 1972, President Richard Nixon established a permanent national observance of Father's Day to be held on the third Sunday of June. So Father's Day was born in memory and gratitude by a daughter who thought that her father and all good fathers should be honored with a special day just like we honor our mothers on Mother's Day.

Today nearly 100 years have elapsed since the first father's Day was celebrated. Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages: In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.

Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.

In 1900, a father's horsepower meant his horses.

Today, it's the size of his minivan.

In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success. Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.

In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons. Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.

In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business. Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.

In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.

Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout, "WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE."

With fatherhood comes the right of passage to use phrases like, "Shut the lights off. Do you pay the electricity bill around here?"

Here's some things you'll never hear your father say.

- Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

- You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?

- I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.

- Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.

- What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?

- Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.

- Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

- No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.

- Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend!

I hope all of you fathers have a special Father's Day!

KWIBS - From June 8, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

I was thinking about the upcoming Father's Day weekend and what Father's Day meant to me. Surprisingly, I wasn't thinking about getting cards from my kids or a great gift. I was thinking about what an honor it is to be a father in this day and age. Many children in our country and in our own community grow up without a fatherly figure in their lives. Even though my parents were divorced when I was very young, I had both my mom and my dad close by.

My life is different now and my children's lives are much different that my own growing up. My wife and I are coming up on 21 years of marriage. I don't know that I have so much "blessed" my children by being their

parent as they are being my children. Father's Day is a great day to celebrate dads everywhere, but I feel my focus should be on my kids right now and I want to honor them with my column this week.

Starting with my oldest to my youngest and then including my son "Frank" who will be leaving us at the end of this month to return to his home in China:

My daughter Breeann is 19 years old and just finished her first year of college at Pratt Community College. She's studying to be an elementary school teacher. She's found out that life is not as easy as she had hoped for. School is tough and she recently learned that she is pregnant. Our family doesn't see this as a failure, but a blessing. We're excited to be welcoming a new member to our family and we're happy to welcome her boyfriend Devin Schafer to our family. He wants to be a good father and provider for her and we're all here to support them and encourage them in this time of change in their lives. Breeann and Devin have recently moved back to Medicine Lodge and we're happy to have them back in our community. Without trying to embarrass Devin, I would like to say he would love to find a job in our community and if you hear of anything, please let me know so I can pass it along to him. He currently commutes back and forth to Pratt.

I'm very blessed to have two sons to carry on my family name.

For the past few days last week, Joey has been working very hard at getting his certification to become a lifeguard at the pool. He and several other kids have been driving to Alva for three days straight to literally swim until they puke, as one student did. Joey learned how hard and what an awesome responsibility it is to be American Red Cross Certified in life saving as a life guard and I am so proud of him. Joey is 16 now. He is really growing into a fine young man. He had a great school year and made good grades and we are hoping he carries this attitude to his junior and senior years at MLHS. Joey has a good work ethic. He's a kind young man who tries to make friends wherever he goes. Joey recently went to Mexico with a group of kids and adults from the Methodist Church and helped build a home for a pastor and his family.

Nicholas is also turning into a little man. Even though he is only 11, Nick has been helping me in the yard by carrying bricks and doing some landscaping. Nick is growing faster than anyone in our family, shooting up a few inches in a short period of time and outgrowing many pairs of pants in the past few months! I'm loving his sense of humor. When not sarcastic, Nicholas is a sharp witted character who never misses an opportunity to make a good joke. Nicholas is very creative and passionate about his interests and he's growing up to be a fine young man with many good friends.

Finally, one of the biggest changes I have seen in one of my children this year, comes from an unlikely candidate. He's not even my real son, but I accept him as such this year as he has become a part of our family. Wang Haiji, "Frank" as we call him, is winding down his stay with us and will be leaving for China in a few weeks. When Frank first got here, he was a bit bashful and reserved. Frank comes from a family of no brothers and sisters and to be thrust into our family with all of its quirks and drama is quite a change from his normal family structure. He has learned to adapt this year and I think he has learned to enjoy brothers and sisters. I know our family will be forever changed by our experience with Frank. I can say with all honesty that from the first time he called me "Dad", I have seen so much change in him. I'm also proud to call him son and I am praying that our family has influenced him in a good way and that Frank will take many of the values and the faith we hold dear back to China with him. We also hope that he'll be returning on a student visa in the fall to go to school at Washburn University.

My family wouldn't be complete or even possible if it weren't for the love of my wife Ronda and the kids' mother. It takes a partnership to raise children and she has been an equal partner with me over the years. We've not always agreed on our parenting style, but we've always agreed that we love our kids and we're proud of them.

These people mentioned above make Father's Day what it is for me. Their gift of life and sharing that gift with me and each other is the greatest gift I could ever ask for.

Finally, the greatest example of a Father's love for his children would have to come from scripture. John 3:16 reads: "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."

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My mom underwent a knee replacement surgery this past week in Wichita. She's doing very well, despite some pain. The day after her surgery my daughter Breeann and I went up to see her in the hospital. When we got there, I was surprised to see her up and going for a walk! Mom is our proofreader and typsetter here at the paper. I'm hoping we did a good job in catching mistakes this week in her absence! Get well soon mom and get yourself back to work!

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It's been nearly 2 years ago since Dorfus CrackTractor played together and they are getting together for a reunion show here in Medicine Lodge this weekend. For those that remember, Dorfus CrackTractor is a band made up of myself, my former Editor David Fasgold and local Deputy Sheriff Justin Rugg. Our band played events, clubs and venues in the area for about 4 years before taking a break in July of 2007. Back then, gas was inching up over $4 a gallon and David had moved to Oklahoma City, making it hard for us to make enough money even to pay our gas to get to shows in Wichita.

Gas is slightly cheaper now and we've always said we needed to get together and do a show before we forgot all of our material. David called me a few weeks ago and said, "I miss you goofs. Let's play a show together."

I called up Mike Lynch from Mike's Sports Bar and we set it up for this coming Saturday, June 13.

If you never caught a show, Dorfus was full of whacky costume changes, part comedy act with parodies of songs and we played a wide variety of music from rock, swing, country, disco and even rap.

So, we're keeping our fingers crossed that we still have a few fans that will come out and dance on Saturday and welcome David Fasgold back into our community for this one night only event. We're throwing this together with a short rehearsal the Friday night before, but we expect to have a few minor train wrecks! So, make plans on Saturday to come out see us at Mike's!! Have a great week!

KWIBS - From June 1, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

If you're like me, you've seen the above sign in windows of storefronts for the past few years. Originally, they were designed for restricted areas like courthouses, government offices, schools and lending institutions.

Kansas law prohibits a licensed concealed carry person from entering a property with such signs appropriately displayed.

Several months ago, I completed my conceal carry certification course and obtained my license. In my second line of work (surety agent and bail enforcement), I have decided it is necessary to carry concealed.

Almost three years after the start of a state law allowing people to carry concealed weapons, signs banning guns from privately owned businesses have popped up all over the Kansas area.

Although some stores have posted signs and added "no weapons" clauses to their posted codes of conduct, many small businesses haven't seen the need.

Under the law, concealed handguns are banned from some businesses, including bars and financial institutions. Anyone who has taken a concealed carry course knows where they are allowed to carry their weapon and where they aren't. Businesses and employers can ban concealed weapons from their property by posting a sign that guns are not allowed.

After the class I became more aware of how many of these signs are out there. Certain hotels, coffee shops, office product stores, gas stations and even hair dressers were displaying these signs.

Each time I see the sign a puzzling thought enters my head. Why have these places chosen to prohibit law abiding citizens from carrying a weapon? Why wouldn't they want the protection of law abiding citizens in their store?

Take for example a situation that occurred in Topeka, KS (from KTKA.com: Concealed carry permit holder shoots suspect Story by Jesse Fray. 6:40 p.m. Monday, January 22, 2007.)

An Oklahoma concealed-carry permit holder thwarted a robbery at a Topeka convenience store Friday night, police said.

Police said 57-year-old Michael Mah shot a 17-year-old suspect who was trying to rob the Phillips 66 at 29th and Randolph, after telling him to drop his weapon. The owner of the store, Dean Yee, told police two men ran inside, when one of them pointed a gun at him and demanded money. Concealed weapons advocates said Mah did the right thing.

"The bad guys … better be careful who they pick on," said Troy Powell, a retired cop who recently moved here from Texas.

Powell said the shooting is exactly what concealed-carry is intended for.

"The guy was right there on scene and had firsthand knowledge that it was happening," said Powell. "I think he reacted appropriately and probably he could’ve saved that guy’s life and his own."

Police said Mah shot the man just once.

"I don’t think any of these people that carry-concealed are wanting to do someone in, they’re just wanting to stop the guy, to keep him from hurting … someone else," Powell said.

Mah had a concealed carry permit from Oklahoma, one of 22 states from which permit holders can also carry a weapon in Kansas, police said.

"This incident, it supports that they’re right," he said. "Concealed carry is a privilege that citizens should have."

End of story...

Sadly, I think many people are uninformed about concealed carry and display the signs without understanding the cons of doing so.

This is a subject that brings out a lot of emotion from people who are for or against gun control / gun rights.

Folks, the people you need to be afraid of aren't the ones that have licenses for their guns or to carry concealed. Criminals aren't paying attention to your signs. In fact, that might just encourage someone who wants to rob you or do you wrong. They see that you don't allow guns on your premises and this emboldens them and possibly makes you an easier target.

It's not like a robber is going to look at the sign and say, "Oh, I'm not going to rob the place. I can't take my gun in there."

There are other ramifcations to this type of signage. Many gun owners and concealed carry people are paying more attention to where they do business.

I was in Wichita last week working on recovering a defendent who skipped court and left the jurisdiction of his arrest. He was caught and returned to the Kingman jail. I was "packing" that day, as I jokingly say. I was thirsty and decided to stop at a convenience store on my way home. I arrived at the door to find a "no conceal" sign on the front door. I turned around to go back to my truck to remove my gun and thought for a moment.

Instead of taking off my gun, I drove down the road and found another convenience store. This one didn't have a sign and got my business. I even spent a little more out of appreciation. They didn't have any idea that I had a weapon, nor did they seem to care.

On a practical side, it's hard to enforce such a ban. How would business owners even know if a customer has a weapon? I am going to abide by the law, however, and I am going to chose carefully where I do my business.

I'm expected to wear shoes and a shirt when I go into a business. Who cares what I have underneath it?

It's one thing to post a no smoking sign. That's benefiting the health of those around that don't smoke and I can respect that, but think about the situation in that story of the convenience store in Topeka. A no concealed sign could have made the difference between life and death.

Perhaps, if you agree with me, you would consider posting the sign below at your business.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From May 26, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Feel free to correct me if I am wrong, but I believe it is the first time in our school's history that both the boys' baseball team and girls' softball team have won regionals and gone to state, together, in the same year!

I want to congratulate all the players and coaching staff for a GREAT season!

As they get ready for state on Friday and Saturday, let'ss send them off with our congratulations and best wishes in winning state!

GO MEDICINE LODGE INDIANS!

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While on the subject of softball and baseball, I would like to thank the coaches and parents for helping our newspaper to cover the games. I've been so grateful for all of the articles and photos that have been submitted.

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We've talked about doing it for the past two years - a Dorfus CrackTractor reunion show.

Justin Rugg, David Fasgold and I have missed hanging out and playing music. We played together in Dorfus CrackTractor for several years before calling it quits in August of 2007. Now, two years later, we're going to get together and play a one night show at Mike's Sports Bar on Saturday, June 13, 2009.

The band had some modest success, playing several venues in South Central Kansas and became a regular house band at places like Mike's Sports Bar, The Port of Wichita and River City Brewery / Loft 150. Dorfus was even selected to play for the grand opening of The Guitar Center in Wichita in July of 2006.

David Fasgold was the editor here at The Gyp Hill Premiere for almost three years. During the week, we'd hammer out stories and newspapers together and on the weekends we'd play music and write silly songs. Justin joined us in 2005 and we became a silly "old-guy" band doing everything from country waltzes to gangster rap, all in effort to get a laugh.

We had some really good times together and I was more than excited when David called me last week to ask about doing a show after such a long hiatus.

I called Justin and we started dusting off equipment and thumbing through more than 100 songs that were in our former set list. We've decided to do the show, without practicing - just winging it!

Over the years together, David, Justin and I did around 70 shows. I was surprised when I picked up my guitar and successfully remembered all but 3 songs in our set from our last show in Wichita on June 29-30 at The Loft 150.

I hope it's like riding a bicycle!

KWIBS - From May 18, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

I ran short of time and space this week, but wanted to congratulate Frank and the rest of the class of 2009 at Medicine Lodge High School for their graduation!

One of those graduates will be writing some stories for us this summer! Seth Oldham is a gifted young man who has worked hard to finish school at the semester's end in 2008. He returned this week to graduate with his class after attending college in Wichita. We're excited to have him home for the summer.

Yes, I am a nerd.... I went to see the new Star Trek movie... twice in one week. Can't wait until it comes to the drive-in!

KWIBS - From May 11, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

I spent quite a bit of time going back and forth to the High School this past week in preparation for the graduation section.

The class of 2009 will graduate on May 16 at Krug Field.

This year we'll be at graduation to honor our AFS student Wang Haiji, or Frank, as you have come to know him.

It's now been 21 years since I graduated from MLHS, 22 years since my wife graduated from MLHS and only 1 year since my daughter, Breeann, graduated from MLHS. In two years, it will be my son Joey taking the stage.

As I was preparing the senior's section, I looked at all the kids from my daughter's class and glanced over their "future plans" comments. I mentally noted that quite a few of the kids in her class had changed their majors, schools and lives.

One of those kids whose lives will be changing forever is our daughter Breeann. She's one year into her elementary school education major and she told her mother and me last week that we will be grandparents..... Yep. It's not exactly what we had planned for her, but it was her decision and we'll support her.

One piece of good advice that I did get from a very dear friend was this. "When your child is in trouble, shut your mouth and open your arms." - Thank you Michele McCurdy.

When I found out the news, I can't say that I was following this advice very closely, but over the past few days I have calmed down, spent a lot of time in prayer and accepted that, it is what it is, and it can't be changed. Being angry will not help my daughter's circumstances. I love her no matter what.

Her situation reminded me of a story about another couple. Twenty-one years ago a kid graduated from MLHS, got married and had a little girl a year later. His wife had only been out of school for one year longer. Those kids were Kevin and Ronda Noland, Breeann's parents. They didn't turn out too bad....

That may not have been the plans that my parents had for me, but they were my choices. Looking back, I wouldn't have changed a thing and I know that Breeann won't want to change a thing either.

Fifty-seven seniors shared their future plans for us this week in the special section included inside this newspaper. Some of those plans will change, but all of them deserve our support and prayers for their future.

Congratulations to all of the class of 2009. We're proud of you and wish you best in the future.

Have a great week !

KWIBS - From May 4, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Sorry for being short this week. I was both short on time and space.

I wanted to make a comment on Rose Mary Shoemaker's reception. With much help from the community, her sons put on a great day for her on Saturday, April 25, 2008. She's moved to Texas to be closer to her boys.

Rose Mary is like an adopted grandmother to me. I grew up at the Index, where she worked for my Grandpa Bill, my Uncle Gary and my Dad Ron. She was smart enough to retire before I asked her to work for me!

She has filled in many times for us as a proofreader. So technically, she worked for three generations of my family.

I learned the pain that a pica pole can inflict on a rear end one occasion after persistent pestering. "Rosie" was given the green light to punish me for acting up in the office when I was about 8-years-old. It took one swat for me to yield to her and respect her.

She's done so much good for this community and I am so thankful that so many people came out to share their love and appreciation for her. Good luck. Rose Mary. We'll miss you. There will always be a chair for you in the front office.

KWIBS - From April 27, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

My column this week is congratulatory in nature and maybe a little preachy. I apologize in advance.

Writing the story about Mark Buck (page one) was probably the most fun I've ever had at writing about someone in our community.

I was witness to history for the "Trim-N-Blow". Back in 2000 (seems like way back, now that I think about it), Mark brought in his contraption and I built him a website and did some video work to start the promotion process of his invention.

We were behind our building on Main Street and Mark was demonstrating his invention when he happened to barely touch the pavement. It exploded into pieces and narrowly missed both of us.

When the dust settled and we realized we weren't hurt, we both laughed and I told him that he should rename the product, "The Trim and Blow Up."

I've lost the video, but I'll never forget that.

Mark kept preserving through designs and failures, but never gave up on the idea.

I had actually not forgotten his project, but sort of filed it in the back of my brain somewhere and when he called me last week to tell me that a company was manufacturing his design, I almost couldn't believe it.

In the article, I briefly touched on something Mark said about relationships. To paraphrase at one point he said, "It [being his success] came down to relationships with people."

Mark and I visited about that subject and concluded our interview. Later that night I was pondering the subject of relationships and visiting with my wife about the day.

We are going through The Purpose Driven Life together. It's our third time and I am also doing this study with a friend, Dale McCurdy, who lives in Amarillo, TX. We call or email each day with comments on the day's chapter.

If you've never read the book, it's a good read and a good 40 day study that can be read over and over.

That night we opened our book to Day 16. It is titled "What Matters Most". It deals specifically about relationships.

Rick Warren, Author of The Purpose Driven Life writes in Chapter 16, "Often we act as if relationships are something to be squeezed into our schedule. We talk about finding time for our children or making time for people in our lives. That gives the impression that relationships are just a part of our lives along with many other tasks. But God says relationships are what life is all about."

I hope I did the story justice. It's difficult to describe what an accomplishment this is for Mark and his family. It's a project he has spent more than a decade on seeing to reality and his relationship with people and with God are what helped him find success.

Like he said, he may not get rich, but he can say, "Hey, that's my design!"

I can't begin to describe how difficult this task has been and all of the ups and downs that he and Tina and the boys have probably felt through this process.

Warren also says in his book in this chapter, "... the best way to spell love is "T-I-M-E."

Mark used his dream and this process to spend quality time with his family. They've all shared in this process, including their trip to Sacramento, CA to visit the company that is manufacturing and marketing his invention.

Often we go through life blindly without a purpose. Sometimes we don't appear to have any goals other than to get through another day.

Looking back in my own life, I have had several good ideas that I just never saw through to completion. Sometimes I just lost interest or decided the process was too dificult, so I gave up.

Having a dream or an idea that you see to completion is a great goal to have in life. When you can maintain your focus on a task that seems so unlikely, like Mark has done, and have purpose at the same time, you can accomplish greatness. I think it's cool that he made relationships so important in that process.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From April 20, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

If you don't like what's happen to our school district, there are two things that you can do to solve the problem.

The most important is come up with a way to bring more children into our district. The other is to tell Topeka not to cut funding for education.

Neither solution seems possible right now.

USD#254 has seen a steady decrease in enrollment for several years. Compounded, is the recent cuts made by the State of Kansas.

We're not alone in our troubles. Districts like South Barber, Attica, Chapparal, Coldwater and Haviland are also taking steps in preparation for harder times.

It's now come down to a reduction in force. The most recent and visible cut will be to the health program at our schools. The district cut the school nurse program last week, in another effort to reduce expenses. It's all part of preparing for more declining numbers and less revenue provided by the state.

I want to say a few words about Susan Raleigh and how much my family appreciates what she's done for our children. Most recently, she diagnosed a simple problem with our son that undiagnosed, could have lead to him becoming very sick. She has been the first line of defense in health care of our children for more than 20 years. There will be many low income families in our district that have children who will no longer have this access to health care in our community.

I don't like what's happening to our school district any more than you do. However, before gathering your pitchforks and lynching materials for our school board and superintendent, please try to understand our current financial situation.

Not one of the board members wants to see any additional cuts. Believe it or not, our superintendent does not want to continue down a path of cutting personnel either. There just are few places to cut that won't affect education.

We've done our best at the newspaper to inform the public of the crisis that has somewhat enveloped our school district.

Understand, it could be much worse. Our board of education and our superintendent, past and present, have been very aggressive in dealing with the problem.

The problem is easy math. Less kids = less money. The state isn't helping by cutting education funding. If you don't like it, call Topeka or start making babies. Who knows, maybe last month's snow storm will yield a large class of Kindergartners in the year 2015. Have a great week!

KWIBS - From April 13, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Apparently, surgery to repair your meniscus is a simple procedure, unless you are a big baby like me.

I had some surgery on my left knee on Tuesday in Wichita and was thinking I would be back to work on Wednesday. Well, I went in for a little while Wednesday afternoon, felt my knee swell up like a balloon and then decided to go back home and rest.

Today (if you are reading Monday) I go back to Wichita to have my bandages removed.

After a couple of weeks of physical therapy and a few more weeks of healing, I should be as good as a guy with a 39-year-old knee that stepped off a ladder one step too soon, who had knee surgery. So ask me how I feel in about a month!

I do want to apologize in advance for anything we missed this week. There were a couple of ball games and a track meet that I just didn't have anyone to cover.

Bless her heart.... Ronda has taken good care of me this week and Doris manned the fort, as always, but to an extra degree without us being here. I appreciate all of you helping me out this week.

This was kind of interesting....

I had been visiting with Randy Hall a week ago last Sunday and he had mentioned he was having his knee replaced. When I asked him when he was having surgery he said, "Tuesday."

"I'm having knee surgery that day too," I answered.

When I asked him where he said, "The Kansas Surgical Center in Wichita."

"Me too," I answered.

It turns out he was checking in to the hospital as I was checking out. I didn't get to see him, but I heard he was recovering and was hoping to be home by Saturday.

I hope you are healing up Randy.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From April 6, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Linda Hartley sent me a note this week and asked if I would print this in the paper.

I think it is something that everyone should read and it makes me proud to know that my daughter has nearly completed her first year of college, majoring in Elementary Education.
Have a great week!

Dear Kevin and Staff,

You know, Teacher Day USA is coming up the first week in May. Can this writing possibly make a difference in our community?

With all the controversy of school closings, 4 day school weeks, staff reduction, budget cuts all over the map, let us not forget the mainstay of education.

I think this assistant principal hit the target. Over 95% of the "good things that happen at school" never get shared.This is mostly due to the discretion of the teachers and staff members who don’t want to be recognized. They just want to feel good for the students and classes they have helped through a tough time, a crisis, a loss.

No one knows just how much time, money and love are spent for the students in OUR school system!

The old adage "If you can read this, thank a teacher" gets smiles and nods….but does it really get said?

Here’s hoping it does…and frequently.

I’d love for you to publish this in the GH Premiere. I know it is lengthy, but it is just the crust of all Real Life Heroes!

Thanks,

Linda Hartley

Real Life Heroes

Teachers as Heroes

An essay written by an assistant principal in Ohio.

By J. Bradley:

"Where are the heroes of today?" a radio talk show host thundered.

He blames society's shortcomings on education. Too many people are looking for heroes in all the wrong places. Movie stars and rock musicians, athletes, and models aren't heroes; they're celebrities.

Heroes abound in public schools, a fact that doesn't make the news.

There is no precedent for the level of violence, drugs, broken homes, child abuse, and crime in today's America. Education didn't create these problems but deals with them every day.

You want heroes?

Consider Dave Sanders, the schoolteacher shot to death while trying to shield his students from two youths on a shooting rampage at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. Sanders gave his life, along with 12 students, and other less heralded heroes survived the Colorado blood bath.

You want heroes?

Jane Smith, a Fayetteville, NC teacher, was moved by the plight of one of her students, a boy dying for want of a kidney transplant. So this woman told the family of a 14-year-old boy that she would give him one of her kidneys. And she did. When they appeared together hugging on the Today Show, Katie Couric was near tears.

You want heroes?

Doris Dillon dreamed all her life of being a teacher. She not only made it, she was one of those wondrous teachers who could bring the best out of every single child. One of her fellow teachers in San Jose, Calif., said, "She could teach a rock to read."

Suddenly she was stricken with Lou Gehrig's Disease which is always fatal, usually within five years. She asked to stay on job ... and did.

When her voice was affected, she communicated by computer.

Did she go home? Absolutely not! She is running two elementary school libraries! When the disease was diagnosed, she wrote the staff and all the families that she had one last lesson to teach .... that dying is part of living. Her colleagues named her Teacher of the Year.

You want heroes?

Bob House, a teacher in Georgia, tried out for "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?". After he won the million dollars, a network film crew wanted to follow up to see how it had impacted his life. New cars? Big new house?

Instead, they found both Bob House and his wife still teaching. They explained that it was what they had always wanted to do with their lives and that would not change. The community was both stunned and grateful.

You want heroes?

Last year the average school teacher spent $468 of their own money for student necessities ... workbooks, pencils .. supplies kids had to have but could not afford. That's a lot of money from the pockets of the most poorly paid teachers in the industrial world.

Schools don't teach values? The critics are dead wrong.

Public education provides more Sunday School teachers than any other profession.

The average teacher works more hours in nine months than the average 40-hour employee does in a year.

You want heroes?

For millions of kids, the hug they get from a teacher is the only hug they will get that day because the nation is living through the worst parenting in history.

An Argyle, Texas kindergarten teacher hugs her little 5 and 6 year-olds so much that both the boys and the girls run up and hug her when they see her in the hall, at the football games, or in the malls years later.

A Michigan principal moved me to tears with the story of her attempt to rescue a badly abused little boy who doted on a stuffed animal on her desk .. one that said "I love you!" He said he'd never been told that at home. This is a constant in today's society .. two million unwanted, unloved, abused children in the public schools, the only institution that takes them all in.

You want heroes?

Visit any special education class and watch the miracle of personal interaction, a job so difficult that fellow teachers are awed by the dedication they witness. There is a sentence from an unnamed source which says: "We have been so eager to give our children what we didn't have that we have neglected to give them what we did have."

What is it that our kids really need?

What do they really want?

Math, science, history, and social studies are important, but children need love, confidence, encouragement, someone to talk to, someone to listen, standards to live by. Teachers provide upright examples, the faith and assurance of responsible people.

You want heroes?

Then go down to your local school and see our real live heroes - the ones changing lives for the better each and every day!

"Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression." -Haim Ginott

KWIBS - From March 30, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Years ago, an email floated around the internet about an idea that recipients of government welfare programs should be subject to drug testing, like many employers already require.

I always thought this was a good idea. Why should my tax dollars go towards supplying someone's drug habit?

This thought and email are closer to law now than one might think.

On Wednesday, the Kansas House of Representatives approved a measure mandating drug testing for the 14,000 or so people getting cash assistance from the state, which now goes before the state senate. In February, the Oklahoma Senate unanimously passed a measure that would require drug testing as a condition of receiving TANF benefits, and similar bills have been introduced in Missouri and Hawaii. A Florida senator has proposed a bill linking unemployment compensation to drug testing, and a member of Minnesota's House of Representatives has a bill requiring drug tests of people who get public assistance under a state program there.

Lawmakers in at least eight other states want recipients of food stamps, unemployment benefits or welfare to submit to random drug testing.

The effort comes as more Americans turn to these safety nets to ride out the recession. Poverty and civil liberties advocates fear the strategy could backfire, discouraging some people from seeking financial aid and making already desperate situations worse.

Those in favor of the drug tests say they are motivated out of a concern for their constituents' health and ability to put themselves on more solid financial footing once the economy rebounds. But proponents concede they also want to send a message: you don't get something for nothing.

Interestingly enough drug testing is not the only restriction envisioned for people receiving public assistance: a bill in the Tennessee Legislature would cap lottery winnings for recipients at $600.

I'm not sure how I feel about that. Perhaps the legislature should consider a reimbursement situation for those winning $50,000 or more. Luck is an entitlement that should not necessarily be restricted by the government, but I like the idea of, if you get government assistance and then come into some serious cash, maybe you should consider paying the tax payers back before you run out and buy yourself a bunch of useless material items.

There seems to be no coordinated move around the country to push these bills, and similar proposals have arisen periodically since federal welfare reform in the 1990s. But the appearance of a cluster of such proposals in the midst of the recession shows lawmakers are newly interested in who is getting public assistance and how they are using it.

It's a fact, these proposals are coming at a time when more Americans find themselves in need of public assistance.

Although the number of TANF recipients has stayed relatively stable at 3.8 million in the last year, claims for unemployment benefits and food stamps have soared.

In December, more than 31.7 million Americans were receiving food stamp benefits, compared with 27.5 million the year before.

The link between public assistance and drug testing stems from the Congressional overhaul of welfare in the 1990s, which allowed states to implement drug testing as a condition of receiving help.

But a federal court struck down a Michigan law that would have allowed for "random, suspicionless" testing, saying it violated the 4th Amendment's protections against unreasonable search and seizure.

At least six states: Indiana, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Jersey, Wisconsin and Virginia all tie eligibility for some public assistance to drug testing for convicted felons or parolees, according to the NCSL.

If your employer can require drug testing, why can't you as a taxpayer ask for the same treatment for people using your hard earned tax dollars for their source of income?

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From March 23, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

I was sad that the Memories of the Medicine Lodge Middle School series had ended last week.

It had just so happened that while discussing it in our office, I came across another memory that had missed the paper. This one came from Fern Heublein. I was so glad she wrote her memories and shared them with us.

Fern's story is on page 10 of this week's Premiere. It will take you back to a simpler time when we actually prayed in school. In fact, they had chapel!

I remember each morning when I was in grade school we would say the Pledge of Allegiance and then we'd have a moment of prayer. I also remembered when prayer turned to a moment of silence and then that moment was silenced all together.

Fern shares her experiences with us from a completely new perspective and one of the most historical looks back at our early school system. Thank you Fern.

Also, thank you to everyone who took a moment to share a memory about the Middle School. The response was beyond my wildest dreams. I expected the series to last 3 weeks at the most. It ended up being enough material to last 10, but we squeezed it into 5 issues.

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Well, it was certainly a busy weekend in Medicine Lodge. If you timed it just right, you didn't have to pay for food all day on Saturday! Bob and Dorothy Stutler held their grand opening of The Gun Room At The Grand and served food. Later, Mike's Sports Bar celebrated their annual anniversary with free hamburgers. There's no excuse if you went hungry.

Sunday afternoon's reunion and celebration at the Middle School was a success. It was great to see some former teachers and hear some great stories from people who "made a difference" in many peoples' lives, including yours truly.

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From March 16, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

As this paper hits the streets, a missions team, made up from folks from Medicine Lodge, are in Desemboque, Mexico.

My oldest son, Joey, is with them.

The team is building a home for a pastor and his family during their spring break while many other students are spending time at ski resorts and amusement parks. I don't think there is anything wrong with that either! I love amusement parks and I understand the tradition of skiing over spring break!

I just wanted to commend these young men and women and the adults that were willing to dedicate their spring breaks to helping others less fortunate than themselves.

I love Mexico and was excited when Joey told me he wanted to go with The United Methodist Church group. I've always loved Mexico. Ronda and I have made many trips to each of the coasts of Mexico as well as the Yukatan and Baja Peninsulas. I even took my daughter to the island of Cozumel after her 8th grade graduation. Most of the people I met from there seemed to be the happiest people on the planet despite not having the luxary that we have in America. This is going to be a great opportunity for our kids to see how good we have it in America.

Mexico hasn't exactly been getting good press lately. Many of the border and resort towns are listed as being "no travel" destinations. Gang related violence has spiked in some areas making them dangerous to visit. Desemboque is not one of those places, however, your prayers for the people on this missions trip would be appreciated.

I'm excited to hear about their trip when they return to Medicine Lodge.

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Be sure to mark your calendars for this coming weekend. On Saturday, March 21 from 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. Bob and Dorothy Stutler will have their grand opening of The Gun Room at The Grand. Here's your opportunity to see the fantastic work they've done, buy yourself a pistol or a rifle, take in some free food and register for some FREE prizes! They're giving a Ruger 10/22 away at the end of the day, so be sure to go out and support Medicine Lodge's newest business!! Check out their ad on page 3 this week.

Also on Sunday, March 22 from 2-4 p.m., the Medicine Lodge Middle School will hold their reunion for past and present staff. Be sure to go by and say hi to an old acquaintance or a former teacher.

Congratulations to the Medicine Lodge Indians and Coach Ferguson for a great season! You made Medicine Lodge proud!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From March 9, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

It was a busy week and there wasn't much room for me, so I want to take a moment to thank BP Wind Energy and all of the folks at the Flat Ridge Wind Farm for the invite to their Celebration Ceremony on Thursday. Ronda, Doris and I went out and listened to the dedication.

I wanted to commend our local Barber County Economic Development group and the County Commissioners for all of their efforts in seeing that Barber County be a leader in renewable energy for years to come.

The speeches were all great. I especially enjoyed Commissioner Mike Thomas' comments on being able to "now see" that ridge from all over the county. I too have been impressed with how far away you can see the wind farm. I never really noticed it until after all of the wind turbine lights went online a couple of months ago. Now I can see them from my driveway 5 miles away.

Congratulations to the Medicine Lodge Indians on winning Sub-State and good luck to you guys at the State Tournament this week!

One last quick announcement. The Gyp Hill Premiere will now be available at Kiowa Prescription Plus in Kiowa, Kansas. Stop in and see John and buy a paper!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From March 2, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Every small town should be as fortunate to have a Bob and Dorothy Stutler move in to their town.

The Gun Room at The Grand will have her "soft" opening later this week after film crews from The Outdoor Channel finish up their feature. I've had several opportunities to sneak peeks at the progress that Bob is making on his project.

To say that it is spectacular is putting it mildly. Most big cities don't have anything to top what Bob and Dorothy have done with The Grand Hotel.

Even if you are not a gun nut, like me, you'll need to make it a point to visit The Gun Room at The Grand and let "The Major" show you around. I wish Bob and Dorothy the best in opening their new store and thank them again for choosing Medicine Lodge as the home of the finest gun room in the midwest!

? ? ? ?

Medicine Lodge got beat out by Pratt.... again.

After months of construction on the Flat Ridge Wind Farm, BP has set up their offices in Pratt to further gain lease agreements for their project. Barber County Economic Development Director Tina A. Davis told me last week, they did pitch Medicine Lodge to them, but the company wanted to be closer to highways, airport, stores and restaurants.....

Wind Energy and the construction of the transmission line to serve the wind farms will be an economic boost to our area in the coming years. We need to be very aware that Pratt is also interested in this.

Our local economic group is very involved with the transmission project and is hoping Barber County will be the place where they place the sub-station. You might have seen recent ads in our newspaper from ITC or ads from Westar soliciting the KCC for the project. It is proposed on many maps that the line will run right across Barber County.

We can't afford to miss out on these opportunities. Larger communities, such as Pratt, seem to be more appealing because they are progressive, rather than regressive.

? ? ? ?

Our Medicine Lodge Middle School Memories series has gotten bigger than I know what to do with it. I have more than a dozen memories, some quite long, of past students and faculty members of the building to share with my readers. Unfortunately, I may run out of time and space before the reunion happens on March 22nd. The Sunday afternoon celebration will be held from 2-4 p.m. at the Middle School in honor of all of those who have worked there over the years.

I have about 2 weeks left to print the memories before the event happens and I'm just not going to have enough room in the paper. I am considering running some of the remaining memories on our newspaper's website. I've also considered continuing the series out until the end of the school year. I'm interested in reader input on this subject. I had no idea that it would be as popular as it has been. It sure has been fun reading your comments.

I had one memory shared in a "for your eyes only" form from a former student of the building. Apparently, he had nearly burned the building down in a prank (gone bad) and was suspended for the event. It made quite an impression on him. Some of you know who I am writing about!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From February 23, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

The story I wrote about Mark and Marilyn Boyter's headstone got me thinking about how important it is to clearly communicate.

The entire frustration of the Boyters and the cemetery board seems to me to be a complete lack of communication. It wasn't that neither party communicated, but simple factors interfered with the communication. Marilyn didn't receive the correspondence from the board, their attorney or even her's for that matter.

In my fact finding I discovered that the Highland Cemetery Board had claimed they sent Boyter a number of letters directly and through her attorney that she never received, adding to her frustration about the situation.

Unfortunate is putting it mildly. Mistakes are just made.

I got a chance to sit down with Carol Ritter, Sexton at Highland Cemetery. I believe she feels very badly about the incident and wants to do everything humanly possible to resolve the situation.

I believe it was the best example of an "honest" mistake that one can make.

I tried to encourage her by reminding her that we all make mistakes. I even pointed out that the evidence can be found every Monday by reading my newspaper!

Unfortunately, now attorneys are involved and peoples' feelings are hurt. I only hope that it all works out.

Remembering and knowing Mark Boyter, I can say if he could look down on this situation, he'd be shaking his head in disbelief.

Back to communication....

My hopes are that the board of county commissioners and the hospital boards of Kiowa District and Medicine Lodge Memorial Hospital can clearly communicate with each other over the coming weeks and months.

Constituents who voted for the construction of these hospitals also need to communicate. It's very easy to get emotional about the situation, but emotions won't bring solutions. Calm and rational thinking will be the beginning of cooperation.

I think back to just over a year ago when I first heard the idea of the two hospital districts in our county working together to pass a bond issue and I thought, "Not in a million years."

I was so wrong. The idea of working together brought a majority of voters to the decision that building these hospitals was the right thing to do. Now it is up to our commissioners to follow through with the will of the people.

Like I mentioned, their job isn't an easy one and I know they want to do the responsible thing in our current economic climate.

It's going to take cooperation and good communication on the part of the hospitals' boards, constituents and the county commissioners.

? ? ? ?

This week, my youngest celebrates his 11th birthday! Nicholas's birthday is on Wednesday and I wish him the happiest birthday ever!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From February 16, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

I'm not sure why some things strike me as funny, but I had to share this story with you.

Ronda and I were in Subway last week. We noticed there was a group in the banquet room. Being the nosey-news-man that I am, I wondered what was going on in there.

We took our seat and watched several people going in and out and finally Dale Lonker came out and walked over to our table.

I asked him what was going on the meeting room and he told me that it was a "waterboard" meeting.

The first thing out of my mouth was, "Wow, you guys are torturing someone in there? Do we have like a group of terrorists being held and you guys are in there trying to get intelligence on them?"

"Waterboard, not waterboarding," he clarified.

That sounded far less interesting to me.

Just then, Steve Bowe walked in the restaurant. He said hello to us, went straight into the meeting room and shut the door behind him.

I leaned over to Ronda and whispered, "I'll bet he's doing the waterboarding."

? ? ? ?

By the time you read this Medicine Lodge High School's gymnasium will have a new name: The Bob Dohm Gymnasium. Bob had been a coach at the high school for like 100 years or so and they finally decided to put his name in there. I like Bob. He's a great guy and was one of my favorites in high school because he let us box and wrestle one year and hit golf balls as a part of gym class. Congratulations to you Bob on having the gym named after you.

The school had a big banner made here at our office with Bob's name on it and it was unveiled at Saturday night's game and reunion. (We'll have more pictures of that next week.)

I had visited with Athletic Director Lowell Dohrmann about some alternative names for the gym, but these were all rejected.

The "Bobatorium", The "Bobnasium" and The "Dohm Dome" were a few. Lowell had a couple of other names that apparently were either rejected or not ever discussed with school officials. You'll have to ask him about those!

It would be a real honor to have something in our district named after you. Come to think of it, that would be a great fund-raiser for our school. What if you could have a room named after you for a price or for something you did when you were in school?

If they did name a room after me, it would be something like "The Kevin Noland Detention Room."

? ? ? ?

Our memories of the Medicine Lodge Middle School series is in full swing this week and the memories came pouring into my inbox last week. I sat and thought about all of the memories I had of going to school there from 1981-1984. Some of my teachers included Mrs. Hawkins, Mr. and Mrs. Reneau, Mrs. Taylor, Mr. Hauck and Wanda Groves.

I remember some pretty warm days upstairs as a 7th and 8th grader. We didn't have air conditioning in the school back then. A couple of rooms might have had it, but most of the classrooms were lucky to have windows that opened and a breeze to cool you off on a hot day.

Cold days were quite the opposite. I remember never wanting to sit by the old radiator heaters. Those things would make you pretty toasty sitting next to them.

One memory I had was of choir. Choir was the period after lunch and Mrs. Paul was the instructor back in 1983. I remember one day sitting in the bleachers and the big black grand piano was sitting on the gym floor. Me and my friend Nate Cox had hidden straws and napkins in our pockets from the lunch room.

Every time our teacher would turn and there was a clean shot, we'd launch a spit wad and stick them on the lid of that black piano. Someone finally ratted us out and we got detention for it. It was one of the many memories I had about that old building. I hope you'll share yours with us!

Have a great week!

KWIBS - From February 9, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Wow... This was a newsy week and a busy one here at the paper.

We were without our "Old Faithful" this week. She'll kill me for calling her that. Doris was gone a good part of last week after her daughter and son-in-law had a new baby girl. Congratulations to Seth and Julie Kastle and welcome Reagan!

Another paper in our industry made a startling announcement on Thursday of last week.

After 47 years of publication, The Derby Reporter will close this month. It is also owned by GateHouse Media, owners of The Barber County Index. This announcement by GateHouse is the third newspaper they own in Kansas to fold up.

The newspaper's last day to publish will be Feb. 17, according to a story on the newspaper's Web site and in its Thursday-Friday edition.

I got a chance to speak with Keith Lippoldt, Publisher of The Pratt Tribune last week.

There was some concern over the Index's hard bound editions that dated back several decades and what would happen to them. Last week they were taken to Pratt and stored at the Tribune.

Keith wanted me to assure the community that The Tribune would preserve them and like to see them given to a museum or organization in Medicine Lodge. John Nixon has expressed interest in them and I have given Keith his contact information. I'll try to keep you all up to date as to their status.

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I wasn't able to attend the meeting a week ago last Friday, but the county commissioners are still discussing the future of our two hospitals.

Erin Jones covered the meeting for us (page 1) and I read with interest some of the commissioners' comments about not moving forward on this.

When I walked into that voting booth back in November and voted for this project, I never thought in a million years that my vote might be trumped if it were to pass. I know many of you feel the same way.

But realistically, times are a tough. They may get tougher.

There seems to be much focus on our current economy and the need for being fiscally responsible. I couldn't agree more, but offer a couple of points when discussing the new hospitals.

Many folks are out of work and interest rates are falling. Building materials are cheaper as well. We can look at this situation in several ways. We can have a gloom and doom attitude and feel that it is not the right time to build or see this as an opportunity to take advantage of the rates and put people to work. Construction on these hospitals will bring contract laborers to our communities. They'll rent houses, buy groceries, buy utilities and services and put some needed money back into our local economy.

If you think this is crazy, look at what the wind farm did for our little town the past year. You could hardly find a house to rent, restaurants were packed and I know of several other local businesses that benefited from the "windies" presence in our community.

We could be at a real crossroads for our county. If we scrap this idea and try and salvage some older plan to add on or repair our existing facilities, only the Medicine Lodge township will pick up that tab for our local hospital.

We voted as a county to build these hospitals and share in the expense of constructing them. The verbage might be confusing about the public building commission and the responsibilities of the commissioners, but I believe that every voter who voted yes, did so with the understanding that if it passed, we would be getting new facilities in both Kiowa and in Medicine Lodge. If that wasn't the case, then voters were horribly misled.

Yes, six months ago oil was over $100 a barrel. It's around $40 now and evaluations are down. Land values seem to be holding in the face of a gloomy national economy. Our school districts in the county are readjusting to budget cuts and declining enrolments.

I think some communities are going to thrive through the recession. Some will suffer and hemorrhage their population for not being proactive in creating a stable economy.

But nobody wants higher taxes either.

So really, how do we look at this situation. Do we see the glass as half full or half empty, or do some of us see it as a glass with a crack in it?

Take a look at where things were two years ago. Look at where they are at now and try to imagine what it will be like in two years from now if we don't do anything.

I commend those officials who have to make these difficult decisions about our future. It's easy to sit behind my computer and make suggestions and comments about other peoples' decisions - It's another to be on City Council, School Board or County Commission and be faced with real numbers and an uncertain future.

I spent a lot of time looking at the state's budget problems this week and how it will affect our school district. Although I am still not a convinced fan of the 4-day school week, I now have a new appreciation for what Mr. Cullen and our school board's job is in the very near future.

The consolidation of the students in the middle school to the high school and grade school is something we have to do in order to survive. That's a quick fix to one problem. It's going to mean job cuts and some scaled back programs.

The next problem we'll be facing is a bigger cut in education next year and with a declining enrollment, more changes are coming. They're not going to be easy changes.

We still need to figure out a way to bring jobs back to this community. Short term job stimulus by constructing new hospitals will put some money back into our local economy, but won't solve long-term population issues.

We need to find ways to attract young families.

I'm grateful that we have a forward looking economic development group in Medicine Lodge. I know they are looking at several options and trying very hard to encourage business in our county.

I am putting this challenge out there. At some point there will be government stimulus money put into play by the government to build infrastructure. Our city and county need to be on the look out for anyway we can get our piece of this pie.

I still think a prison is our answer, but I don't know where to start or who to ask to get something like this going in our county. A federal facility could bring hundreds of jobs to our community.

Think big Barber County!

KWIBS - From February 2, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

Dozens of people have called and written to me this week concerning the closing of The Barber County Index. The common theme is congratulatory.

One caller said, "You finally won."

Hmm.... It doesn't feel like winning.

My response has been the same each time. There is no contest, there is no prize and I don't feel good about seeing any business close its doors, even my competition's.

Almost 20 years ago my family went into negotiations with a company called Hometown Communications of Destin, FL. The company wanted to purchase several area newspapers in an effort to capture the market for newsprint advertising.

We were told that our newspaper would become even better with all of the backing of this big corporation. My dad sold the paper shortly before I was to head back to college my Sophomore year and I was offered a job there, doing what I always did - running the printing press and managing the print shop.

I dropped out of college and took the job and the next day the new publisher called me into my dad's old office and asked, "If you owned this newspaper, what would you do?"

I remembered that question so clearly. I felt like someone was asking me for my opinion, but really, I was about to be given one. I was only 20 years old at the time and I recall my answer.

"I would continue to do a good job and give the people what they've always asked for - a community newspaper," I told my new boss.

I didn't have a clue how to run a newspaper. I was a printer. I ran the old web press and printed the two Kingman papers, the Coldwater and Protection papers and The Index.

I assumed that's why they hired me. I was wrong.

My new publisher said, "No, we're going to move all of this printing equipment up to Pratt so that it is more centralized. The print shop will close and you need to lay off these people. I was given a list of people to "ax".

My world spun very quickly and within a week, there were forklifts and jack hammers at work disassembling my family's legacy, one press unit at a time. I watched as my grandfather's, uncle's and father's equipment was loaded on to semi trailers and hauled to the great city of Pratt, to its new home, The Pratt Tribune.

Ironically, years later The Pratt Tribune print shop would lose out to a consolidation in McPherson where the Index was recently published.

My duties were clearly laid out at the time. I was to sell advertising. I had quotas to meet for my "territory", Medicine Lodge; and I had to meet them or risk losing my job. The quotas were impossible to meet. I was required to bring in nearly twice of what my family had generated on a quarterly basis, but I met my requirements twice and then as I watched the control of our paper slip away, I decided I was done and I was going back into printing.

After giving my two weeks notice, Ronda and I were approached by several business people in the community who urged me to start a competing newspaper. We said no at first. We had purchased our own print shop, which I was running out of my basement of our home, but the pressure was on and they wouldn't take no for an answer.

A week after I had quit The Barber County Index I was given a $10,000 loan from The First National Bank. Ronda and I bought the minimum equipment needed. We had made contact with a pressman from Belle Plaine. George and Janet Palmer offered us a building to rent. We got some needed help from my friend and fellow Publisher Dennies Andersen of the Western Star in Coldwater and we printed our first newspaper in early July of 1991. Ricky Pyle was on the cover.

So for the past 17 1/2 years we've published a locally owned and operated newspaper in competition with The Barber County Index.

Competition is a good thing, people told us. It made us work harder to please our customers. It was hard competing with several owners with deep pockets over the years, but we love what we do and we try hard to put out the best product we can.

We climbed to the top and outsold our competition despite our resources. They tried to chip away at us with high-priced, 4-color front pages and several writers from the Tribune. They even lowered their ad rates to nearly half of what we did. There were times we were so frustrated we just wanted to quit, but the community kept supporting us. Trying to compete on an even playing field was next to impossible.

A friend gave me advice once when I was frustrated with trying to compete with the resources of the owners of The Barber County Index. In 2 Corinthians 10 he read me "We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us, a field that reaches even to you [me]."

That scripture has stuck with me for all of these years.

It stood out again as some of the Index's last words were, "Unfortunately, our superior coverage of news and sports did not translate into advertising dollars," as stated by the publisher.

I don't gloat in the knowledge my competition has gone. In fact I mourn for the newspaper that was in my family for 25 years and for the readers and for its staff. It had always been my dream to one day have it back.

I did make that attempt, but my offer to purchase the paper was not accepted. Any other information is confidential.

So how do I best describe my feelings about the Index closing?

It almost feels like an old friend has died. One that I hadn't had contact with in years. We had drifted apart, and didn't part on the best terms, but I still thought of them as family - like family you didn't send a Christmas card to. It's hard to describe the bitter sweet feeling of the situation.

I believe it is a lesson about the current state of our affairs. If a business, who can boast of more than a century of operations in our town can not survive in this climate, how vulnerable does that make the rest of us?

My focus now will be one of greater responsibility to my community. For more than 100 years several newspapers have had the awesome privilege to bring the news to the citizens of Medicine Lodge and Barber County. We've done that for more than 17 years, but now we have to perform at our very best, with our very best intentions, to be worthy of your readership and support.

We'll need your patience as we adjust.

Even though there were two newspapers in Medicine Lodge, it was still impossible to cover everything that went on in our community. Many people don't realize, but the newspaper can be a 24/7, 365 day a year job. Medicine Lodge is a pretty "newsy" community and if you've ever taken the time to read other newspapers in cities our size, you'll see we've always gone the extra mile to be a good publication.

Now more than ever, we need your cooperation to keep our community's news alive and well.

Since that first paper in 1991, we've seen computers come into the homes and most people have digital cameras. We are so appreciative of the folks who take time to snap a picture and drop us an email about their events when we can't be there. I always appreciate how the schools keep us up on their events through newsletters and emails from teachers. We want to strengthen that relationship. Email us anytime! My email is knoland@cyberlodg.com. In the future, we have plans to expand our newspaper's website to bring news to you in more detail and in a more "as it happens" setting.

Although we did not see eye to eye, J.W. Keene did the very best he could, with what he was given.

This might sound rough, but I believe that the Index closed because the owners, far away in places like New York, really didn't care about Medicine Lodge. I don't believe they ever did. They can say they did, but in the end I think it was always about the money. Only the local staff cared and sometimes they grew frustrated too.

And what is the truest loss?

Ruby Gieswein has been the secretary at the Index since one week before I left their employment in 1991. She's been the only common denominator and most faithful employee that one could be in the 19 years since my family sold the paper.

She did care, and I wish her the best of luck.

Have a great week....

KWIBS - From January 26, 2009 - By Kevin Noland

BTW and FYI .. I hate acronyms and abbvs.

What has happened to the way we communicate? I suppose in the day and age we live in, typing on tiny cell phones and dropping each other instant messages on the internet, we've forced our language to also be miniaturized and reduced to poor spellings and symbols for communicating to one another.

I text daily now that my daughter is in college. Gone are the days of simply picking up the phone and having a real conversation. Her schedule and social life leave her little time to communicate any other way. Now I get random messages that might read something like this, "IDK if I m cmn home 2nite or not, 2 tired."

I used to have to call and get a translation, which defeated her texting me in the first place. It's truly like learning any new language and I'm catching on quickly.

I have no problem communicating on these terms under the condition that it is being done because we are not face to face and we are using electronic devices not actually intended for that use. Believe it or not, cell phones were designed for actually speaking to the person you were calling. I do, however, draw the line when communicating to someone face to face.

Someone actually said to me, "FYI" in conversation.

If this is what's in store for us for the future, there's not much hope for our language. English may not be the most beautiful language, it is definitely not as pleasing to the ear as Latin or French, but it has always had a sort of charm. With texting-style language taking over, English becomes even more complicated and even less attractive. If people can learn to take an extra couple of seconds to say "for your information," instead of "FYI," there may be hope for the future of our language.

If this is the case, we're in for a ridiculous-sounding future and we'd better shape up PDQ.... oops.

? ? ? ?

Doing a little follow-up...

I had many comments about my Chinese underwear article a couple of weeks back. On Tuesday of last week, I received a package in the mail, from China! That's right. Frank's dad sent me several pairs of Lang Ben underwear, or men's panties as it translates.

I eagerly opened the box and spread several pair of the underwear on my desk. There's no sense in being modest at this point, since Doris brought the package from the Post Office and insisted on being present as I opened them.

I ushered her out of my office, locked the door and quickly slipped on a pair. To my satisfaction, they fit exactly like I had anticipated and I am now the most comfortable gentleman in town! Well, one of the most comfortable. I told John Nixon about the underwear and brought over a pair for him to see and he finagled one from me. I didn't tell him I tried on every pair first....

Our new president takes the oath of office tomorrow.

Keeping to his promise, Barak Obama has already begun stimulating the economy. I was sent this article last week, and being a gun enthusiast, wanted to share it with some of my readers.

January 15, 2009

­Jim Shepherd

(205) 243-3393 cell

BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — In recognition of the unprecedented demand for firearms by nervous consumers, The Outdoor Wire, the nation’s largest daily electronic news service for the outdoor industry, has named President-elect Barack Obama its "Gun Salesman of the Year". With the selection, Outdoor Wire publisher Jim Shepherd says it is time the firearms industry recognizes the fact that without President-elect Obama’s frightening consumers into action, the firearms industry might be suffering the same sort of business slumps that have befallen the automotive and housing industries.

"It’s credit where credit is due," says Shepherd, "Mr. Obama has consistently voted against individual rights to firearms, appointed a re-tread Clinton administration full of gun banners, and made it plain to antigun groups that despite what he might say to the contrary, he’s on their side." That history, along with the unquestioned support of antigun organizations, Shepherd says, has spooked consumers into a buying frenzy for firearms that could be outlawed in another Assault Weapons Ban.

"Manufacturers are months behind on orders for semiautomatic pistols, AR-style rifles, and anything with so-called ‘high-capacity magazines’," Shepherd says, "buyers we’ve surveyed across the country seem to have a single explanation for their rush to purchase firearms – Obama."

"The buying panic is not limited to people you might be described as aficionados or even ‘gun nuts’. Recently, I was in a gun store when a gentleman came and said he’d never wanted to own a gun before, but wanted to get one while he still could."

Since the November Presidential election, firearms sales have been at unprecedented levels. For December 2008 the National Instant Criminal Background Check System (NICS) recorded a twenty-four percent increase in background checks for 2008 (1,523,426) over December 2007 (1,230,525).

This follows a forty-two percent (42%) increase in November 2008, the highest number of NICS checks in the system’s history. Those FBI background checks are required under federal law for all individuals purchasing firearms from federally licensed firearms retailers. In other words, gun sales have never been better.

Sales are so good that on Tuesday, January 6, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF) issued a notice to all federal firearms licensees that "an unprecedented increase in demand for ATF Form 4473" had run supplies low enough that dealers were temporarily given permission to photocopy the form until supplies caught up with demand. Completion of a form 4473 is required whenever a federal firearms licensee sells a fire­arm.­

As a journalist with more than two decades of national newsgathering experience, Shepherd says he’s never seen anything approaching what he calls the "Obama effect". In fact, Shepherd says, gun and ammunition sales are at such frantic levels that they have surpassed the panic-buying of Y2K or anything during the Clinton years when the first Assault Weapons Ban was passed. This time, he says, concerned consumers are buying guns and ammunition in anticipation of Obama Administration actions to prohibit certain types of firearms.

"In 1999, the fear was that computers would shut down, crippling the world," Shepherd says, "Those fears were unfounded. I don’t think the fears of an Obama administration banning guns are unfounded. His record speaks for itself. He’s never failed to support an antigun measure, despite saying he supports the Second Amendment."

According to Shepherd, moves to prohibit firearms sales would drastically impact a billion-dollar industry that is not only healthy, but pours more than one hundred fifty million dollars annually into conservation programs through an eleven percent tax collected on guns and ammo.

"The Pittman-Robertson Act provides the vast majority of funding for wildlife agencies at the federal, state and local levels," says Shepherd, "and that money comes directly from the tax levied against gun owners. Damaging the firearms industry won’t just put workers in the gun business out of work, it will severely impact wildlife and conservation efforts nationally. That damage could take decades to repair – if it can be undone."

Choosing President-elect Obama as the Gun Salesman of the Year, says Shepherd, is a lot like a good-news, bad-news joke. "His election has driven gun sales into the stratosphere," Shepherd says, "but his opposition to guns and gun ownership may be the biggest threat the industry has ever faced. If he puts scoring political points with antigen groups ahead of economic realities, he will be deliberately putting thousands of people out of work. I don’t see that as an economic stimulus plan with much of a future."

"Today, however, the facts are indisputable," Shepherd says, "Barack Obama has spurred gun sales in a time when the entire economy seems to be tanking. If that doesn’t make him the gun salesman of the year – if not the decade – I don’t know what would."

I was thinking about something this past week. Back in 1999, some genius invented glasses that you wore with year 2000 on them. You looked through the two zeros. That guy or gal must have thought, "I've finally done it. I've invented something that will be a huge hit every New Year's Eve."

And then it happened - 2009.

I can see the inventer wearing his or her glasses, looking through the zeros with the two and the nine on each side and it finally sinking in, "Oh my! It's over. The dream is over. I can't do this with 2010."

With the new year, comes the resolutions. Wondering what to do with all of that left over body fat? Here's an idea...

A former Beverly Hills, Calif. liposuction doctor claimed to have the environment's best interests at heart when he began fueling his and his girlfriend's SUVs with human fat sucked out of his patients.

Unfortunately the practice was illegal, according to California state health officials.

An investigation by the California public health department revealed that Craig Alan Bittner created "lipodiesel" from his patients' fat and used it to power his Ford SUV and his girlfriend's Lincoln Navigator, Forbes.com reported this week.

"The vast majority of my patients request that I use their fat for fuel — and I have more fat than I can use," Bittner wrote on his now defunct Web site. "Not only do they get to lose their love handles or chubby belly but they get to take part in saving the Earth."

California law forbids the use of human medical waste to power vehicles. I wonder if Kansas has a law like that?

Bittner's practice, Beverly Hills Liposculpture, closed in November.

Apparently, several former patients have filed lawsuits against the doctor, claiming he allowed his unlicensed girlfriend and an assistant to perform procedures, causing mistakes that left the patients disfigured, attorney Andrew Besser, who represents three of the former patients, told Forbes.com.

If you're not interested in losing weight, or in fact, wanting to attract those of the opposite sex wanting to indulge in fast foods, Burger King Corp. may have just the thing. The home of the Whopper has launched a new men's body spray called "Flame." The company describes the spray as "the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat."

I can hear my wife now, "mmmm baby, you smell like meat."

The fragrance is on sale at New York City retailer Ricky's NYC in stores and online for a limited time for $3.99.

Burger King is marketing the product through a website featuring a photo of its King character reclining fireside and naked but for an animal fur strategically placed to not offend.

Too late... I was offended when you made a meat scented body spray.....

The marketing ploy is the latest in a string of viral ad campaigns by the company. Burger King is also in the midst of its Whopper Virgins campaign that features a taste test with fast-food "virgins" pitting the Whopper against McDonald's Corp.'s Big Mac.

Their (dis) tasteful advertising makes me long for a Big Mac..

Burger King Holdings Inc. shares actually rose 15 cents to close at $20.53 just before the year's end.

Have a great week!

Hello and Happy New Year!

It's time to start messing up your checks by writing the wrong date at the top, if you haven't already done that!

When people find out that we are a host family for AFS, they usually ask the basic questions.

Where is the student from? What has the student told you about his life in his home country? What are some of the differences between where the student lived and the United States. What is the neatest thing you have learned from hosting an AFS student?

We're now halfway through our year with Frank, who's real name is Wang Haiji. Frank is from China.

That's about what I've learned in the past six months!

That's not entirely true. I know that Frank is an only child, a rule that is enforced in China to control an exploding population. Frank's family does not own a car because they have a very advanced public transportation system in their home town. They live in a housing complex that has close to 400 other people in it. Frank's dad is captain of a cargo ship that frequently is at sea and often makes port in the United States. Frank's mom is an accountant. Frank lives in a city along with 6-8 million other people, however, I can't pronounce the name of his city.

I know Frank loves to play basketball, which is played a little bit differently than in the United States, but he is enjoying learning plays and experiencing the level of competition he's unfamiliar with. Frank likes to build models and enjoys reading and studying. He's extremely smart.

With little surprise, Frank is a normal teenage boy, not too much different than my own teenage son.

I've learned that kids are just kids - no matter where they are from. Teenage boys are clumsy. They can be unintentionally messy. They stay up too late, spend too much time on the internet, eat too much junk food, listen to crappy music and have a bad taste in clothing.

I've actually learned a lot of neat things about Frank and Chinese culture.

So what is the neatest thing I've learned? I've learned that Frank and the Chinese have the coolest underwear!

Tuesday evening the boys were gone and Ronda was doing laundry. As she was folding clothes, she held up his underwear and said, "Look at Frank's underwear."

They are so cool. Men, you just wouldn't understand unless you could see them for yourself. These underwear look like they are made for male comfort. You know how a baseball fits so nicely into a broken in ball mitt? or a baby kangaroo fits into his mother's pouch? Well, let that thought sink in a minute.

That's kind of how Frank's underwear looks like they'd feel if I could put them on - and I probably would have tried if my waist wasn't 10 inches bigger around than his.... and don't think I didn't check either. I'm not for sure what size they were because they are in Chinese, but I'm pretty sure it would take a couple of pairs to make one that fit me.

So I got online and I searched for the brand name "Lang Ben" and a bunch of scribbly looking characters that my keyboard doesn't have. I didn't find a match, so I modified the search to include "Chinese Underwear."

This kicked up a bunch of matches which included pictures and descriptions and I found one site that had something similar to Frank's amazing looking underwear.

I clicked on the photo and then clicked for a price and description.

That's when I learned something else about the Chinese culture. They have a difficult time when it comes to translation.

The description of the underwear said, "Men's Panties."

I've got to get me a pair!

I did talk to Frank about his underwear when he got home and told him that I wanted a pair. He got his laptop out and webcamera and spoke with his dad for what I thought was a good half-hour. I should be getting some Chinese underwear in the mail soon!

Poor kid, I hope he doesn't read my column. Let's all keep the fact that I wrote about Frank's underwear our little secret.

Have a great week!

I'm writing this Christmas Eve, eagerly waiting to get home to celebrate Christmas with my family.

I have the news on and I'm half writing and half listening and half thinking about what I might find under the tree later for me. Hopefully, it's a calculator because obviously I can't add.....

Earlier in the week, I had gone to see Dr. Pete. I developed Rednose Reindeer Eye. I made that up. My eye is all swollen and red like Ruldolph's nose, but higher and to the left. I could lead Santa's sleigh and reindeer if only I had peripheral vision and depth perception.

As I got ready to go see Pete at the clinic, I remembered it was December 23 and I should bring him a gift. Like any crafty man, I had made a stack of gifts in the pantry that I had received earlier in the week and grabbed a can of salted nuts and stuck a bow on it from another gift.

I walked into Pete's office and said, "Merry Christmas, Dude!" He said, "Nice regift......"

It's extrasensory development that every man has by the age of 30. He knew this wasn't the first time these nuts had made a round. Still he graciously accepted them and placed them with the other 5 cans of nuts and 20 plates of cookies in his office.

Regifting probably began in cave man days.

"Atouk! Me lunda (that's "love" in caveman language) this rock. Goes with everything Lar own. Thank you Atouk!"

"Yes Lar, me know Atouk got same rock from you last rockmas." (Note, Christmas hadn't happened yet).

Lar then smashes Atouk in the head with the very same rock he regifted and drags Atouk's woman off by her hair.

Did you know that someone is actually keeping statistics on regifting?

2007 Regifting Survey Findings

* Nearly seven out of ten (68%) women regift or are thinking about it (compared with only 47% of men).

* Regifting favorably has increased by 7% in two years. The 2005 survey showed that 54% of the respondents felt it was acceptable. In 2007, that number grew to 58%. 2008's figures aren't even in yet, but you can bet they'll be higher. I've regifted twice already!

* 42% of respondents said they would regift to save money -- compared to only 33% respondents in 2005. 25% of the respondents think that regifting is growing in popularity because consumers are doing it as a way to save on holiday expenses.

* 14% of respondents think that regifting is growing in popularity because it is a form of recycling. See Barb! That's how I recycle!

* Most regifters have good intentions -- 62% regift because they think it is something the recipient would really like. So that means the other 38% are just heartless and unappreciative!

* Regifting is becoming more widely accepted, 60% of respondents think so. Even more telling, less than 10% of respondents claimed they would be unhappy to receive a regift. 18% even claimed they would be happy or amused to be on the receiving end of a regift.

Of course, the number-one regifting rule is - Don’t get caught. All other regifting suggestions relate to this primary rule. Getting caught could cause a triple-whammy of regifting shame for you (you are a busted regifter), the person who gets your regift (who knows you didn’t buy him anything new) and the first-time gifter (who sees his or her gift given to someone else and now thinks you hated it, which you probably did).

Acceptable Regifting Guidelines

1. The toughest rule of them all: Give the gift with good intentions, just like you would a new gift that you picked out yourself. Give it because you honestly feel that the recipient would enjoy it.

2. Brand new and new-in-the-package items without any trace of wear and tear are suitable for regifting. If it's scratched, dented or torn up, ripped or stained, you're busted.

3. Make sure the gift doesn't still have a tag on it that says, "To Kevin (or insert your name) From Mom".

4. Wrap the gift in nice, new gift wrapping if you can. If you can't, do like I do. I usually stick mine in a gift bag (recycled of course), sticking a new name tag over the old one so as not to alert anyone that it is an old bag. Sometimes I use a staple gun to seal up the bag because nothing says, "This has never been opened before," like a staple.

5. If you know the gift looks like something you had but didn’t want, you can be honest. Tell the recipient, "I got this last year, but it really doesn’t match my skin tone. I kept thinking that it would be great on you. If you don’t like it, feel free to pass it on to someone you think would like it better." But this only works as long as you didn't give it back to the person who gave it to you first.... Which brings me to the last rule of regifting.

6. Keep track of who gave you what to avoid regifting to the original giver, which can be the most uncomfortable situation. I usually try to ship my regifts out of state to family and friends that didn't see me get it.

Dang, I just blew it because they all get the paper.

Happy New Year!

Of the 52 weeks out of each year we print a newspaper, the last two weeks of the year are the most hectic for us. Usually Christmas falls somewhere either on a print day, deadline day or smack dab in the middle of it all. We rush around at the paper weeks before, trying to schedule the time off and find ways to get work done in advance so we can produce the last two papers of the year.

Somewhere in the midst of all of this, it dawns on me that it's almost Christmas again. I'm so caught up in all of the bustle that until I open the file called "Christmas", I nearly forget that it's even here already.

I opened that file last week and started working on the Christmas edition. This issue is my most favorite one to put out.

This issue has the letters to Santa from the grade school kids in it.

One of my favorite letters this year comes from a kid named Andrew. It reads:

Dear Santa,

I want a cowboy gun and a shotgun. Are your reindeer ok? I want to see your reindeer.

Love Andrew C.

I forwarded this message up to Santa and, to my surprise, got a response back.

This issue also has the greetings from the merchants of Medicine Lodge and I've always thought of this issue as a giant Christmas card.

And that's good because Ronda and I are terrible when it comes to sending out Christmas cards. However, we've had a pretty good track record of Christmas editions - 17, to be exact.

Most importantly, when we get this issue put together, it's time to stop and reflect on what the holiday we're observing really means.

It's so easy to forget what the holiday is all about. If you're like me you have last minute shopping to do, gift wrapping, decorating, parties to go to, school programs to attend, baking, family (hopefully not baking family) and everything else that goes along with this time of year.

So what does Christmas symbolize for you?

It's an occasion to nearly freeze time for a moment and spend it with family and friends. It's a time for remembering to be thankful for the things in life that are the most important.

For me and my family, it symbolizes God's love and mercy and the gift of his Son Jesus.

My favorite scripture about this season is in Luke 2, beginning with verse 8: "And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ[a] the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

Ronda and I are the worst when it comes to sending out Christmas cards. So this is our card to you all. To our friends, our family and our readers, we wish you a Merry Christmas. I pray that the peace and hope that is Jesus's birth fills your home this holiday.

So from Ronda, Breeann, Joey, Nicholas and Frank (our AFS student from China), along with myself, we wish you all a.......

Merry Christmas!

Last week auto makers went before congress requesting close to $40 billion in government loans to save the auto industry.

I have mixed feelings about the government bail out. On one hand I believe that our economy might be on the edge of collapse if we allow millions of Americans to lose their jobs. On the other hand I grow weary of corporate executives who are given large salaries only to have their companies go nearly bankrupt and then ask me as the taxpayer to help fix their problems. The real problem I had with this was a threat that the executives made to the American people: Do this, or we'll fold up and the ripple effect will ruin our country.

These kinds of threats should be taken seriously. And if Congress decides to give these companies money, we must hold them accountable. I'm actually glad for the oversight that many are asking for in giving this money. It must be repaid, with interest to the American people.

With that said, I'll be in Washington on Wednesday to testify before congress to bail out the newspaper industry..... kidding, but do you see the dangerous road we're now on?

And what about Main Street businesses? We generate most of the jobs in this country, borrow the most money and provide most of the services that keep our country going. When will we receive our bail out?

In just under 40 days, our new president will take office. He'll have his work cut out for him. I believe there will be a renewed appreciation for how difficult a job this is and hopefully we'll get that change that we were promised during the campaign.

Doug Anstaett, executive director of the Kansas Press Association in Topeka, sent me this editorial.

I know, you’ve got a lot on your mind today with the economy tanking, Christmas just around the corner and the pressure mounting to come up with a New Year’s Resolution or two.

But if you can find a few minutes in your busy schedule during the next week, you might want to give a "hip, hip, hooray" to the memory of George Mason. For it was Mason who made sure that the Bill of Rights became the law of the land in the fledgling United States of America on Dec. 15, 1791.

Mason, a Virginian, insisted upon the inclusion of individual rights as part of the U.S. Constitution. He had written the Virginia Declaration of Rights that was adopted along with the Virginia Constitution and refused to sign the new national constitution because it lacked such a listing of individual freedoms. He went home from the constitutional convention disillusioned and as an outspoken opponent of ratification.

Fortunately for us, his stubbornness paid off, the Bill of Rights was adopted and we continue today to enjoy the individual freedoms spelled out for every citizen in those first 10 amendments to the Constitution.

Freedom of speech. Freedom of religion. Freedom of the press. The right against self-incrimination. The right to a speedy and public trial. The right to bear arms. The right to a trial by jury. Protection against unreasonable search and seizure.

Those of other rights remain some of our most cherished freedoms more than two centuries later.

These rights have stood the test of time and guarantee every citizen — even those who hold views the rest of us might find abhorrent — the right to speak out, the right to be represented in court by counsel, the right to practice any religion or no religion and the right to be safe from unwarranted intrusions into their homes and lives.

The Bill of Rights may not have been on the front burner when our Founding Fathers debated the new Constitution, but George Mason made sure that the country did not move forward without those guiding principles spelled out.

We all owe a debt of gratitude to those who chose not to remain silent, who refused to be intimidated and who stood firm until our nation’s foundation was laid properly.

George Mason indeed earned his title of "Father of the Bill of Rights." Join me today in a "hip, hip, hooray."

Have a great week!

Tough economic times call for thrifty decisions at Christmas time. Surely even the most romantic will think twice about the $86,609 price tag for the items in the carol, "The Twelve Days of Christmas."

That's right. That's this year's cost, according to the annual "Christmas Price Index" compiled by PNC Wealth Management, which tallies the single partridge in a pear tree to the 12 drummers drumming, purchased repeatedly, as the song suggests. The price is up $8,508 or 10.9 percent, from $78,100 last year.

In this tight economy, what's a romantic to do?

The creative, yet cash-strapped consumer, might consider some modifications. After all, who needs dozens of birds?

Instead of two turtle doves ($55) why not two Dove chocolate bars at about buck each? You don't have $4,414 for 10 lords-a-leaping? How about a "Riverdance" DVD? Plenty of crazy leaping there, and it's only about $20. Check at Alco, they can probably get you one. Save a couple grand by skipping the 11 pipers piping and getting a CD of Scottish bagpipe music for less than $15.

Necessity is the mother of invention. So this year, it might pay to be a little more inventive.

While some sources suggest the gold rings actually refer to ring neck pheasants — apparently, all the birds were for feasting, I would personally suggest a turkey at White's costing around $15-$20.

But sticklers for tradition might also save by procrastinating. With the economy in its first consumer-led recession since the early 1980s and energy prices falling as of late, prices could come down between now and Christmas. Our local merchants are providing big savings this holiday and you'll save on gas too!

PNC Financial Services Group Inc. checks jewelry stores, dance companies, pet stores and other sources to compile the list. While it is done humorously, PNC said its index mirrors actual economic trends.

For instance, gasoline costs topped $4 this summer, driving up shipping costs for many goods. So a pear tree that cost $150 last year will cost $200 this year. (The partridge is up $5 to $20.)

For your bird items in the song, I say buy some bird seed from the Coop and you'll get to see some birds. They may not be partridges or in pear trees or calling birds, but you'll get your birds.

Luxury items are also up, as reflected by the price of the seven swans-a-swimming, which are up 33 percent to $5,600.

Take your significant other to the Barber County State Lake for a view of the ducks and geese for free. It's the next best thing.

But if you just want to spend money the faltering economy has also brought down the cost of some items.

The three French hens (down $15 to $30) and six geese-a-laying (down $120 to $240) reflect declines in food prices.

Guys, nine ladies dancing... you should probably not go there if you want to salvage not only Christmas, but your relationships as well.....

The eight maids-a-milking will cost 12 percent more, $52.40 from about $47 last year, thanks to their second annual minimum wage increase. Good luck finding them. Nobody wants to work for minimum wage anymore.

The 10 lords-a-leaping, 11 pipers piping and 12 drummers drumming are all up about 3 percent, reflecting the general average wage increase.

And nothing is more romantic that 12 drummers drumming.

On another good note the five golden rings fell 11.4 per cent as retailers trim prices of luxury goods in light of all markets a-moaning.

Your best bet is probably to not try and keep up with the 12 Days of Christmas theme, but if you are going to, try and substitute some of the items for things you can buy right here in Medicine Lodge. It will be fun and it will save you money and you'll be supporting your local economy.

I'll bet you're singing that song in your head, aren't you?

Have a great week and Merry Christmas!

A lot of talk around town and in my office this week revolved around the idea of a 4 day school week and consolidating the 7th & 8th graders with the high school and elementary grades at the grade school.

I did my best to present the facts concerning this subject and to be unbiased in my reporting on the subject in an article on the front page this week.

It wasn't easy. Many people I spoke with became quite emotional about the subject and I often wondered what I had gotten myself into. I listened to their concerns and encouraged them to attend the meeting to be held Tuesday, November 25.

I was a student in the district for 12 years and my daughter is a recent graduate of MLHS after attending school in the district for 12 years. My sons Joey and Nicholas are in their 10th and 5th years respectively and I have an AFS student who will graduate in May from MLHS. I've been involved with this school district for the past 33 years in some fashion and will be involved in it for at least another 7 years before my last child will graduate there.

I feel like we've done our part, procreating and getting kids enrolled in our school system so they could be taught and counted for state funding. But my wife and I are getting older now. We're not having anymore babies, that we know of or would have to sue a local doctor if we did.

Our jobs of being the baby-makers in town are over and we've passed the torch on to a new generation of people who need to, well, get busy and make babies!

Seriously, there are three ways to bring more kids into the district: Have them born here, move them here with new families or host students from other countries, like through AFS.

One problem we have is, there aren't as many young people in town having babies. This is due, in large part, that there are not enough jobs for young people to come back to.

That's where the real problem lies for this district's future. We do need to be proactive in finding ways to save our district money, but at the same time we need to be figuring out ways we can create jobs and attract younger families to our community.

It should have been a battle cry for our city and county for many years, but it simply has taken a way back seat to issues like taxes, roads, bridges, water lines and even a new pool for those who are left to use it.

There are glimpses of hope.

The wind farm will bring in a few permanent jobs to our community and two new hospitals will at least guarantee the employment of existing families and perhaps attract a few more, but we need to think bigger.

In years past, many "big" ideas were shot down. One such idea was a pig processing plant. I'm not exactly sure that I would be supportive of this type of industry in our community.

Norm Clouse and I were visiting the other day. Surprisingly, we had been thinking along the same lines. A couple of years ago, I had mentioned to my wife and some friends that a 30-45 bed jail facility could create a needed service for the area and would create a few jobs in town.

Norm took this one step further. He asked "Why not convince someone within the state of Kansas to build a prison here?"

I think this is brilliant.

I know your first thought is, why in the world would we want to bring criminals to Medicine Lodge? Well, you wouldn't believe the numbers we already have living in our community and they are free to roam the streets. At least these folks would be locked up and supervised for the duration of their stay.

Depending on the size of a facility, their temporary homes could create job opportunities for as little as 100 people to as many as 10000 people

Crime is a big industry and it's even bigger in tough times

Maybe it's not the right idea for Medicine Lodge, but it's a forward thinking thought and one of the first I have heard in a long time. It should be pursued.

I will be honest, my initial reaction to this proposal was not positive.

I don't want to see anyone in our district lose their jobs or be forced to take pay cuts. It's a difficult time for many, including our school district.

My family lives on the far north corner of the county. My children would have very long days if we went to a 4 day week plan and I know others would too. Already, my kids get on the bus at around 7:30 a.m. on good weather days. I can't imagine how much earlier they would get on and how much later they could get home.

Fridays are our deadline day at the paper. It is impossible for us to run back and forth to our home to transport kids to events.

I guess the biggest issue is my own pride in our district. I don't want to see us move backwards. I want things to be the way they were when I graduated. I know that's not realistic. The high school was nearly at capacity then. I want to see growth, so this reason doesn't really count, but I know it is influencing my choices.

It's obvious something needs to change in order to move us forward and to insure we will have the funds needed to operate our district in future years.

You need to go to this meeting on Tuesday, November 25th and hear what Mr. Cullen has to say and if you don't like it then tell him and tell your board members. If you do like it, tell him and tell your board members, but however you feel, be prepared to be a part of some sort of solution. Let's work together to figure out how we can save money and grow in our district.

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Bob Stuttler was gracious enough to invite me and my wife over to The Grand Hotel to see the progress on the inside. All I can say is WOW! The work is amazing and some people might not realize that Bob and Dorothy will be opening a gun shop on the main floor in the very near future. This won't be your average gun shop. I believe this will attract a high caliber of people (no pun intended).

We'll try and bring you the latest on their progress as soon as it is available.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. The Stuttlers are a great asset to our community and they have revived an historic icon in the center of our town and should be shown our appreciation.

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Congratulations to Representative Dennis McKinney on his new job. McKinney has taken the State Treasurer's appointment from Gov. Sebelius for Kansas. He's done such a service to our area and I hope he will be active in finding a replacement for himself. Good luck Dennis and thank you for your great service to our district.

Have a great week and Happy Thanksgiving!

It's a week past Veteran's Day, but there should never be only one day that we honor those who serve our country.

I'm always amazed at the Veteran's Program put on at the High School each year. This year was no different. Despite a few sound glitches, the program was a success.

Thank you to all the area veterans for attending even though the weather was a bit cold and nasty. It's a great thing for our kids to see you all and connect with you on that personal level.

Although she would never want any attention, Linda Hartley has served as this program's organizer for a number of years and has kept it alive and fresh each year. There are so many people that help her - too many to even mention here. They know who they are.

Two of the guest speakers were law makers. Local Representative Dennis McKinney and Congressman Jerry Moran. After Moran spoke, I saw him exit the gym and proceeded to cut him off at the pass.

I found Congressman Moran near an exit and asked him if I could have a minute of his time. I wanted him to know that I appreciated him not supporting the bailout plan and I asked him to hold accountable those who were abusing the money that the taxpayers have given them.

Just last week AIG was caught spending another $330,000+ on high end resorts for some of its executives.
I believe Moran supports the idea of accountability. We'll see what happens over the next few months.

Going back to the subject of veterans, I spoke with my friend Nathan Hunt a while back. Sgt. Hunt has served two missions in Iraq. He lives in Belle Plaine, Kansas with his wife Jeri and their kids Madelyn and Bradon.

Nate broke the news to his family and friends that he is volunteering for another mission. This time in Afghanistan. On Friday of last week, I ran across this news release. It deals with the unit that Nate will be attached to and what their mission is. I found it particularly interesting and wanted to share it with my readers.

One of the things the United States is known for is its military might, but a group of Kansas National Guardsmen will soon be demonstrating that there is more to the National Guard than that as they deploy in February 2009 to show the people of Afghanistan how to do something that Kansans are known for: farming.

A joint Kansas Army and Air National Guard team of approximately 60 personnel will go to Afghanistan next year as an Agribusiness Development Team (ADT). The team, comprised of personnel with backgrounds and expertise in various aspects of the agribusiness field, will work in conjunction with the Provincial Reconstruction Team, USAID, USDA, the Department of State and other agencies in Afghanistan’s Laghman Province. Their year-long mission is to assist in building capabilities for increased agricultural production, training and services, and improving the safety of food and other agricultural products that are produced and distributed to the Afghan people. They will also assist in the development of sustainable agriculture and other related enterprises that will increase the economic well-being of the Afghans.

The Kansas National Guard will be performing this mission in partnership with Kansas State University over a three year period to build continuity and relationships with local and regional Afghan individuals and leaders.

"This is an incredible mission for our Guard members who are again stepping up to serve," said Gov. Kathleen Sebelius. "And on this mission they are teaching the people of Afghanistan something that will benefit them and their families for years to come."

"Most people know the National Guard as defenders of freedom, but we’re also builders," said Maj. Gen. Tod Bunting, the adjutant general. "Sometimes, we build physical things, like roads and bridges, but in this case were helping to rebuild a society. These Kansas Guardsmen will assist the people of Afghanistan to develop and improve their agricultural production and storage, making life a little better for everyone."

"This is a unique opportunity for members of the Agribusiness Development Team to employ both their military and civilian skills in Afghanistan and for the people who need our assistance," said Col. Eric Peck, commander of the first Kansas ADT. "All members of the ADT are training hard to meet the mission requirements from a military perspective. We are also working with our Kansas State University partners to develop a cultural and agricultural training program that will benefit all three of the Kansas-lead teams."

The Agribusiness Development Team program is a joint effort of several federal government agencies and the National Guard. The concept has been successfully used in Central America for approximately 20 years. The first such team was deployed from Missouri to Afghanistan in February 2008 and a second was deployed from Texas in June. Four additional teams, including the one from the Kansas National Guard, will be deployed over a 12 month period.

Our newspaper did something new last week. I had attempted it once before, but it didn't work as we wanted it to.

On Tuesday, November 4, 2008 our newspaper's website did a live update of election results for Barber County. This was done in real time. Most of our updating took place within 5 minutes of election board reporting.

I was interested in seeing what kind of response we would get from that type of reporting.

I was overwhelmed.

The website received 1289 hits from 7:00 p.m. on Tuesday until 12:15 a.m. on Wednesday. I fell asleep after that and didn't check until the next morning. As of this writing, the election web page received a total number of just under 1700 hits. The website itself had 1219 views.

To put that in to perspective that's almost three times the number of hard copies we sell on the street!

This will open the door to other possibilities for the newspaper's website. We hope to one day have daily reporting and news stories, but we have to be careful to balance our website with our newsprint edition.

The article to the bottom right is from a fellow newspaper publisher, David Powls from Holton. He wrote the editorial to Kansas Publishers and I wanted to share his thoughts with my readers this week.

Have a great week!

Congratulations Barber County

for passing Resolution 2208-10

Take stand, but don’t take yourself too seriously

Hello from Holton. At this writing, we’re in the process of printing our Wednesday, Nov. 5 edition with the general election results.

My pick for president (John McCain) mirrored the majority of the state’s voters on election day but lost in the national voting.

A $21.3 million Holton school bond issue that I wrote in favor of failed on election day by a 2-1 margin.

Had I been newspapering in any other county in the Second Congressional District, I would have strongly supported Nancy Boyda’s re-election campaign. Her opponent, however, is from Holton and I know Lynn Jenkins will do a fine job at Washington, D.C., too. I editorialized it was a shame that we couldn’t send both Boyda and Jenkins to Congress. I believe that.

Another Holton High School graduate, Pat Roberts, won his U.S. Senate race against Jim Slattery. This political race also featured two good candidates.

As newspaper editors, it is tradition for us to step outside the voting booth curtains and tell our readers how we plan to vote – knowing full well we’re opening up ourselves to the possible business backlash that can come when a customer (or customers) disagrees with us. I’m sure you know what I mean.

At times like these, I think about the life and times of longtime Garnett newspaper editor George Clasen, now deceased.

I grew up in Garnett. Clasen provided me with my first real newspaper job (an internship). My parents often did not agree with the opinions that editor Clasen voiced in The Garnett Review and Anderson Countian. But when Clasen retired, many Garnett residents, including my parents, commented that they really missed him and his opinions – even if they did disagree with him much of the time!

I often write in The Holton Recorder that it’s OK for readers to disagree with me and remain on friendly terms with me.

I also often write that the opinions of the paper are printed on the Opinion Page only.

In community journalism, we strive to provide our readers with both sides of important issues – in every story – all the time.

In fact, a news story is not complete until it provides both sides to every issue.

If we’re doing our jobs as newspaper reporters, readers should not know how we feel about either side of an issue.

Someone a long time ago told me that community journalism is the most difficult career I would ever love. That has been the case for me. As all newspaper editors know, every day in this business brings new stories to write and new advertising messages to sell for the paper.

I believe it’s important for newspaper editors – especially those of us in smaller communities – to continue writing editorials on political issues and races and other important local issues (like school bond issues, for example). There are many places for people in our communities to turn for news these days but not a lot of others willing to take a stand on important community issues of the day.

Some final advice about editorial writing in a small community: Do your homework first. Consult with experts on your subjects. Understand the issue you’re writing about; avoid those issues you don’t.

Trust your judgment on what’s best for your community. Never be too stubborn to admit mistakes when you make them.

…And when your favorite presidential candidate does not win and the school bond you supported fails, don’t take it too seriously.

David Powls is president of the Kansas

Press Association for 2008-09.

You'll be thinking, "welcome to the 21st century Kevin."

My wife and I took a little trip last week for her birthday. Her birthday is actually today, but we celebrated a week early because it fit into the Dallas Cowboys' home game schedule!

Our trip included a visit to Deep Ellum, the old warehouse district in downtown Dallas, and a visit to my Uncle Gary's ranch outside of Ft. Worth.

Although Ronda is from the Dallas/Ft. Worth area, things have changed some in the 23 years since she's left that area. We knew we'd have to rely on maps and instructions to find the points of interest for our trip.

My buddy Dale McCurdy has used a GPS for years with his traveling to various cities around the country and swears by one. We learned that Dan and Val Dutton had a Garmin Nuvi and we asked if we could borrow it for the weekend. They were gracious and we set out on our trip with this neat little gadget.

All we had to do was enter an address and the lady inside the small device took over navigation for us.

"Drive 1 mile and exit left," she spoke to us.

This was incredible! We were finding everything we needed just be listening to this soft spoken electronic female.

And when we got to where we were going, she was elated! "Arriving at destination," she said! You could practically hear the joy in her electronic voice.

It wasn't long before Ronda detected my affection for my new girlfriend. She would give me directions and I would thank her and soon it was evident that we were becoming friends.

"Should we eat Mexican," I asked Ronda?

"I don't know. Why don't you ask your girlfriend," she huffed.

It was apparent to me that she was jealous of my new friendship.

As with any new relationship, the new began to wear off. After four days of, "Recalculating and Course Correction" I found we were growing apart. We learned that when you don't follow her directions, she gets a little snippy.

Although she was wonderful at getting us around in Dallas, she lacked some necessary skills needed in order for our friendship to grow.

I asked her about politics, she didn't answer. Anywhere I wanted to eat seemed to be fine with her. It was like she didn't really care. Once when I asked for a restaurant she led us to a couple that had obviously been closed for quite some time. There were also a couple of times she intentionally told us to exit where there were no exits.

I could feel the tension growing on our way to our hotel one evening when I told Ronda, "I'll be leaving the girlfriend in the car tonight."

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Look how happy she looks!

Ronda's special weekend in Dallas wouldn't have been possible if it weren't for her Dad and Stepmom Don and Linda Vick, Dale and Michele McCurdy, John Nixon (for watching the boys) and throwing them scraps of food), Joey and Frank (for not trashing our house while we were gone), Sarah and Dwain Richert (for keeping Nick), Grandma MeMe, Dan and Val Dutton (for the GPS/girlfriend, Pete (for his wireless Internet card), the acadamy (for nominating me for this.... oops, wrong speech)........ and my staff here at the Premiere for kicking it up a notch and helping me get the paper done early so we could leave on Friday.

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY Ronda! I hope it was the best birthday you ever had. We love you!!!! I love you!!!!

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On an interesting side note to this story, I told my mom last week we were going to stay in Oklahoma City on Friday night to break up the trip to Dallas. She said, "Me too!"

What a coincidence....

I told her we were staying at the Biltmore Hotel and she said, "ME TOO!"

That was too strange.

I told her we were staying in room 229 on the second floor and she said, "We're staying on the ground level."

Wow....That was close! lol....

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We'll be voting for president tomorrow. I don't know how much of a chance McCain has at beating the Obama Money Machine.

You would have thought that Obama would have graciously given McCain some of that extra money he earned in the last days of the election to help him out in the polls, but that would have been a redistribution of HIS wealth! lol.....

We ran into this guy in the parking lot at the Dallas Cowboy's game. He might have something going here......

No matter who wins or how the bond issue turns out this election, on Wednesday, we'll all still be Americans and we'll all still be residents of Barber County. We have to work hard to improve our current situations nationally and locally.

Have a great week!

I've probably written about this before, but October and November are big birthday months in my family. It starts with my daughter, Breeann on the 3rd of October, then I have one the next day on the 4th of October. For my birthday, we went to Amarillo, TX to see Dale and Michele McCurdy's new home and to go and completely destroy my left knee hiking in Palo Duro Canyon! It was a beautiful canyon that I easily climbed. It was going down that got me.

We get a couple of week's break from the birthdays and then it's my son Joey's birthday.

And an important birthday it is for him on Wednesday, October 28th. This week my oldest son turns 16 years old. Along with that right of passage comes his legal driver's license. I'm sure Joey is dreaming of trips to town without making up excuses as to why he is always on a farm errand. Joey, you can unload the livestock and grain out of the back of the pickup and take your first legal lap around the square on me buddy. Happy 16th Birthday!

And then, just a week later, it's my wife's birthday on November 3rd.

Without telling you her age, this year is a particularly dark birthday for my wife. I wanted it to be something more special for her than black balloons and tombstones around her desk, so I contacted her father in El Paso, Texas. Ronda had mentioned to me that she had never been to a Dallas Cowboy's football game and I knew right away that was what we would be doing for her birthday. Ronda's dad hooked us up with tickets and hotel rooms as our birthday gifts and our friends and former Medicine Lodge residents Dale and Michele McCurdy, mentioned earlier, joined us all the way from Amarillo, TX for a tailgating party at Texas Stadium this weekend complete with adjoining seats in the stadium to watch the Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. our beloved Dallas Cowboys, who have strugled the last few weeks with the injury of their Quarter Back Tony Romo.

Romo, Oh Romo, Wherefore art thou throw Romo? Your Dallas Cowboys need you. We had hoped you would play, but I'm betting we watched you on the sideline.

By the time you read this, we'll be on our way back from Texas, where Ronda grew up until she moved to Kansas in the mid-80s. If all goes as planned, we'll have stopped along the way to see some of her old classmates and a stop to see my Uncle Gary Noland. Gary used to be in Medicine Lodge in the late 60s-early 70s running the Barber County Index with my grandfather Bill Noland. My uncle now raises and trains horses in Fort Worth, TX, a far cry away from the days of slinging ink.

It's a trip we've been anticipating since Ronda first guessed what her surprise was going to be for her birthday earlier this month.

You see, it was supposed to be a game where I gave her clues each day to guess what she was getting for her birthday. I gave her three to start with. Here they were.

1). It's more than five hours away.

2). You can sit down or stand up at it.

3). It's inside but it's also outside.

She said, "YOU'RE TAKING ME TO A DALLAS COWBOY'S FOOTBALL GAME!!!"

I guess with age, she has also gained intuition, because I didn't think the clues were that easy!

Ronda's actual birthday is on Monday, November 3rd, 2008. So be sure to wish her a happy birthday. I love you Ronda. I hope you have a great birthday!

It won't be long after that and we'll be celebrating Wang Haji's birthday. "Frank", as we call him, is our AFS student from East China and he will be celebrating his 17th birthday with his host family on November 23rd.

Best wishes to Deana Horn who left us last week for a new job. Erin Jones will be writing for the Premiere starting this week and we're excited to welcome her on board.

Only one more week before the elections. My predictions: Obama / Biden, two new hospitals for Barber County???

Have a great week!

I'm going to steal some words from one of our readers this week.

Bill Robbins of Pratt called me for our annual conversation about such things as the hospital bond issue, the school district, 99 Springs and Lake Arrowhead roads and the economy in general.

Bill made an interesting point. The stock market woes have forced big oil to lower fuel costs and this benefits Americans. This comes just in time. They'll now be able to afford gas money to drive to bankruptcy court.

The economy isn't looking so good now is it?

Here’s how bad the economy really is. There are now Americans taking jobs away from illegal aliens.

And it is pretty scary looking at our financial problems in this country. Doesn’t it make you yearn for the good old days when we were just worried about oil hitting 150 bucks a barrel?

At this writing, I'm afraid to tell you what the market is doing. It dropped almost 800 points one day, picked up 600 the next and then dropped like another 700. I can't even add and subtract quick enough to keep up.

I, like many of you, lost a little bit of my retirement last week on the roller coaster ride that is our stock market. I don't really understand how my money magically disappears when the market goes down. I'm sure that someone out there is smart enough to explain it to me in laymen's terms, but for the moment I'll share my confusion.

When your average person goes to the bank and asks for money for a home, for instance, the bank checks your credit score, looks at your liability vs. collateral, your income and the inside of your colon (in most instances, unless you get one of those sweetheart mortgages I hear so much in the news about). Then they decide whether you are approved, or not, and then you are required to pay back the bank with interest.

When your average person invests in the stock market, companies take your money and, in some cases, pay you dividends on your money. In other cases, they lose it and they don't have to give you back anything. I guess I just don't understand how that is fair.

Short of burying my money in a coffee can in the yard, I really don't know how to invest safely and receive the best return on my money.

But I don't need to panic.

"Knock, knock, knock."

Who is it?

"We're from the government. We're here to help."

Well thank God! The government, in all its wisdom, has bailed out the banks and the system that I still don't understand!

This is irony. Congress said recently, "The days of getting money just for the asking are over!" And then they asked for and somehow got $700 billion.

The reason for the financial problem is simple. Not only is the United States deep in debt, but the federal government itself has access to far less than the $700 billion it has promised. In fact, right now the federal government only has like $51.75 in the bank. Think of the overdraft charges they are going to get on a $700 billion check!

AIG was given $85 billion dollars as well. They're going to get another $35 billion in assistance. Upon this news, their executives followed through with a planned retreat and spent $440,000 at some luxurious spa. Saturday Night Live said it best, "That was kind of like learning of grandma's death, but still having her birthday party three days later!"

We should treat the federal government like I treat my college student daughter. I put a certain amount of money on her debit card every week. If she spends it all before the next deposit, tough. If she has a surplus, good for her!

Well, at least we have someone to blame in all this mess. According to Democrats, it's the Republicans who are to blame and according to the Republicans, it's the Democrats who are to blame. That clears things up for me.

Have a great week!

I'm taking a break from writing this week and giving up my space for a very important announcement about Breast Cancer.

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

I applaud the efforts of the folks at the Shaggy Shack for their efforts to raise awareness and money for cancer research. I hope you'll take the time to read the story on the main page and the story below.

Have a great week!

October 6, 2008 – As the nation marks the annual National Breast Cancer Awareness Month this October, the American Cancer Society is encouraging women to fight breast cancer by taking charge of their personal breast health and supporting efforts against the disease. The Society is reminding women 40 and older about the importance of getting a mammogram annually to detect breast cancer in its earliest, most treatable stage. An estimated 182,460 new cases of invasive breast cancer are expected to occur among women in the U.S. in 2008, and about 40,480 deaths are expected.

Studies clearly show that early detection of breast cancer through mammography greatly improves treatment options, the chances for successful treatment and survival. Early-stage breast cancer typically produces no symptoms when the tumor is small and most treatable, so it is important that women follow recommended guidelines for finding breast cancer before the symptoms develop. On average, mammography will detect about 80 percent to 90 percent of breast cancers in women without symptoms.

"Survival rates for breast cancer are significantly higher when the cancer has not spread," said Kirsten Bruce, manager, health initiative field support, at the American Cancer Society. "Numerous studies have shown that early detection increases treatment options and can save lives. That is why it is so important for women 40 and older to get an annual mammogram."

The American Cancer Society recommends yearly mammograms and clinical breast exams for women 40 and older and a clinical breast examination at least once every three years for women between the ages of 20 and 39. The Society also recommends magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) for certain women at high risk. Women at moderate risk should talk with their doctors about the benefits and limitations of adding MRI screening to their yearly mammogram.

While we do not yet know how to prevent breast cancer, we do know that women who maintain a healthy weight, eat a well-balanced diet, and are physically active 45 to 60 minutes on five or more days of the week can reduce their risk of breast cancer. Also, limiting alcohol consumption can reduce breast cancer risk – two or more drinks a day may increase breast cancer risk by 21 percent.

The American Cancer Society and its partner advocacy organization, the American Cancer Society Cancer Action NetworkSM (ACS CAN), continue to engage in activities to increase funding for the National Breast and Cervical Cancer Early Detection Program (NBCCEDP). This important program provides low-income, uninsured and underinsured women access to mammograms, Pap tests, follow-up care and treatment when needed. Current funding only enables the program to serve one in five eligible women ages 50 to 64 nationwide, and for the first time since the program's inception, fewer women are now being served due to flat funding rates and cuts in funding over the past five years.

This lifesaving program cannot be fully realized if eligible women can not get early detection tests due to insufficient funding. ACS CAN encourages anyone touched by this disease to let Congress know that support for the NBCCEDP is important and that an increase in funding for this program, to $250 million this year, is vital to its continuation. The faster members of Congress make their commitment of support, the better the program can serve more of our mothers, sisters, daughters and friends. To get involved, or to learn more about this effort, please visit http://www.acscan.org/makingstrides.

The American Cancer Society has invested more than $352 million in breast cancer research grants since 1972, and has been an important part of nearly every major breast cancer research breakthrough of the past century, including the use of tamoxifen to reduce the risk of first or second breast cancer occurrences. The American Cancer Society Cancer Action Network is also active in the fight against breast cancer, mobilizing more than 100,000 volunteers to defeat legislation that would have allowed insurance companies to remove laws guaranteeing cancer screening coverage for women who need it. ACS CAN continues to support legislation that would improve the quality of treatment for breast cancer patients and the quality of life for breast cancer survivors.

The American Cancer Society is dedicated to eliminating cancer as a major health problem by saving lives, diminishing suffering, and preventing cancer through research, education, advocacy, and service. Founded in 1913 and with national headquarters in Atlanta, the Society has 13 regional Divisions and local offices in 3,400 communities, involving millions of volunteers across the United States. For more information anytime, call toll free 1-800-ACS-2345 or visit www.cancer.org.

ACS CAN is the nonprofit, nonpartisan partner advocacy organization of the American Cancer Society, dedicated to eliminating cancer as a major health problem. ACS CAN works to encourage lawmakers, candidates and government officials to support laws and policies that will make cancer a top national priority. ACS CAN gives ordinary people extraordinary power to fight cancer. For more information, visit www.acscan.org.

I love a good rock concert. I've paid as much as $150 for a ticket to see the Eagles live back in 2000. That's a lot of money to see a concert, but nothing compared to a ticket to see Billy Joel and Bruce Springsteen together.

The entry level tickets are $500 and if you want, you can pay as much as $10,000 to the benefit concert.

Who doesn't love a good benefit concert? Raising money for things like fighting disease, hunger, poverty, saving the planet are all worthy causes.

But this concert isn't about saving anything. It's an Obama fund-raiser.

That's right.

"The Piano Man" and "The Boss", are joining forces to raise money for Obama's campaign.

Obama plans to attend the musical fund-raisers at Hammerstein Ballroom on Oct. 16, the day after Obama's final debate with John McCain at Hofstra University, located several miles outside the city in Hempstead, N.Y.

Good ole Obama - just your regular guy - like everyone can afford $10,000 for a concert ticket.

Is this concert even worth $500? Are you kidding me? WHO in the "middle class", as Obama keeps saying he represents, can afford that? The middle class will not be seeing this concert - only all of those "horrible" people who made more than 250K that Obama wants to tax.

Fortunately for me, these are two of my least favorite artists - EVER. I won't be attending, and it's not just because I can't afford it. It makes me ill to think about any artists gathering to raise money for politics. Poor Obama only raised just over $64 million in the past month.

Of course this is almost as sad as listening to McCain belt out "Bomb-bomb-bomb... bomb-bomb Iran".

? ? ? ?

The Republican National Committee did have a little fun with the Springsteen-Joel concert announcement last Tuesday, at Obama's expense.

"While John McCain is working to bring Republicans and Democrats together, Barack Obama was working to bring rock stars together," RNC spokesman Alex Conant said.

? ? ? ?

Thank God none of the bands I really like care much about stuff like this.

I wish rock stars would come together for worthy causes - not to get a candidate elected. Maybe I could organize some benefits.....,

- "The Cure and Asia - Bailing Out The Banks - 2008"

- "Heart for Hurricane Victims"

- "Fat Boy Slim against Hunger"

- "Big and Rich against Poverty"

- "Britney Spears' `Toxic' - China's Milk and Toys Tour"

- "Duran Duran against Iran"

- "REM's `It's The End Of The World As We Know It' - N. Korean Nuclear benefit"

- "The Beatles `Back in the USSR' - rebuilding Russia's empire - world tour opening in The Republic of Georgia"

- "Snoop Dog for the humane treatment of animals - Special Guest: The Stray Cats"

- "Huey Lewis & The News for unbiased reporting"

- "Simple Plan - to fix our economic problems followed by The All American Rejects"

- "Bon Jovi - 'Wanted Dead Or Alive' find Osama Bin Laden Tour."

- "The Kinks, working out problems in Congress"

- "The Clash `Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now', Iraq 2008 tour"

I could only hope that we all agree that we should leave politics to the politicians and music to the musicians.

So, what am I listening to on my Ipod?

Ironically.....

"The Presidents of the United States of America". Yes, it's a real band and I really like them. You can visit their website and listen to their silly music at www.presidentsrock.com.

Have a great week - Republicans and Democrats alike!

Several folks called me last week concerning an editorial that was written by J.W. Keene, Editor of the Index.

Thursday, September 18, Keene made it clear how he feels about the upcoming bond proposed by the hospitals of Barber County in his column "Another View".

Keene seems to focus his column on the expense and operation of these facilities and the communities' need (or lack thereof) for two hospitals in our county.

He says we should, "flip a coin" and shut down one of the old facilities, in either community and build one new hospital instead of two - with a transfer station, or clinic in the other community.

In October of 2005, I had blockage in my heart that caused me to have an (acute) myocardial infarction, or heart attack. My condition, so rare for my age, was difficult to diagnose and I only had minutes before I was in serious trouble. If not for the doctor and staff at MLMH, I would have died.

I'm grateful that I did not end up at a transfer station where I would have been shipped to another facility to be evaluated again and sent on to another facility. A possible transfer I would have gotten, if Mr. Keene's option was a reality, was a transfer to the mortuary. I was given big-city care in my small-town hospital and I'm alive today to write about it.

We're very fortunate to have competent staff in both Kiowa and Medicine Lodge. I know that neither community would be in favor of giving up its hospital.

So, I do understand the importance of having good health care facilities in my community. It is not only a crucial service for our citizens, but it provides jobs to many families in our county. I guess if we took Mr. Keene's advice, we could shut one hospital down, lay off 30-50 people and have them move away. The schools would lose additional students and their homes would become empty. What would that do to our tax base over 20 years? Heck, maybe we could just shut the entire county down and we could all move to Pratt.....

I've lived here for 36 years. I own commercial and real estate property in Barber County and I pay my taxes, as painful as they are, just like many of you. I don't pretend to like it and I certainly am not in favor of a "bridge to nowhere" project.

But I don't believe that is what we're talking about here.

We're talking about fixing aging hospital facilities and a future investment in our communities. We have seen progress, despite tough economic times. For example, we have a booming oil industry and the new wind farm is bringing money to our local economy. Yes, our population is aging, but this is another reason we should be investing in our county's health infrastructure.

I don't believe that Barber County's hospital future should be left to a coin toss, especially at the suggestion of someone who:

a) doesn't even live in Barber County

b) doesn't own any personal property in Barber County that I am aware of

c) works for a company that doesn't own any real estate in Barber County and contributes very little to the tax base or the local economy for that matter. I'll take that one step further. The Index, who Mr. Keene so boldly writes for, isn't even owned by a Kansas corporation.

I'm also a parent of a college student. I'm neither in the medical field or associated with one or both of the hospitals in question.

"....a legal way to stuff the ballot box...." His comments about parents escorting their college students in for absentee ballots were snide. My daughter has lived here for 18 years and stands to one day inherit oil royalties and property in Barber County.

Even though she is currently away at college, she has every right to vote on an important issue that will directly effect what she will one day pay in taxes. Her address is Medicine Lodge. She was born at the Medicine Lodge Memorial Hospital and went to school here for 12 years. So proponents take note. Your children do have the right to vote - for or against this issue.

Finally Mr. Keene, I offer you the following suggestions:

a) move here, pay taxes here and we'd love to hear your opinion on our community

b) have your company make an actual contribution to this community - rather than take any profit it makes and send it on to an out-of-town, out-of-state owned corporation

c) Pass or fail, leave it to the constituents of Barber County.

Respectfully, Kevin Noland

If two-ply toilet paper is good, then three-ply tissue must be better. At least that's what toilet-paper researchers in northeastern Wisconsin hope.

Yes, there is such a thing as a toilet-paper researcher. And a team of them at Georgia Pacific's Innovation Institute in Neenah has come up with a three-ply version of its Quilted Northern product.

The new product will be launched Monday. The company touts the toilet tissue as "ultra-soft" and says it plans to market the product to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a "sanctuary for quality time."

Industry analyst Bill Schmitz is skeptical. He said extra layers make toilet paper stronger, not softer, although he said Georgia Pacific may have added extra fibers for softness

How nice, now Exploration Place can have better TP to go with their "poop" exhibit!

That's right, I said "poop" exhibit.....

The sign announcing Exploration Place's newest exhibit features a silhouette of an African hyena at sunset squatting and ........ taking a dump!

Poop.

Manure.

Crap.

Go ahead and giggle, says Christina Bluml, communications manager for the museum.

It's a common reaction to "The Scoop on Poop," a traveling exhibit based on the book by science writer Wayne Lynch. It opened at the museum Saturday.

"The Scoop on Poop: The Science of What Animals Leave Behind" provides a look at the sometimes disgusting, often fascinating world of animal excrement.

If you've never taken in an exhibit at The Exporation Place, it's worth a trip.

Sean McAnarney, my son Joey and I recently went to the "Our Body: The Universe Within," which opened in May at the science center and was scheduled to end Oct. 12. Now the world-famous but somewhat controversial exhibit has been extended through Jan. 11.

I was impressed with the exhibit and a little bit grossed out, but not as grossed out as my son who finished the $25 tour in less than 10 minutes, keeping his eyes to the floor through the maze of body parts. Joey was a nice shade of greenish-white after Sean and I spent about an hour and a half touring the exhibit.

"Our Body" includes 17 full bodies and 150 body parts with cutaway views to allow peeks into the human body's systems -- skeletal, muscular, nervous, digestive, respiratory, cardiovascular, urinary, endocrine and reproductive.

Trust me, unless you are a doctor, medical student or a pathologist, you've never seen the human body like this. A couple of words of advice: 1) Eat before you go, you may not be hungry afterwards and 2) No cell phones, cameras or recording devices inside the exhibit. They mean this and if your phone is out, you will be asked to leave the exhibit. It's out of respect for those who have donated their bodies to this exhibit.

On it's worst day, the exhibit has attracted 150 people- impressive, considering that this is the Exploration Place's priciest exhibit ever at $25 a pop (That made it like a $125 an hour for Joey's tour).

But can the poop exhibit attract more than just flies?

"The Scoop on Poop" leads visitors on an investigation of what poop is and how animals use it -- to build homes, hide from enemies, send messages, cool off and attract mates. It also explores the way wildlife conservationists, paleontologists, farmers, Maasai people and others make use of animal waste.

Turns out, you can learn a lot about an animal by examining what it leaves behind, but I'll bet it's hard to do it with a straight face.

So the exhibit claims it packages its science with hearty doses of humor -- euphemisms, sound effects, even smell effects -- but nothing outrageously gross or offensive, unlike my column.

I, being a guy, am fascinated by the subject matter, but have little interest in paying $8 to view excrement, but that probably won't stop the general public's view of the fun topic - #2.

Have a great week!

In an effort to finding a cause that no one has yet championed, I am going black!

No, not green, black.

For some time now we earthlings have been cluttering up outer space with our litter and not many are paying attention to the damage we are doing to our own orbit.

While we're all busy trying to save the planet from our wasteful habits, we're shooting thousands of objects into our atmosphere every year that could one day rain down on us in fiery destruction or worse, take out our satellite TV. Frightening, isn't it?

We've ignored this problem for far too long and I call on people like Al Gore and Barb Keltner to take a stand against orbiting trash!

But what can we do?

First, we will need some sort of spokesman or mascot. I have a vision of a commercial. In this commercial is an astronaut on a space walk. The camera pans to his face. He lifts his helmet's shield and is seen with a tear in his eye as a space shuttle flies by and another astronaut is throwing trash out the window.

According to studies, nearly 10,000 pieces of space litter were catalogued at the end of 2008. They break into the following categories:

* 40% -- miscellaneous fragments

* 22% -- old spacecraft

* 13% -- mission related objects

* 7% -- operational spacecraft

* 7% -- rocket bodies

* 1% -- McDonald's styrofoam coffee cups

We've been trashing space around our planet since the 1950s and it's an "out of sight - out of mind" mentality.

My wife would say, "If you are done using that satellite in outer space and want to put a new one up there, you should take the old one down first."

Earth has probably been visited by extraterrestrials who thought we were just too messy to make contact with! Or maybe they made the attempt to visit our planet, but were killed by garbage that struck their space ships at some 17,000 m.p.h.

It's not bad enough that we're leaving trash in space. Now countries are turning space into a shooting gallery and making smaller, faster moving pieces of trash for future generations to contend with. For example, China recently shot down a weather satellite that orbited almost 500 miles above the earth.

The worst part about this, though, is that we are now one step closer to seeing the Kessler Syndrome start to manifest itself. The Kessler Syndrome is basically an orbital doomsday scenario that cuts off mankind’s access to space for thousands of years. The way it works is, some random collision occurs, creating many bits of space debris in orbit. These debris, in turn, end up hitting other things, shredding them, creating even more debris, in a Domino-like fashion.

Eventually, everything in orbit is utterly destroyed, and the space around Earth is so polluted with space junk that it is impossible to even launch anything anymore, as it would be destroyed by random impacts almost immediately upon exiting the atmosphere.

The scary thing is, the Kessler syndrome is already possible with the current amount of hardware we have in space. Luckily, almost all of it is up there in large controlled chunks, but all it could take is one apocalyptic collision to set a terrible chain of events into motion.

Once the Kessler Syndrome takes effect, the only solution with current technology is to wait it out, letting the space debris hit each other, lose momentum, and gradually burn up in the atmosphere. The process takes thousands of years before low orbit is safe to travel again.

So the next time you see trash, and do pick it up, think about the clutter in space and think about the future generations of young astronauts that probably will only dream of the days that we could go into outer space.

And think about that astronaut with the tear in his eye.

Have a great week and SAVE OUTER SPACE!

Last week we brought you a feature on Kali Thompson, a 7th grader at MLMS who has decided to play football on the boys' football team.

I congratulate her courage and desire to play the game.

We've tossed around the subject of mixing gender in boys' and girls' sports here in our office this week.

We don't all agree.

But since none of the others in my office have a column space this week, you get to hear my opinion!

I'm all about equal rights for everyone. I mean everyone, but let's not take it too far. This young lady wants to play football. I think there is probably a place on the team for her, but I question how this will promote fair competition in school sports and what it teaches our children.

Whether she provides an advantage or a disadvantage to the team, she's changed the rules of play.

What if we were to reverse roles here? What would happen if a few boys wanted to play girls' volleyball? Would that be okay? Do we now disrupt the normal procedure for all sports and activities in our district to allow cross gender competition?

Already there are issues with allowing Kali to play football. She obviously can't shower with the other boys. Special accommodations will need to be provided to meet her needs.

This is just one of many problems I can see, but it's really not my point.

In communities where there are no other sports offered to girls, I can see girls and boys playing together on the same team - as long as they are playing other teams that are equally balanced with both boys and girls. You see this a lot in the smaller city recreation leagues for games like soccer  and flag football.

America is becoming gender challenged. Take for example the Park Day School of Oakland.

Teachers at the private Oakland elementary school have stopped asking the children to line up according to sex when walking to and from class. They now let boys play girls and girls play boys in skits. And there's a unisex bathroom.

Park Day's gender-neutral metamorphosis happened over the past few years, as applications began coming in for kindergartners who claim they didn't fit on either side of the gender line. One girl enrolled as a boy, and there were other children who didn't dress or act in gender-typical ways. Last year the school hired a consultant to help the staff accommodate these new students.

I hate to sound old fashioned, but this wasn't a problem when I was in school. We didn't need consultants to tell teachers how to deal with being a boy or being a girl. If you weren't sure you were a boy or a girl, the school nurse could tell you.

I realize we live in a more "sensitive" society now, but I don't believe that we should put gender-challenged kids in the same category as special needs students, such as those in wheel chairs. Spending thousands of dollars of taxpayer money to put in a special bathroom for Billy, because he doesn't know if he should stand up or sit down when he uses the toilet, is ridiculous in my opinion! (Start your hate mail here...)

God created man and woman and they are very different. That's evident in nature and offering special treatment and preference to those who feel "out of place" with God-given organs discriminates against everyone else.

I haven't taken the time to sit down and ask Kali, her team mates, her coach or any other faculty or school board official about their feelings on this subject. Everyone may be fine with her playing football. Or maybe everyone is so timid these days that they are afraid of possibility of legal action if she's not allowed to play.

My column absolutely does not question Kali being gender challenged either. I think she just wanted to play football. Unfortunately, we didn't have a girls' football team and there isn't one in the league.

Sadly, I think it's a small step towards complacency and giving in to social acceptance. I assume that years ago the girls volleyball team was created for girls as a way to include girls in sports during football season. I hope we'll have enough girls to keep a team one day in the future.

Have a great week!

I love to go fishing, but I rarely have a good time doing it.

This is one category of my life where I would be stripped of my "father of the year" badge and flogged publicly for my lack of patience if judged.

If I even so much as utter the word "fishing" my kids will go crazy. They love to fish too. Actually, they love the idea of fishing. My boys will spend hours organizing their lures in their tackle boxes and setting up their poles for the big event.

Every fishing experience we have ever had together has ended in disaster, but for some reason, I still make the attempt to have the perfect fishing experience with them.

Joey is almost 16 now and he can pretty much handle himself with baiting, catching and releasing, but if he doesn't catch something within 10 minutes, he's bored and throwing things in the water, scaring off the fish. Nicholas, who is 10, still thinks he needs dad's assistance at baiting the hook, and releasing the fish (if and when caught) and pretty much everything else involved with fishing. Nicholas will marathon fish even if he doesn't catch anything. He will however, change what he's fishing with every other cast and if I don't put the lure on his pole for him, I can pretty much count on it being lost on the first cast.

Last Tuesday Kenny Joe Rinke wanted to go fishing and I decided that since I live 30 yards from a pond, I should probably invite him. Of course, I needed to bring the boys (including Frank, our AFS student from China).

We loaded up the boys, the poles, the tackle and the dog and drove around to the backside of the pond to get ourselves set up. I hadn't been fishing all year and since we'd had so much rain, the pond was overgrown with brush and was difficult to access from the bank on that side.

We had to spend a few minutes tutoring Frank on the fishing pole's operations, but within a few casts he'd figured it out and was just thrilled to cast and have his lure actually land in the water and not in a tree.

We decided to walk around to the other side, closer to our house, where we could actually walk up to the water's edge. To get there, we had to cross through the Amazon jungle. Nicholas and I were in sandals and now covered with chigger bites. The bug spray was back in the truck.

So far, so good.

Joey fished for about ten minutes, didn't get a bite and was bored. He started throwing stuff and caught dragon flies with the fishing net. He walked back to the truck to take a nap.

Nicholas had me rebaiting his hook every five minutes and then broke his pole. He was frustrated because he was itchy and didn't want to walk clear back to the truck to get another pole.

By this time Kenny Joe had caught about 7 bass and was having a great time. I had cast maybe 3 times and had caught nothing. He could see I wasn't having much fun and he put his pole down and opened his tackle box to get me one of his "prize" lures.

At that moment, my dog decided to check out what he was doing and tripped over his fishing pole. The lure hooked him on the right shoulder and he took off running through the trees with my buddy's fishing pole dragging behind him.

Kenny Joe caught up with the pole and attempted to reel in my German Shepherd, Hyde. Hyde zigzagged through some trees and I yelled at Kenny Joe to break the line before he webbed himself in there.

He broke the line and we caught up to my scared dog, who was all tangled up in the trees. Hyde had been hooked pretty good. It was all the way through with the barb poking out the other side. Attempts at pulling the hook back through were futile and only resulted in me getting bit three times.

After getting the dog calmed down, we found some side cutters and we were able to cut the barb off and pull it back through. The dog was fine and we picked up Kenny Joe's pole and went back to fishing.

I had not even cast my pole once and the reel snapped off the pole. I couldn't believe this was happening.

Kenny Joe was up to 10 fish at this point and I was trampling back through the jungle to find another fishing pole, swatting off gnats and other flying, biting insects.

By the time I got there, it was dark, but I could hear laughter coming from at least one of the boys. It was Frank.

Frank was just thrilled to be casting. He didn't catch a thing, but was happy to just make the lure go in the pond.

I am thinking he almost had the perfect fishing experience, less the actual catching the fish part......

Fishing stats:

Fish Bites Lures Broken Poles Trees

Kenny Joe - 10 25 3 0 0

Kevin 0 3 3 1 1

Nicholas - 0 0 30 1 0

Joey - 0 0 2 0 0

Frank 0 1 1 0 4

Have a great week!

Sunday was a bitter sweet day for Ronda and I and the family.

We packed up my daughter's belongings and moved her to the dorms at PCC. She's now a full time student, living on campus away from home. We realize it's only 30 miles away, but it might as well be a world away.

We helped her unload, went to lunch, an orientation for the parents and then went back to her room to say good-bye. I hugged her and reminded her that we were close if she needed anything and to have fun, but to remember that she was there to be a student and to make good grades.

As we were leaving the dorms Breeann had a sad look on her face.

"Dad, will you call me around 10 p.m. tonight," she asked?

I got a little choked up, hugged her again and we left for home. I couldn't help but think about my little girl sitting on the floor of her dorm room unpacking her things all alone.

Breeann's roommate won't be on campus until late September because she's in the Army, but she has two other girls that share the bathroom in the connecting room.

I watched the clock all day long and paced around waiting for 10 p.m. I wasn't going to call her a minute earlier. Finally, the time was right for my supportive phone call.

It rang, and it rang and it rang. No answer. I tried the dorm room and still no answer.

About ten minutes passed and my phone received a text message.

"Sorry Dad, real busy. Having fun with my new friends. Talk to you tomorrow."

Her home sickness lasted all of about 30 minutes that day. We're so happy that she's having fun.

She called on Monday to tell me that she was doing great, slept well and loved being in College. I told her I missed her and she cut me off saying, "I've got to go Dad, me and my friends are going to a picnic!"

Shortly after hanging up the phone I received another call. The lady on the phone said her name was Peggy Schneider with AFS.

"Kevin, I got your name from John Nixon," she said.

I just groaned.

We had discussed taking an exchange student for the 2009-2010 school year. Our plan was to "take a year off" after getting Breeann off to college.

Peggy explained that she had four students from various countries that did not get placed in homes and since she knew that we were interested in hosting, she wondered if we would take a student.

I politely told her "no".

"Can I at least send you their profiles," she asked?

This is where I could have said no, but I didn't. And now we have a new son and brother, Haiji Wang, or "Frank" as he would like to be called.

It's been a whirlwind week for us. After receiving our daughter's blessing, we had phone interviews, forms to fill out and then an orientation about the AFS program. Frank moved into our home on Wednesday evening and enrolled in school on Thursday morning.

Medicine Lodge is hosting 4 exchange students this year and we'll feature each one of them: Simon, Alex ( this is starting out to sound like the line up of the chipmunks) Manuel and Haiji or "Frank". This week, we'll introduce you to Simon who is from Switzerland and is staying with John Nixon (who indiscriminately gives out people's cell phone numbers.)

I wish I could tell you all about Frank, but we just met Wednesday evening. I can tell you he is from China, speaks very good English and is very, very intelligent. His father is a sea captain and his mother is an accountant. Some of his classes include Physics, Chemistry, Advanced Art and he's taking an upper-level math course. Frank is polite, struggles with combination locks and has a good sense of humor. We're excited to learn about another culture and share in the experience of AFS.

I'll deal with John later.

Have a great week!

This week our family was busy with moving. No, we're not moving. My daughter is.

Breeann has moved to her new home, which is in a dorm room at PCC in Pratt, KS. It's not too far away, but she's no longer home with her mom and dad and brothers. Her brothers aren't complaining, but I'm sure we're all going to miss her.

I sort of feel like the papa bird taking my young chick over the edge of the nest and dropping her (I know, it's usually the mom bird). She'll either have to learn to fly or she'll hit the ground. Oh wait, maybe there's a point to this story that her mother and I are supposed to catch her before she hits the ground!

Anyway, it's an overwhelming experience to have a child leave home.

Breeann is studying Elementary Education. She wants to be a school teacher one day. Study hard, Breeann. You can do it!

Summer break is over and school is back in session. It seems like it went so fast. I want to welcome back all of the students and faculty of USD# 254. We have a lot of new faces in the district. Be sure you stop and make them feel welcome when you see them.

Have a great week!

Special delivery!

SEATTLE - A 6-foot-tall, 250-pound letter carrier is campaigning for the right to take off his pants. Dean Peterson wants the U.S. Postal Service to add kilts as a uniform option for men.

The idea was soundly defeated in July at a convention of his union, the 220,000-member National Letter Carriers' Association, so Peterson knows convincing management will be an uphill struggle, but at least he'll be comfortable in his kilt, or Male Unbifurcated Garment.

"In one word, it's comfort," he said.

With his build, Peterson said, his thighs fill slacks to capacity, causing chafing and scarring.

And nobody likes chafing and scarring.

Peterson, 48, has Finnish and Norwegian ancestry but not Scottish. He began wearing kilts a couple years ago when his wife brought one back from a trip to Scotland. (A spokeswoman for Britain's Royal Mail said kilts are not allowed as part of its letter carrier uniforms.)

Now Peterson wears them everywhere - to one son's football games, the other son's concerts, shopping and gardening.

"It's the difference between wearing jammies to bed and wearing your work clothes to bed," he said.

Before the convention in Boston, Peterson spent his family's $1,800 economic stimulus tax rebate to mail about 1,000 letters and photographs of him wearing a prototype Postal Service kilt to union branches in every state, Guam and Puerto Rico.

I'm sure that's not what President Bush had in mind to stimulate the economy, but oh well...

"Unbifurcated Garments are far more comfortable and suitable to male anatomy than trousers or shorts because they don't confine the legs or cramp the male genitals the way that trousers or shorts do," he wrote. "Please open your hearts - and inseams - for an option in mail carrier comfort!"

The union's executive committee recommended disapproval, saying there was not enough demand for kilts to be worth the bother of the resolution, and delegates agreed by a large margin.

But Peterson said there are plenty of approved uniform items that very few mail carriers wear, including a cardigan sweater, vest and pith helmet.

Correct me if I am wrong but I think Medicine Lodge actually has a carrier that wears a pith helmet.

Peterson said many convention delegates did express support after his resolution was voted down.

"I got so pumped up after being at such a low that I'm taking this to the next convention in 2010 in Anaheim, Calif.," he said.

You go.... girl, I mean guy.

The writer of KWIBS actually owns a kilt, has worn a kilt several times in public (don't ask, don't tell) and fully supports Peterson's ambitious efforts to make kilts part of the USPS dress code.

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This kind of stuff just doesn't happen to the chess club.....

26 teen cheerleaders rescued from crammed elevator

AUSTIN, Texas - How many cheerleaders can cram into an elevator? Apparently not 26. A group of teenage girls attending a cheerleading camp on the University of Texas got stuck and had to be rescued after trying to squeeze into an elevator at a residence hall Tuesday night.

One girl fainted and was treated at a hospital and released. Two others were treated at the scene.

The elevator doors refused to open after the pack of 14- to 17-year-olds descended from the fourth to the first floor, police said. Responding to a few panicked cell phone calls from the group, police and firefighters summoned an elevator repairman, who spent about 25 minutes extricating them.

Campus officials weren't amused.

"It's dangerous, actually," said a school police spokeswoman, Rhonda Weldon. "They're lucky that that's all that happened."

I wonder if this was the "male" yell leader's idea????

The power of prayer....

Two prayer services were held at St. Louis gas stations to thank God for lower fuel prices and to ask that they continue to drop. Darrell Alexander, Midwest co-chair of the Pray at the Pump movement, says prayer gatherings will be held Monday afternoon and evening at a Mobil station west of downtown St. Louis.

Participants say they plan to buy gas, pray and then sing "We Shall Overcome" with a new verse, "We'll have lower gas prices."

An activist from the Washington D.C. area, Rocky Twyman, started the effort, saying if politicians couldn't lower gas prices, it was time to ask God to intervene.

The group thinks the prayer is helping, saying prices are starting to fall below $4 a gallon.

And I love my job, but not that much.....

Jeff Hornagold loved being a UPS driver.

So when the suburban Chicago man died this week of lung cancer, longtime co-worker Michael McGowan agreed to take him on one last delivery.

McGowan transported Hornagold's body from Davenport Family Funeral Home to Saturday's funeral services in his UPS truck.

McGowan says he plans to keep a picture of Hornagold in his truck until he retires so that they can keep riding together.

Hornagold was a UPS driver for 20 years, and his wife Judy Hornagold described him as "just the happiest UPS man alive."

She says the special delivery was the perfect tribute.

I just wonder who signed for that?

Have a great week!

Something happened to me. I can't explain it. I don't know if it was a mid-life crisis or some chemical imbalance, but my priorities changed.

For those that know me, you remember me in my youth as the long haired hippy kid that rode a Harley and played in a rock band on the weekends.

Earlier this year, I sold the Harley. It was something I hated to do, but felt that it was the right thing to do in this time of my life.

The band went into retirement almost a year ago now and I've had to readjust my weekend life. It's usually filled up with writing bail bonds, running sound for different events, going to the lake, going to church and my new favorite hobby: mowing the grass.

I used to hate mowing. In fact, when Ronda was pregnant with our first child she had asked me to mow the grass one day. I didn't want to mow the grass. I wanted to go fishing and then ride Harleys with my buddy.

She got so angry at me that she decided to mow it herself. She didn't know how to start the old mower I had, so she got an extension cord and dug out an old electric mower and proceeded to mow our 2 acre lot with it.

A very short time into her mowing project, she saw a small snake. Hating snakes, the 7 month pregnant angry wife decided to kill the snake with the electric lawn mower. She chased it into a couple of circles and ran over the extension cord, causing sparks to fly and the grass to catch on fire.

She's never mowed since and I've never asked her to.

How I went from motorcycles to mowers, I'll never know. Recently I spent hours upon hours researching ZTR mowers (that's zero turning radius mowers for those of you unschooled mower people). There are lots of brands and lots of options to consider. They range in price from as little as $2,000 all the way up to $20,000.

When I began my research, I had only a couple of things I wanted: A comfortable seat and a cup holder. As I started digging a little deeper I discovered I needed more than a 42" cut, less than a 60" cut, a stamped deck, not a forged one, powerful hydrostat drive motors, at least a 20 hp engine and preferably a three blade, belt driven deck.

I was driving my wife crazy.

"Hey honey, here's an ad for a 'Big Dog' mower," I'd say.

"It has........." As soon as I would start rattling off the specifications, she would interrupt and say, "I don't care what it has in it. How much?"

Only $9999.00!

The look she gave me told me I wasn't getting that.

I won't tell you what I paid for my Hustler FasTrack, but I will tell you it was three times as much as my first car and $12,000 less than my last Harley cost.

I didn't have anyone to talk to about my mower fetish. Nobody in my family would give me the time of day.

Then one day Joey had his friend, Oliver Rutan, come over to spend the night. Oliver, who is 15, has his own lawn care business and has some pretty sharp (no pun intended) mowing inventory.

I took Oliver into the garage to show him the mower and an hour later, Joey was begging his friend to come downstairs to play video games.

"Dad, get your own friends," he snapped.

So the next evening I finished up some mowing around the entrance to our property and then decided to drive the mower over to my neighbor's house, John Nixon, and show him the new "Man Machine."

John checked it over, I gave him a quick lesson on operating the mower and he took off. Only he took off as fast as the mower would go with the deck engaged. John mowed his grass, the driveway, a trash dumpster and a small tree before I got him to realize that it would go slower if he wouldn't push the handles so far forward.

I took the mower home where I've turned my yard into a golf resort.

I seriously don't know what happened to me. I was once the care free guy with my hair blowing in the breeze in a leather jacket. Now I am the old guy in flip flops and socks with safety glasses on yelling at the kids to get off his yard.

It was one of those newsy weeks that I couldn't pass up. Perhaps it was the full moon.

Seattle's five problem-plagued public toilets could be yours if you're flush with cash....

You might remember the city installed some self-cleaning toilets a while back. I guess it didn't work out so well. City officials decided to pull the plug on the multimillion-dollar self-cleaning toilet stalls and instead put them on the auction site eBay.

Starting bids are $89,000 apiece.

Neighbors and city-commissioned analysts said the unisex facilities attracted drug users and prostitutes, and were less cost-effective than regular public restrooms.

On May 19, the City Council voted to remove the problem toilets. Council President Richard Conlin said although people were using the high-tech, self-cleaning silver stalls, they also fostered illegal behavior, such as prostitution and drug use.

The German-made automatic, high-tech toilets were installed in 2004 and have cost the city about $5 million. Each has handsfree washing and drying ability and an emergency button that automatically dials 911.

The automated doors on the impact- and graffiti-resistant toilets will close Aug. 1, said Andy Ryan, a spokesman for Seattle Public Utilities. The auction will last for 10 days.

As of Thursday morning, none of the toilets had received any bids.

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A 29-year-old man accused of stealing a bicycle in Boston's North End tried to complete his own version of a triathlon to get away from police.

Police said Jason Duncan of Somerville rode the bike onto the North Washington Street Bridge, jumped off the bridge into Boston Harbor and swam to shore when they tried to arrest him Tuesday night.

He then ran down a harbor walkway before being caught.

Suffolk County District Attorney's spokesman Jake Wark says Duncan pleaded not guilty Wednesday in Boston Municipal Court to one count of larceny over $250. Bail was set at $500.

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An intruder who broke into a Colorado Springs electronics store won't face any charges, even if authorities can find the culprit. Seems no one wants to poke an angry bear.

Colorado Springs police confirm it was a bear who broke a sliding glass door at a Circuit City store Tuesday morning, then went inside to a customer waiting area where surveillance cameras recorded its every move.

The scared bear then ran back out the same broken glass door and headed for a tree.

Authorities say the young adult black bear had become spooked after setting off an alarm at a nearby Fazoli's restaurant.

Circuit City supervisor Dawn Greene joked that the bear probably wanted a new 72-inch LCD-screen television.

No one was hurt, except, perhaps, for the bear.

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A man says he was so consumed by the spirit of God that he fell and hit his head while worshipping.

Now he wants Lakewind Church to pay $2.5 million for medical bills, lost income, and pain and suffering.

Matt Lincoln says he is suing after the church's insurance company denied his claim for medical bills.

The 57-year-old has had two surgeries since the June 2007 injury but still feels pain in his back and legs.

He says he was asking God to have "a real experience" while praying.

Lincoln says he has fallen from the force of the spirit before but has always been caught by someone.

Lawyers for the church say other congregants saw him on the floor laughing after his fall. They say he failed to look out for his own safety.

Have a great week!

I love the 4th of July holiday, I just hate buying fireworks. I always tell my kids, "We should just put money in a paper sack and light it on fire because that's what it is - money up in flames."

OK, maybe it's not as pretty when you light a bag full of money, but you know what I am saying.

Now with that said, I have no problem watching other folks burn their money on the 4th. In fact, I encourage that. It saves me a little money.

It's a funny holiday. One 4th of July, I got an invitation to watch someone shooting off their fireworks near our home. I thought to myself, do I really need an invitation to look up at the sky at night? What if I didn't get an invitation? Would I have to keep my head towards the ground and not look? I know the invitation was a goodwill gesture, I just thought it was funny.

I liked the fact that the 4th of July fell on a Friday and we had the weekend to enjoy the fireworks. Several people in our area put on really good shows and I love it when neighbors try to outdo each other. Whoever wins, you can't really be disappointed in free fireworks, good or bad.

For some reason, I really enjoy "duds". I like it when something either doesn't go off, or goes off incorrectly - as long as no one is hurt. I get the biggest kick out of watching someone light a fuze, run and then nothing happens. Then they walk back over so carefully, like they're sneaking up on it. That's really funny.

Firework names are funny to read. Have you ever looked at what you are lighting? I saw one package that read "Big Barrel of Bang". It was big and it was a barrel, but it wasn't that big of a bang.

We also had one called "Grand Finale". Once lit, this interesting little box set off a mini fireworks show all by itself. It would shoot several into the air and then stop. We'd all clap and then in a few seconds it would start up again. This time it would do a fountain of sparks. Then it would stop and we'd all clap. Suddenly it would start back up again. I thought that this one was a real bargain. My kids just wanted it to stop so they could shoot the next thing off.......

And what are you we clapping for? Yeah! The guy lighting the small bomb wasn't hurt when it exploded!

We pulled one out of the box that read, "Blue Stars". This one was cool. The kids took it out in the middle of the road and lit it. They ran back to us and we all watched it shoot blue stars in to the air.

It was beautiful. Then all at once, it fell over and pointed in our direction. Blue stars chased us around the yard. We all took cover behind a truck. After the danger was over someone said, "They should have called that one brown stripes on white underwear."

Have a great week!

As if I didn't have enough trouble with my dog typing at my computer.....

I learned this week that Facebook, a popular website for those of us with too much time on our hands at work, has branched off into the world of pet web pages with "Dogbook".

Dogs all over the world are logging in, setting up their web sites and joining online parks where they share things of common interest like cat recipes, favorite chew toys, stories of dragging their butts across the carpet and tips on how to get away with pooping on the floor of their owner's homes.

I'm not exactly sure when this site launched, but as soon as my German Shepherd, Hyde, found out that I had a Facebook page, he added me as a friend.

It's true, our pets can actually have web sites. I'm already so frustrated with my dog using my Ipod. Every time I pick it up he's got it playing "Who Let The Dogs Out?". Now I have to worry about scheduling him for computer time.

I logged into my dog's page on Wednesday to find out that he has a few local friends, including Jeff Clarke's dog Lucy. Lucy is a female Westie and has been loved since 2007. According to her website she enjoys playing with toys, sleeping, eating, drinking, playing with her cat Nermal, and playing outside.

Lucy's favorite treats are Milkbones and she claims to be very quiet with a funny personality.

Of course Hyde and Lucy are now friends and no doubt will be emailing each other, writing on each other's wall (a slang for leaving messages on something similar to a message board online), sharing embarrassing photos of each other and discussing their current handler's treatment of them.

But like humans who hide their true identities behind their flat screen monitors, will virtual rear-end sniffing lure some dogs into unnatural relationships like Rottweilers pretending to be small Poodles?

Next my dog will be wanting me to add text messaging to his cell phone.....

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This Thursday marks a bitter sweet ending to the exchange year of Soeren Niklas Gaertner. Many of you have read right here about "Nick" in KWIBS. Nick is a German exchange student who spent this past year living with our neighbor John Nixon.

Nick has become part of the family and we've all wondered where the time has gone. It just seems like yesterday that he arrived. It was actually in August of last year. First impressions are everything. The night he arrived our family went over to John's to meet him. Nick brought out German chocolate as a gift. Now we're all addicts and he's been our supplier for the past year.

His first week here John, Nick, Ronda and I all went to Texas to a Rush concert. Since then John has taken him to another Rush concert, river rafting, to a professional basketball game and a college football game. He'll be the first to tell you he got a good exchange parent!

Nick is an unusually mature 17 year old with a great sense of humor. We had many nights of debating on subjects like politics, religion and the economy. And even though he's a staunch Obama fan, he found humor in my good-bye message to him, "McCain in 2008!" Look Nick, I spelled it correctly and everything!

Last week Ronda and I took a trip down the Illinois River in Oklahoma with some friends. Breeann, Joey and "Big Nick" tagged along for a last hoorah. There were some good memories made on this trip including Nick driving part of the way home on Monday. Don't worry. He was officially done with AFS on Sunday. He had one day left to legally drive on his learner's permit. Besides, I am sure he didn't violate any of his AFS rules the entire year! *wink*

Nick and I had a nice visit (or "wisit" as he would say) last week about his year in America.

"It will always be one of the greatest experiences of my life," he said.

A gracious and kind kid, Nick will be missed by his host parent, John, and the many friends he's made this year. Breeann, Joey, Nicholas, Ronda, Hyde and I will miss you too and we'll always remember you. Come back for a "wisit" sometime.

Have a great week!

We could cover it until we're blue in the face, but we could never give enough credit to Bob and Dorothy Stutler for the work they've done on The Grand Hotel.

It's jaw-dropping each time I drive past it. I know I am going to have an accident in the near future as I drive past gawking at it. The place looks incredible. I realize they aren't quite finished, but I wanted to take a moment to thank them for saving and restoring such a fine piece of our town's history. You guys are true assets to our community.

I'm going to put the entire town on the spot now. We need to show some appreciation to these folks. Many of you don't realize the undertaking this was and the amount of time and money that the Stutlers have invested in this property. I think the City of Medicine Lodge should, at the very least, make a proclamation declaring a day of appreciation for their work. Hopefully, someone is reading this. *Smiles*

Let's not let this project go unnoticed. If you agree with me, let the appropriate people know and let's show the Stutlers that we are thankful to have them in our community and that we appreciate what they are doing.

After I wrote this, I went up front to discover a letter from Darrel and Mary Rhea concerning the Grand and some property around town that needs attention. My sentiments exactly!

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I loved this story. I hope my friend Nick Gaertner reads it and understands how resourceful Americans can be.

Sports bra saves US hiker in German Alps

An American hiker stranded in the Bavarian Alps for nearly three days was rescued after using her sports bra as a signal, police in southern Germany said Monday.

Berchtesgaden police officer Lorenz Rasp said that he helped lift 24-year-old Jessica Bruinsma of Colorado state to safety by helicopter on Thursday after she attracted the attention of lumberjacks by attaching her sports bra to a cable used to move timber down the mountain.

"She's a very smart girl, and she acted very resourcefully," said Rasp. "She kept her shirt and jacket for warmth, but thought the sports bra could work as a signal."

An Alpine rescue team, including five helicopters and 80 emergency workers, had been searching for Bruinsma since she went missing June 16 after losing her way in bad weather while hiking with a friend near the Austrian border.

She fell 16.4 feet (five meters) to a rocky overhang, where she spent the next 70 hours on the narrow ledge, sustained by water that she found by breaking into a supply box on the ledge.

She badly bruised a leg and dislocated a shoulder in the fall, and the cliff was too isolated for her to climb free, Rasp said.

Rasp said the cable was only within reach because the timber transport system was out of service. When a repairman restored the line on Thursday, the cable car started moving up the mountain and Bruinsma's bra reached the worker at the base. He knew of the missing hiker and immediately called police.

Rasp said his team followed the cable line up the cliffside in a helicopter and found Bruinsma standing on the ledge, waving with her good arm. After circling once, they lowered a winch to Bruinsma and lifted her aboard.

"She did so well because she is in very good shape," Rasp said. "She has been training for a marathon - her goal is to finish in 3 hours and 10 minutes."

Bruinsma told Rasp that she has scrapped plans to stay in Berchtesgaden to learn German and plans to return home to Colorado Springs with her parents. He said she still plans to run the marathon, if she recovers in time to keep training.

The moral of the story is that Americans are resourceful and Germans are easily distracted with undergarments.

Have a great week!

I failed to mention a couple of very important dates last week in my column. I was too worried about the creepy spiders.

If you'll notice on the front page of the paper this week, we are at volume 18 - issue 1.

This marks our 885th edition of The Gyp Hill Premiere. More importantly, we are celebrating our 17th year in business in Medicine Lodge.

I glanced through a few years of early Premieres and the walk down memory lane did me good.

I saw pictures of several of us, younger and thinner, in the pages that are now history. I saw people like Mark Boyter and Orval Kutz who are no longer with us, but immortalized in the archives.

I've said it more than once. I love my job and I love putting out the newspaper. It's an honor to serve the community and we appreciate your support these last 17 years! Thanks!

The other important date was more important than the first. I may not have remembered to mention in my column last week, but I did remember the date. Tuesday, June 17, 2008 was our anniversary.

Ronda and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary with a rededication ceremony with our children at our home that night - thanks to some very special people who rearranged their evenings to bless us. Sarah and Dwain Richert and David Kolbek came to dinner and to participate in our ceremony. David brought his guitar and beautiful voice and Dwain remarried Ronda and I down by our pond.

It had been something Ronda and I had wanted to do for a while now, but never could seem to organize it. Our 20th seemed like a good time to do it.

Monday afternoon I originally gave Dwain a call and asked him if he could do it. It turned out that he couldn't because of ball game schedules with his kids. So I scrapped the whole idea and tried to come up with something creative to do.

I got online to see how to celebrate a 20th anniversary and I found a site that said Day Lilies were the flowers to give for that anniversary and China was the theme gift. As easy as this all sounded, you can't get Day Lilies on that short of notice and my wife really doesn't like China.

So instead, I got Ronda twenty balloons and tied paper with scripture about love on them. My plan was to read her each one and release them.

Early Tuesday morning Dwain called me back and said his son's game got rained out. God does answer prayer, even when you pray He'll ruin a kid's baseball game. So, he said he could do the ceremony! (I'm kidding about praying for rain to ruin a baseball game of course).

I visited with David and he agreed to play a couple of songs for us and everything was in motion. David and Sarah and Dwain would meet us at our house for dinner at 6:30 p.m.

Ronda was completely unaware. I would spring the whole thing on her when I got home.

Things don't always go as planned.

I got home to find Ronda laying on the couch with a cold pack on her head. She felt sick and wasn't really up to helping me with supper. She had already put on her pajamas for the evening. It was 5:45 p.m. and she didn't have any idea that company would be here at 6:30 p.m.

"Hey, honey," I said at about 6:10 p.m. "Why don't you slip your clothes back on? I have surprise for you."

"You can surprise me in my jammies," she said from under her blanket on the couch. "What do you want me dressed back up for?"

She knew something was up and I finally said, "Look, if you're not dressed here in about 10-15 minutes, you'll wish you had been!"

She got up and went back in the bedroom, giving me the "you're up to something" look.

In between all this, I was cooking food on the stove, on the grill and making a salad. I love to cook, but I am often easily distracted by shiny things like the TV and the telephone and at one point forgot I had potatoes on the side burner on my grill. They call that thing a burner for a reason, as it was turning my potatoes into an ash tray quickly. I jerked the pan off the burner and started to carry it inside when my hand cramped. I reached to grab the other side of the pan to steady it. HOLY MOLEY! I burned my fingers as Dwain and Sarah pulled into the drive way.

When I finished my hot pan dance, I set it down on the door Matt and opened the door to take the potatoes inside. I got the door open and reached down to grab the pan only to discover I had melted the pan to the front door mat and was dragging in a piece of it like string cheese from a hot pizza.

The rest of the evening went well. Dinner was salvaged and Sarah brought a great peach cobbler.

At dinner Sarah asked what our secret was to making our marriage last 20 years. Ronda and I both agreed that one of the biggest things that helped our maraige work was humor. We've had plenty of that for the past 20 years. It probably doesn't hurt that we really love each other too.......

After dinner we walked down to the pond. All of our kids were home and even the dog became part of the ceremony.

Without boring you with the mushy details, it was a great ceremony and I can't thank David, Dwain and Sarah enough for being a part of it.

After the ceremony, we read and released the balloons one at a time and watched them drift off into the sky. It was cool and I even got a little emotional.

Then I got a smirk on my face and asked Ronda, "You think the neighbors are going to be mad when they find twenty popped balloons in their pasture?"

Happy anniversary, Ronda. I love you. Have a great week!

We finished eating dinner one night last week and my son Nicholas went down stairs for his after-dinner video game.

Ronda and I were cleaning up the kitchen when we heard him scream, "Mom, come downstairs quick and bring a giant shoe!"

Ronda looked at me and asked, "What was that all about?"

I explained to her that there was either one very big foot downstairs or it was Nicholas's way of telling us there was a large spider in the basement.

The kids instinctively know that when you need a light bulb changed, a carburetor put on a motorcycle, the battery charged, a door hung, some heavy lifting or even the occasional computer problem solved, you call for dad. When there is a scary bug, you call for mom.

I especially hate spiders. Do you want to see me run screaming like a thirteen year old girl? Put a spider in front of me.

I'm not a simple fraidy-cat by nature. I have little fear of mice, rats or even snakes (unless I startle it and myself at the same time). I just hate those scary little spiders. I would say I am quite brave when it comes to the critter department. I just don't like bugs and I especially don't like spiders.

Arachnaphobia is the scientific name for fear of spiders. Despite centuries of evidence that many people are afraid of spiders, I read that there is no known evolutionary reason to trace its origin.

Is that right?

I can see Caveman Nog returning from his hunt and holding the hind quarter of his kill high in the air. Off in the short distance at the entrance of their cave his tribe shouts for joy as they see the big game that Nog has killed. Nog approaches his cheering tribe and walks between two trees where a spider has just spun himself a home. It drapes across his face - he wets his leopard skin loin cloth, drops his meat and runs off into the jungle screaming.

That's the evolution of Arachnaphobia.

I thought maybe I was brave enough to take on a small spider last weekend. I was sitting in my wife's car and a tiny spider was crawling near the top of the window.

Here was my chance to be a hero.

I took off my sandal and rolled the window down so I could get a good swing. Then the wind came up, He shot himself a web out of his butt and landed right in my face. I was half way across the parking lot before I realized I was one shoe short.

A few years ago, my wife and I took a trip to Mexico where I had decided to face another one of my biggest fears - heights. We hiked several miles into the jungle and climbed several cliff faces to reach the top of this mountain. Then we had some guy strap a harness around us, attach it to a cable and throw us off the side of the perfectly safe mountain. It was called "flying". The cable and pulley system sent you soaring across the canyon below at speeds of nearly 50 mph for up to a half mile long. My pants were nearly dry when I reached the other side. A series of these cable systems brought you to the bottom of the mountain where a guy with an alcoholic beverage awaited you. I was ready for that when we got down.

After they soften you up a bit with their local nectar, they started introducing us to some of the bar's regulars. The first was a giant snake. I don't mean like one that you see in your garden. This was all National Geographic big and was like an 18 foot or longer snake. They put it on you and it starts wrapping itself around you as two guys try to keep it from making you lunch.

I was fine with this. My wife was a little uneasy, but she might have had just the right amount of cactus juice in her to try it. We both felt a sense of accomplishment after handling the giant snake. We had now conquered the mountain and a giant snake. This was time for celebration.

"Bring me another," I boldly proclaimed.

I discovered at that moment that there was a language barrier between our people. I meant something to drink. The bartender brought me a giant spider.

My first instinct was to hide behind Ronda in hopes that she would kill it.

"Here! Here! He no bite you. See?," he said as he placed it on my hand.

I was frozen. The spider's venom must have already entered my blood system and paralyzed me. I hadn't even felt the sharp fangs of this tricky predator pierce my flesh. So this is how I was going to die? It was crawling up my arm - probably tasting me and preparing to wrap me up in a giant cocoon to feast on me little by little. How horrific.

Ronda sat there and smiled. Why hadn't she taken off her shoe to kill it? Was my life insurance paid up? It was! This was her diabolical plan from the beginning. She took me on vacation to have me eaten alive by a giant spider and then she would collect my insurance money.

The bartender grabbed the spider, saving my life.

Then he put it on my face and said, "No blow! No blow!"

No kidding? I wasn't blowing. I couldn't even breath at that point. This thing was about to eat me from the inside out. I felt his hairy legs on my lips and could feel his fuzzy body sliding over my nose. I needed to sneeze! I needed to breath! I thought I was going to pass out. I was dieing. That's when I felt a strange peace overcoming me and I saw the bright light that people see when near death.

I realized the spider was gone. I opened my eyes to find my wife taking my picture.

I was still alive. Scarred for life, but alive.

Do you see the can of Raid behind me? Do you think anyone grabbed that? No...

Have a great week!

Father's Day is coming up this Sunday and I was thinking about the joys and struggles associated with fatherhood.

"Father" is one of those titles that demands respect, but often gets much less. I remember that I was far from the perfect child growing up. I know I gave my father grief.

He may think that I never paid any attention to all the fatherly wisdom he laid on me, but I did. I remember a couple of things he told me. One was to always "kill'm with kindness" when faced with adversity.

I find myself giving my kids advice and wondering if they are even paying attention. I am sure one day they will recall some bit of wisdom I gave them.

And now that I am a father (of 18 years now), I realize that you have to take the good with the bad and you try your best in every situation to, as the song goes, "teach your children well."

Most of the time I probably come off sounding like I am nagging and ragging on my kids, but my hope is that they will learn, not only from their mistakes, but mine as well.

"If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right." -- Bill Cosby

As a father, I sometimes question if I am deserving of a special day of observance. Then I realize that I have three great kids, so I will celebrate!

Like most fathers, I don't expect a gift. I have everything I want as a father. I have my wife and kids. What more could I possibly want?

Father's Day is a day to honor your dad. Every day my kids wake up healthy is Father's Day for me. I'm sure my dad feels the same way.

The idea for creating a day for children to honor their fathers began in Spokane, Washington. A woman by the name of Sonora Smart Dodd thought of the idea for Father's Day while listening to a Mother's Day sermon in 1909.

Having been raised by her father, William Jackson Smart, after her mother died, Sonora wanted her father to know how special he was to her. It was her father that made all the parental sacrifices and was, in the eyes of his daughter, a courageous, selfless, and loving man. Sonora's father was born in June, so she chose to hold the first Father's Day celebration in Spokane, Washington on the 19th of June, 1910.

In 1926, a National Father's Day Committee was formed in New York City. Father's Day was recognized by a Joint Resolution of Congress in 1956. In 1972, President Richard Nixon established a permanent national observance of Father's Day to be held on the third Sunday of June. So Father's Day was born in memory and gratitude by a daughter who thought that her father and all good fathers should be honored with a special day just like we honor our mothers on Mother's Day.

Today nearly 100 years have elapsed since the first Father's Day was celebrated. Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages: In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.

Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.

In 1900, a father's horsepower meant his horses.

Today, it's the size of his minivan.

In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success. Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.

In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons. Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.

In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business. Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.

In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.

Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout, "WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE."

With fatherhood comes the right of passage to use phrases like, "Shut the lights off. Do you pay the electricity bill around here?"

Here's some things you'll never hear your father say.

- Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

- You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?

- I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.

- Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.

- What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?

- Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.

- Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

- No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.

- Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend!

With all that joking aside, I do want to wish my dad a happy Father's Day. I love you Dad. Without sounding like I am patting myself on the back, I think you did a pretty good job with your kids!

I hope all of you fathers have a special Father's Day!

Now that American Idol is over for the season, the only things I can find on TV have to do with politics. As interested as I am, I am finding the candidates all a little bit dull.

I have enjoyed the interviews with the candidates, but none of them really have any answers for the economy, the war in Iraq, the situation with Iran or how to deal with the changing global climate.

The questions they answer all seem to be very well rehearsed.

I have received a lot of emails lately on how underqualified Obama is, how John McCain is too liberal for the Republicans and how devious Hillary Clinton is, but the following comparison just made me laugh.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

You can take it further.....

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ......... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Have a great week!

Unless you were as crazy about American Idol as I was, read no further.

I got hooked on this show in the beginning - season 1 in 2002. I've had a love-hate relationship with it ever since.

That's the year Kelly Clarkson won and she was awesome. She still is. American Idol was a huge success and had captured the viewing audience.

It seemed like America was pretty sharp and could pick a winner.

Then came season two....

Ruben Studdard. A man, named after a sandwich, that looked like he'd eaten a few in his lifetime won the competition - or lack thereof. Season two was in my best English accent, "an utter disappointment."

Season three wasn't much better. We saw Fantasia win. She was good, but beat out my favorite, George Huff. I figured his name wasn't as cool as her name. Where is Fantasia now? Not doing so good...... I began losing interest in the show.

Then came season 4. We finally saw some competition. Things picked up season 4 and Carrie Underwood became a household name. You recognize that name, don't you?

Season 5 was the nail in the coffin for me. This was the season that America got it all wrong and voted Taylor Hicks as American Idol.

You probably couldn't find one of Taylor Hicks's CDs unless you hit a weekend garage sale.

Idol's record label had this to say about Hicks, "We didn’t want to shove any songs down his throat. We wanted to make an album in the style he was comfortable with. We mutually agreed that he’d work on an album [on his own], we’d listen, and we’d see where we go from there. There’s no acrimony."

I had to look up the definition of acrimony: " harsh or biting sharpness especially of words, manner, or disposition."

That was probably a polite way of saying, "you're terrible."

The most surprising thing about season 5 was when Chris Daughtry was the 4th from the top and got voted off. He was my pick early in the season and all my "musically unchallenged" friends agreed he was the best talent that season.

Daughtry didn't need American Idol. He went on to release several hits and has become a huge success.

I was so angry after season 5 that I protested American Idol season 6. I and most of America couldn't even tell you who won. You don't even remember Jordin Sparks do you?

This year has been different. There has been an immense talent turnout for season 7 and with a lot of hype, American Idol got back on track and folks like me and my mom started watching and voting again. I can honestly say that there will be some memorable talent from this season and you can take it to the bank, which is exactly what Simon Cowell will do.

Now that I have mentioned my mom, let me say that she was nearly single-handedly responsible for David Cook's win last week.

I called my mom after Idol and she told me she voted between 75-100 times for David Cook. Way to go, Mom. That's probably why the line was busy when I tried to vote.

According to the show. David Cook edged out David Archuleta by 12 million votes! That is just incredible. The finale recorded just under 100 million votes for the episode.

David Archuleta was a great performer, but in my opinion only appealed to a small group of teenage girls. They may be able to text their little hearts out, but voting was open until midnight. Most of his voters had to be in bed by 10 p.m., so thanks to people like my mom, David Cook is this year's champion!

I wish I could walk up to Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell and tell them how wrong they got it. They had this year's trophy already engraved with David Archuleta's name on it. Shortly before they read the winner's name, Simon took a moment to say he was sorry for being so hard on David Cook.

I can't help but wonder that Simon and the other judges knew who the winner was and watching him eat a little crow put a renewed interest in American Idol.

I can't wait for season 8!

Have a great week!

I had been rushing around for the past couple of weeks trying to get everything in order for the special section for the MLHS graduating class of 2008 when it suddenly dawned on me - my first child is graduating from high school.

Breeann is my oldest child. Everything that is a first in life, she's been the one to do it. First complete kindergarten, first to graduate from the 8th grade, first to drive, first to crash and now, first to graduate.

There are a lot of emotions that come with thinking about her graduating from high school.

My first emotion is a feeling of satisfaction. I'm proud of Breeann. I haven't always been easy on her. I hope she knows that when I was hard, it was to help her learn to be a better person.

I'm also feeling sadness. It's not easy letting go. I'm so grateful for all the time we've had together and that I have two more kids at home. Whether she believes me or not, I'm really going to miss my her when she leaves home.

Even though I hate to see this time become history for her, I am feeling excitement about her future. She plans to become an elementary school teacher. Of course all college kids make plans and sometimes they change, but I am proud that she has a goal in mind.

I also have fear - fear for my kid going out into the world and experiencing some of the failures in life. As a parent, my natural instinct is to protect her, but I know she has to experience and learn from life's mistakes.

There is also a feeling of relief. It's hard to explain. It's like giving birth I suppose. It's painful, but when it's all over there is this reward of life. Having your child complete high school is a great accomplishment. With this part of her life completed, Ronda and I are now looking forward to college, someday a wedding, someday grandchildren. Wow....

As I was looking over photos of the class of 2008, I started thinking about all the slumber parties, field trips, sporting events and summers spent with a lot of these kids.

I thought back on the year that a group of us went to Dallas, TX to a M.A.Y.B. tournament and afterwards going to Six Flags. I remember the whole group waiting on Brooke Mease to finally decide which shirt she was going to wear so we could finally go to the park. I rode all the roller coasters with the kids and remember how sick I felt.

I also remember a 10th birthday party where about 12 little girls came to our house to eat cake and ride gokarts. I remember Erica Andrews crashing into my fence. Later on the girls got tired and grumpy. After a fist fight broke out, I had to separate a few girls!

Danae Rice jumped out of our back seat of our suburban on cue one stormy night during a scary story about an escaped inmate. I had a car full of screaming little girls. It was hilarious.

Enough time has passed for me to tell this final story of two car thieves from the class of 2008. Ronda and I were in Wichita one day when we left Cori Christensen and Erica Andrews at our house with Breeann. Cori and Erica got up early and decided to take our car for a joy ride around the ranch. Now neither of them were even old enough for a driver's license! No harm was done and I did my best to sound mad, but I had little or no effect! I never told their parents. I guess this is my revenge girls! lol.....

All of these memories seemed to have happened in such a short time. With 13 years of school behind them, this class now takes their big step out into the world.

I can't believe how fast the time has gone by.

How did it get so late so soon?

It's night before

it's afternoon.

December is here before it's June.

My goodness how the

time has flewn.

How did it get so late so soon?

I read through each of the kids' graduation information and one student caught my attention. I want to mention her because she wrote something that really caught my attention. It was something different.

Deidre Johnson's information was different. Yeah, she listed her parents, her accomplishments and the college she plans on attending, but she added something.

Her future plans read: "I plan to attend Wichita State University and study Dental Hygiene after school. I plan to start a family and come back to Medicine Lodge to open a dentist office."

She plans on coming back. How often do you hear a kid say that?

In the many evenings Breeann and I spent together filling out financial aide, scholarship applications and talking about her future, she too mentioned how she would one day like to come home and be a preschool teacher. It made me proud.

Ted Colborn also said he wants to come back and work on the family farm. Good for you, Ted. I'm sure there are others in the class that want to call Medicine Lodge their home.

There is a good reason why the students of MLHS should consider coming home one day. It was obvious by the local scholarship awards given Tuesday evening that people in our community care. I can't tell you how many thousands of dollars went to the class of 2008 from our community. It was very cool and I know how much the kids appreciate the help with school. For those of you who helped out with these scholarships, as a parent, I want to thank you for helping my child.

My family got acquainted with one of the newest members of the MLHS class of 2008 this year. Nick Gaertner (Soeren Niklas Gaertner) is a foreign exchange student from Germany who has been living with John Nixon. John is one of our closest neighbors and his host student, Nick, is my Son Joey's age. They've become good friends and we've enjoyed spending time with Nick.

It's been especially fun to spend time sitting around our little camp fire and experiencing Nick's quick-witted responses. We'll miss you Nick. Thanks for spending time with us.

You know, it seems like only a few years ago that I was graduating from the very same high school that my daughter and her class will now graduate from this coming Saturday, May 17th. Actually, it has been exactly 20 years. I graduated with the class of 1988.

To Breeann and the class of 2008:

I love all of you kids. I'm so proud of you and wish you all the success in life. You'll always be special to me and Ronda and I thank you all for the memories. I pray that God will give you wisdom and bless each of you on your journey.

Have a great week!

Congratulations class of 2008!

One of my favorite weekly pastimes is reading area newspapers.

My mission is to keep up on some of the Newspaper Publisher "Old-timers", as I like to call them. My "Old-timers are Bob McQuin of the Kingman Leader-Courier, Bob Greer of the Protection Press and Dennise Andersen of the Coldwater Western Star.

These are three newspaper publishers that I have known since I was barely able to measure up to a pica pole (newspaper lingo).

Back in the early 1970s, my Uncle Gary, my Grandpa Bill and my Dad Ron used to print these area newspapers at our printing plant in the old Index building on First Street. I would be entertained weekly by the publishers from Coldwater and Protection. I still keep in contact with them and Bob Greer still makes his monthly stops by my office to steal my toilet paper. He says the same thing every time, "I’m on my way to Wichita to check on my doctor."

When I was finally old enough to stand on milk crates to reach the press controls, I began helping with the press work and eventually did the majority of the printing.

By the time I turned 14, I had my learner’s permit and I started driving the newspaper to Kingman twice each week after I got the paper printed. It was my summer job.

So, I got to know Bob McQuin when I was a little newspaper guy. This week in the Kingman Leader-Courier, Bob McQuin announced he was turning over his Editor’s duty to his daughter Connie Schoenhofer. Bob will stay on as Publisher with a few reductions in duties as his health hasn’t been the best lately. Bob has been the Editor/Publisher of Kingman’s newspaper for 41 years.

Bob’s weekly column "So What’s New" is my first stop when I pick up his paper each week. Congratulations Bob and I hope you get to feeling better.

? ? ? ?

This coming Sunday is Mother’s Day. I wanted to drop a note to the important mothers that surround my family and bring them love.

I love you Mom. Thank you for always being there for me and sis and being a part of our lives.

I love you Ronda. Thank you for being my partner in raising our three children.

I love you MeMe. Thank you for being a mom to Ronda when her’s went home to be with the Lord.

? ? ? ?

I want to thank Kraig and Steve at Bowe Chevrolet, John at Hibbards HealthMart, Brandon Hazel at State Farm, Norm at White’s Foodliner, Riley at Taco Tico/Simple Simon Pizza, Brent at Home Lumber, my staff here at The Gyp Hill Premiere, John Nixon at Nixon Realty and Jon Walz at The Rock -KPAK 97.5 FM for helping us promote Imminent Domain last weekend at the American Legion Building.

We’ve heard good things from the kids that came and we hope to have this group back in Medicine Lodge, maybe in September????

? ? ? ?

A giant helium-filled pig didn't drift off to hog heaven after it was released into the night sky during Roger Waters' performance at the Coachella music festival. It's been found, in two pieces.

Two couples found tattered halves of the inflatable swine in their yards, a few miles from festival grounds in the Southern California desert.

Concert organizers had offered a $10,000 reward for the pig's return. On Tuesday, pieces of the plastic carcass were examined.

"That's definitely our pig," producer Bill Fold said.

Susan Stoltz found a plastic heap in her driveway Monday, but said she didn't know what it was until she read about the missing pig in the Desert Sun newspaper.

"My kids are going to think I'm so cool," she said.

Another resident of the same neighborhood, Judy Rimmer, said she found a piece of the pig draped over a front-yard plant.

The two couples will split the cash reward, Fold said.

As tall as a two-story house and as wide as two school buses, the pig was led from lines held on the ground Sunday as Waters played a version of Pink Floyd's "Pigs" from the 1977 anti-capitalist album "Animals."

Then it just floated away.

"It wasn't really supposed to happen that way. I don't have the details," festival spokeswoman Marcee Rondan said.

The pig displayed the words "Don't be led to the slaughter" and a cartoon of Uncle Sam holding two bloody cleavers. The other side read "Fear builds walls" and the underside read "Obama" with a checked ballot box for Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama.

My guess is that some small-town, gun-toting Christian conservative shot it down. hehehehehehe

I know it is only April, but my house was hot and stuffy. I made the decision to turn on the air conditioner. It didn't work. So the windows came open and the ceiling fan came on last week after the house reached 84 degrees.

It felt good as the breeze started moving through my house, so I grabbed a book and sat down to read.

Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click.

Nine years ago, I bought a ceiling fan and decided I would "do it myself". It's clicked for approximately nine years.

It should have been a simple job, especially for a guy who went to school to study home construction for 2 years. Yes, I had trouble declaring a major in college. I built homes for two years in college. That's another column.

I remember 9 years ago laying the pieces all over the floor and spending a couple of head-scratching hours putting it up. When it was finished, I looked up with great pride and pulled the chain.

Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click.

I decided right then and there it was a decorative light. We rarely turned it on. But it was hot and we needed to move some air.

I tried to ignore the sound, but it kept getting louder and louder. My God, it was annoying.

Ronda and I looked at each other. She was giving me that, "I wish you would fix that" look. so I put my book down and went out to the garage for my tools.

I brought back a screwdriver, some wrenches and of course, a hammer. Instead of a ladder, I brought over a kitchen chair. At 5' 7" I was still on my tippy toes to reach the fan.

I shut the power off at the wall, not the breaker, and proceeded to examine the situation. The solution seemed simple. The fans were striking the outer ring of the mounting hardware. My choices were to move the mounting hardware a little bit or grab a grinder and grind off the brass ring. I chose the less destructive, although the grinder would have been cool with all the sparks and metal shavings flying through our living room. If I moved the mounting hardware, the clicking sound would be eliminated.

All I needed to do was expose the inside of the fan where it was mounted to the ceiling. I just needed a screwdriver to remove an access panel. It came off easy enough and I could see clear to the ceiling and the bolts that would move the mounting hardware to stop the clicking sound.

Unfortunately, I could not reach the bolts and had to take off a brass ring. I got out my wrenches. It was a tiny nut. Smaller than my smallest wrench, so I went back out to the garage to find a new tool to help me in my latest home improvement project. After trying several American wrenches, I found a wrench that wasn't an American measurement that fit. Go figure.

I removed the ring only to find that the fan blades were in the way. I would need a large phillips head screwdriver. I went back out to the garage and came back with a new tool.

I took all five blades off and carefully laid them on the floor of my living room. I placed all of the brass screws in my left pocket. The screws for the brass ring were already in my right pocket. I then attemped to remove the brass ring.

The lights were in the way.

I said a few choice words and stepped off my kitchen chair. My shoulders were tired and my feet were hurting.I took a small break and got back on the chair. I then unscrewed the lights, removed the brass ring and discovered a clear plastic decorative ring that had to be moved so I could reach the mounting hardware. That came off with a twist.

Finally, I got a break.

I loosened the screws to the mounting plate and grabbed my hammer. With a couple of taps, I decided that I had moved it enough to stop the clicking sound. My neck was getting a little sore, so I stepped back down off the kitchen chair, tripping over a few of the fan blades and spilling my screws out of my pockets.

I gathered my screws and composure and started replacing the plastic decorative ring. It went on with success and I proceeded to put the brass ring back on. It went on easy too. I put the lights back on and was ready to put the blades back on.

I was going to need a couple of extra hands for this, so I called my oldest son in to the room. This was going to be an important lesson for him. We were going to be a team, father and son, fixing a ceiling fan in mom's prescence.

I grabbed an extra chair.

Without complaining and with great skill and patience, Joey held the blades up for me. Okay, I made that part up. With a lot of whining and squirming, Joey attempted to hold the fan blades while I lined up the screws with the holes in the fan motor.

I failed to notice earlier in the project that there were five fan blades that took two screws each and 15 holes. What idiot put that many holes up there? We stepped down off our chairs and studied the situation.

Back up on our chairs, I picked a spot to start and struggled to put the blade back on. Getting the holes to line up was tricky and when I turned the screws the fan motor turned and the screws would fall to the floor. We coordinated our efforts and got one blade on.

This was hard. We took another break and started on the next fan blades.

We were pros at this now and before we knew it, we were on the last holes. Success was almost ours. I tightened the last screw and we stepped down.

Joey said, "Hey dad, what about this last blade?"

I looked down and to my horror, discovered an extra blade. I looked up and counted. Yep, only four blades were mounted to the ceiling fan.

"How the heck did that happen," I asked?

Well, good for us, it looked just fine with four blades and I decided to turn it on and check to see if the clicking sound was gone. I pulled the chain and the sound was gone!

"Great! It's fixed," I said.

We looked to mom for approval. Ronda had a look on her face that simply said, no. Joey saw it too.

"Mom, it looks fine with four," he said.

She wasn't going to let this one slide. She was right. The ceiling fan started with five blades, equally spaced, and now had four blades that resembled a large, lopsided X.

Joey and I looked at each other with understanding. We grabbed the screwdriver, got back on our chairs and systematically started removing the blades. Once they were all off, we studied the problem again.

It was a complete mathmatical impossibility. I'm not sure who the genius was that put this up the first time, but I'm guessing he had the instructions. Oh yeah, that genius was me and I didn't keep the instructions.

After arguing for several minutes about which holes to start with, Joey convinced me that he was in algebra and that he was right. I had no choice but to trust him.

Now sweating profusely, my neck and shoulders throbbing, we started the long process of putting the fan blades back on.

To my surprise the fourth blade went on and we had two holes left.

"See dad, I'm a genius," said Joey.

I was impressed and embarassed all at the same time. It was a coming of age for my son - the problem solver.

We put the last blade on and stepped back.

I pulled the chain and the fan started turning.

It didn't make the clicking sound! However, it now has a wobble to it that causes the light to swing, making our living room look like a disco.

Neither Joey nor I made eye contact with Ronda.

I also have one screw left over, but hey, it doesn't click...........

Step back soccer moms.

Things got slightly carried away last week during a soccer game held at Krug Field.

Norm Clouse and I were only joking around when the pushing started. My kid was on one soccer team and his on another. When his daughter’s team scored, he got a little bit excited and gave me a shove nearly knocking me over.

My rooster instinct kicked in and I shoved back.

I just wanted to let all know who were present that this was just guy-horse play. We were just excited about our kids competing and playing the game of soccer. There’s no battle going on between the grocery store guy and the newspaper guy. It was all fun and games - except for the fact that my kids’ team lost the game.

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If you have kids who love music or you are a fan of original punk / emo rock, there will be a concert on April 25th at the American Legion Building.

Imminent Domain, winner of the MTVU’s Summer Battle of the College Bands, will perform. This band was also the 2006 KPAK Battle of the Bands winner. They put on a great show and they are a neat family. I hope you can come!

This will be a NO ALCOHOL family event.

The concert is cosponsored by area merchants. For more information, see page 9. We’ll have a story about the band in next week’s Premiere.

Have a great week!

Richard Wortman stopped by my office last Tuesday to schedule my lynching.

Wortman, like many others ventured down to the courthouse last week after buying Monday’s paper to see the famed time capsule.

Surprise! It wasn’t there. It was my April Fools joke.

After toiling over what I would do as my master April Fools joke, I came up with the idea of pranking as many folks as I could through the fake article about the time capsule discovery.

If you read the article carefully, you might have picked up on some of the obvious humor. A man named "Quibs" was mentioned. My column’s name is KWIBS. Also he was a "barber" and friends with Thomas Barber.

Medicine Log. Medicine Lodge’s long lost original name. Did you fall for it?

Xie Gallagher in the Treasurer’s office was quick to act when she realized my prank. She printed up signs stating, "If you are here to see the time capsule that was in the paper, it has been moved to The Gyp Hill Premiere on Main Street. Ask for Kevin Noland."

She posted them all over the courthouse and I prank called the Clerk of the District Court asking where I could see the time capsule.

I told Xie that it would have been funnier to say something like "The time capsule had termites and had to be removed from the building. It is now at the County Road and Bridge building on Isabel Road."

I couldn’t convince her to play along.

News of the time capsule travelled more quickly than I expected. The story was also posted on our Internet website at www.gyphillpremiere.com. By the end of the day, I had several emails wanting more information about the artifact.

Kim Fowles wrote:

"Was the date really 1855? I am searching SD newspapers through their historical society and can't find any published in 1855."

It was all I could do to contain myself.

One of my friends said, "I speed read all the articles and I missed the part about reading KWIBS for more information.

The day wasn’t all fun and games. One of my readers called and told my staff that she didn’t find the story funny at all and it was the responsibility of the newspaper to be trustworthy. I agree, but I did not leave my readers hanging. The truth was out there. You just had to read.

My favorite story comes from my son Joey. Joey called me from school on Tuesday, April 1st. Whispering into the phone he said, "Dad, my teacher just mentioned the time capsule story to the entire class and he is really excited about it and asked if any of us had heard about it or seen it."

It was all Joey could do to maintain his composure.

So, I hope you all aren’t too mad at me!

Have a great week!

April Fools' Day or All Fools' Day, though not a holiday in its own right, is a notable day celebrated in many countries on April 1. I know it’s sure celebrated at our house.

The day is marked by the commission of hoaxes and other practical jokes of varying sophistication on friends, my kids, my wife, enemies and neighbors. The aim of which is to embarrass or prank the gullible. In some countries, April Fools' jokes (also called April Fools) are only made before noon on 1 April. I like to celebrate all year long.

Thinking back on some of the pranks I have pulled instantly sparked column material. A lot of which I have done, I can’t print for fear of prosecution or worse, retaliation.

A few years back on April 1st I got the kids up for school and fixed them breakfast. Little did they know, I had filled the bottoms of their cereal bowls with rubber fishing worms! That’s probably the one prank I remember doing to my kids.

My wife and I played an April Fools joke on another couple here in town (name held to protect their identity and to comply with the protection order they might file on us).

It started innocently enough with us jacking their car off the ground and putting blocks under the axles. We did this in a manner that the tires looked like they were on the ground, but they weren’t. My friend got in his car for work, hit reverse, looked back and took his foot off the break, but didn’t go anywhere. Classic.

The next morning I got to work, walked into my office and was ensnared by fishing line. His wife had gotten a key and come into my office earlier and strung fishing line from every conceivable point in my office. I spent over an hour with scissors cutting my way back in. Classic.

There was also this time when my wife decided to fill up Dr. Meador’s Lincoln Towncar with styrofoam peanuts. This resulted in a truce being called and the air vents professionally cleaned. Classic.

One of the greatest pranks ever played on us was the time our former cleaning lady came into our house and completely turned everything upside down and inside out. She rearranged furniture, moved pictures and did a number on our living room. The best part of the joke was that my wife thought I did it and she spent all evening crying because she thought it was the meanest thing I had ever done to her! Classic.

Now for the meanest prank ever - that would go to our former Editor, Mr. David Fasgold.

If you remember a few years back, I had some heart trouble. After a week in the Kansas Heart Hospital and three stents, I was home and on the mend. A day or two into my recovery, David sneaked in to my office from behind and blew a trombone in the back of my head. I lived, so the work on my heart was obviously a success. Classic, but twisted and mean.

I pranked him back by waiting until he was in the restroom and stacking boxes and metal folding chairs against the door. I did this so quietly that he didn’t hear me and when he opened the door, everything fell in on him. Classic.

I wish I had invented the April Fools holiday, but I didn’t. Throughout history, there have been some very classic pranks. Here’s what I found.

In its April 1985 edition, Sports Illustrated published a story about a new rookie pitcher who planned to play for the Mets. His name was Sidd Finch, and he could reportedly throw a baseball at 168 mph with pinpoint accuracy. This was 65 mph faster than the previous record. Surprisingly, Sidd Finch had never even played the game before. Instead, he had mastered the "art of the pitch" in a Tibetan monastery under the guidance of the "great poet-saint Lama Milaraspa." Mets fans celebrated their teams' amazing luck at having found such a gifted player, and Sports Illustrated was flooded with requests for more information. But in reality this legendary player only existed in the imagination of the author of the article, George Plimpton.

In 1962 there was only one tv channel in Sweden, and it broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert, Kjell Stensson, appeared on the news to announce that, thanks to a new technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to display color reception. All they had to do was pull a nylon stocking over their tv screen. Stensson proceeded to demonstrate the process. Thousands of people were taken in. Regular color broadcasts only commenced in Sweden on April 1, 1970.

In 1996 the Taco Bell Corporation announced that it had bought the Liberty Bell and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell was housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed, a few hours later, that it was all a practical joke. The best line of the day came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale. Thinking on his feet, he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold. It would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

In 1998 Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a "Left-Handed Whopper" specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers. The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, "many others requested their own 'right handed' version."

On March 31, 1989 thousands of motorists driving on the highway outside London looked up in the air to see a glowing flying saucer descending on their city. Many of them pulled to the side of the road to watch the bizarre craft float through the air. The saucer finally landed in a field on the outskirts of London where local residents immediately called the police to warn them of an alien invasion. Soon the police arrived on the scene, and one brave officer approached the craft with his truncheon extended before him. When a door in the craft popped open, and a small, silver-suited figure emerged, the policeman ran in the opposite direction. The saucer turned out to be a hot-air balloon that had been specially built to look like a UFO by Richard Branson, the 36-year-old chairman of Virgin Records. The stunt combined his passion for ballooning with his love of pranks. His plan was to land the craft in London's Hyde Park on April 1. Unfortunately, the wind blew him off course, and he was forced to land a day early in the wrong location.

So in case you’re wondering, the story on the front page this week "Time capsule unearthed, reveals city’s original name might have been Medicine Log" is actually a hoax. I wanted to have some fun with everyone and hope it doesn’t ruffle too many feathers.

My Nephew Ryan Landwehr was born on April Fools Day. I’m sure he’ll be thinking up ways to one up Uncle Kevin!

Have a great week

Medicine Log! hehehehe

Some randomness for me this week.

Hi, my name is Kevin and I am an American Idol watcher (everyone say "hello" Kevin).

I’m sad to say, but I am hooked on this show. It’s brilliant up to a certain point. That point is when America gets to vote.

I wish I had an American audience. I sort of do through our website, so maybe everyone in America will read my column on line this week at www.gyphillpremiere.com/kwibs.html

America, did you finally figure out how to use your phones to vote this week? Thank you so much for finally voting off Amanda Overmyer. Surely you all figured out as soon as I did that this girl can’t sing and had NO PLACE on this show. That was like week 1 of the finals.

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Now lets talk politics.

Do you like Borok Obama? How could you not? He’s against the war, but strong on terrorism, a Christian, but not affiliated with his crazy uncle-like pastor, sort of raised Muslim, but not really, mostly black, but a little white.

Do you like Hillary? How could you not? She worked for the poor, while serving on the board of directors for Walmart. She’s pro American, but supports free trade, for NAFTA, but against it, has a lot of experience in the White house, even though recent records show she wasn’t there much and spent a lot of money on vacations during Clinton’s administration and wants healthcare for all of America. Yeah! Oh wait, she wants small businesses like mine to foot the bill.....

Do you like McCain? I haven’t a clue what he’s all about! He looks like a nice old guy and I know he proudly served our country in time of war, served as a POW, and has been a senator for like 100 years and I am going to vote for him.

I wish we could somehow figure out a way to make a show called "American President". It would work just like "American Idol". First you would audition hundreds of potential finalists and then you would narrow it down to 12 contestants that were of no party affiliation whatsover. They would have to perform for all of TV land to see and then we could pick up our phones and vote them through the competition. This process would be cheaper for America and we could skip all the mudflinging and just get down to who is more talented!

I’m guessing Hillary singing "Unchained Melody" would have gotten her kicked off week 1.

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The Euro was up to near $1.60 to our U.S. Dollar last week. the only reason I even know this is because I get a daily briefing from Nick Gaertner, German Foreign Exchange student, living with John Nixon, our neighbor.

It used to be kind of cute to hear him give the report, but now I am just kind of tired of it. Not tired of Nick, but tired of our dollar not doing so good.

Come on U.S. dollar. You can do it! You’ve been strong for so long. Don’t give up now! Some of us have gotten our tax returns and more are on the way. And soon we’ll all have our magic rebate checks to spend and strengthen our economy. Or some of us will run with our money to WalMart and buy crap made in China, strengthening their economic grip on our country. Can you take the hint here? Shop at home and buy American products when possible. That is the only way to strengthen our economy - from the inside out.

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Finally, I read last week that a guy is selling his entire life on Ebay sometime this summer. The guy wants to sell his house in Pertth, Australia, his car, motorcycle, jetski and personal possessions after a nasty break up with his wife of 5 years. What? She didn’t get $40 million? She must not have married a former Beattle. No, this is just an average Joe who wants to start over.

Also included in this auction is the sale of his friends and his job. If you win, you get his job for a two-week trial and he’ll arrange for you to meet his friends. Starting price of his auction will be just shy of $400,000.

I’ve got to run. I just got my rebate check in the mail and I’m going shopping for a new life! Have a great week!!

Three years ago in KWIBS I wrote about how little I actually knew about prom.

Now that I am about to put my 4th prom behind me, I feel that I am somewhat of an expert.

I have had 4 years of my own experience with proms in high school and dates at all of them (including multiple dates my freshman year). I know much more about prom now. At least from a male perspective.

As I’ve learned, from looking at my credit card statement, prom is big business. When you have the gentler of the two chromosomes in your home, it becomes an even more expensive and emotionally draining venture.

Dress shopping was something I used to avoid like the plague by being conveniently busy. Yes, I got out of it and it was to my daughter’s advantage as well as my advantage. Me being forced to go shopping with Breeann for evening attire is nearly as cruel as the time I took her to a tool sale where I spent over an hour shopping for locking pliers.

I had to change my evil ways this year because mamma wasn't around to do the shopping. She was in New Mexico with our boys on spring break. This left me in charge. I had penned off Tuesday for the trip and prepared mentally for shopping with my teenage daughter.

I kept replaying in my mind.

Prom dress $75?

Lunch/Supper $30?

Fuel $30?

Years drained from my life - 1.5?

In reality it was:

Prom dress $180

Lunch/Supper $60

Fuel $60

Years drained from my life - 3

We started the Wichita prom dress shopping trip with a stop to my cousin's office. He's a chiropractor. I figured an adjustment to my spine would be a good start. He told me that as the day went on and my wallet got emptier, I would begin to feel relief in my lower back. However, the pain would move to my head.

Our first stop was to a shop on East Douglas. The shop had sent Breeann an advertising catalog complete with models (who couldn't possibly have been high school girls) wearing formal gowns. The gowns were advertised at "Starting at $99". When we got there, I couldn't find half of a formal that started any where near $99. In fact, the average price was $400-$600.

I tried a "kill two birds with one stone" move.

"Hey Breeann, if you bought this white one, in a few years you could just get married in it!," I said in my smartest, fatherly voice.

She just glared at me and said, "OMG, Dad. It's not a wedding dress. It's a prom dress. Just take me to the mall."

So off to the mall we went. Four shops and five prom dresses later she had found what she thought she liked. Even though my knees were throbbing from the 20 miles of walking from shop to shop I had just done, I kept it as low pressure as possible.

"Dad, you know that there are some other prom dress stores in the other mall," she said.

Thinking quickly I pointed out that if we got all the way to the other side of town and she didn't find one, there was a possibility that this one would be gone. It was, after all (and to my advantage), the last one in the store. We took a walk through the mall and stopped at a couple of other stores before she made up her mind to go back and buy the dress.

I was saved.

The dress came home in a pretty expensive looking garment bag and a hanger that looked like it cost more than my old ratty jean jacket that gets thrown over a doorknob. And to think, I wear that jacket almost every day and she’ll only wear that dress once! I was totally going to score on that hanger….

So dads, I have some advice for those of you who are just beginning the prom adventure for the first time or have daughters coming of age.

Start saving now or begin selling blood plasma while they’re still young (clarification: your blood, not their blood….)

For girls, prom means it’s time to tan. I like a good tan and appreciate having dark skin, but news flash: It’s dark where they have prom! Not only will her date barely see the expensive dress I bought her, he won’t notice the tan unless he carries a densitometer. Tanning begins, at the very least, a month before prom.

Tanning sessions $45

Somewhere in prom history it became necessary for woman to have their real fingernails filed and buffed down to a dull finish and fake, long, synthetic ones glued on over the top. This may be some type of self defense weapon used to ward off other females that ask to dance with their date. I’m not sure, but open up the wallet guys….

Fingernails $30

Polish $5

Prom day finally arrives, but the giant prom money sucking machine is still turned on.

Within five minutes of saying the word "prom" every hair dresser in a 50 mile radius becomes booked up. By mistake, in the past we've waited until 3 weeks before prom to make an appointment locally. With no options for local hair styling left, it meant another trip back to Wichita.

Hairdresser $30

Hair accessories $10

Lunch $30

Fuel $60

Prozac – $100

Sorry guys, even though your cash is depleted and your last credit card just burst into flames when it was swiped, you are not finished.

Make up $15

Picture package $35

Prom night tickets run about $10 (if you’re lucky, her date will pay!)

Prom guys don’t get off too easily either. A good tux will cost you at least $100+ to rent. You also have to take your date somewhere nice to eat and you’ll be expected to buy her flowers.

Grand total (for estimating and budgeting purposes only) of prom 2008 could be around $1,000,000.

Seeing how beautiful my daughter looked as she emerged from the dressing room, wearing the dress I helped her shop for, was simply priceless. And to think, it's my last one before I have to think of which kidney to sell when she decides to get married.

Have a great week!

I hadn’t given a lot of thought to this, but last week I realized my child would be graduating high school in a few months.

I’ve known she was potentially going to graduate for about 6704 days now. Go ahead, do the math.... I actually didn’t make that number up. I just never really thought the time would creep up on me this quickly.

I was told once that having a teenage daughter was like trying to nail jello to the wall. I kind of understand the meaning of this insanity.

There is no way of explaining how difficult it is to go through the motions of the senior year, graduation and then off to college.

A couple of weeks ago we took a college day. This time to PCC. We spent the day at the college meeting a lot of nice folks and getting a taste of what Breeann will need to be successful in her major.

Breeann is interested in becoming a school teacher. We couldn’t be more proud of her for thinking of this. She has given it careful thought and for once, her mother and I agree that this is a good field for her. She is interested in becoming a preschool teacher!

Great! I thought. I know she can color and stay in the lines. I’ve seen her do a fantastic somersaults and she can say her ABCs flawlessly! Give that kid her degree and let her start working!

Well, if only it were that easy. Becoming a teacher, even a preschool teacher, takes a lot of time and education. It won’t be easy, but it will be an incredibly rewarding job.

The tour of the college brought back a lot of memories for me. I went to school there from 1988-1990. I had been back to the college a couple of times since I was a student there, but I hadn’t been back, really back, to where the student life was happening.

We walked the halls and I remembered where certain rooms were. I saw a couple of class rooms and remembered what classes I had taken there almost 20 years ago. The student cafeteria and recreation hall was just being built and was completed about the time I left.

The library was pretty new when I was a student there. I even ran into a former instructor and we shared some stories about my college days.

We continued our tour of the campus and our guide began explaining the process for enrollment, financial aide and scholarships.

All at once I felt a strange sensation. It might have been that I had just gotten over the flu or it could have been a panic attack. As we stopped at the cashier’s window and were handed the fees schedule, the hallways suddenly got narrow and long and I felt myself grabbing for the wall so that I didn’t pass out.

I was warned by a friend last year that the senior year is the most expensive year of the student’s elementary education and then it got worse when they went to college. My friend couldn’t have been more correct. There have been activity fees, enrollment fees, college/high school class fees, invitation fees, cap and gown fees and other "fees" associated with the status of the class. My friend didn’t mention the, oops - I wrecked my car fees, I need a new dress for Sadie Hawkins fees, my college day trip fees, I went over my text messaging limit fees and the list goes on and on....

I had heard that college is expensive and as I looked down the schedule of fees, I could hear cash registers laughing in my head.

There was actually a fee for the paying of the fees "fee". In order to begin making payments you must first pay a $35 fee to set up your account.

Sadly, I have only just begun.

The good news is that PCC is offering her scholarship opportunities, work study, financial aide and success programs that will help her with her future. I think she’ll be in good hands.

The other good news is that she’ll live in the dorms and get to have the college experience and only be a short drive away from home. Her brothers are already casing lots for her room, but I’ve got news for them. I’m making into a weight room!

Just kidding Breeann - Have a great week!

I wish I had an Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.....

Last summer I took my two boys, Nicholas and Joey to the McConnell Airforce Base Airshow. I remember it was one of the hottest days of summer. Our mission was to see the Blue Angels.

We wondered around the displays for several hours before the performance. The blistering heat made us spend a lot of money on water and we looked for shade at every stop.

When the Blue Angels Pilots appeared, a long line formed for autographs and pictures. Of course my kids wanted to do that - that was until they saw the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.

We quickly cut out of line and Joey posed for this photo.

It was one of the highlights of the entire day.

Last week I was flipping through the news and ran across the following article. I rushed home to share it with the boys. We all got a good laugh.

Wienermobile wipes out

Famed vehicle spins, crashes

on snow-covered PA highway; 'hotdoggers' OK.

February 11, 2008

Reprinted with permission

gosgood@stargazette.com

Star-Gazette Wellsboro Bureau

MANSFIELD -- Let's be frank: motor vehicle accidents aren't much fun for anyone.

But when a 27-foot-long tube-steak spins out on a snow-covered highway, it's bound to generate some grins.

That's what happened Sunday to an Oscar Mayer Wienermobile on Route 15 about two miles south of Mansfield (at least it didn't roll over).

The growler contained two "hotdoggers" -- driver Emily Volpini, 22, of Lexington, Ky., and Caylen Goudie, 22, of Hinsdale, Ill. Although they didn't relish the experience, they weren't hurt, investigating state Trooper Rex Johnson said.

"Hotdoggers" are goodwill ambassadors for Kraft Foods and Oscar Mayer. There are 12 of them in the country -- two for each of the six Wienermobiles. They spend a year on the job traveling around the country. Part of their job is to recruit their replacements.

On Friday and Saturday, Volpini and Goudie and the iconic frankfurter were at Syracuse University, fulfilling the promise to the winner of "A Weekend with the Wienermobile" contest. Sunday morning, the women and the wiener on wheels headed south toward Penn State, where they will try to recruit candidates for the 2008-09 hotdoggers from a stable of Nittany Lion hopefuls.

Mother Nature intervened, though briefly, at 12:20 p.m., putting the plastic porksicle on the median and out of service.

"We thought we had come out of the blizzard," Goudie said. "We thought we were through it. Then we hit a patch of ice. The Wienermobile weighs 7,000 pounds, so usually ice and snow isn't much of a problem. It was this time."

Stuck, Volpini called 911 dispatchers in Wellsboro. Though skeptical at first, they notified state police at Mansfield. As passersby called in the crash on cell phones, the dispatchers became convinced that the barkburger was indeed in hot water.

Police contacted Dave Kurzejewski of Costy's Truck and Auto Mart, and he showed up in short order with a heavy four-wheel-drive vehicle and some chains. Johnson, the trooper, grilled the women briefly and concluded that a routine and sober spinout was all he had on his plate.

Kurzejewski hooked up and Emily fired up the highway hot dog, and a few well-timed tugs later, the Wienermobile was back on the highway.

For Kurzejewski, veteran of hundreds of tows over the years, Sunday's experience was a new one.

"I've pulled out a lot of vehicles," he said. "But that's the first wiener I've ever pulled out."

It was a first for the women, too. They left none the wurst for wear.

"Usually we try to keep from scratching our buns," Goudie said. "But sometimes, things go wrong."

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I want to give a quick HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my Sister Rhonda. She qualifies for 30-something spankings today!

Have a great week!

Writer’s block is a phenomenon involving temporary loss of ability to begin or continue writing, usually due to lack of inspiration or creativity.

At least that is how the encyclopedia defines it. I also define it as: waiting too long in the week before starting your column and realizing you don’t have anything to write about.

In an average week, by Tuesday evening I have a column idea for the following Monday.

I didn’t last week.

It was Thursday morning and I was up at about 6 a.m. and I was jotting down some subjects. None of them tripping any of my several triggers.

It wasn’t that I had waited too long. I mentioned to Doris that I was struggling for an idea on Wednesday morning. I always ask her what she is writing and she said, "I’m writing about Valentine’s Day."

Darn it. Why didn’t I think of that? And why was Doris already writing her column? I’m usually paging her on Friday afternoon going, "Hey, uh, did you know we’re putting out a paper on Monday and I have this hole on page two and three. I think it might be where your column is supposed to go."

But there she was Wednesday morning, writing her brains out with a subject that I should have been thinking about. Valentine’s Day! I couldn’t steal that from her. She thought of it first, so I looked at the calendar to see what else was happening.

Hmm... Lincoln’s birthday was falling on Tuesday, February 12. He wore a funny hat! Nope, I got nothing.

Doris asked, "How long have you been writing your column?"

I thought back. Way back.

In 1989 my dad moved to Missouri and I remember being in the composing room at the Index early on a Wednesday morning before press time. I was looking at page two where my dad’s column "KWIK KWIBS, JR." was supposed to be and asking, "Hey, what is going here?"

Before KWICK KWIBS, JR., it was just KWICK KWIBS. That was a column my Grandpa Bill Noland wrote starting in the early 1960s.

Nobody had really thought of what was going in that empty space since dad had moved and I didn’t have anything else pressing, so I said, "I’ll write KWIBS this week."

I can’t remember exactly what I wrote, but it had something to do with my dad moving and that hole being filled. I was only 19 at the time and in college part time. I knew my dad would be getting the paper in the mail and would see that I wrote something that was probably horrible (some things never change). I waited for the dreaded phone call telling me that I couldn’t write KWIBS, but it never came.

So I started KWIBS almost 20 years ago and have written an average of 45 columns per year since. That is somewhere in the neighborhood of 900 columns. The paper goes out to around 1000 readers each week and since 1995 is read by another 1200 per week. That’s over a Brazilian readers.

Here are some statistics of KWIBS:

55% of the columns dealt with silly stuff

25% of the columns were about my family

12% of the columns were about friends

5% of the columns had political overtones

4% of the columns were religious in nature

.036% of the columns were about my terrible math skills.

In my 20 years of writing. I have received around 20 nasty letters about my columns, 1 death threat, 90-100 sneers and probably a few more compliments.

As Doris and I continued talking about our columns, we discovered one common denominator. There is a great satisfaction when a column is completed. Sometimes it’s only the feeling of, "wow, I filled this space." But more times than not, it is a feeling of, "I got my thoughts down on paper and it sort of makes sense to me." We just sit back on Monday afternoon and hope that everyone who reads it also gets it.

I hope 101% of you have a great week!

I can’t help myself. I fall into the category of gullible when it comes to purchasing bottled water.

Bottled water is one of the most profitable schemes ever devised to deprive people of their money. I say that as I look at my water bottle to the right of my desk.

In the western world, tap water is about as safe as it can be and it is relatively cheap. Yet people like me are prepared to pay up to 1,500 times as much when the same stuff comes in a bottle.

I’m also the same guy who gripes about paying $3.00 a gallon for gasoline and walks into the quick shop and pays $1.25 for the 20 oz. plastic bottle of water. The gasoline goes through more of a purification process than they put that bottled water through most generally, but then again, I am not going to drink gasoline.

One of the strangest thing about this whole bottled water phenomenon is that this bland commodity made its impact in Britain in the late 1970s at the height of a recession and with raging inflation. There was a general lack of money in people's pockets (and brains as it seems), yet bottled water became an overnight success.

When purchasing bottled water my argument is.... it does taste better than tap water. However, in an article I read on water taste, studies show those who professed to be able to tell the difference failed miserably. The testers used Evian and Highland Spring against local tap water - three waters which had very different characteristics from each other. Even so, only one-third of the 140 people got the correct answer. That is exactly what one would expect to get by chance.

Bottled water is a necessary evil when on vacation in places such as, Mexico, South America and Wichita..... I’ve been a victim of Montezuma’s revenge and it isn’t pretty. I did learn that you not only have to be careful not to drink the water, but also be aware that ice in drinks is nothing more than frozen water from the same area as the water comes from. Duh.....

Now, before I go and get myself into trouble with my local water guy, Leroy Seiler, let me say that his water is absolutely wonderful and is filtered and bottled in a way that guarantees its taste and freshness. I don’t mean for this to be an ad for Eco Water, but it’s a product I believe in and use daily.

Listen though, I’m talking about off the shelf bottled water here, not Leroy’s water. There’s a big difference.

Natural water is never purer than when it falls as rain. Once it hits the ground, however, all that changes. Seeping into the soil, it moves underground through passages and caverns carved over the millennia, eating away at the rock and dissolving metals, salts and minerals along the way. As it goes, its character changes, depending on the type of rock through which it passes. Eventually, it arrives in underground lakes or aquifers - the sources of most bottled mineral waters. And in Kansas, it might travel across a cow patty or two on its way.

Like I said earlier, I’m sinfully guilty for buying this stuff, but I am trying to change my evil ways.

I look at it like this now. I might buy a bottled water when I’m out on the road somewhere and not sure about the quality of the water.

When I do purchase the bottled water, I look for information on how it is filtered, if it is filtered at all and then I look at the purchase from a completely different perspective. I decide that I am making an investment in a plastic bottle and the water is basically just a free gift with the purchase.

I reuse my water bottle for as long as it holds together through the washes and daily abuse it takes. And yes, I refill it with water from Leroy Seiler at Eco Water. Generally, I can get a few weeks out of a water bottle provided I don’t lose it before the end of its life expectancy. But I am thinking a good water bottle from the store will probably cost me $7.00 and I could expect for it to last at least a year.

You have to admit though, someone had a marvelously stupid idea when they went into that marketing meeting with this sales pitch: "We’re going to bottle water and sell it to the people!"

What will they think of next?

Bottled air?

Have a great week!

Attention all of you arm chair quarterbacks, referees and coaches. Superbowl XLII is February 3rd! For those of you non Romans, that’s Superbowl 42.

Don’t be the guy sitting there with nothing to add to Sunday’s Superbowl conversation. I have found 42 interesting facts about the Superbowl.

Enjoy! (Go NYG!!!)

XLII facts about Super Bowl XLII

I. This is the 42nd Super Bowl and the second time it has been held in Arizona. Super Bowl XXX was held at Sun Devil Stadium in Tempe, Arizona (Cowboys 27, Steelers 17).

II. The NFC leads 21-20 all-time but the AFC has won eight of the last 10 games after losing 13 straight.

III. The AFC is the home team in this year’s Super Bowl.

IV. To date 3,205,733 people have attended Super Bowl games.

Careful when you cheer when the coin toss comes up heads ... winning the pregame toss doesn't mean a Super Bowl victory.

V. No Super Bowl has ever gone to overtime.

VI. The team that has won the coin toss is 19-22 all-time in the Super Bowl and has lost the past four straight and nine of the last 11 games. The Patriots lost the coin toss in each of their three Super Bowl wins. They won the coin toss for Super Bowl XXXI and lost the game; they lost the coin toss for Super Bowl XX vs. the Bears and also lost that game. The Giants won the coin toss in Super Bowl XXXV and lost that game; they lost the coin toss in both Super Bowls XX and XXV and won those games.

VII. The Giants-Patriots Super Bowl is the 12th Super Bowl to feature two teams that met during the regular season. The team that lost the regular-season meeting has won six of the previous 11 matchups. The last matchup was Super Bowl XXXVI between the Patriots and Rams (Rams won regular season; Patriots won the Super Bowl)

VIII. The Giants-Patriots Super Bowl is only the second time that the two Super Bowl participants have met in the final regular season game; the other occurrence was in 1977 when the Cowboys and Broncos met in Week 14 and then in Super Bowl XII. The Cowboys won both games. (The Giants and Patriots also met in the final game of this year's preseason; The Patriots won that game 27-20).

IX. The Patriots have 20 players with Super Bowl experience on their current roster; the Giants have three.

X. Patriots LB Tedy Bruschi will be playing in his fifth Super Bowl; he is the 15th player to play in five Super Bowls. He is the seventh player to play in five Super Bowls with the same team, joining Larry Cole (Cowboys), Cliff Harris (Cowboys), D.D. Lewis (Cowboys) Charlie Waters (Cowboys), Rayfield Wright (Cowboys) and John Elway (Broncos).

With another Super Bowl MVP award, Tom Brady will tie Joe Montana for the most all-time.

XI. 21 Quarterbacks have been named MVP of the Super Bowl, the most of any position.

XII. Tom Brady is one of four players with multiple Super Bowl MVP awards –- the three others are quarterbacks as well: Bart Starr (2), Joe Montana (3) and Terry Bradshaw (2).

XIII. Tom Brady is 1 of 4 players with three Super Bowl wins as a starting QB. The other three are Terry Bradshaw (4), Joe Montana (4) and Troy Aikman (3).

XIV. Tom Brady is the 23rd NFL MVP to play in the Super Bowl in the same season. The last MVP to win a Super Bowl the same season was Kurt Warner in Super Bowl XXXIV in 1999. Overall, 10 NFL MVPs have won the Super Bowl in the same season. In 1968, Earl Morrall won the NFL title but lost Super Bowl III to the Jets.

XV. The Patriots are making their sixth Super Bowl appearance –- and fourth in last seven years. The Patriots are the fourth franchise to make six Super Bowl appearances, joining the Cowboys (8), Steelers (6) and Broncos (6).

Bill Walsh won all three times he led the 49ers to the Super Bowl.

XVI. The Patriots have won three Super Bowls; with a win they’ll join the Steelers (5), Cowboys (5) and 49ers (5) as the only franchises to win 4 Super Bowls.

XVII. Bill Belichick is the eighth head coach to appear in four Super Bowls. The others are Don Shula (6), Tom Landry (5), Chuck Noll (4), Joe Gibbs (4), Bud Grant (4), Marv Levy (4) and Dan Reeves (4).

XVIII. Belichick is one of four coaches to win three Super Bowls. The others are Chuck Noll (4-0), Bill Walsh (3-0) and Joe Gibbs (3-1).

XIX. Since 2001, the Patriots are 24-7 when meeting teams for the second or third (Jets, 2006) time in the same season.

XX. Junior Seau is making his second Super Bowl appearance; the first since Super Bowl XXIX. The 13 years between Super Bowl appearances is the longest span in the game’s history.

XXI. The Patriots are the third team to win 18 games in a season, including playoffs. The ’85 Bears (18-1) and ’84 49ers (18-1) also won 18 games.

Junior Seau's Super Bowl XXIX experience was a bitter one.

XXII. The Patriots are the 11th team to go 10-0 at home, including the playoffs. Of the previous 10 to accomplish the feat, 8 of them won the Super Bowl (only the 1990 Bills and 1988 Bengals lost).XXIII. The Patriots led the NFL with 36.8 PPG this season, the highest in the Super Bowl era.

XXIV. The Patriots are the 17th team to lead the NFL in scoring and reach the Super Bowl. The previous 16 teams are 9-7 in the Super Bowl (last two -- the ’05 Seahawks and ’01 Rams -- have lost). The last team to lead the NFL in scoring and win the Super Bowl was the ’99 Rams in XXXIV.

XXV. The Giants will be playing in their 18th NFL title game dating back to 1933. The Giants have won five NFL championships in their history –- including two Super Bowls.

XXVI. The Giants' 18 NFL championship game appearances are the most in NFL history.

Eli Manning was a No. 1 overall pick, but was originally selected by the Chargers.

XXVII. Eli Manning is the seventh No. 1 overall pick to start the Super Bowl at quarterback; the others are Peyton Manning, Drew Bledsoe, Troy Aikman, John Elway, Jim Plunkett and Terry Bradshaw.

XXVIII. 18 sets of brothers to have reached the Super Bowl. Eli and Peyton Manning are the first set of brothers at quarterback.

XXIX. Eli Manning is the only quarterback in the 2007 playoffs yet to throw an interception. Of the 12 quarterbacks in the 2007 playoffs, he had the most interceptions during the regular season (20) -- tied for the most in the NFL with Jon Kitna and Carson Palmer.

XXX. Eli Manning is the seventh quarterback in the Super Bowl era (since 1966) to throw 20 interceptions in the regular season and reach the Super Bowl.

XXXI. This is the second straight season in which the NFC quarterback in the Super Bowl threw 20 interceptions in the regular season (last year, Rex Grossman threw 20 interceptions, and threw three in the playoffs, two in the Super Bowl). The other to throw 20 interceptions during the regular season and then reach the Super Bowl are Kurt Warner (22 in 2001), Phil Simms (22 in 1986), Terry Bradshaw (25 in 1979 and 20 in 1978) and Darryl Lamonica (20 in 1967). The only two Super Bowl quarterbacks to throw 20 interceptions during the regular season and not throw one in the playoffs were Boomer Esiason in 1990 and Simms in 1986.

XXXII. Tom Coughlin is coaching in his first Super Bowl as a head coach. Head coaches making their Super Bowl debut are 20-22.

XXXIII. Tom Coughlin has coached 205 career games, including the playoffs. That is the most games coached before making a Super Bowl debut as a head coach.

XXXIV. The Giants are 10-1 away from Giants Stadium and 3-5 at home this season.

XXXV. The Giants are the third team to reach the Super Bowl by winning three straight road games, joining the ’05 Steelers and ’85 Patriots.

Hines Ward helped the wild-card Steelers win Super Bowl XL.

XXXVI. The Giants are the ninth wild-card team to reach the Super Bowl. Wild-card teams are 4-4 in the Super Bowl. The ’05 Steelers were the last wild-card team to win.

XXXVII. The Giants are the fourth team to reach the Super Bowl following a 0-2 start. They join the ’01 Patriots, ’96 Patriots and ’93 Cowboys.

XXXVIII. The Giants are the only team in NFL history to win 10 straight road games in a season.

XXXIX. Bill Belichick (15) and Tom Coughlin (7) have 22 postseason victories combined, tied for the second most in Super Bowl history among opposing coaches and surpassed only by the 25 combined playoff wins by Tom Landry and Chuck Noll in Super Bowl XIII.

XL. Giants long snapper/linebacker Zak DeOssie’s father Steve DeOssie played in Super Bowl XXV as a member of the Giants (Belichick was the defensive coordinator of that Giants team). The DeOssie’s are the ninth different father-son combo to reach the Super Bowl.

XLI. When he appears in the game, Jeff Feagles will be the oldest Super Bowl participant at 41 years, 335 days. The previous oldest was Mike Horan at 40 years, 363 days. Feagles began his career with the Patriots in 1988.

XLII. Giants DE Justin Tuck and Patriots LB Adalius Thomas are cousins. Tuck’s father and Thomas’ father are first cousins. - From NFL.com

Have a great week!

If it doesn’t work out exactly the way you wanted it to, then cry.

That seems to be the trend last week. Just before the New Hampshire Primaries, Hillary Clinton made a tearful plea to voters when she learned she was behind in the polls to Barack Obama and she almost came to tears as she defended her reasons for running for the presidency.

Hillary Clinton showed some emotion and it won her New Hampshire. Alpha males everywhere sighed. They collectively rolled their eyes and asked: does crying help a woman get what she wants?

People really don’t have any idea of the stress she’s under. She’s tired, hormonal, she has people touching her hair and fussing with her makeup. Obama probably doesn’t have to participate in discussions on whether it’s best to pluck his eyebrows or not.

I’m not saying it wasn’t genuine emotion, but maybe it was just a little bit inappropriate in her situation. Crying might get you out of a speeding ticket, but it shouldn’t help you win the position of the most powerful leader in the free world.

Can you imagine Ronald Reagan and Mikel Gorbachev during negotiations to eliminate intermediate-range nuclear missiles if Reagan would have cried?

Reagan: Please Mr. Gorbachev, we’ve increased our military spending by 35% this year and eventually, sniff-sniff, we’ll bankrupt both of our countries if we don’t stop spending like this.

Gorbachev: You’re being a big cry baby. I don’t buy your Hollywood drama for one minute. I’m pushing the button. I mean it Ronny!

Reagan: Sniff-sniff..... But what about all the good work I’ve done for the free world?

Gorbachev: Okay, let’s hug. Here’s my hanky....

Reagan: While we’re at it, sniff-sniff, can you tear down that Berlin Wall?

Frankly, I think our country needs a leader with, well, equipment that Hillary just doesn’t have..... It’s only my opinion.

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And alright all of you Cowboy haters (and Kenny Joe Rinke), here’s your moment of ZEN: T.O. (Terrell Owens) crying in the post-game press conference after the Cowboys became the first #1 seed since the NFL playoff format was changed in 1990 to lose its playoff opener.

He wore pitch-black aviator shades to his postgame news conference. And he needed them to shield his eyes, which dripped tears when the subject turned to Tony Romo.

"It’s not about Tony," he said, his voice even and flat. "You guys can point the finger at him. You can talk about the vacation. ..."

His voice trailed off, then cracked and wobbled. But Owens continued on. He fought to contain his sobs, blurting out sentences between them.

"If you do that, that’s really unfair," Owens said. "Really unfair. That’s my teammate. That’s my quarterback. We lost as a team. We lost as a team, man."

Somebody give that guy a tissue and then slam him to the turf. Get a grip man. You’re a Dallas Cowboy, not a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader.

Everyone knows the reason Dallas lost their playoff game is because I wore my Tony Romo jersey and everytime I’ve worn my jersey the Cowboys blow it. I even wore my jersey to church one Sunday and they lost. Last weekend I wore it to Bible Study and still no help. It’s all my fault, sniff-sniff. I’m shopping for a Tom Brady jersey this weekend, sniff-sniff.

Have a great week!

Somehow, somewhere cell phones sneaked up on us and became a necessary evil in our lives. I’m not sure exactly how it happened, but I can’t imagine living without one now.

Years ago cell phones were enormous devices, carried in heavy bags or boxes that only a few elite citizens could afford. Now everyone has one.

I remember my first "portable" bag phone. It weighed about 30 lbs. You had to stop and get out of the vehicles on high ground, put a magnetic antenna on the roof and pay like $1 per minute to get something that sounded like AM radio.

Without argument, the cell phone has been one of the greatest inventions of the modern communication era. You can now be accessible almost anytime, anywhere. Those are the pro’s. The con’s are you are now accessible almost anytime, anywhere.

So really the pro’s and con’s cancel each other out. When you top off the fact that people who talk on cell phones in public places are annoying, then you have way more con’s than pro’s.

Here’s an example:

You’re in a book store. Generally, book stores are like libraries and they are quiet. Some woman walks into the aisle you are in and she’s reading the back of the book to someone on the other end of the phone. Only, this lady is so loud you would have thought she was calling in an air strike on a Pacific Island over a WWII radio.

"The book is about people who talk too much and how to make them stop!"

A perfect way to handle something like this would be to shout back in an equally loud voice, "HEY EVERYONE, SHE’S ON THE PHONE, BE QUIET!"

As if always having a phone to the side of your head isn’t annoying enough, now they have those Blue Tooth devices. These are the devices that make the user look like they are Uhura from Star Trek. This is some great technology. Too lazy to hold the phone up to your ear? Try this device.... The only thing better is if the user were to dematerialize into thin air. Beam me up, Scotty. *Poof*.... applause....

I see people wandering around talking to themselves and I think, poor crazy people. Then I get closer and I see they have something sticking out of their ear - some of them anyway...

And if you are going to be receiving multiple calls, you should have a different ring tone for everyone who decides to reach you.

My daughter is a habitual offender of ring tones. She actually just got her phone back from a two week hiatus after charging nearly $90 worth of ring tones to my account.

When I got the bill my first words were, "Is this a phone or a jukebox?"

When her boyfriend calls her phone plays, "My Baby Loves Me Just The Way That I Am" - by Martina McBride.

When I call it’s, "Papa Don’t Preach" - by Madonna.

Well not really, but that’s what I feel like.....

I know this guy and when his wife calls his cell phone the death star theme from Star Wars plays. It’s hilarious.

And texting.... oh my. I wanted to hate message texting up until the time I began using it.

It’s brilliant!

If you don’t like talking to people and wish your conversations could be shorter and on your terms, then you need texting. I actually prefer being texted than having to answer the phone and speak.

Conversation: "How R U?" - "IM Fine". End of conversation.

You can also get news sent right to your phone now. Several news agencies let you subscribe to their news text services. Last week I got this message: U.S. & BRITISH FORCES ATTACKED A HOUSING ESTATE IN PAKISTAN TODAY. 250 ARE REPORTED DEAD AND 400 INJURED. A SPOKESMAN SAYS THEY WILL ATTACK THE SECOND HOUSE TOMORROW.

Oh, I have to go - call waiting.....

Have a great week!

Here it is, my favorite publication of the year. It’s the one with the Letters to Santa.

Why do I like this edition most? It’s because kids ask for the funniest things from Santa for Christmas.

I always have my favorites. This year is no different with the exception of what one little fellow wants.

He simply writes:

A dirt bike guiter hero monkey marbl run labtops PSP PS3 girlfrend - new bed.

Love Tallyn

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I suppose, if I could sit on Santa’s lap this year and ask for anything I wanted, I would be stumped.

Sure, I’d love more money, a new truck, a 50" plasma display, a brand new Fender P-Bass, and the list goes on and on..... But I have everything I need.

I have a beautiful wife, three great children, many family and friends, a roof over my head, plenty to eat and my freedom.

But there is the difference between wants and needs. I want lots of stuff, but I don’t really need anything (Maybe some new socks and underwear). My needs are met and the greatest gift I have is God’s love - his Son Jesus and my family and friends. What more could a person actually ever need?

Luke 1: 30 But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. 31You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."

God Bless you and Merry Christmas!

I received this from Bill Barnard last week and got such a kick out of it that I had to share it with you all. I will be sending one. I hope you do too!

HOPE YOU ALL WILL TAKE THE TIME AND 41 CENTS TO DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS A GREAT IDEA - IT ONLY TAKES A CHRISTMAS CARD!!!!

What at clever idea!

Send them a card....

Yes, Christmas cards.

Want to have some fun this CHRISTMAS? Send the ACLU a CHRISTMAS CARD this year.

As they are working so very hard to get rid of the CHRISTMAS part of this holiday, we should all send them a nice, CHRISTIAN card to brighten up their dark, sad, little world.

Make sure it says "Merry Christmas" on it.

Here's the address, just don't be rude or crude. (It's not the Christian way you know ;)

Two tons of Christmas cards would freeze their operations because they wouldn't know if any were regular mail containing contributions.

So spend 41 cents and tell the ACLU to leave Christmas alone. Also tell them that there is no such thing as a " Holiday Tree". . .

It's always been called a CHRISTMAS TREE!

And pass this on to your email lists. We really want to communicate with the ACLU! They really DESERVE us!!

For those of you who aren't aware of them, the ACLU, (the American Civil Liberties Union) is the one suing the U.S. Government to take God, Christmas or anything Christian away from us. They represent the atheists and others in this war. Help put Christ back in Christmas!

Have a great week!

I’m "taking a knee" this week so that Deana can have a word.

Briefly, but with great conviction, I again remind you to shop at home this Christmas season. I really believe that we can make a difference in our community simply by shopping with our local merchants. Many retailers in the big city make more than 50% of their gross annual sales during the holidays. Wouldn’t it be cool to put that money into our home town?

Have a great week!

This might sound really sad, but I dread Christmas. I don’t dread the celebration of the birth of Christ, I dread the getting ready and gift-giving part. Don’t get me wrong, I love to give, I just hate buying stuff that people may not actually want or even need.

I knew how I felt when I got my 10th pair of fake-deerskin slippers. I just tossed them in the back of the closet. I figured eventually I would either like to wear them or grow 4 more pairs of feet and have a use for them.

Every Christmas has been the same since my childhood. I would get 2 or 3 really good gifts and the rest were just stinkers.

I remember a few years ago I got some pretty bad gifts and put them in the pantry. A few weeks went by and my oldest son and I decided to go out and shoot guns for the afternoon. We didn’t have anything to shoot at and suddenly I had this bright idea. Why don’t we target practice on the bad Christmas gifts? This is all in fun. I am grateful for all the gifts I receive, especially cash and gift cards!

Here are some ideas of things you can do with unwanted Christmas gifts.

Regifting! You have to be super careful when re-gifting. First, you don’t want to regive a gift to the person who gave it to you in the first place and second, you have to be careful that it is a "regiftable" gift. For instance: Nobody knows that you regifted a fruitcake from last Christmas. Everyone knows if you regift a puppy.

Tell your family you were robbed! A simple solution... Burgle yourself! (Trash the crap and tell everyone you were robbed. Avoid all queries as to why the burglar chose 10 pairs of bikini underwear and cheap chocolates over your DVD player and PC).

Make a contribution! Wait for the next time a little kid comes knocking on the door looking for sponsorship in a walkathon, bikeathon or readathon or whatever-athon they are having. Rather than sponsor with money, dig deeper (into the pile), hand over the Celine Dion CD and brand new $1.99 digital watch with the dead battery.

Create something from your bad gifts! By the time they've given you toaster number 28, you have enough to dismantle and make your own tanning lounge. Threaten the kids with toasting if they won't eat their veggies.

Okay, so some of that was just being mean, but you understand where I am coming from. Sometimes there is just too much pressure in giving gifts.

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You’re probably thinking that I am a Scrooge, but I’m really not. We have fun at our house!

I know that the Christmas tree symbolizes the season, but I sometimes dread that too. I know that the weekend after Thanksgiving my football game will be interrupted with, "Honey, why don’t you go out into the garage and get the tree?"

What I really hear is, "Hey, get off your butt. I don’t care that the Cowboys are tied up with 2 minutes to go in the game. Tip toe across the cold concrete floor, stand on a ladder and throw your back out trying to pull that tree off of that dusty shelf!"

It’s all good once the tree is put together and my attitude always changes as each layer of branches gets unbent and stabbed into position.

Ronda puts on her traditional Christmas music and it reminds me of why I hate Kathie Lee Gifford and everyone else who thinks they can sing and should put out a favorite Christmas music CD.

After arguing where the tree should go, our tree went together in about an hour. And to my surprise, I only had two bulbs burned out this year. That’s one more than last year. I put those towards the back. Eventually we’ll be down to one light and I’ll know it’s time to buy a new string.

It’s my job to put the tree together. It’s Ronda’s job to dig out the ornaments and it’s the kids’ jobs to decorate the tree. It’s also Ronda’s job to take down the Christmas decorations. That usually happens at 12:01 a.m. December 26th.

The kids make the tree decorating a full contact sport. They make fun of each other’s ornaments and someone usually ends up crying. That process takes around an hour and always results in some broken ornaments and a tree that leans to one side.

After the kids go to bed, Ronda and I redecorate the tree.

Have a great week!!!

I don’t know what I was thinking, but I had skipped breakfast last Monday morning. I was sitting in my office and my stomach was making that processing sound without food present.

I had lost track of time, but when I heard the whistle blow, I knew it was time to take a break and get some lunch!

I ran out to my truck and looked at my clock. It was only 11 a.m., not noon.

Uh, that would have been the noon whistle I heard, but someone forgot to "Fall Back".

I ran into Ted Hauser, City Administrator on Tuesday. I mentioned the whistle blowing at the wrong time. It must show my age. I’m griping about things like the whistle blowing at the wrong time. I’ll just let everyone know right now to stay off my lawn.

Ted informed me that, "It’s not the city’s job."

"In fact, when it blows at 11 a.m., it wakes me up from my nap," he said jokingly.

Apparently, it’s the county’s job to set the clock for the noon whistle. I think it should also be the county’s job to set the clock on my VCR that’s still flashing 12:00 a.m., but I and my stomach would settle for the whistle blowing at noon and not at 11 a.m. on Monday.

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I’m not meaning to pick on Ted Hauser, but I have a funny story from last weekend.

I ran into Ted during the raffle drawing at the Christmas Open House in Medicine Lodge. Ted was pretty sure he was going to be a winner that day. Most everyone I spoke with was convinced they would win the grand prize meat bundle. It was mandatory that you be present to win this item, so almost everyone was there.

Ted was there. I’m sure he thought he was going to be a winner and he was! Ted’s name was drawn. I believe he won a candle. Ted was so excited that he ran off to show his wife. When he did, they drew again for the grand prize - the 300 lb. meat bundle. Guess who’s name was drawn? That’s right - Ted Hauser! Well, he wasn’t present, so he lost the meat bundle to Faye Whelan and I’m sure Ted’s wife is saying, "Where’s the beef?"

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Here’s one that will make you say, "duh."

While blondes may have more fun, a new study suggests that fair-haired ladies may be making those around them dumber.

Researchers found that men's scores on general knowledge tests drop when they are shown photos of blonde women, the Sunday Times of London reported.

Upon further inspection, it was found that the test subjects were not distracted by the light hair, but driven by social stereotypes to "think blonde."

"This proves that people confronted with stereotypes generally behave in line with them," Thierry Meyer, joint author of the study and professor of social psychology at the University of Paris X-Nanterre, told the Times of London. "In this case blondes have the potential to make people act in a dumber way, because they mimic the unconscious stereotype of the dumb blonde."

The study indicates a belief by scientists that stereotyping is a powerful driving force in interacting with others.

Another waste of government money...

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Folks, if you haven’t noticed, gasoline is $3.19 a gallon. I’ve always been an advocate for shopping at home, but now more than ever you have a reason. If you’re shopping for Christmas gifts and you are looking to save on an item because it is a few dollars cheaper in Pratt or Wichita, I would encourage you to buy a calculator while you are there because you are not going to save money.

Take a day and look at your local retailers. If they don’t have what you want, they can probably get it for you. You’ll not only save money, but you’ll put money into your local economy as well.

Have a great week!

The list of contaminated toys "made in China" keeps getting bigger and bigger.

I’m sure if I spent some time digging through my kids’ toys, I could come up with enough lead to poison the entire grade school.

What shocks me the most about toys made in China is the sheer quantity of toys that are made there. I was watching the news at lunch on Monday and the news anchor listed only a few companies in the United States that make toys. Let me tell you - they are few, and the ones that are made in the good ole’ U.S.A, well, frankly they are terrible toys. I know I wouldn’t want to play with them if I were a kid.

I’m going to discuss some of these toys and why they are terrible. This is a real website where you can go and purchase real toys that are made in the U.S.A. Some aren’t too bad, but in the spirit of my column, I am focusing on the ones that are just stupid....

The website is: www.fatbraintoys.com

Soda Pop Kit - Invent your own secret soda formulas, create some fizz, experiment with flavors and colors, conduct taste tests, and get started on your life of obesity and type II diabetes. What kind of ploy is this? If you buy this toy for your kid and your kid doesn’t die in his or her mid-thirties, good job parent!

Good Luck Egg Micro-Terrarium - Remember the funny uncle who smelled like sandal wood, liked Pink Floyd and always had Oreo cookies stashed in his room? When you finally kill the plants included with this toy, you can start your kid off learning how to grow their own illegal substances in the upstairs window of your home. Hemp seed not included. Good luck with your 5-7 year prison sentence.

Fort Canister (Lincoln Log Knock-Offs) - Made in the USA since 1930, this Log Building set is still made of real wood and still tastes just as bad as they did when I was a kid. Remember how they would stain your mouth brown?

Collectors Edition Slinky - Now your kid too can be bored stupid with a coiled up piece of metal that comes no where close to making it down the stairs as shown on TV. I always wanted to watch the person who gave me this toy topple down the stairs. The only fun I had with a slinky was to hand my sister one end of it and say, "hold this", as I stretched it out and let it fly back towards her at super slinky speed. Sorry about that sis.

Gold Plated Slinky - For the rich, bored kid.

Super-Snow Bulk Bag - Simply combine water with Super Snow, stir and instantly make boredom! The more you stir, the more it shines and sparkles! The more it shines and sparkles, the less friends you have. An actual review of this product read: "Super Snow was horrible. Not as good as original product (Sno) that this product copied. It was too slushy regardless of the amounts of snow or water we used. (Note From Fat Brain Toys: We apologize Super Snow was a Super Slush. Mr. Hood was contacted and will be returning Super Snow for a full refund.) I just can’t get over that someone copied this toy in the first place!

Pick-Up Sticks - I know, you’re saying, "Hey, I had those as a kid." Now admit how terrible they were and think of the health risks. Give your kid a sharp pointy object and hope to God they don’t poke their eye out or their friend’s eye out. Do you remember Yard Darts? Now that was a cool game, but you don’t see those on the shelves anymore either do you?

By the way, Pick Up Sticks are believed to have originated in ancient China of all places.

Dinosaur Marshmallows - Great, the real reason dinosaurs became extinct. Our kids ate them.... I’m not even going to begin to describe how dumb this is.

Okay, so these are pretty wholesome toys and would probably be fun for like 5 or 10 minutes when it is pouring down rain outside and the electricity is off, but come on....

No wonder why China is kicking our butts. America, we need to get creative.

Have a great week!

Well, if this isn’t a bunch of crap, I dont know what is.

I can’t believe it. I even printed it on my own paper! What really stinks is I didn’t pay much attention to it at first.

As part of a creative fundraiser, The Barber County Jr. Leaders are preparing to hold what they call, "Cow Chip Bingo". I just sensed several old ladies perking up at the mention of BINGO, but wait, there’s more.

In this country-style fundraiser, 100 squares will be drawn on the ground. Each square will be sold and half the proceeds will be given to the lucky person who owns the square in which the cow leaves its first cow pie!

Hilarious... I love small-town living.

Approximately $500 will be given per cow.

In a release from the Wendy Prosser, this "Chippin´" good time is set to take place on Sunday, November 18th at 5:00pm following the Medicine Lodge Christmas Open House and Craft Show. It will be located at the corner of Kansas and Oak in Medicine Lodge.

While waiting for the "chips" to fall a freewill donation supper will be served. The menu includes homemade ham and beans and country stew. If you would like to get in on a piece of the "pie" you can purchase your squares from the Jr. Leaders booth at the Medicine Lodge Christmas Open House and Craft Show from 1pm to 5pm that day. You can also contact Paula Doman (620-886-3971) or Wendy Prosser (620-886-5714). Tickets are $10 for each square.

You do not have to be present to win, but you´ll miss out on a great time. The Jr. Leaders are using the proceeds from the fund raiser to go skiing in Colorado this Spring.

I wonder, if you win do you get to shout some explicit?

? ? ? ?

In Britain last week, health officials decided that Santa is too fat! Santa is being told to slim down for the Christmas season because Santa is too obese and is failing to set a "good example" for children.

This revelation comes after a medical report earlier that stated by 2050 more than 50 percent of Britains will be obese, and probably toothless.

There must be an evil think tank somewhere that sits around and thinks of ways to further screw up Christmas. First they take Christ out and make it Xmas and then we make Santa a skinny guy. I’ll bet these guys are the same people who convince the big shopping centers to put out Christmas stuff right before Halloween.

And they're even sending Santa to boot camp!

Bluewater's Santa Boot Camp is getting Santa in shape and setting a good example to children who idolize him.

I'm all about excercise. I think it should be a part of everyone's life, but I'm not sure Santa is a bad example for children.

Besides, has anyone not noticed that this fat guy seems to be the epitomy of health? He's been around for more than 1500 years, doesn't ever seem stressed and has plans to be around for many years to come with no plans for retirement.

I can see a skinny Santa at the mall and kids lined up to sit on his.... uh, leg.

"Ouch Santa, You're bony knee is hurting my fat little behind," said Timmy.

I'm thinking we should lay off Santa and focus on Timmy here. Timmy should switch out his after school potato chip bag for a banana and lay down the video game controller, pick up a soccer ball and go outside! When he does finally sit on Santa's lap and asks for candy and video games, Santa should give him a loving squeeze and say, "Not this year Timmy. I'm bringing you a Total Gym XL3000! HO-HO-HO!"

Come on. Leave Santa alone. Can you imagine being a skinny guy flying around the world in the dead of winter at 30,000 feet, delivering presents to children and not having the extra padding?

Have a Jolly week!

In 1918, on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day in the eleventh month, the world rejoiced and celebrated. After four years of bitter war, an armistice was signed. The "war to end all wars" was over.

In 1921, an unknown World War I American soldier was buried in Arlington National Cemetery.

Similar ceremonies occurred earlier in England and France, where an unknown soldier was buried in each nation's highest place of honor (in England, Westminster Abbey; in France, the Arc de Triomphe).

These memorial gestures all took place on November 11, giving universal recognition to the celebrated ending of World War I fighting at 11 a.m.

Armistice Day officially received its name in America in 1926 through a Congressional resolution. It became a national holiday 12 years later by similar Congressional action. If the idealistic hope had been realized that World War I was "the War to end all Wars," November 11 might still be called Armistice Day. But only a few years after the holiday was proclaimed, war broke out in Europe.

Realizing that peace was equally preserved by veterans of WW II and Korea, Congress was requested to make this day an occasion to honor those who have served America in all wars. In 1954 President Eisenhower signed a bill proclaiming November 11 as Veterans Day.

A law passed in 1968 changed the national commemoration of Veterans Day to the fourth Monday in October. It soon became apparent, however, that November 11 was a date of historic significance to many Americans. Therefore, in 1978 Congress returned the observance to its traditional date.

On Friday, November 9th, our community will gather at MLHS to honor our area's veterans. The ceremony will be held in the MLHS Auditorium at 1:15 p.m. Mr. Hill’s junior history classes will have the Memorabilia Museum at the Christian Church Family Live Center from 9 a.m. to noon. This is a very cool museum and kudos to Mr. Hill for keeping this tradition alive.

It has become an annual celebration of great importance. If you have never been to this program, I encourage you to attend.

Every day 1,000 WWII veterans die. Soon a generation of kids will no longer be able to say they knew a veteran from WWII.

Over the past year, I was privileged to take part in a project that has recorded the memories of 50 WWII veterans. You've read about it in the newspaper and I don't need to go into great detail about it. The project met its goal of 50 veteran interviews. Approximately 30 of these WWII veterans are from around the Medicine Lodge area. 16 of the interviews were from the South Barber area and were completed by the Kiowa schools before the project began. One interview was from a veteran near Protection, Kansas and the remainder were scattered throughout Barber County.

The oral accounts and the video taped interviews will be available from The Lincoln Library and will also be a part of the media center to be located at The Greater Barber County Historical Action Association’s Heritage building on HWY 160.

Since the time the interviews began, we've lost 3 of these veterans. One in particular that was dear to my heart was Bob Gilmore. I had known Bob since I was just a child. It was such an honor to hear his story. It was an honor to hear all of the veterans' stories. It's for veterans like Bob Gilmore that we honor them with a celebration at MLHS.

WWII is only the beginning of the veterans we honor in our community. Several wars and conflicts later, our community continues to have their sons and daughters serve their country in peace time and in times of conflict. All of them deserve our praise and gratitude.

And finally, Phelps's abuse of the first amendment may be coming to an end. As a Kansan, I applaud the decision by the jurors to award nearly $11 million in damages to the family of Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder. And I pray to God that Phelps and his group, or any group for that matter, are censured from disrupting any more time of mourning for families laying to rest their fallen sons and daughters. This is distasteful and does not represent the love of Christ that my Bible so clearly displays. God Bless the Snyder family and God Bless every family who lost someone in the line of service to their country. Remember our Veterans with honor this coming Veterans Day.

Have a great week!

"Green car. NO!!!!!"

That’s all the poor kid could cry as Ronda and I left Newcastle, OK last weekend in David’s Explorer.

I pulled up the drive way behind her and took 2-year-old Ben Fasgold’s photo as he reached out towards the vehicle that he had apparently become so attached to all his short life.

David Fasgold was ready for a new vehicle and made us an offer we couldn’t refuse. As you know, David and his family moved to Newcastle, OK nearly one year ago. I was going to be going to Oklahoma City over the weekend, so it just seemed like a good opportunity to take Ronda with me to drive the Explorer back to Medicine Lodge.

Ben was just a little guy when he left Medicine Lodge a year ago, but he was still happy to see us when we got there. He took Ronda by the hand to show her his latest toys in the driveway. David and I slipped off to finalize paperwork and exchange money for merchandise while she kept Ben entertained.

We knew something was up by the concerned look on his face when we were checking over the Explorer. For being so young, he knew something was transpiring and he told us several times, "My Green Car." It was half question and half matter of fact.

But when Ronda jumped in the front seat and hit the ignition, the tears flowed as "Green Car" drove away.

David gave me a call a day later to tell me Ben was doing better, but he was pretty tore up about "Green Car". As it turns out, the tears didn’t stop flowing when the car was out of sight. Ben cried himself to sleep with, "Green car gone" and "bye-bye Green car....." The first words out of his mouth the next day were, "Where’s Green Car?"

Of course David wanted to know if I was happy with the car and I told him that it got really good gas mileage on the way back and everything checked out fine.

When I say "checked out fine" I mean things like:

a) it starts

b) it goes forward and backwards

c) it stops

d) the stereo kicks butt

For those of you who know David, you know he is very meticulous about his vehicles. Before we got to Newcastle he cleaned it all out and detailed it. It actually had the greasy feel and new car smell to it. He had even bought new sparkplugs, but hadn’t had the time to install them.

When I got there he actually felt bad because he forgot to tell me that one of the door locks wasn’t working all the time. It was really no big deal, but he was concerned that he had forgotten to tell me.

In actuality, the car was in even better condition than I remembered.

Ronda drove the Explorer back to Medicine Lodge that afternoon with no issues.

Then on Monday morning Ronda took off in "Green Car" to go get the newspapers from the printing plant. Just 15 miles from our house Bambi entered the roadway and Ronda laid on the horn. The horn didn’t work. That was probably check point "e" that I didn’t check before I left Newcastle. It didn’t seem important.

She slammed on the breaks, but it wasn’t in time and "Green Car" hit brown deer. Ronda, shaken, got out of the vehicle to check the damage and to see if she killed the deer. The deer jumped up and took off. The Explorer wasn’t quite as lucky. The headlight housing was busted and the blinker light was broken out, but other than that, no cosmetic damage - just a bunch of fur sticking out of the bumper cover.

I emailed David to tell him about the car.

"I want my money back. The horn doesn’t work."

David called me later and felt really bad.

"I don’t remember ever having to honk the horn," he said.

I believe him. He’s that kind of guy.

He did say that there were deer horns on the vehicle and was surprised they didn’t work. I told him that they were probably installed backwards.

Have a great week!

Last month I was awarded a prestigious position as owner of my very own Fantasy Football team. This coveted position is only bestowed on one when a previous owner: a) moves away; b) doesn’t pay their entry fee and shows no interest; c) dies.

Fortunately for both the former owner and myself, it was b.

I was completely and utterly in the dark about this secret underground football league and was lucky enough to have training and instruction from longtime friend and neighbor Mark Rice. My team was already picked out and positioned by the former owner. I just had to manage my team.

Remember I knew very little about the sport, but I’m a quick learner and I am now seeing football more as entertainment and not an excuse for a Sunday afternoon nap. I still napped through the Dallas vs. St. Louis game, 35-7, Dallas.

I’m now calling my league commissioner weekly for my stats, looking up my own information on the internet and I am even switching players around. So far, so good.

I always have watched/napped football games in the past. It is something of tradition in our home to go to church on Sunday, rush home to eat and then fall asleep on the couch watching the games. My wife might actually be a bigger football fan than I am. From Dallas, TX, Ronda always wants to watch the Cowboys play and over the years, she sucked me in to being a Dallas fan. Years ago my father-in-law even took me to see a Dallas Cowboys vs. Houston Oilers game. Now they are called the Houston Texans, which I thought was kind of dumb. That would be like changing the name of the Kansas City Chiefs to the Kansas City Kansans or the New York Jets to the New York New Yorkers.

Ronda may be a fan of football, but she has even less knowledge of the game than I have. Two weekends ago Dallas scored against the Chicago Bears and she shouted, "Home Run"! I gave her a puzzled look and she instantly corrected herself, but the damage was done. Now the whole family shouts "Home Run" when a touchdown is made!

She’s not the only person to have ever said something silly about the sport. Many NFL players and coaches over the years have made some pretty funny comments on and off the field.

Last Monday evening after the game Tony Romo, Dallas QB, was asked about his 4 turnovers in the first half vs. the Buffalo Bills and he said, "Really? It was only 4? I thought it was more......"

Let’s face it. Most football players aren’t highly regarded for their intelligence (not to say there aren’t some smart guys playing the game). And as a result, the large amount of time they spend in front of a microphone answering questions can lead to some very amusing moments.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental"

- Danny Ozark, manager of the Philadelphia Phillies

"It is beyond my apprehension."

- also Danny Ozark, manager of the Philadelphia Phillies when asked by reporter what he thought of his team during a losing streak.

"Well, we’ve determined that we can’t win at home and we can’t win on the road. What we need is a neutral site."

- John McKay, the first coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, during the inaugural season of 1976 when the Bucs endured a 0-14 record.

"Well, we didn’t block real good but we made up for it by not tackling."

- John McKay, the first coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, during the inaugural season of 1976 when the Bucs endured a 0-14 record.

"You guys line up alphabetically by height."

- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.

- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

- Bill also gets extra credit for these inspirational words:

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."

- Joe Theismann, ESPN Announcer and Former NFL Quarterback

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

(Norman? Is he related to Albert? I guess we know who isn’t a genius.)

- Torrin Polk, University of Houston Wide Receiver

- When asked about his coach John Jenkins, he said...

"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

And next he’s going to let them paint their fingernails?

- Former New Orleans Saints RB George Rogers

"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first"

- Dick Butkus, Former Chicago Bears Linebacker

"I wouldn’t ever set out to hurt anyone deliberately unless it was important — like a league game."

- William Perry, Former Chicago Bears Defensive Tackle

"I’ve been big ever since I was little."

- Jerry Rice, San Francisco 49ers Wide Receiver

"I feel like I’m the best, but you’re not going to get me to say that."

- Lee Corso, College Football Analyst

"Hawaii doesn’t win many games in the United States."

- Bob Hoying, Ohio State Buckeyes Quarterback after winning a Big Ten title for Ohio State...

"I’m really happy for Coach Cooper and the guys who’ve been around here for six or seven years, especially our seniors."

Thomas "Hollywood" Henderson, Former Dallas Cowboys Linebacker commenting on Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Terry Bradshaw’s intelligence...

"He couldn’t spell cat if you spotted him the C and the T."

I hope this makes you feel better sweetheart.....

Have a great week!

There are several important birthdays that a person has growing up. Turning 10 is the double digit birthday, turning 13 is the beginning of teenage years and at 16 you can drive.

When you finally reach 18 you are considered a legal adult, but little do you know how much growing up is left to do.

Heck, I’m going to be 38 this week and my family and friends will tell you I am no where near grown up. I’m not sure what the magic age for me will be.

But even though my birthday is on Thursday and you can send gifts and money to me at the address of this newspaper, this isn’t about me.

This is about Breeann.

Breeann was born 18 years ago this Wednesday to a couple of young parents who had no idea what kind of ride their lives would be.

She wasted no time capturing our hearts and minds and we became a family because of her birth. Now we are a family of five with one of our family members reaching a time in her life that will lead to her independence as an adult (not that I am trying to force her out the door or anything...... just yet.)

It’s a big birthday, Sissy. Life is coming at you fast from here on out. As your daddy I can only offer you a few honest words of advice. - When passing something to another whether it be heavy, hot, a liquid or food, do not pass it over someone’s head as it may accidentally slip out of one’s hands.

Okay, I’ve got nothing. I’ll think of something smart to tell you. Happy Birthday Breeann. I love you!

"Man, I want a Chuck Norris butt and abs," I said as I watched the Total Gym infomercial late one night on TV.

I said that out loud at least 50 times. That’s only half the number of times I had seen the commercial. Chuck Norris is so cool. He can kick people in the head and act. Okay, he can kick people in the head, but they don’t give out Oscars for that.

Every week I would ask my wife, "Hey, wouldn’t I look good with a Chuck Norris _______?"(insert Chuck Norris body part of the week.

I kept telling her we should get one of those!

She would tell me, "That would be a great place to hang our laundry to dry. Like your Ab Lounge 2000."

I’ll have her know, I have used that Ab Lounge several times. In fact I watched TV in it the other night and even took a little nap in it.

When I bought that little piece of exercise technology, I dreamed of a washboard stomach. Even though my stomach might look more like a fuzzy bagel, I still dream of one day showing off a six pack. She’ll just have to settle for a keg right now.

I remember thinking the day I bought it, "I wonder what the Ab Lounge 1999 and under models looked like?"

One day a few months ago I decided to look into the Chuck Norris Total Gym. I found one in Wichita and tried it out. It didn’t seem hard, which is a bonus when working out, but the next day I was terribly sore in several places. I knew if I was hurting, this thing must have worked because at my age any type of exercise that doesn’t hurt is usually called something like "fantasy football".

The only downside I could see to the Total Gym was the fact that it cost as much as a small car. After I saw the price (and my wife found out how much it was), it was obvious I wouldn’t be buying a Total Gym anytime soon. Besides, there were knock-offs out there that looked the same and cost a fraction of the real deal. I would save some money up and get one of those, and feel smarter for doing so.

One night a few weeks ago I searched the web for "Total Gym" and came across a website that was selling the real deal for far less than retail. I read a little further and found out that it was the "scratch and dent" department of the original Chuck Norris Total Gym. I would have thought Chuck Norris was unscratchable, but I kept reading. These models were guaranteed and came with the original factory warranties.

I thought long and hard about how I could convince my wife to let me buy one of these and then it came to me.

I begged.

After a couple of days of pouting, she let me order my Chuck Norris Total Gym. According to the commercials, my life was about to change.

We started talking around the office about how I would soon have Chuck Norris abs and a Chuck Norris butt. I couldn’t wait. I checked up front every day to see if it had come in.

Each day for the past couple of weeks I had asked the FedEx guy, "Do you have my Chuck Norris Total Gym yet?"

I explained that if he brought in on Monday, by Friday I would be kicking people in the head. I’m not sure if he was afraid to deliver it or it just took an extra week, but it finally came in last Monday!

At the end of the day, I had rounded up a couple of kids to help me load it in the back of my truck. I had just gotten my first Chuck Norris Total Gym workout and I was tired. I went home, ate dinner and unboxed my newest exercise equipment, my second Chuck Norris Total Gym workout.

It was glorious.

After pinching my fingers and smashing my wife’s toe, it was completely assembled in five easy steps, just like it said on TV, but without the smashing fingers and toes part.

As with every new piece of exercise equipment, everyone wanted to try it out. My youngest, Nicholas, has decided it is playground equipment. I may never get to use it, but I can tell you that no laundry will hang from it in Chuck’s honor.

On Tuesday I saw the FedEx guy in the alley behind my building. I immediately flexed and he pulled over, rolled his window down and said, "For a minute there, I thought you were Chuck Norris!"

I said, "Mark my words: I will have Chuck Norris abs and a Chuck Norris butt very soon."

Have a great week!

It’s already September and I am sick of the 2008 presidential election.

The one thing that really got me the other day was seeing a "Hillary in 08" sticker.

Are we already in bumber sticker season? Can we let President Bush just serve out the rest of his sentence, I mean term, without all the name tossing and imaginary scandals?

A friend of mine used to sell bumper stickers for a living and did quite well at it. I read these possible political bumber stickers on my daily top 5 pics and thought they were pretty funny. Today I offer a bi-partison look at some presidential bumper stickers that we may be seeing in the near future.

We’ll start with the Democrats:

20% More Constitutional than Republicans

Printed on recycled 2004 Florida ballots.

Republicans: Their work here is done.

She's on the ballot, but he'll run things... we promise.

Still white and starchy, but slightly greener!

Sure, hide your daughters -- but at least your sons are safe!

We Embrace All Stances

Iraq: It's just like Viet Nam, only started by Republicans.

The only thing we want to occupy is the White House.

Unbelievably, without your vote, we might lose this.

Waiting for the last head to roll.

Sure, we'll mop up the mess.

Our turn! C'mon! Our turn!

Edwards/Obama/Clinton: the Middle-Aged Mod Squad!

We couldn't POSSIBLY do any worse!

Klaatu Barack Obama: He comes in peace.

Presidential-scandal-free for nearly 7 years.

Do you want Howard Dean to yell at you again?

This time, nothing can go worng!

And to be fair and balanced like Fox, here are the Republican bumber stickers we may see in the near future:

Who do you want on your side in a fight, Bono or Nugent?

Stay the curse!

Join the GOP! There's plenty of room in the closet.

We have a VERY wide stance.

Vote for us or we'll shoot you in the face and neck.

One more time? LOL!

Vote Cheney for Supreme Overlord.

It's Dem or U.S.

The *new* GOP: Now 97% less smug!

Every time you vote Democrat, Jesus cries.

Anti-Hillary 2008

Bush/Cheney '08: Hey, Amendment 22 isn't carved in stone!

Hey, how 'bout them terrorists, huh?

Imagine Ted Kennedy on the Supreme Court!

Keep the Oval Office PMS-free! (sorry ladies...)

The GOP: Sex-scandal free since... uhhh... Tuesday!

Visualize World War III

Vote Republican. Because if you don't, we'll know.

War! Huh, what is it good for? Winning elections! Say it again...

We may all be white guys, but at least we're not all lawyers!

Who killed your childhood pet? That's right: DEMOCRATS!

BOP - Bland Old Party

At least we dress like we know what we're doing!

Border fences make good neighbors.

Can't understand the ballot? Then don't vote!

It's Bill Clinton's fault. What was the question?

Just look at the bozos THEY'VE got running.

Nixon cut and run in '73. We've learned since then.

Nowhere to go but up!

So far, nobody impresses me. I’m going to write in Ben and Jerry for President and Vice-President. Bring ice cream back to the White House and to all of America.

Have a great week!

I never thought I would hear the words come out of my mouth.

"Joey, you need a hair cut!"

I know I heard my parents say that. It must have come out like all the other stuff you say you'll never repeat like, "Turn off the lights. You don't pay the electric bill around here" and "You call that music?"

Even though it took me like three minutes to realize what I had just said to my 14-year-old son, the hypocritical statement hit me like a ton of bricks.

I was thirty-two years old when I finally cut off my pony tail, opting for a more adult hair cut. Some times I regret it, but most of my family and friends agree that it was time for me to look like someone other than Jesus or some heavy-metal rock star.

I could see the look in his eyes and his lagging behind on our family's walk let me know loud and clear how he felt about my haircut statement. I didn't have to ask him if he was mad, I just sensed it.

I backed up where he was. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean you needed to cut it all off - just a trim," I reassured him.

Actually, I wanted to take the shears to his head, but I couldn't figure out where that urge came from. There must be some gene that kicks in at some point in life when you are a father. I had really long hair in high school and I can remember my dad's face when I came home with my ear pierced. It was 1985 and it was cool to have long hair and an ear ring. It was also cool to listen to "Wang Chung", but that didn't make it right. Everyone was doing it, but my dad didn't like that. However, looking at pictures of my dad from the 1970s, I see that many area barbers didn't rely much on his coin.

Ah, I am flashing back to the 80s. My hair was, well, gorgeous. It was long, thick and flowing. It was full of body and most of the girls I knew envied my long locks. My hair would grow so fast, I could actually go in and donate to "Locks of Love" once a year. ("Locks of Love" made wigs for children who lost their hair to chemo treatments -true story). My hair grew so quickly that I finally stopped having it cut and would have my wife braid it every morning before work. It finally reached close to my waist and was causing me headaches and the split ends were terrible, but that's another column.

Flash back to the present...... So here we are - father and son, walking down a dirt road talking about hair length. Then all at once I had an epiphany. I wasn't wanting him to get a hair cut. I really wasn't that concerned about his hair. I just missed being able to grow hair of my own! It was like Dr. Phil was walking down the road explaining it all to me. I realized I was offended by every hair growth commercial on TV and I am in the early stages of a comb-over!

Holy God, what happened?

Why the heck would I take advice from Dr. Phil anyway? What does he know about growing hair?

At some point in my life, my hair became less important. I don't even go to the barber anymore. I just have my wife cut it. Make sure you tell her how nice she does. I think it's fine. Nowadays, I have it cut so short, I rarely even use a brush. I just run my hand and a little bit of gel through it after the shower and "presto", I am ready for work!

I looked again at Joey's hair. It was all thick and wavy and reached down past his shoulders.

"Well, I think you should at least get it out of your face and above your eyes," I said. I just didn't know when to keep my mouth shut. I felt Dr. Phil slap me on my bald spot.

Joey isn't easily offended, but I knew he was done talking about his hair. I should just leave it alone.

But I couldn't. I reached out and grabbed it and pretended I was Edward Scissorhands. He swatted my hand and fell behind. I tried to reassure him I was only joking, but I couldn't help but think there must be a scientist somewhere who could take some of Joey's hair and surgically place it on my head where my hair used to be. I mean, think about it. If I needed a kidney and he was the only match, surely he would give me one of his kidneys. Why not a little bit of hair?

Have a great week!

When I was a kid my family would take a week or two each summer to go back to Rhode Island to visit my mom's side of the family. We'd stay at Grandpa Joe's house in Warren, RI.

Grandpa Joe was a comedian. He reminded me of a Don Knotts meets Jackie Gleason kind of character.

This guy was always happy, even when he was tying to be mad at me. And I gave him plenty of reason to be mad at me.

I could have flawlessly played the role of Dennis the Menace as a kid.

I remember one summer, I was alone upstairs in my Uncle Mike’s room and I was so bored. I hadn’t seen any of my cousins yet and my little sister was just too little to play with, so I decided to do some experimenting with electricity.

My uncle had started some lamp projects and there were switches, wires and various parts lying around. His tools were also conveniently located within reach, so I decided to finish the project and make my Grandpa Joe a lamp.

After an hour of electronic tinkering (remember I was probably 8 or 9 at the time), I was finished with my lamp and ready to install a bulb and plug it in. I found a bulb from another lamp and looked around the room for an outlet and walked over and plugged it in.

WHAM!

The next thing I remember, I was flat on my back in a dark room. My hand was tingling and the next sound I heard was my Grandpa Joe yelling, "What are you doing up there? - What happened to the power in the house?"

Grandpa’s basement was full of stuff. I would spend hours digging through tools, magazines with pretty girls (cough, cough) and these liquid filled containers that me and my cousins later learned was a magical homemade fruit drink called "wine". It tasted just like apple juice, but had an interesting kick to it.

I think it was the following summer that I found my Uncle Mike’s wood carvings down in the basement. I used to love to watch him carve out illustrations on wood. I remember one that was a man in a boat, sitting in a chair, fishing.

On that particular day my Uncle Mike had left his work and his knives out on the work bench. I decided it was time for me to explore my artistic side, so I picked up the knife and started whittling away. My Uncle Mike wasn’t impressed with the "Man with no legs, sitting in a chair on a boat, fishing" wood carving that I did for him.

During this same summer, I had slipped one of my Uncle Mike’s sweet pocket knives in to my pants pockets. My mom washed my pants in my grandpa’s washing machine and it got caught up in the agitator and broke the washing machine.

Grandpa Joe's house was like a castle when I was a kid. It seemed huge. Everything about Grandpa Joe’s house was big including his garden.

Now, as a kid, my memory of Grandpa Joe’s garden is probably not very accurate. I would have said it was the size of a football field then. In reality, it was much smaller, but like I said, I was a kid.

He had rows and rows of strawberries and I would get up early in the morning and pick strawberries to bring in and would eat them until I was sick.

My Uncle Al’s house, next door to Grandpa Joe’s was every kids wildest fantasy. Uncle Al was a TV repairman and his basement was full of radios, TV tubes, transistors and all sorts of neat tools.

One summer I learned that TV tubes are vacuum sealed. So when you throw a pair of pliers at one, they implode! How cool!

I also had the unfortunate experience with a capacitor that summer. I learned that you can weld a screwdriver to one and start a small fire even though it hasn’t been plugged in for years.

I had a lot of fun back in Rhode Island and remember getting into a lot of trouble at Grandpa Joe’s.

I’m sure he was glad to see us leave at the end of our trip!

Have a great week!

It might just be that I'm a newspaper publisher in a small town, but if history has anything to say about it, small town newspaper publishers usually wear more than one hat.

For as long as I have been alive, I've known folks in the newspaper business in small towns. It is a rewarding business to be in, if you like "hey, nice job on the paper this week," comment as your reward. It's a modest living, but one I love and that my heart has always been in. Some of my friends in the industry still dabble in job printing. I used to do a lot of job printing: forms, envelopes, business cards and flyers. I still do my fair share, but one day I decided it would be a good idea to sell computers and the next thing I knew, people were printing their own forms, envelopes, business cards and flyers. So I moved into something else.

Some of my newspaper publisher friends still do job printing Some even do lawn care, photography, film processing, etc.

I've always had a sideline, whether playing in a band, selling computers, offering internet service or even lawn care because like most of America, I do what I can to put food on the table for my family. I guess you could call it diversifying. Yeah, that's a great word.

Whatever I am doing at the moment to bring home the bacon, I always try to find something interesting. About a year ago, I was approached by an acquaintance about becoming a bail bondsman.

I turned that down in a hurry.

I had too much going on during my weekends as it was with the band, but I told him it was something I would think about. And when the band slowed down after David left town, I started thinking about it again and made the call to find out more information.

I liked what I heard, so I took the position.

Now, for the past nine months, I dabble in bail bonds for the 30th district of Kansas.

I've told Doris on a number of occasions how much I wanted to write a column on my bail bond work. I just couldn't think of a way to write about it. Not everyone would appreciate that line of work, but not many understand it either. Further, not many people that are arrested want to read about me bailing them out of jail in my column. It's bad enough they appear in local courthouse news columns in the area.

So what is a bail bondsman? It's someone who becomes responsible for making sure a defendant is accountable to the court system. Usually, this is a financial obligation. This obligation is motivation for me and my defendant to make sure that he or she shows up for court when told to.

The process is pretty simple.

a) get arrested and charged

b) get a bond set on you for what you are charged for

c) call me and ask if I will bond you out.

d) I come and bail you out if you meet the requirements

e) you be responsible and get yourself out of the trouble you’re in and go back to life

Yes, it's true that I bail folks out of jail on the side. Maybe they're guilty of what they were accused of and arrested for, but then again, maybe they aren't. I don’t get too involved in trying to decide because our system is supposed to be known for the "Innocent Until Proven Guilty" theory.

What I have found most interesting about this sideline is the people I work with and work for. Most are just common folk that were in the wrong place at the wrong time, doing something wrong.... allegedly. Whether it's a DUI (Driving Under Influence), DWS (Driving While Suspended), FTA (Failure To Appear) or a PDQ (not really one I use on a form, but folks like it when I get there in a hurry.) One way or another they all end up initials on my forms.

Some folks aren't so common. They appear common until you find out what they are accused of.

I have a file with all of my defendant's information in it. They all call and check in with me weekly. Some of them I have come to consider friends. Some of them, not so much and I wish they would just straighten up and fly right. There is a lot of repeat business in this industry....... Regardless, one of the biggest perks of this job is the interesting stories I walk away with. I keep a mental file of each one I bail out. I have even taken notes on some.

There was the exotic dancer from Houston, TX, the man who wanted me to flee with him to Mexico when I got him out, the Marine just home from Iraq who had a few too many, the dude from Colorado with the marijuana leaf on his VW bug ( he couldn't figure out what got him caught with marijuana in the car?), the man from the Fiji Islands with two wives and the list goes on and on. Just when I think I heard the greatest story of all, one better comes along.

No matter who they are or what they are "in for", when I show up at the jail, I might as well be wearing a red cape with a giant "S" on the front, because I am going to be someone's hero. Thank God I don't have to wear my underpants on the outside of my clothes.

Have a great week!

At 5’6" and 100 lbs. dripping wet, my 14-year-old son Joey, is becoming formidable competition.

I guess in every father-son relationship there comes a time of growth, equality and then superiority. I’m going to keep Joey in the "growth" section of this relationship evaluation, but it’s not going to be long before I have to pull out some of the serious "old guy" fighting tricks.

Rough play comes naturally between boys, no matter how old they might be. This intensifies when you have brothers vs. brothers or fathers vs. sons.

On any given weekend out at the lake, you’ll find my boys Nicholas and Joey playing a round of "king of the dock". The object of the game is simple: if you end up in the water, you lost that round.

Joey has the advantage here. He’s about a foot taller than Nick, but not much ahead of him in weight. Nick is built more like a freckled truck and Joey like a muscular flamingo. Joey usually ends up winning, but not without getting wet a few times himself.

This is a game that I can still win (when I choose to participate). My secret weapon is 175 lbs of disciplined balance, stealth and speed of hand and feet. In other words, they grab me, aren’t able to budge me and I throw them in the water.

But rough play doesn’t come without a price. I’m feeling my age, usually the day after.

This past weekend I did not participate in "King of the Dock". I didn’t have to, I had a garden hose and I was king of that. I had deadly aim and an evil laugh and no one was brave enough to take my hose, except Joey.

I must have let my guard down for a moment or been distracted by my wife in her bathing suit. Regardless, I turned my head and there he was with his skinny little arms wrapped around my garden hose and he was going to challenge me to the death for it.

It would be his death if I had it my way.

"Let’s get it on," I yelled!

The background music would have been fast fiddle playing, had it been there and I was knocking Joey all over the place as we struggled over the garden hose.

I would not be beaten.

Since he had grabbed close to the end of the hose, he was in control of where the water was spraying (in my face), but I was inventive and grabbed the hose three feet lower and pinched off the water.

"Ha," I thought! I had him now.

When I reached for the end of the hose, Joey did some contortionist moves and then the next thing I knew, the hose was wrapped around my hand. I gave it a tug and I regained full control of the hose and I released its fury on him.

I had once again proven that I was the pack leader and I was unbeatable. We packed up from the lake and headed home for dinner.

As we were driving home I began feeling some pain in my left hand and looked to see what was going on. My ring finger on my left hand was red and swollen. I had received an injury from my rough play with Joey.

Joey noticed that I was evaluating my injury and took great pride in being the person that dealt it.

"I kicked your butt," he said with confidence.

"No, you did not," I snarled back.

For someone who just kicked my butt, he was awfully wet. But come to think of it, so was I.

I got home and iced it down. The swelling continued and by the first of the week I couldn’t bend it or straighten it. I ended up in the doctor’s office Tuesday, but I still won.

I received a phone call from a buddy of mine out in Phoenix, AZ. He asked what I was up to.

I told him my story about Joey and the garden hose and explained I was icing my hand down at the moment, but reassured him that I had won.

He asked me a simple, sobering question.

"Oh yeah? What part of Joey’s body is he icing down?"

It took me almost an hour to type this........

Have a great week!

I guess one of the pleasures and privileges of growing older is the right to gripe.

I hear many of my friends griping about their lives, families, jobs, money situations and so on.

I even find myself jumping in to contribute to the "negative energy" conversation at times.

Then I catch myself.

Usually when things are settled down and it is quiet time for Kevin, I have a chance to weigh out what is good and what is bad in my own life.

When I do this, I have a tendency to look around and compare my situations to other’s. That’s only human nature and part of a universal equation that equals nothing in the bigger picture.

When you start comparing, it’s easy to find yourself becoming jealous and envious. If my friends have money in their pockets and have an easy time paying their bills and I don’t, I have to be careful not to be envious of them.

I learned a long time ago that you can be jealous in life. Even God is jealous according to several places in the Bible.

What, you ask?

Webster’s Dictionary might make this clearer:

1 a : intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness b : disposed to suspect rivalry or unfaithfulness

2 : hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage

3 : vigilant in guarding a possession <new colonies were jealous of their new independence -- Scott Buchanan>

1 : painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage

2 obsolete : MALICE

3 : an object of envious notice or feeling <his new car made him the envy of his friends>

Is that clearer?

So when you stop and compare your situation, do you look at your own and look around and get envious or jealous?

I’m not meaning to give a Bible lesson, but a life lesson I suppose. It just so happens that the Bible addresses it! Jealousy and envy are completely different things.

Be careful when you compare yourself to others.

2 Corinnthians 10:12 reads :We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise."

When things are good in our lives, we still gripe about what could be better and we forget to be thankful for all that is good. We’re supposed to be thankful for what is bad too. That’s really tough for us, but if there was nothing bad, we’d have nothing to compare good to.

Sometimes it’s hard, but it’s better to be thankful.

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes, because they will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary, because it means you've made an effort.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things. A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they will become your blessings.

Have a great week!

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!! My sister sent this to me and I thought I would die laughing.

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways.

yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I was going to lay a bunch of garbage like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty (37 to be exact), I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy!

I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email! ! We had to actually write somebody a letter ... with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talked over the beginning and mess it all up!

We didn't have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "asteroids" and the graphics were terrible! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever and you could never win! The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there was no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just out of luck!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!

You didn’t channel surf! You had to get off your butt and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning.

Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little brats!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire ... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy.

You're spoiled.

You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Regards,

The over 30 Crowd

Wow, that felt really good.

Now I am off to chase some kid out of my yard with a garden hose.

Have a great week!

Nate had a two-week pass to come home and visit his family and we were scheduled in for a visit. He and his family became close to ours after an introduction from my wife’s cousins in Wichita. Nate and Ronda’s cousin Andy were long-time pals in the Belle Plaine area and graduated high school together. Nate and his family have been a part of our family since around 2001.

As many of you know, our band, Dorfus CrackTractor, held its last performance last weekend at Mike’s Sports Bar. It just so happened that Nate is one of our biggest fans and has 3 or 4 shirts floating around Iraq and Kuwait. When we found out he was going to be able to make it to our last show, we contacted the great local guys of the American Legion Riders for a welcome home ceremony for Nate. Even though we only gave them a little over a day’s notice, organizers got more than 20 bikers together and honored him with a drive by salute, a certificate of their appreciation and asked Nate to autograph their flag.

I stood back and watched this large soldier with tears in his eyes as each one of the riders came by and shook his hand and told him that they were proud of him. It made me prouder of my community than I had ever been. Nate is not well known here, but these local riders took the time to welcome him home, tell him of their appreciation for what he is doing and paused to pray with Nate and his family. They made Nate feel at home and made him feel a part of the community .

Like many I was moved to tears as I watched my big friend’s shoulders shake a little bit when he signed the flag and looked each of them in the eye to thank them.

Everyone called Nate a hero but Nate also recognized each of them as a hero. He couldn’t have hit that any more on the money than that. All of you guys who have taken the time to welcome back one of these soldiers in this way are true heroes. Heroes to the soldier, their families and heroes to the community. You guys made that night for Nate one of the most memorable of his visit home and maybe one of the most memorable of his life. It is exactly the kind of support we need to give to each soldier returning home, whether for a visit or from a long deployment on their way home. They all deserve our gratitude for the sacrifice they made in their life to protect our freedoms. Nate also pulled a young girl from the crowd named Elizabeth. I didn’t catch her full name, but her husband had been serving with Nate in Iraq and she drove down to Medicine Lodge from Kansas City to see Nate be welcomed home by these great riders. Nate wanted to make sure they all recognized her sacrifice and her husband’s sacrifice. Because Nate wouldn’t dare hog the spotlight. That’s not his style.

The evening didn’t end there. Dorfus CrackTractor went on to mention Nate a couple of times and that brought cheers from the crowd. So we played in his honor that night - The night before he had to leave for Iraq and head back to being a soldier in danger in a country far away. We miss him and love him and pray that the good Lord keeps him safe for his family and he returns to us on Labor Day weekend so we can welcome him home once more.

Have a great week!

I don’t read the Wallstreet Journal or the New York Times. I prefer to read the more interesting publications like The Protection Press, The Coldwater Western Star and the Cunningham Courier.

These newspapers still know their roots and support their respected communities and they do it with a style all their own.

Publisher of the Cunningham Courier David Steffen often writes about the struggles of small towns, their businesses and its newspaper. I enjoy reading his "Notes from the Country" column.

This past week Dave wrote about a contest that is being held by the Kingman County Economic Development Council, using the name "Kingman County Branding Contest." The contest will net someone a $100 prize and a bag of goodies totaling even more.

The group is seeking a 15-word or less slogan that will leave a lasting image on their county.

Dave takes a lighthearted approach with some examples already in use:

Kingman - "Rich History, Bright Future." Dave’s translation - "We have a lot of neat old buildings and a power plant.

Mid-Continent Airport - "Friendly. Convenient. Affordable." Dave’s translation - " Unless you really like driving to Oklahoma City or Kansas City or have one of those hybrid electric cars."

Newton (Former slogan) - "Small Town. No Apologies." Nearby Walton edged them out on the small town claim.

Dave has some of his own suggestions that had me shouting some Amens.

"Kingman County: a Perfect Rectangle."

"Come Home to Kingman County, We’ll Leave the Key Under the Mat."

"Ah, Kingman." .... Never mind, that didn’t work for Kansas, either.

"We May Shop in Pratt, Hutchinson or Wichita, but Our Hearts are in Kingman County."

"Take a Drive Thru Kingman County, Turn Around and Do It Again."

"Kingman County: The Cannonball Starts Here and Heads West."

"Kingman County: Wheat, Cattle, Grass, Oil, Public Hunting, Grumpy Old Men, Patient Old Women, and a Few Onery Kids." ... too many words.

"Kingman County: Kansas Doesn’t Get Any Better"... change that to wetter this year.

"Kingman County: What More Do You Need?"

"Kingman County & Spivey, too."

And my favorite....

"Kingman County: Three Newspapers and Desperately in Need of a Fourth."

Nice job Dave. You have at least one fan here in Medicine Lodge.

Now Dave, let me contribute a couple of my own. Please feel free to submit these as your own and if you win, you can take me and Ronda out to dinner at the Lumber Yard in Kingman County!

"Kingman County: And Kingwoman too."

"Kingman County: We take a notch out of Barber County."

"Kingman County: It’s Good to be the King, man."

"Kingman County: Crowned #1 County by its Residents."

"Kingman County: We’re on 54 HWY, So if You’re Heading West Out of Wichita, You Can’t Miss Us. Next Stop Cunningham."

Also a little "way to go" and a plug for the Cunningham Courier. The newspaper just launched its website: www.cunninghamks.com

He says it will add to the other websites with information and misinformation about Cunningham.

Dave will tell you it’s amateur and needs work, but I was impressed and encourage anyone interested in the Cunningham area to check it out.

Have a great week!

Hi ya’ll. With the 4th holiday coming up, we were a little short on space, so I graciously bowed out this week (some call it gracious, Doris calls it lazy....).

I want to remind everyone about the Chamber of Commerce’s 4th of July display on Wednesday night at the Barber County State Lake. This event gets better and better each year and I also encourage you to take in the Assembly of God’s "Freedom Bash" at 6 p.m. in their parking lot before the big fireworks show.

Have a safe and happy 4th!

Bravo to the Medicine Lodge Chamber of Commerce. And thank you to everyone who helped put on Chautauqua.

The Chautauqua has moved on and the tents are gone, but the spirit of Chautauqua will be present for a while in the minds of our community – at least for some of us.

I will be honest. I wasn’t that excited about Chautauqua. I’m like many who just didn’t see how this event could compete for my time. Then I was hired by the Kansas Humanities Council to run sound for the event. So I brushed up on some of my Kansas history and learned of the characters who would be portrayed by some very fine scholars.

The folks at the Kansas Humanities Council were great people who enjoyed our town. They spoke highly of the people they interacted with and drank in our history and culture. On Saturday evening after the show, a few of the representatives gathered with some of the local people who put on the Medicine Lodge Chautauqua. My wife and I were among them. It was a relaxed atmosphere and there was lively discussion on the success and failures of Chautauqua.

One question came up concerning the low numbers of attendance. The representatives were quick to point out that it wasn’t the quantity of people who showed up, but the quality of the people who came. Sure, they said they would loved to have filled all 400 seats each night, but more than 25% of those seats were full each night. The ones that came were tuned in to the speaker and asked good questions to the characters and the workshops were well attended by folks that didn’t just sit and listen, but interacted with the presenters.

One of these scholars’ names was Fred Krebs. Fred would be portraying William Allen White, Editor and Publisher of the Emporia Gazette. I grew up knowing who William Allen White was. There was a reading award in grade school, that I never won, that was named after him. I had also heard White’s name mentioned through the foundation at Kansas Press Association. That was the extent of my history retention of White, but I quick-studied him and began remembering some of the things he had written. Much of his political views shifted over the course of his life. His opinions changed many times throughout his editorial career, but one thing remained consistent. White practiced the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Fred did a wonderful job portraying White and many times I forgot that he wasn’t actually William Allen White. Fred brought his wisdom to his workshops and to the program on Saturday night in the big tent. One of White’s famous columns was "What’s the Matter with Kansas?"

He also reminded me the responsibility of the small-town newspaper editor. I have always gone by "Publisher" and bestowed the title of "Editor" on someone else, but the actual duties of "Editor" have fallen on us all in my newspaper.

White, Fred’s character, sought to bring truth and justice to his readers and in his spirit, I might just ruffle a few feathers. But I do want to remind everyone that I am often guilty as charged.

Chautauqua reminds me of the things that can be right with Medicine Lodge, but places a large spotlight on what’s wrong at the same time.

For the first time in 80 years, our city became a showcase for education and a celebration of not only our rich heritage and history, but that of Kansas. We were chosen to be one of two cities to host the event. A little side note, my writer Doris Sorg was the one who found the information concerning Chautauqua and passed it along the channels to the Chamber of Commerce.

I went to all the presentations: Carry A. Nation, Langston Hughes, William Allen White and Dr. Brinklow. I was amazed at how the actors knew the lives of the people they were portraying.

Frankly, I was disappointed in the turn out. I had hoped for better from our town. This was a quality, family event that was very well organized. I couldn’t believe that more people didn’t come. I was grateful to see those who did attend and they can testify that their time was well spent.

Each night I did a crowd inventory in my mind.

On any given night I saw….

- Maybe two from our city government there.

- Two of our county commissioners there.

- Several of our Peace Treaty Board representatives there.

- Two local attorneys there.

- Fewer than five local businessmen there.

- Less than 5 school teachers there.

I know, "Summer is so busy". I heard that. I understand. It’s busy for me too and like I said, I may not have taken in this event if it weren’t for the fact I was hired to. I’m glad I did.

The problem I see isn’t with organization of an event of this magnitude. It wasn’t with promotion, especially with our publications in town. It wasn’t with The Kansas Humanities Council. The problem is what we do with information. Many just chose not to come. Many more just chose not to participate.

To the folks that did go and helped out, you’re what’s right with Medicine Lodge. You have been for a long time. Keep up the good work and the good fight. Events like this will make Medicine Lodge a better place to live and by hosting this event, you enriched the lives of many people in the community and surrounding area.

On a side note, Saturday evening’s performance by Fred Krebs, portraying William Allen White, brought out two other famous Kansas newspaper editors. Well, they are famous to me. Bob Greer from the Protection Press and Bob McQuin from the Kingman Leader-Courier were both in the audience for presentation. I’ve known both of these guys as long as I can remember. They both printed their newspapers at my family’s newspaper plant on First Street where the Barber County Index once was. These two guys were influential in my life and still are. I pick up Greer’s newspaper and read, "Bobbing Along Broadway" and McQuin’s "So What’s New?" each week.

We posed for a photo with Fred (Portraying William Allen White). (Left to Right) Bob Greer, Bob McQuin, Fred Krebs, and me.

Last week in the news I read a couple of interesting items.

During the Presidential debates held last Tuesday evening, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani was asked a question on his position on abortion. Most know that Giuliani is pro-choice, but just before he answered the question a lightning strike near the facility took out his microphone. Could God be trying to weigh in here?

A man tried to jump into the back of the open-air vehicle carrying Pope Benedict XVI in Vatican City on Wednesday before being wrestled to the ground.

Video showed the man, wearing a red t-shirt, dark shorts, a baseball cap and sunglasses, launch himself over a crowd of people waving flags and holding banners on the side of the street as the popemobile passed by.

The man then jumped over the barricade and seemed to touch the back of the vehicle before at least six men in dark suits wrestled him to the ground.

My solution for this: The rubber-bubble-Pope-Mobile.

Paris Hilton entered Jail on Monday to serve out her 23 day sentence handed to her by a judge for violating the terms of her probation. Hilton has been offered a $1 million deal to write her daily experiences down in a diary.

She’ll be spending 23 hours in her cell in solitary confinement every day, only to be let out 1 hour for showering, phone calls and recreation. Her diary should be short and sweet. Look for it soon on a post-it-note in stores near you.

A judge who was seeking $67 million from a dry cleaners that lost his pants has loosened the belt on his lawsuit. Now, he’s asking for only $54 million, according to a May 30 court filing in D.C. Superior Court.

Roy L. Pearson, a District of Columbia administrative law judge, first sued Custom Cleaners over a pair of pants that went missing two years ago. He was seeking about $65 million under the D.C. consumer protection act and almost $2 million in common law claims.

Pearson, who is representing himself, said in an e-mail that the focus of the case, from the start, was based on the "false, misleading and fraudulent advertisements displayed by the Chungs."

In a local related story, Publisher Kevin Noland has filed suit against his wife for $12 million. Noland claims his wife has been losing his socks in the dryer for the past 19 years.

That is correct, it has been 19 years of blissful marriage for Ronda and me. Our anniversary is on Sunday, June 17. Happy anniversary baby. I love you!

Sunday is also Father’s Day! That means I am getting like 4 gifts that day! Happy Father’s day to my Dad Ron and my Father-In-Law Don Vick.

They’ve let Jack Kevorkian out prison. Kevorkian, known as "The Suicide Doctor" or "Doctor Death" was released from his sentence for good behavior and upon his release has agreed to put the New York Yankees out of their misery.

It’s official: The Rolling Stones will be headlining a huge goodwill concert in Toronto. When asked if the band was worried about SARS, their manager replied, "I don't know about Mick, but it's starting to look like nothing can kill Keith Richards!" It is reported that Jack Kevorkian may be in attendance....

Well summer is here and the wheat harvest has begun. I know because my eyes are watering, my throat hurts and I can’t breath through my nose.

It seems like the weather went from mild to wild in a just a couple of days. The heat is bringing record numbers to the new city swimming pool. I was there on a couple of occasions and the kids and the parents are really enjoying the facility. It’s a credit to our city and we should all be very proud of the new pool.

I flipped to June and didn’t like the photo they used for the month on my wall calender, but I’m guessing it’s too late to bring it back now.

Have a great week!

I’m a huge fan of writing headlines. Many of the headlines I write for the paper never see print. In my opinion, headline writing is one of the most creative things in creative writing. I often search Fox News and CNN for headlines that make you want to read a story. Sometimes they are just plain goofy and sometimes they are provocative.

There were some crazy headlines in the news over the past couple of weeks. These are real. I’m not making them up.

"Man dies after attempting to saw off his own head." He also sawed off his mother’s.

"Paris Hilton seen with self help book, Holy Bible, not wearing bra."

"Cop warned after tazering man’s genitals." Ouch....

"Man gets 5 years after blowing up a toilet."

"Man Sentenced to Life for Killing Teen Who Walked on His Lawn."

"Cat staggers home with arrow through its head."

If I had written headlines last week, some of them would have been:

"Bush says: Carter Is Irrelephant."

"Al Gore Successfully Lures Two Lost Whales Back to Ocean."

"Star Wars" Turns 30; I Turn Really Really Old."

"G-8 Leaders Promise More Whatever for Africa."

"Canadian Gun Owners Form NR, Eh?"

"Five Stranded Climbers Rescued From Lincoln's Nose."

"Paris Hilton Decries Lack of Suitable Prisonwear."

"McDonald's CEO Arrested on Assisted-Suicide Charges."

"Global Warming Not Hurting Arctic Monkeys CD."

"Bush Names Alec Baldwin "Parenting Czar"."

"Giuliani Legally Changes Name to Nine E. Levin."

"Earnhart Jr., Stepmom Go Separate Ways at 200 MPH."

"Study: iPods Adversely Affect PacemakeRRS GGGGGGGGGGGHHWEWPO"

Here’s some real news from around the county. This is a real blog from some area law enforcement

May 22 2007. (Officer’s names withheld to protect the investigation).

I am on patrol for the great county of Barber when I get a call.

"Barber County to Barber _."

I said, "Barber _ go ahead."

Dispatch stated, "I just got a call from a person in south Barber County that says someone got in to their chicken house and killed chickens."

I answered with a questionable 10-4, but after I thought about, I knew this was a serious matter. I turned on the lights and siren and went to the address.

I got out of my car and began looking around to see if the perp was still in the area. As I walked up to the house, I was met by a lady who gave me some other info on what had happened. I told her to go back in the house just in case the perp was still around. I unsnapped my sidearm and drew. I checked around every corner with caution. I went into the chicken house and could not believe what I saw. 3 chickens had been murdered in cold blood. I knew that because they had been there a while and their blood was cold to the touch.

I then ran back to my car and got my crime scene tape and roped off the area to make sure no one else entered. I then called for my CSI team, but they were tied up on a dead turtle in the road call. I knew at this very moment I could be the one to crack the case. I took samples of the blood and sent them into the lab. I also took many pics of the scene and they are being processed as well.

After all that I told dispatch I would be 10-24 10-8 but this case was long from being solved..... More to come when I get lab results back....... Stayed tuned!!!!

Two other officers in the area responded:

Officer 1: Okay, dude... I confess... I did it!!! It was only because __ wouldn't let me shoot the friggin snake at Pizza Hut... I got mad!!! I was driving, while fuming down, heard the chickens laugh at me.... so I got mad and shot them... right after that I shot the three bull frogs I swore were saying "Bud-Weis-Er"... so after shooting frogs and chickens in cold blood... still mad that I couldn't shoot the snake... I was ready for a cold one.

Officer 2: Dang It! Why did you not call me for back up? We could have put up a perimeter and conducted a house to house search for the suspect! I got my own evidence kit and could have collected the evidence! All this training and desire to help and I get hosed. I miss all the good calls.

A first car is a right of passage for a young man.

My dad bought me my first car in 1985. He handed me the keys and a payment book from the bank. I think it cost $600. I remember it well. It was a 1966 Ford Ranchero. This was a sweet ride and a one of a kind in Medicine Lodge. Not only was it one of the only Rancheros from the 1960s, it was the only one painted camouflage.

I didn’t get to help pick the car out, but I was going to be the determining factor at how it looked. The car was ugly to begin with, but me and my friend Nix White spent $15 on spray paint and an afternoon on this old truck transforming it from a pea-green color into something straight out of the TV show M.A.S.H., complete with a giant white star on the hood and matching stars on the doors.

Most of my friends had nicer vehicles, but my dad made sure I appreciated my first car. If it broke, he would help me figure out what was wrong with it and down to the parts store I would go. And break it did. Several times.

I remember the first starter I had to replace. Actually, my dad did most of the replacing, and cursing, and throwing tools! Then there was the replacing of the windshield, the alternator, the installation of new seats, the roll bar (like that would ever be needed), the valve cover gasket, heater hoses, heater core and eventually the radiator. Come to think of it, that car didn’t have many original parts on it by the time I got rid of it.

Not too long ago, my middle child, Joey, started talking about what kind of car he wanted for his first car. He’s 14 and thinks the world needs another teenage-boy driver. We talked about all kinds of strange cars and trucks and Joey settled on the idea of a 1970s AMC Gremlin.

Probably one of the ugliest cars ever made, next to the Corvair, the Gremlin was AMC’s attempt at a compact car that ended up being somewhat of a flop. That made perfect sense that Joey wanted one. You could say he’s kind of quirky like his dad. We looked up pictures on the internet and decided that the Gremlin was the car for him. We’d keep our eyes open for one.

It wasn’t more than a week later that we saw one sitting on a lot near a home in Spivey, Kansas on our way to the car show in Wichita. We stopped and looked, and laughed. The house near by was the obvious choice of where a Gremlin owner might have lived. There were other cars parked near the home with their hoods popped. The grass was a foot tall and there were a bunch of chained up, mean-looking dogs in the yard.

The Gremlin actually looked like it was a recent "driver". It appeared that a flat tire was the only thing keeping this cherry off the road.

We knocked on the door, but nobody was home, or they were hiding because they saw someone looking at the Gremlin in the yard. We decided to leave a note with my cell phone number on it and left.

A few hours later we were at the car show and my phone rang. A cranky lady told us, "The car is not for sale, so don’t ask for a price."

I told her that I appreciated her calling, even thought I didn’t, and we finished our tour of the car show.

On our way home, we passed by the car in Spivey and noticed a guy in the yard. We stopped to tell him that we were the ones that left the note and just wanted to peek at the car again. He explained it was his son’s car and his sister was the one that called us and said it wasn’t for sale. Apparently, now the car was for sale and the son would get a hold of us to tell me how much he thought he had to have for it.

A few days went by and finally the phone rang. The owner of the Gremlin gave us a price and I turned him down. It was just too much money. I explained to Joey that sometimes you have to wait patiently for the right car for the right money. Joey was sad, but he understood. A long story short, there’s never a right price to pay for a 1974 AMC Gremlin.

Another week went by and the guy called me back. This time, the car was discounted to comfortable range and we made the deal. Joey was getting his Gremlin and I was getting like 4 years worth of column material.

We got the car home and started a project that is sure to cost me money and add many years to my life.

We’ve already spent more fixing the car than we paid for it and we’ve only just begun the journey that is the first car.

Have a great week!

It seams like the squeaky wheel might have gotten greased this week.

Last month, Barber County voiced their opinions over a proposal to close the local FSA office and consolidate records with Pratt County. The proposal wasn’t exactly met with enthusiasm. In fact, around 167 folks turned out to the meeting - just a few short of an angry mob I’d say.

Several members of our area communities commented at the informational meeting. After the meeting, several sent letters to their congressmen and representatives and it looks like it has made a difference.

We had heard rumor earlier in the day that an announcement was coming down concerning Barber County’s office. Around 6 p.m. on Monday evening I received a news release from Bill R. Fuller, State Executive Director of the Kansas USDA Farm Service Agency announcing his final plan of consolidation. In it, Barber County’s office will remain open and Comanche County will be consolidated with Barber County, rather than Clarke County as originally proposed.

I had to reread it. I couldn’t believe it.

In an about-face from March’s meeting, Fuller changed his mind. I can only hope it was a decision influenced by a community pulling together to save such a vital service. I believe it was.

Although it isn’t finalized, the final proposal is set in motion to be approved by the FSA national office.

Nice work everyone! Now, keep squeaking.

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"Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

That was the most important quote of the evening at the community meeting last Tuesday night concerning Peace Treaty’s future.

I was disappointed in the turn out. The same selfless folks were there. The ones that have kept this going forever. There were a couple of new faces there to criticize the way the two-weekend event went. They were full of opinions and suggestions, but when the sign-up sheet for volunteers rolled around, I noticed they had put their money where there mouth was.

I voted for it, before I voted against it. Sound familiar? I just couldn’t make up my mind on the issue of Peace Treaty one weekend or two. There are so many advantages and disadvantages to both. I spoke in favor of two weekends and then gave my opinion vote for going back to one. The room was pretty much split in half.

To be honest, I don’t care what we do as long as we keep it alive and work together.

I hope more people will get involved. I am sure this is just a first in many meetings to come and we’ll do our best to keep everyone informed as to when the next meeting will be held.

I want to compliment Sara Whelan for her efforts as President and Chairman for the association. She poured her heart out in to this and did the town well. She’ll be serving again in this capacity and she deserves everyone’s support and gratitude.

Thank you Sara!

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Bless her heart. I haven’t picked on my daughter in a while, but this one was just too good.

Breeann was late getting home one night last week and I gave her cell phone a ring to remind her that she was past her curfew.... and was in my truck.

She answered and said, "Dad, I can’t go over 20 miles an hour! Your truck makes a weird whistling sound when I do and I don’t want to tear anything up!"

I told her OK and to drive home carefully. I would look at the problem when she got home.

She pulled in the driveway and I jumped in the driver’s seat and we took off. Just as described, at about 20 m.p.h. the truck made a weird whistling sound.

I reached to my left and rolled the passenger window all the way up and the noise went away. I thought she was going to die.

Have a great week!

The City of Medicine Lodge held their city wide clean up week last week or as I like to call it, "Trash Swap 2007".

I buzzed in to town last Sunday to pick up some groceries at White’s and took in the sight seeing. I actually counted 4 places on Main Street where folks were gathered around piles of trash, digging and rummaging around.

I chuckled at those dumpster divers. Then I saw it - the most glorious barrel stove with flu that I had ever seen. My mind pictured it in my garage on a cold winter day, pumping out heat. How could someone throw away such a neat, hand-made stove? Then I realized I was parked in front of it and there were vehicles behind me. I quickly flipped open my cell phone to appear as though I was making an important call. The vehicles passed by. Whew! That was close.

Although I did not stop and grab someone’s trash, I did see a pickup in front of me stop at another pile and grab a ladder. The driver looked like he was part of the witness protection program as he slumped down in his seat. The "grab trash and dash" event netted them a few items from this location.

Several years back, the city used to include businesses in the city wide clean up. After tons of trash collected, the city could no longer afford to have its help spend the hours required to haul off some of the items. I remember copy machines, a row boat with a hole in the bottom, a chair that looked like it had been on fire at one time, a couch and an old stove - all located in our alley!

We had decided to clean out the old stock of computer parts. Tim and I threw away close to 30 computer and monitors. None of them worked. One day while driving down the alley to work, there was a line of cars and folks digging through our trash! I pulled over a few buildings down and watched people taking computers, printers and monitors and putting them in the car. It was just crazy!

I told Tim what I had seen and we both got a good laugh out of it. One morning close to the end of the week of clean up, we gathered up the rest of the computers and printers, found an old desk and the burned chair and set up a display. We had a complete office set up in the alley behind our building. The trap had been set.

We hid in the back of the building, peaking through a window on the door. Up came our first contestant on our new game show, "Who wants to be a trashzillionaire!"

One after another, the folks came, jumped from their vehicles, looked around, grabbed an item and jumped back in their cars and drove off. Once they left, Tim and I would run back out and set up more stuff.

Finally, someone in a truck came down the alley and took the desk and burned chair. (Don’t ask how the chair burned - that’s another column).

If I remember correctly, it seems like we actually had to steal some of Rick Dirks’ trash to complete our display. I’m sure he doesn’t mind after all these years.

The funniest part of this story is: Most of the trash reappeared after the weekend, redumped behind our building!

A newcomer to town paid me a visit on Tuesday to tell me about his experience with "Trash Swap 2007".

My friend, who will remain anonymous to protect his identity and to keep from getting fired, was amazed at the amount of people that would just stop and pick through other people’s trash.

Over the weekend he was driving around with a couple of friends when the wife of his friend screamed, "Stop, I must have that deer!"

In the yard, at this undisclosed residence in Medicine Lodge, near the curb stood some older yard art. It was a deer, missing an ear.

My friend leaped out of the passenger seat and grabbed the deer, only to discover it was made of concrete and it was too heavy! His friend jumped out of the vehicle to assist him in the trash-napping of the concrete, earless deer. I can’t stop laughing thinking about the two of these guys trying to carry a broken concrete deer out of someone’s yard!

Have a great week!

I view my body as a mathematical calculation. I’ve finally figured out why my math teacher, Mr. Buel, insisted on me learning algebra. For instance, one French Fry divided by .00978 of a 10/40 Vytorin, x 10 minutes exercise x 1.80 increase in heart rate = just under the needed calories to burn off the French Fry.......

It also calculates this way - 1,000 French Fries, divided by 37 years x 1 heart attack = 3 titanium stents totalling $100,000 - insurance benefits + deductible and premiums.

You’ve all heard the saying, "Your mouth is writing checks your body can’t cash," or something close to that. Although it means something entirely different, it works with my story. When I was young in my 20s, I could pound down several burgers, beers and eat an entire pie without gaining weight. My only exercise was walking from the refrigerator to the couch. Back in my teens, I could blink calories away while taking sugar intravenously. Now I think I absorb calories through things I touch in my every day activities.

Life changed somewhere around 30. Calories suddenly became an important factor.

30 is the magic number that is kind of like hitting the limit on your credit card. You’ve reached it, you owe a whole bunch (with interest) and now you are barely making the minimum payment. Trying to lose weight in life is like paying a little more than the minimum, but then having a weak moment and using your credit card to order something from the Sky Mall magazine on an airplane. Gaining weight and buying new clothes is like calling the credit card company and asking to increase your credit limit. You feel good in the new pants and actually have to tighten that belt a notch to make them stay up.

The real key to losing weight is taking in less calories and burning more calories with exercise. That’s all easier said than done.

I read somewhere about keeping a daily calorie diary. A daily calorie diary is where you record what you eat and include the total number of calories eaten in that day. My calorie diet would read something like this.

Considering an average diet is 2000 calories a day, it’s interesting to look at a calorie chart to see how much you burn in your daily activities:

Cooking (moderate effort) 110

Eating 85

Driving 110

Housekeeping (moderate) 160

Lawn mowing (push type mower) 400

Playing in the pool with kids 270

Raking leaves 290

Shopping (mall or city street shops) 180

Shoveling snow 430

Sitting 85

Sleeping 55

Standing 100

Vacuuming 180

Window washing 180

Marital activity 300 (per hour!)

Pleading 19

Have a great week!

For some dumb reason, one of my favorite pastimes is talking with David Fasgold about strange dreams we’ve had. Often times we write them down and email each other. This is one he sent me this week:

Letter to the Editor

(From the former Editor)

Dear Editor,

It was with great amusement last night that I dreamt of reading your paper. In the dream, I had just received my weekly copy of The Premiere, only to find that there was so many mistakes I felt compelled to mark them all with a highlighter and send it back to you. While part of me felt like one of those busy-bodies with nothing better to do than point out your mistakes, another part of me got a chuckle out of correcting your little news writing faux pas.

In the dream, it was obvious that the community was in crisis and your news staff had become so overwhelmed that hundreds of mistakes were scattered throughout the paper. The front-page headline read "Car Jacking!" in 100-point type. Below it, a sub-headline indicated that the city council had voted to make car jacking illegal within city limits. Just thinking about attending that meeting gave me a headache, and I could almost feel the pain in my backside of sitting for an extended period of time in a metal folding chair.

Throughout the rest of the paper, every single headline had semicolons between the words. I laughed at this, knowing all too well the difficulty with which Mr. Noland struggles to type headlines correctly. Every page was "page j" and many of the stories did not continue, despite that fact that each one clearly indicated at the bottom "continued on page j."

There was also a story buried somewhere deep in the paper about a new countywide law that would establish a 102 mph speed limit for motorcycles. This was in reaction to a bunch of wild teenagers riding crotch-rockets recklessly along county roads.

The stories were filled with typos, bad grammar and offensive content. And I hadn’t even read KWIBS yet.

When I finally turned to "Section E: Fun Facts" I woke up.

I’m not sure what that dream was about, but I know that Doris was recently out of town, so maybe I was dreaming that Doris and Joyce were gone and Kevin was stuck there all by himself.

Cordially,

Mr. David Fasgold, Esq.

Newcastle, OK

P.S. Since I’m now officially a "Former ML Resident" (and one of Kevin’s buddies) does that mean I can have a news story written about me every time I sneeze? How about a headline that reads "Former ML Resident and Premiere Editor Expresses Concerns"?

P.S.S. Please do not run an embarrassing picture of me with this letter.

Stop trying to tell me what to do David. You’re not the boss of me.

I wasn’t completely alone last week, just without Doris a few days. I only made a few mistakes. I apologize to Charlie DeGeer for leaving his big "G" a small "g". I know I looked that up to be sure it was a big "G".

Also, sorry to Brandon Poland for single-handedly electing him to the Kiowa City Council. I don’t even know how that happened. Have a great week!

Who are they kidding?

The USDA and Bill R. Fuller are "Fuller" of it. In a meeting with Barber County FSA program participants, Bill Fuller laid out his plan to close the Barber County office and consolidate with Pratt, Kansas.

He claims it is necessary to do this to save just over $24,000 a year in facility expenses.

Just like so many businesses, the USDA has a shrinking budget. When the ax falls, it always seems easier to pick on the little guy. That’s what Fuller’s consolidation plan is doing - picking on the little guy.

He says it just makes sense to close our FSA office, which ultimately could cause the closing of NRCS as well since they share the facility with FSA.

I was pleased to see how many of you showed up at the meeting last Tuesday. A lot of good points were made. However, no alternative plans or solutions were offered. But seriously, do any of us have a real answer to these problems?

I don’t have an answer, but I have one solution. Start at the top and work your way down when looking for spending problems.

I shared an example of colossal waste of taxpayer money by the USDA on Tuesday and if you didn’t hear what I had to say, I’ll explain it here. In a nutshell, several years ago a Wichita based company was given a substantial loan by USDA to bring this amazing new technology to rural Kansas. It was called "wireless internet". Little did the USDA know that a company I co-own had already been doing this in the area for several years and guess what? We didn’t ask for or receive the $6.4 million loan that this company got.

And.... we didn’t take your taxpayer money, file bankruptcy a year later and then only pay back what the bankruptcy courts ordered them to pay back, which was a fraction of what they were given.

This was millions of dollars in USDA funds that just basically swirled down the proverbial toilet of wasted funding and resources.

In light of that, it seems quite unfair that our services here in Barber County are in jeopardy over a proposed savings of $24,000 a year doesn’t it? After all, USDA gave millions of dollars to a private industry that was supposed to be offering you a service that already existed in many rural communities in this area. By the way, they didn’t follow through either.

The following are excerpts from The Wichita Business Journal that helps explain some of what I am talking about.

by Ken Vandruff

The reorganization plan designed to bring Pixius Communications LLC out of bankruptcy includes repaying 20 percent of its loan from the USDA and 17 percent of a Minnesota judgment on a defaulted loan.

It's a plan that company officials say will make it possible for the area's second-largest Internet service provider to start new expansion plans that will make the company profitable.

Pixius filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy in December after it was hit with a $2.8 million judgment by a Minnesota court. Pixius had stopped making payments on a $4 million deal to acquire Infinetivity, a software development company.

Ellis Davis, the widow of Infinetivity's former owner, agreed to accept $500,000 over a 5-year period to settle her claim.

"Her husband had built up this company," says David Hellmuth, Davis' attorney. "He died and it was sold to Pixius, and that was more or less her retirement, so to speak. ... It's just, in my mind, a very sad story of my client not being paid what she had coming to her."

Pixius proposes to repay, over a 10-year period, $1.3 million of a $6.4 million loan from the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Rural Utilities Service, according to court documents. The loan was part of a 2002 Farm Bill pilot program that loaned more than $180 million to ISPs to expand Internet service to rural areas.

"To my memory ... Pixius is the only one (to receive a loan) that's had to file bankruptcy to work out of its situation," says Claiborn Crain, USDA spokesman.

The bankruptcy plan includes payment of a $48,344 Internal Revenue Service claim for unpaid withholding taxes; $4,925 for each employee who filed wage claims against Pixius; and a 17 percent dividend to unsecured creditors paid over five years.

"The whole goal is to get the judge to slam down the hammer and say, 'The plan's approved,' " says Jay Maxwell, Pixius CEO. Pixius serves 15,500 customers in Kansas and Minnesota through dial-up, T-1 and wireless connections.

Prior to the bankruptcy, company officials applied for another $14.5 million USDA-RUS loan to pay for expansion. That application evaporated with the bankruptcy.

Maxwell says he's ready to restart expansion once the reorganization plan is approved. The company has secured $1.2 million in new private financing, which dictates a slower rate of new network construction, and it will not apply for government loans.

"They (USDA) dictated that we build in rural areas, do certain things and do things a certain way," he says. "That's probably the major change in business philosophy is private-sector money versus government money."

REACH KEN VANDRUFF at 266-6172 or on the Web at kvandruff@bizjournals.com.

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In 2001, my partner and I filed a lawsuit against Pixius. We lost the lawsuit. I believe it was for the simple reason that the information about the $6.4 million loan was suppressed from the jury.

Interestingly enough, one of the employees at the FSA/NRCS office sat on that jury. I often wondered what the outcome would have been if they had only known the truth.

Folks, this is just one example of wasted money by the USDA in Kansas alone. I don’t have other examples, but I’ll bet $6.4 million they are out there. Have a great week. Support FSA/NRCS

"What did you say," I asked?

I could have sworn I heard her say, "You could put a bean in your head."

What my wife really said was, "You should go home and go to bed."

I grew up with loud music blaring at maximum volume, I still play in a rock band and I’ve blown both my ear drums in freak SCUBA diving misadventures, but my loss of hearing wasn’t related to any of this.

I was just completely congested and it was so stuffy upstairs in my head that I had lost some of my hearing. All I was hearing was a dull mmmmmmm.

I went home and laid down after taking some decongestants. I woke up about 2 hours later realizing that I had turned the volume up so loud on my TV that when the medicine starting working, I inadvertently woke myself up.

I got some minor relief every 4-6 hours, but the congestion came back.

I drove to town the next morning in my beater pickup that doesn’t always want to start and often dies when idling. As I slowed down and put my blinker light on to turn into the EZ-Mart to get some breakfast, I could have sworn the truck died. Everything was quiet, so I quickly shifted into neutral and hit the ignition. Long story short, it was still running and I got that RRREEEEEERRRCH sound from the starter kicking in to a spinning flywheel.

Ooops... that was embarassing.

Late in the afternoon on Friday, February 23rd, I spoke with John Nixon on the phone. Unrelated to our conversation, he told me about US Army Specialist Chad E. Marsh, 20 years old, of Wichita, Kansas who was killed in action on February 18, 2007 in Baghdad, Iraq of wounds when a grenade launch by the enemy landed in his combat Humvee while his unit was conducting combat operations.

Chad was a gunner on the Humvee and supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom in the war on terrorism for the United States of America. Chad was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 26th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, Ist Infantry Division. "The Big Red One" - "Prepared and Loyal, Sir!!

The mother said Chad was a ROTC Cadet and joined the Army while still in high school at Northwest. After graduation he went to serve in Iraq September 2006. She said he was a very good kid and describe him as "One of a Kind"

Chad was posthumously promoted from Private First Class to Specialist.

Chad fought and died to protect his families, his fellow-soldiers in his unit, our families and our freedom.

Specialist Marsh's mother, brother, Aunt, Uncle, and family members, invited the Patriot Guard as their guests at the funeral services in Wichita, KS. and to the Full Military Graveside services in Coldwater, Kansas.

The funeral procession passed through Medicine Lodge around 2:15 p.m. on Monday. I decided to grab my flag and join in respect to honor one of our fallen heros.

I was not alone.

Veterans, students, businessmen and retired people all filtered to the corner of Main and 160 at the Memorial Wall. I don’t really have an estimate of how many folks in the community showed up, but it was enough to pack both sides of 160 HWY from east of Bowe Chevrolet to the corner of 281/160 HWYs intersection.

Most of the folks who came out, got there about an hour early and if they didn’t have a flag, they were given one. I’ve never seen such a sight in all my life. This is the kind of stuff you see on TV, but never think about it happening in your town. And remember, this was for a young man that most people in our community didn’t even know existed until late last week.

With a calm atmosphere, people lined the streets and visited for a while until a line of cars in the east crested the hill by the golf course. All fell silent as a couple of hundred or more vehicles, including the hearse, a Humvee limousine and motorcycle riders from the Kansas Honor Guard crept through town.

I know it’s impossible, but it felt like I made eye contact with everyone passing through on their way to bury Chad. Some waved, made the peace sign, took photos and videos. Everyone of them, although in mourning, looked happy to see us.

I cried for the soldier I never knew and for his family and friends. I know most of you there did too.

The line of vehicles crested the hill going west and everyone just stood there for a few minutes. Nobody said a word. And then like it was all rehearsed, everyone walked back to the Memorial Wall and returned their flags and got into their vehicles and left.

As everyone was leaving one lady said, "Thank God for such nice weather." It was a beautiful day, but I think even if the weather would have been cold and rainy, we would have all been there.

Mark Buck, Middle School Principal, walked past me and said, "This is how it should be."

I said, "Yes, it is."

I got in with my wife and we drove off. A few blocks from where we just witnessed the greatest outpouring of love I have ever seen in our town I thought, "This is the way it is here."

I saw something in Medicine Lodge I forgot existed. Everyone put their differences and feelings aside for a short moment to honor Chad’s sacrifice.

No matter how much you agree or disagree with our country’s involvement in this war, you can’t help but respect and honor those who serve and make the greatest sacrifice - their life.

I am so proud of our community for coming out in support.

A few times a year, I am blessed to wish my kids happy birthday. I’m the proud parent of three great kids. They’re my world and bring me great joy.

Yesterday (February 25, 2007) was my baby’s birthday. Nicholas Tate Noland turned 9 years old.

This is a picture of Nick at age 3. Nick loves kittens.

We live in the country and we have a lot of cats and these cats seem to make more cats. Nicholas always picks a kitten out of the litter that becomes "his" cat. One kitten from this litter was named "Lucky" If I remember correctly, this was his sister "Smokey".

Lucky had a rough, short life. He spent all of his 9 lives in a matter of a couple of months. He first drown in a bird bath (he was rescued by Kitty-CPR). Later we found that Lucky hadn’t lived up to his name. Lucky decided to go for another swim one warm summer day in Nick’s little swimming pool.

I thought maybe little kitty life jackets would make a good birthday gift. What do you think Nick? Happy Birthday Buddy!

Here’s to MySpace and all 53 of my friends!

Yes, I’m up to 53 friends now thanks to the crave known mostly has a cyber-hangout for teenage girls.

Somehow, I got caught up in all of it about a year ago after our band got a MySpace site. I objected, saying it was unnecessary to have a band website and a band MySpace site, but I lost out to Guitarist/Former Editor of The Gyp Hill Premiere David Fasgold and Drummer/Deputy Sheriff Justin Rugg.

At their persistence, I also had to make my own MySpace page, which I thought was just dumb, but I did it anyway and here I am today with 53, count’em, friends!

All 53 of my friends have friends too and now we’re all networked together and instead of calling them, I can just MySpace message them - all at once!

You know, it’s not really a contest (even though David has two MySpace pages and I am ahead of him in friends on one). I actually have MySpace friends who have friends that number in the thousands. I don’t envy them. I actually haven’t even thought of what I would do in the event my popularity exploded and my friend’s request list grew that big. I would hate to turn legitimate people away from friendship, but I am struggling to stay in contact with my own family.

There’s an idea MyFamily.com. I’ll bet that is taken by the time this column is out.

MySpace is a place where you can tell the world about who you are and share with them all the intimate details of you life. You can keep a diary (I don’t), share photos and songs and just be yourself, or not. My MySpace page says:

"I'm here on Earth only for a short time, visiting from Planet "M", gathering information to take back to my home world. In my 30+ years visiting your planet, I have taken one of your women hostage (wife) and I have genetically engineered three of your human life forms with her help. My plans are to eat all of your planet's beef, watch as many episodes of "Scrubs" as possible in one night and master the musical instrument "the slide whistle". Upon my return to my home world in the year 2017, I will resume my position as the head of the department of homeland insecurity. While on your planet, I have joined the band "Dorfus CrackTractor" where I have joined forces with David Fasgold and Justin Rugg, both from planets near my galaxy, and we rock. Visit our MySpace page at www.myspace.com/dorfuscracktractor."

Here’s a little more about me.

I enjoy: Tree climbing and digging holes. Really: my family, being near water (salt or fresh), being underwater (salt), playing music, gardening, walking my dog and playing jokes on people. Bass guitars and PA gear really makes me happy.

I like this kind of music: Anything featuring a slide-whistle.

My ethnicity: Pacific Islander

My Occupation: Self Motivationalist

My Income: Over $250,000 a year.

So just being honest and one year later, I have 53 friends.

Now with all of these friends, you can bet I am going to need to call in some favors. I’ve been a little down on my luck and if each of you is really my friend, as made contractual by MySpace by adding me as your friend, you’ll send me $100 each ($1,000 if you can afford to) to:

I want to apologize to the following: Karise, Brenda, Lovely-Girl, Make Money from Home, Refinance Now and Love Kitten for not being your friends. I would say it’s not you - it’s me, but I would be lying. It is you. I don’t know you and I really don’t know if I want to be your friend. I’m already in at least 53 other relationships that require much of my time. I just don’t think I can devote what it takes to be your friend and it wouldn’t be fair to you, me or the other 53 friends.

If you would like to be my friend, simply go to www.myspace.com/dorfuskev and click "add to friends". If I like you, I might be your friend.

Have a great week (at least 53 of you).

I may be skating on thin ice here, or going out on a frozen limb, but I don’t care. I hate snow.

I just never have been that excited about the white stuff. Maybe I was traumatized as a kid when the neighborhood girls buried me in that snow drift in 1979 or maybe it was when they changed the gender of my snowman. Regardless, I just don’t like it and I have my adult reasons.

I will admit this, it’s pretty when it falls lightly to the ground. This is only true if immediately following this light snow comes a 90 degree heat wave that quickly melts it away and leaves behind no evidence.

And speaking of falling.... I fell... twice.

One of my adult reasons for not liking snow might be the dreaded snow day. Dreaded by adults, loved by school children everywhere, the day begins by destroying the child’s bedroom looking for warm clothes to play in. I’ve seen my kids so over dressed they’ve had small heat strokes before they could get their shoes on and get outside. On the flip side, I’ve seen my middle son go outside in a pair of wind pants and a T-shirt.

Nevertheless, they manage to destroy their bedrooms and the destruction doesn’t stop there.

On average, I can expect the kids to last 15-20 minutes outside in the cold. In contrast, it might have taken them 30 minutes to get dressed, another 20 minutes locating snow-worthy toys and tools and another 20 minutes taking off wet clothing.

My garage always gets destroyed after a good snow too. Unfortunately, all of the necessary things to have fun in the snow are located in there, tucked away neatly. Ronda and I usually pick up all the winter mess sometime around SPRING and throw it back in the garage. Sometime in the fall I clean the garage and the cycle starts all over again.

Some of the things the kids drag out just floor me. I actually found squirt guns in the yard after this last snow.

And comes the next reason I don’t like snow - it turns into water when it thaws. I like water, just not cold water, soaked up into my sock when I step in a puddle in the middle of the kitchen floor. There is no worse feeling than stepping in ice water and it always happens just after I get dressed and go to put my shoes on.

Of course, the kitchen area becomes destroyed when the kids get inside. They’re cold and need 19 cups of hot chocolate to warm up.

The destruction moves on to the bathrooms where towels are needed to dry off, blankets are pulled out of the cupboards, space heaters and blow dryers strung out all over.

Snow removal is not high on the list of things Kevin enjoys doing. I don’t like shoveling snow and thanks to Joey, I didn’t have a good way to shovel snow last week. Apparently, a snow shovel can double as a sled and he and a friend dragged off my snow shovel to some distant hill and it never returned.

The fact that I live on 3.5 miles of dirt roads also influences my hatred of snow. I have no problems getting in and out with four wheel drive, but a light snow that thaws slowly turns a dirt road into a mud wrestling pit, only without the entertainment value.

I’m just not big on being cold in general. Most of you know that I like summertime and warm weather. I like wearing shorts, a T-shirt (optional) and sandals. I did give this snow a chance though. Saturday afternoon I caved in and I rounded up the kids, the dog, an inner tub, some rope (all from my garage) and tied it all up to my truck (less the kids and the dog) and off we went down the road in the snow.

I was content with being the driver and we pulled into 99 Springs to pick up my neighbor, John Nixon. John took his turn on the tube after the kids and I was oh-so gentle with him behind my truck.

After a few laps, the kids and John had about all they could take of the cold and John asked, "Do you want to take a turn?"

Sure, I thought that would be fun, so I let him drive and I jumped onto the tube - a decision I later regretted.

I spent Sunday nursing my wounds and laying flat on my back. Apparently, "Nice and easy" wasn’t understood.

I hate snow. You know what payback is, right John?

Have a great week!

It’s so simple to get wrapped up in the holiday season and forget about the sacrifices of others. Ironically, it’s what Christmas is all about - the birth of our Saviour Jesus Christ and his life of sacrifice.

Our grandmother found this anonymous poem about our soldiers serving during the holidays and it immediately brought to mind my friend Nathan Hunt who is serving his second tour in Iraq.

We are desensitized to who these people really are serving our country. We see them in their body armor, carrying guns and patrolling the streets of Iraq. We forget that they are our friends, family and fellow countrymen, answering the call of duty and separated from everything they know and love. Please pray for our troops this Christmas season and remember my friend Nate and his family, Jeri, Braden and Madeline of Belle Plaine, Kansas.

— Anonymous

Like most of America, I opened my newspaper on Thanksgiving Day and was crushed from the weight of the falling sale flyers inside.

One advertisement caught my attention.

Apparently, we can no longer brush our teeth properly and now a company, in order to save us from our dental deficiencies, has placed a tiny computer chip in our toothbrush to calculate the number of strokes and amount of time it takes to remove plaque and tartar.

What distinguishes ads for Oral B’s Triumph from most other toothbrush commercials is probably the phrase on-board computer. Yes, the Triumph has a microchip in its brush heads that talks to a CPU, one like you might use to play X Box’s Vice City, which sends messages to a digital display in the handle, which tells you (in any of 13 languages) just how well you’re brushing. And if you’re keeping score like my kids, you may only have half your health remaining before you have to hit reset or brush your teeth.

The "words on-board computer" may seem jarring in a toothbrush ad, but you should take time to read the press release. It’s full of phrases like "mouth quadrants," "ergonomics" and "metallic accents," and offers various insights into the user’s "brushing experience." All of which has the effect of making the Triumph seem a lot like a foreign object—something you probably shouldn’t put in your mouth in the first place. I’m assuming you don’t want to take your toothbrush down a wrong path and brush your tonsils or worse, lungs. Soon we may see a Toothbrush "Tom-Tom-Teeth-Teeth Navigation Systems" By Garlin

And because we weren’t smart enough to stand in line at 3 a.m., we didn’t get some of the things we wanted. One store advertised a $10 certificate to the first 100 people in the store. News stations in Wichita reported that people began forming a line at midnight the night before to take advantage of the sales and to receive their free $10 certificate. I personally would have paid $10 to sleep in and not stand in line.

Along with these confusing sale flyers, the big chains trick customers with the layout of the store in order to get you to buy more stuff you don’t need. I found chainsaws and meat slicers within 4 feet of the toy section at one supercenter. Around the corner from that I found bandaids…..

The trick that really got me was being in the middle of the store and feeling the call of nature. Thinking quickly (with my wallet) I decided to pick the restrooms nearest the exit, in the front of the building. My theory: The quicker I get out of the store, the less money I would spend. After wandering around like a mouse in a maze, I made my way to the front of the store. I could clearly see the sign, "RESTROOMS", above all of the "SALE" signs that seemed to pop up out of no where. After getting there I discovered that this restroom was "CLOSED FOR CLEANING". Come on, they never actually clean those do they? I had to go to the back of the store if I wanted relief. I felt like I had just drawn the "DO NOT PASS GO– DO NOT COLLECT $200" card.

Speaking of cards….

A new craze for most department stores is to sell gift cards. This is the "I don’t have a clue what you want for Christmas" gift, so here’s a card. I remember in the good-old days it used to be called "CASH". For some reason, we have forgotten that you can slip a $20 in an envelope and it means nearly the same thing as driving to the store, paying $20 for a card with a magnetic strip that tracks your shopping habits and can only be spent at the store it was purchased from. Don’t expect change from these things either. You use it up and usually cough up a few bucks out of your own pocket to complete your purchase. You have a time limit in which to spend it and once it passes, the gift goes "poof".

Time’s up for me and my family. If you are on our list, you’ve been purchased for and we’re wrapping your gifts. There’s no turning back.

Now I’m no expert on gift giving, but I do know some pretty bad gifts to get. It’s easier for me to think of things to get, than to give. Here’s my list of worst Christmas presents I could possibly get for 2006. (This is a hint for my family and friends. Don’t buy me this stuff. )

1) A bunch of keys, but with no indication of what doors they open. That’s the kind of thing that keeps me awake at night.

2) Windows 2000 because it blows. I already have it and I hate it. Stop letting these people tell you that they did something good in 2000 with an operating system. They still haven’t done anything good with the operating system that is coming out 6 years later!

3) 37 cent stamps. Man, that would make me really mad.

4) One of those glass bubbles with a forest scene inside, and you shake it and there’s blizzard .. a snowstorm, yeah. Why? I hate snow and my fireplace mantel space is at a premium this year.

5) Fruitcake. No need for any explanation why. Just know if you give this type of gift, Joey and I have started a game that involves your fruitcake, a 20 ga. shotgun and a box of shells.

6) A tin box full of dead tadpoles, all floating in about two inches of filthy water. I don’t know why anyone would give this, but it would be a terrible gift.

7) Underwear. I hate new underwear. If you are going to buy it for me, buy it this year and wash it and stretch it out all year and give it to me at Christmas 2007.

8) One of those massive wooden horses full of soldiers. Getting that on Christmas Day with no warning would be a disaster if you didn’t prepare enough food for everyone. Those soldiers could track all kinds of nasty across my wife’s floor and we all know how clean she keeps it.

9) Please don’t buy anyone in my family a gift that would require any assembly because I put my tool box away and had planned on spending Christmas Day splashing along the warm coastal line of the Gulf of Mexico which should have been near Barber County by now with all of the hurricanes we were promised along with global warming.

10) And finally - Gift cards. I want the cash. I also want whatever cash it was going to take you to go buy the cards. Just give me the cash! I don’t want big brother knowing what I like to shop for. It’s that simple. I don’t give them my real phone number at the check out counter either. It’s not any of their business that I like body sprays, hair gel and toothbrushes with on-board CPUs.

Have a great week!

I started to write my column this week, when I noticed Dave had his column finished and it was already in my inbox! That’s unusual for David to be early.....

For those of you who do not know this, David no longer works here. He reminds me that every time I call him for some reason.

Since he sounds annoyed when I call, I’m making it a point to call for dumb reasons.

"Hi David. Are you working? I just called to tell you I was writing about you in my column."

David works at a newspaper in Newcastle, OK and has a new deadline with his new job. (I just wanted to see how many times I could write "new"). Since they print on Friday, I’ll get his column earlier in the week, which is not the norm for us because he used to wait until the very last second to get it done.

So I opened his email and pasted his column on. To my surprise, his column was twice as long as usual and I hadn’t allowed enough space, but since I’m a nice guy, he finished his column earlier and he’s usually funnier than I am, I am giving up some of my space this week for him.

Have a great week!

Halloween is tomorrow, so it’s a great excuse to discuss something morbid. Like I need an excuse?

Why is it that so much attention is given to what a death row inmate eats for his last meal?

What is the fascination?

To be quite honest, I don’t care what they have for their last meal. If they’ve done something so heinous to bring on the death penalty, I say they get something they dislike for their last meal.

Warden: Here you go Hannibal. It’s Goat Cheese casserole with Brussels Sprouts and Kidney Beans!

Hannibal: Could I just have some toast? My stomach kind of hurts.

What inmate on death row is all that excited about his last meal? If it were me, I wouldn’t be very hungry.

Warden: Here you go Kevin - just like you ordered. Captain Crunch Peanut Butter Cereal and Snicker’s Cake!

Me: No thanks. I’ll just have toast. My stomach kind of hurts.

A really smart inmate would order something really hard to get.

Warden: What would you like for your last meal?

Inmate: Write this down please. I’ll have the kha-nyou (that’s the rock rat found in Laos) lightly roasted with garlic. I’d also like a side of Chinese White Snow Frog, not too done, browned, seasoned with Wasabi and mustard seed.

If I were the inmate, I would also ask for common food, like a Twinkie and some beer so that I wouldn’t look suspicious.

For death row inmates that have food allergies, like me, I would take a different approach.

Inmate: I would like lobster and shrimp.

Warden: Aren’t you allergic to shellfish?

Inmate: Yes, I am. If I go into anaphylactic shock and die, will you care?

Warden: Well, I guess not.

I even found a website dedicated to last meals of death row inmates, where someone has actually taken the time to record the menus of all death row inmates for 2001-present.

I was particularly interested in this inmate from Mississippi.

His name: John B. Nixon (Our John is a "W" Nixon I believe).

MISSISSIPPI LAST MEAL

JOHN B. NIXON SR.

December 14, 2005

Last Meal: Nixon ate two eggs, two sausage patties and two slices of white bread for breakfast. He did not eat his cereal at breakfast and turned down his lunch because he wanted to save room for dinner. Nixon requested a well-done T-bone steak, buttered asparagus spears, a baked potato with sour cream, peach pie, vanilla ice cream and sweet tea.

The skinny: ...Nixon pulled out a .22 caliber pistol and said, "I brought y’all something."... Nixon was executed for the killing of a woman for $1,000 and shooting her husband in 1985. The dead woman's ex-husband, hired Nixon to kill the man.

You can read more accounts of what death row inmates had for their last meal at http://www.deadmaneating.com.

Now let’s look at the similarities if our John Nixon were on death row.

If this were our John Nixon the last meal would go something like this: Nixon ate cat fish, two hotdogs, potato chips and a Schwan’s Pizza. All microwaved.

The imaginary skinny:..... Nixon killed a man with a ping pong paddle after losing his third consecutive game. His uncontrollable rage was further driven after losing a $50.00 Grand Hotel postcard auction on Ebay. The post card ended up being a copy, not the original. Nixon tried to elude law enforcement on his Cushman scooter but was apprehended after driving through a pasture, losing his headlight and running off into 99 Springs.

Remember, it’s Halloween. I’m looking for something bizarre and scary. Trust me, it’s scary. Have you ever ridden with John Nixon on his Cushman?

Happy Halloween!

Three people in my household celebrate birthdays in October, making it a very busy and expensive month.

Breeann is first, I’m the day after and my middle son, Joey is last. Joey celebrates his 14th birthday on Saturday, October 28, officially old enough to get a learner’s permit to drive a car (which isn’t happening anytime soon, but probably sooner than I’d like).

It’s not bad enough we have to celebrate three birthdays in October, but we turn around in the first week of November and celebrate my wife’s birthday on the 3rd - making it 4 birthdays in 30 days or 1 birthday cake every 7.5 days. That makes October the highest calorie month on the calendar at my house.

When you get to a certain point, birthdays no longer matter. A friend of mine from the Derby area (who just turned 50 last week - Happy Birthday Gary Renberger) sent me this very true commentary on birthdays.

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . You become 21.

Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50. And your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90's, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

Yeah, Peace Brother and Happy Birthday Joey!

This might seem incredibly dumb to some people, but I am at my wit’s end. Sometime over Peace Treaty I lost my only pair of everyday shoes. I do own some running tennis shoes and several pairs of sandals, but with the seasons changing, I really need my shoes!

They are tan and black Merrell brand tennis/hiking shoes with high tops and heavy laces.

So here I am, stooping to a new low by using up space in my newspaper to ask you to help me find my shoes. I’m sure I will get hate mail for this, but last Tuesday, it rained and was cold outside and I wore sandals and socks to work.

I have something a little different this week. I’ve written a poem to share with you and I hope it will help my situation out a bit.

Help me readers,

I’ve lost my shoes

The weather has changed - it’s colder outside.

My feet are freezing. My toes want to hide.

I’m still wearing sandals. They’re actually called Crocs.

I’ve made quite a fashion statement even wearing socks.

But it’s not for the looks, it’s for the lack of heat

That I need to stop wearing them to protect my feet!

I’ve misplaced my shoes. I don’t know what to do.

Where I’ve misplaced them, I haven’t a clue.

Please help me find them. I’ve looked high and low.

Just the other day, I stubbed my big toe.

The last place I wore them, I think was at Peace Treaty.

I hope no one decided to become greedy.

These shoes I’ve had now for at least 2 years.

A new pair would be nice, but it would bring me to tears.

You see, these are special, slightly tattered and worn.

The soles are almost gone and the stitching is torn.

My feet are so flat, and breaking in shoes takes time.

I’ve never had a pair that fit me so fine.

These shoes, I tell you, fit me like no other.

They’re closer to me than my own brother.

I don’t have a brother, but I do have a sister.

She’s closer to me, but I’m getting a blister!

I know this is corny, so I hope you understand.

I’m all out of ideas. Please give me a hand.

If you would kindly call me if you find my shoes.

I promise to go back to reporting the news.

- Kevin 620-886-5654 xt 14 (update, my shoes returned)

I have to be short this week due to our statement of ownership publication. I want to thank everyone who made Peace Treaty such a great success. It was a blast!

A special thanks to Sara Whelan and the Peace Treaty Association Board for a great two-weekend celebration. I’m feeling really good about the weekends and I hope you do too.

Today is my oldest’s birthday! Breeann is 17 today. Happy Birthday Sissy!!! We love you and we’re proud of you!

I hope you have a great day.

Ya’ll have a great week!

If you haven’t been involved with a Peace Treaty just know that it’s the way Peace Treaty works. We spend months and months of planning only to finalize things in weeks, days, hours and minutes before the events. Sometimes that’s just the way things work.

The 2006 Special Peace Treaty Section was like that. It started out as a 48 page tab that quickly went to 60 pages and then shedded 4 pages to end up at 56. It was just right and the staff felt like that was a perfect fit. We got it to press last week and the final product is inserted in this issue, free of charge to you. The edition is supported by area advertising and I thank them from the bottom of my heart for supporting such a large project.

This year’s edition is one of the best editions we’ve ever published.

Inside this special issue, you’ll find stories and the accounts that led us to the signing of the treaty with the five tribes. Not only will you find that , but you’ll become more familiar with the people who played an important roll in shaping the rich heritage we have.

Medicine Lodge is a pretty amazing town, historically speaking. We’ve got, well, history - to put it in perspective. We have wild and woolly history that other towns can’t, or don’t want to boast about. Not only did we host the signing of the original treaty, we hung Caldwell’s Marshal after he tried to rob our bank, had a lady who swung her axe around to make her point about the evils of liquor and we ran a newspaper man out of town after he was dipped in molasses and cockaburs when he didn’t meet the expectations of the townsfolks with one of his newspapers. That’s enough to keep this publisher in line.

And we did all of this before we even had electricity and telephones!

We’re much more civilized today, but you may not know it when you see cowboys firing their guns into the air over the next two weekends or see stampeding longhorns traveling down Main Street like a documentary of "the running of the bulls". You may want to put your hands over your little one’s eyes as pretty ladies take the stage and rowdy men join them for a dance. After that, you can enjoy the carnival or the free downtown street dances.

Whatever you do, I hope you remember the spirit of Peace Treaty from your youth. If you are a first-timer, then I hope you thoroughly enjoy yourself. Many of you are returning to Medicine Lodge to see the town and remember it from Peace Treaty’s past. Some things will be different, but one thing is the same. We’re all here to have fun and we’re all looking forward to seeing old and new faces!

There’s a lot going on, so keep your Peace Treaty Edition handy. It could serve you well over your stay with us in Medicine Lodge.

As I close this week, please remember that we’ll be publishing on Tuesday for the next couple of weeks as we’ll need time to recuperate from the festivities of the weekends.

We’ll be in and out of the office both of those weekends, as we participate in many events around town.

We also want to wish you a safe and happy Peace Treaty Celebration and look forward to seeing you out and about.

Please share your photos with us! If you have a computer and a camera and wish to download and share pictures, you may do so day or night right in front of our building. We have wireless internet that should be accessible from your 802.11b capable card in your laptop. Email me with your photos and comments: knoland@cyberlodg.com or David at: david@medicinelodge.com

How’s that for modern and civilized!

We hope you’ll share with us.

Thanks for coming.

Watch your step and have a great weekend, ya’ll!

- Kevin Noland, Publisher

A.K.A - Colonel J.K. Rankin

Today marks the 5th anniversary of the terror attacks on our country. I knew last week that I would mention it in my column and I spent a good portion of last week watching documentaries and reading up on the events that lead to what we simply now call 9-11.

Five short years ago I sat in my living room waiting my turn for the shower. I had CNN on and I was drinking coffee when the news broke that an airplane had crashed into the World Trade Center. I watched for a few seconds and then ran to tell my wife what had just happened.

I remember us both sitting in front of the TV as the second plane hit and the news rolled in about the Pentagon and flight 93 in Pennsylvania.

We were to travel in a couple of weeks. A flurry of emotion is what I remember next - fear, anger and confusion.

Not a lot got accomplished that day in my life. The day was spent watching the TV in our office listening for reports of new attacks that we were expecting. The long, tense day ended with search and rescue pulling just over 20 survivors from the towers.

Earlier this summer I went to see World Trade Center. I haven’t seen Flight 93 yet. These movies portray the courage of the people who were first hand witnesses and unwilling participants that day. At the end of the movie the names of the victims scrolled across the screen - over 2700 of them. My throat swelled up as I remembered that day. The list was long. I realized there were more people killed in that single attack than the number of people who live in Medicine Lodge.

I flipped through pages of information on the internet and came across a site dedicated to the victims of 9-11. I found their names again and my throat swelled up.

To this day I still only have a limited understanding as to why innocent life was taken and for what purpose it served the attackers. It appears obvious that there will never be peace between America and the radical Muslims.

Today, Wednesday, I have CNN on in my office and I am listening as the President defends the war on terror. I’m puzzled why anyone would think that leaving Iraq and Afghanistan would be the right thing to do now. Regardless of the reasons we went, we’re there now and we’ve brought the fight to the terrorists.

My heart breaks every time I hear about one of our soldiers being injured or killed overseas. I’m so grateful for the sacrifices they make.

That phrase came from the lips of our President shortly after the attacks on 9-11. It’s true. We value the freedom our country enjoys, but we’re often so unwilling to pay the price.

Many of my friends are paying the price. I have two great friends that are nearly my age (I’m almost 37) who serve our country. You can ask either of them why they reenlisted and you’ll get the same answer, "Someone has to do it."

Dale McCurdy and Nathan Hunt are two of my biggest heroes. They have both served our country during this war on terror, Dale in Afghanistan and Nathan in Iraq. Nathan leaves a few weeks from now for his second tour in Iraq. His wife and two small children will wait for him in Belle Plaine.

They serve because, "Someone has to do it." They are two normal Americans with lives similar to many of my other friends, with one difference. They understand what freedom costs.

I would like to personally thank all the brave men and woman who serve our Country by responding to this attack by enemies of America. We must stand together regardless of our religious beliefs or Nationalities and fight this form of terrorism - which is bent on placing us all into their religious bondage.

It has been said that we are in the midst of WWIII and most people have chosen to take a position of denial. I couldn’t agree more. We must recognize this threat for what it is and respond by destroying it now before it is too late. We must never forget the victims of 911 or any of the other attacks of terrorism that has taken lives around the globe in different Nations, their blood cries out for Justice.

A philosophical question was asked of me last week and I got a chance to ponder it. Rather than simply containing my answer(s), I thought I would share them with you.

The question directed at me: "What makes you happy?"

There are a lot of things that make me happy. I guess that my first answer of what happiness is to me is to see my kids and my wife happy. If they are happy, I am happy. I love to spend time with them.

That was an easy answer, but there is one thing in particular that makes me happy. An elaboration on my first answer would be: Enjoying the time with my family - especially in the summer.

It is easy to spend time with the ones you love, but never enjoy that time. Sitting in your living room watching a movie is not enjoying time spent with your family.

During the summer months, I’ve found myself sitting in a lawn chair next to my wife, under an umbrella, drinking a cold malt beverage and watching my kids play in the lake.

I get up from my chair, grab a Frisbee and hurl it to two young sons waiting for their turn to jump off of the dock to catch the Frisbee and land safely into inviting waters.

I laugh as they jump in and climb back out and do it all over again hundreds of times, wishing I still had that kind of energy. Hours go by and my fingers turn in to prunes.

Then moss tag begins – a game no one is safe from playing. The object: grab as much moss off of the bottom of the lake as possible and hurl it towards your closest family member. Nothing is off limits. You can shove it in their mouths or down their pants. It’s a free-for-all.

After that’s over you might take yourself a little lake bath and share play-by-play episodes of moss tag and who ate it and who had it shoved in their swimming trunks. Everyone shares a laugh and life is good. Remanants of dried moss is found days later in pockets and stuck on sandals and sunglasses.

I watch as my daughter zips by at 55 mph on a jetski and makes my heart race with excitement. I hop on one and race her to the dam and splash her. The adrenaline flows and the spray of the water cools our skin in the hot summer sun.

There’s watermelon in the cooler grown from my sister’s garden. It tastes good. I see sticky chins on every member of my family. A red stain gives them funny clown faces and they leave their sticky calling card on everything they touch.

In the late afternoon, frog castles are constructed from the finest sand and tenants are captured from the reeds growing near the water and are forced to live inside the fortress walls - unless they are able to hop out or swim for safety. But it’s temporary freedom. No frogs are safe from the public housing project my boys create. Time flies by and castles become more elaborate and more difficult to escape from. The castles are soon destroyed by the crashing waves of passing boats. Frogs leave to start new lives in smaller subdivisions. The waves are like natures etch-o-sketch and the pallet is clean for next weekend’s art.

Old toys from last year’s summer are uncovered like ancient archeology. Tiny, slimy army men still holding their weapons, ready for battle, emerge from the depths of the lake to see sunlight once again. An occasional metal car is found with its paint still shiny like it was when it was buried a year earlier. It’s like brand new Christmas presents wrapped in sand.

It’s one of the things that makes me happy. It makes the entire family happy – a day at the lake in the summer.

Everything melts away. There are no problems, no phones, no demands. The clock is the sun. It’s like I can control time and have the remote control to life. It’s on full blast on my favorite channel.

The only worries are silly ones like, wet, smelly towels left in my truck, a bag of spilt potato chips to pick up, a bug bite, a bee sting, a sticker and an occasional sunburn.

They aren’t enough to make me unhappy.

I’ve never had a bad day at the lake. Even when it rains.

"What makes you happy?"

My daughter got a new cell phone last week. She didn’t like the color of her old one and wanted something prettier.

I shopped around and found one that I thought would be practical. This phone had more bells and whistles than most phones, but was simple enough that even I could use it.

She flipped it open and a semi-grouchy female voice said, "Please say a command."

"Wow," she said, "What was that?"

I explained it had voice activated commands and she would have to train it.

She did that over and over and finally shouted, "Shut up!"

The phone went silent.

"There," she said triumphantly.

Breeann went over and activated her phone with Alltel and walked back with it up to her ear. By morning a flap of skin had grown over the phone grafting it to her head. She now wears an ear ring from it.

Kids seem to need to be in constant contact with each other. It’s cell phones, text messages, MSN Messenger, MySpace and Yahoo 24/7. Many times it’s several of these at once.

I remember passing notes in school and actually using a pencil and notebook paper with "check yes or no" boxes.

I was describing some of the features of the phone and mentioned to her that this phone had a GPS locator.

Breeann asked what GPS was.

Ah, GPS, the longest leash on the planet. I couldn’t wait to explain this.

In my day, GPS was used for launching a missile and getting within 100 feet of your target. Now GPS can pinpoint things within a few feet anywhere on the planet.

I tried to explain to her what GPS was (Global Positioning Satellite). She didn’t get it.

I wanted to tell her that:

a) I could us GPS to locate and punish any boyfriend I wanted, at any time I wanted, for any reason I wanted.

b) If she was doing anything she wasn’t supposed to be doing, the phone would call me and tell on her.

c) If she were late coming home, the phone would have her beamed from wherever she was directly into our living room where her mother and I would be waiting.

I had a feeling she was smarter than that.

I tried explaining it slowly.

"It’s so I know exactly where your phone is whenever I want to know exactly where your phone is," I said with an evil, mad-scientist voice.

I have little worry that she’ll leave the phone one place and go another.

My wife was listening. She knew where I was going with all of this.

"It means if you say you’re going to Medicine Lodge and you end up in Pratt, your dad will know," Doris added.

She still didn’t quite understand.

"I can find you by using technology built in to the phone that is detected by a satellite," I explained.

Breeann got a deer-in-the-headlights look on her face.

"Really?", she asked.

"Really", I said - and I meant it.

I think I’m going to like this phone and I think I am going to get a lot of mileage out of its features.

Maybe I’ll read the manual and find out if I can record my voice telling her things like:

a) Hey, slow down. Are you going to a fire?

b) Did you put your seat belt on?

c) You call that music?

d) Clean your room!

e) Get your hands off my daughter. This phone has GPS and I can launch a missile that will land within 100 feet of you. Wait, I mean a few feet of you, you little *^~^@$$!!

Now that is a ringtone I would love to make.

I looked at Breeann and smiled and said, "Can you hear me now?"

Have a great week!

"Cars for sale! Cars for sale!" my youngest son screamed at by-passers on Main Street last Tuesday morning.

I asked Ronda, "What’s he doing out there?"

"He’s selling cars on Main Street," she answered, not looking up from her work.

"I hoped the folks on Main Street would not press charges against the little guy for selling their cars," I answered.

Nicholas is our little businessman of the family. He frequently sets up lemonade stands and offers to sweep in front of Main Street businesses. He always has his price. Sometimes he doesn’t tell you what his price is until he’s finished the job.

For example, he asked me if he could sweep the sidewalk after I mowed.

I thought to myself, "How nice? What a good kid."

I let him and later in the evening he hit me up for $5.

Nick has no summer job and no real allowance, so he's dug deep into his toy chest and pulled out all the die-cast metal cars to try to sell for extra cash.

I looked out the window of the office. If I hadn't known any better I could have mistaken Nick for pedaling stolen or imitation Rolex watches to the public.

He hit up everyone that passed by.

He had what appeared to be a pretty sophisticated operation going on. He had dragged out some office furniture, a table, found some professional looking price tags and had set his price for goods out for anyone to buy. He just didn't have any buyers.

I walked outside.

"What are you doing out here," I asked?

"Dad, I'm selling all my cars for money," Nick proudly exclaimed.

I quickly got alarmed because Nick plays with some of the cars that were mine from my childhood that I prefer he didn't sell on Main Street. A quick inventory revealed they were indeed all his.

"Well, how are you doing so far," I asked?

"Not so good," he replied. I saw his disappointment.

I could see that traffic was low and those that did walk by, walked even faster as an eight-year-old boy tried to shout his sales pitch at them.

"Why aren't they buying from me dad," he asked?

I didn't know how to respond to him.

a) The cars are old son, but not old enough for them to be worth more than $1.

b) The cars are kind of in rough shape. Some were broken. Some had probably suffered the same fate (hammer) as some of my cars did from my childhood.

c) There wasn't a big market for tiny metal cars on Main Street on Tuesday mornings, or any mornings for that matter.

He was getting discouraged and really needed a sale.

I went back inside to observe.

Along came a fellow I knew could be rope-a-doped in to buying a tiny die cast metal car. A man who knew the value of HotWheels and MatchBox alike.

Clay Rusk was a picky buyer, but could be persuaded. He approached the table and did the whole kick-the-tire business as he walked around looking for cosmetic flaws and such. He probably wanted to see what was under the hood, but unfortunately, the hood on this particular car didn't come open and I guessed it probably didn't have an engine to look at anyway.

It was a tough sale, but even car sales veteran Steve Bowe would have been proud. Nicholas worked the sale and soon Clay gave in and forked over $1.25 for the used Matchbox car and Nicholas thanked him and closed down for the day.

It was time to figure up profit on the car. Let's see. Nicholas paid $.95 for the car and had $0 in expense in turning the car. He put it on his tiny car lot for $1.25 and didn't take a penny less. Nick netted $.30 for the morning.

Come to think of it, I paid for the car he sold. Nick netted $1.25.

Nick spent about 5 minutes on the sale, so that makes him about $25 an hour - more than I make!

What did he do with the money? He went down to Alco and spent $.95 on another car.....

Sure, telemarketing firms are annoying, but imagine how much worse it would be if instead of people, they hired yippy little dogs to make the calls.

I have heard of some pretty creative things to get even with telemarketers, but I think I have one of the best ones.

Our office receives several calls of solicitations per week. All of them begin by asking, "May I speak with the owner of the company?" Some even ask for me or my wife personally.

In any case, Doris can quickly identify them and forward them to the appropriate department.

We call this department, extension 13.

Our voicemail system at our office allows us to have up to 99 extensions. One afternoon after receiving several telemarketing calls, I walked over to one of our least-used phones, picked it up and recorded the following message: "We’re sorry, if you’ve been sent to this extension it’s probably because you are trying to sell us something we don’t want to buy. No one checks this mail box......."

It’s been quite successful and mildly entertaining for us to send folks there.

I do check the box from time to time because sometimes telemarketers actual leave messages or you can hear the pause, and then maybe even a chuckle before they hang up.

However, a few folks have called after-hours and gotten extension 13 either by mistake, or by just beating in numbers on their phone out of frustration. I do apologize for that. Please listen carefully to our menu or cut this out and keep it by your phone.

If the auto attendant picks up and you know your party’s extension type it in.

Doris - 10

Ronda - 11

Tim - 12

Kevin (me) - 14

David - 15

If you are a telemarketer and just want to be run around in circles, press 13 now.

If you are having problems with telemarkters, here’s some good ideas to get rid of them:

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?"

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up,my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...." When they try to get back to the sales process, just continue on with telling about your problems.

3. If the person says he's Joe Doe from the Rubberband Refrigerator Company, ask him to spell their name, then ask them to spell the company name, then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with Canter and Siegel services.... You: "Hang on a second." (few seconds pause) "Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?"

5. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy!! Is this really you? Oh, my God! Judy, how have you BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from.

6. Say, "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"

8. If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood - chicken blood too?"

9. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or, "That's fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn't give your credit card number to someone who's a complete stranger.

10. Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from Watertronics." You: "Watertronics!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?" Telemarketer: "Uh, Dallas, Texas." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well,see ya."

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh, my God!!!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call them back. If they say they are not allowed to give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home (this is usually the most effective method of getting rid of Telemarketers). If the person says, "Well, I don't really want to get a call at home," say, "Ya! Now you know how I feel smiling of course... [If nothing else, just thinking of this list the next time one calls you, you may begin to laugh out loud, which is sure to upset their concentration.

Last Wednesday, I received an interesting call from a sheriff’s deputy in Barber County.

A Suburban was pulled over on HWY 160 carrying 18 people. The Suburban seated 9, so twice the legal number of people were in the vehicle. As if this weren’t enough, all 18 people inside the Suburban were undocumented illegals from, you guessed it, Mexico. One had a Mexican driver’s license, who knew whether it was valid or if the driver had any warrants.

After a few phone calls to immigration and to Senator Pat Roberts Office, the deputy had to let them go.

Let them go where, I wondered?

Hopefully back to Mexico, but more likely to the next county, where the same story would be told. All of this after the day President Bush appeared on TV in Arizona and in New Mexico promising tighter boarder security and introducing the new Boarder Security Director.

Immigration authorities told our local sheriff’s department that they were not able to take care of our problem no matter how big or small.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the Mexican people. This is just ridiculous.

Have you ever travelled to Mexico? I have on several occasions. Not once was I able (or willing) to sneak across their border undocumented.

As long as you are a well-behaved tourist, Mexico is a blast, but I know from stories of first-hand accounts of Mexican jails - and it doesn’t take much to end up in one in some areas.

? ? ? ?

Someone wrote a great editorial, which explains things better than all the stuff you hear on TV.

"Recently, large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration.

Certain people are angry that the U.S. might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely.

Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests.

Let's say I break into your house.

Let's say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave.

But I say, "I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors; I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hardworking and honest (except for when I broke into your house)."

According to the protesters, not only must you let me stay, you must add me to your family's insurance plan, and provide other benefits to me and to my family (my husband will do your yard work, because he too is hardworking and honest, except for that breaking in part).

If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends, who will picket your house, carrying signs that proclaim my right to be there.

It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself.

I'm hardworking and honest ... um, except for ... well, you know.

And what a deal it is for me!

I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of selfishness, prejudice and being anti-housebreaker.

Did I miss anything?

Does this sound reasonable to you?

If it does, grab a sign and go picket something.

If this sounds insane to you, call your senators and enlighten them, because they are stumbling in the darkness right now, can't possibly understand the situation, and really need your help."

Have a great week amigos.

I enjoy TV – probably too much. Thank God summer is nearing and I have something to do other than flip through the channels avoiding commercials. I almost had to quit watching TV because I developed some sort of thumb disorder that caused it to nearly hang off the bone from flipping so much and we all know how much we need thumbs. As humans, we need those opposable thumbs for such things as playing video games, scratching the insides of our noses and choosing whether gladiators live or die. This year I decided my thumb would be green.

Since the weather has changed and TV rerun season is on, I have developed a need to be outdoors. This year Ronda and I would plant a garden. In the past 18 years of marriage we have discussed a garden at least 14 times and planted twice. Our first attempt at a garden resulted in me mowing it down along with the rest of the yard after about a month of frustration.

This year would be different. We would have a super-garden that even a bag of kryptonite fertilizer couldn’t kill.

A few weeks ago I decided to get out the rototiller that hadn’t been started since my attempt at a lawn for my house in 1999. Since being unsuccessful at growing something as simple as grass, I have stuck to easily growing moldy items in my refrigerator.

After digging through the shed looking for the rototiller, I found it. For some stroke of dumb luck, it started on the second pull, not counting the 46 pulls before realizing it had no gas in the gas tank.

A puff of smoke later, I had an earth-chewing machine at my disposal and I was ready to use it, even though I had no idea what to do with it.

I spent the next few days tilling and building a fence to keep out the critters. We planted the vegetables a few nights later. Our garden is growing and Ronda and I think we might have a knack for this. Every single plant we put in the ground is now growing.

My sis came over that evening with her family and dropped a hint that she too wanted a garden, but her rototiller was broken. Since the last time I did something nice for her was to give her Barbie a free hair cut in 1981, I volunteered to help her get her garden started.

The next day I drove to her house and called her to find out exactly where she wanted it. She and my brother-in-law had a lot of cattle earlier this year near their house and built a nice stock yard. They felt this would be the best place to grow a garden since the cows had kindly fertilized for them.

I located the exact spot and fired up the tiller. I was going to make my sister a garden and I was feeling pretty good about myself. The tiller fired up and I engaged the tines and put the tiller to the ground. The second I did I fully realized what 200 head of cattle waling around does to the earth. For those of you who don’t understand where this is going, a 1200 pound cow packs the ground harder than concrete. The tiller skipped across the ground and before I knew it, I was face down in something that didn’t smell very pleasant.

I jumped up and made sure no one saw me. I was safe, only their donkey "Shooter" was there. I tried again. Shooter came near and chewed on the handle of the tiller as to say, "let me help you…. idiot."

After he stuck his nose in my rear-end a couple of times, I let him out of the pen. He stood near showing his teeth. I’m sure he was laughing. I continued to work - and work it was. I made several more attempts at tilling that resembled something more like water skiing. I spent two hours to get a spot 12’ by 20’ long – about half the area my sister wanted for a garden.

I was beginning to think a little glue, some hair from Shooter’s tail and a sincere apology could fix that Barbie.

I took a break and opened my cooler to get a sandwich. My entire body hurt and my thumbs had no feeling. Great, I could have just continued flipping channels and crippling them that way.

Maybe next year I can grow grass on concrete.

Have a great week!

My mission seemed easy – infiltrate a Kansas Corvair club meeting on April 8, 2006 in Derby, Kansas.

Under cover, I would be traveling with David Fasgold, owner of one such car, the Corvair of 1965.

The objective – find out what the heck all these guys are doing buying and refurbishing cars that Ralph Nadar says are unsafe at any speed.

My journey began at 5 p.m. Saturday as we left Medicine Lodge on HWY 160 in a car I was unsure could actually make the speed limit. Surprisingly, it did a few times.

We just missed the supper meeting place and proceeded to find the meeting at the city’s recreation building.

It was pretty easy to find. Look for all the geeky guys driving upside down bathtub-looking cars. We saw the dozen or so cars lined up in the parking lot of the recreation commission along with their respected owners. Each of these guys resembled "Ned Flanders" of the cartoon "The Simpsons" on Fox. In fact, I later learned that their dee diddlee doo leader was none other than a man named "Ned."

David grew excited as we drove into the parking lot. Like he’d just seen an old war buddy that was reported KIA. Actually, most of these cars were reported KIA, but someone kept resurrecting them and dragging them out to Corvair meetings. There were more cars than people. This made me scratch my head until it was made known many of the owners had multiple examples of the Corvair that they had brought for this meeting. There were competitions between those with later and earlier models, so everyone brought out every piece of scrap they could find.

I also felt like I was in a scene from invasion of the body snatchers where all the other Corvair guys were detecting that I wasn’t part of their group and they pointed and shrieked at me, a way of identify outsiders to their group. I would be consumed by their slimy pods.

As a kid, I always wanted to be in a club. The only things I collected were stamps. However, there was no club and nobody met. If we would have met, it would have gone something like this.

"Hey Brett, nice One Cent Lincoln Stamp. You didn’t lick that did you? If you licked it, you cut the value in half. I would have been more interested in the club for protection from rival clubs like the sports card collectors.

These guys were passionate about their Corvair club. Many of the guys were wearing Corvair attire like hats, shirts, jackets and possibly underwear.

Within five minutes of our arrival, David and most of the members were on the ground, prostrate, worshiping a silver Corvair. I later learned they were all examining the drive train. My mistake. The meeting moved inside and "Ned", their leader, opened the meeting by introducing everyone.

Being on the guest side of the table, I was introduced as the guy who, "Didn’t own a Corvair, but did own an AMC Gremlin." There were grunts and long thoughtful groans as eyes around the room focused on me. I didn’t know whether to break out and run or say, "Look, over there! Ralph Nader is keying your cars!" or just slip outside and quietly stack their cute little cars all together so they couldn’t pull out of the parking lot.

The meeting was well underway when David took the floor to make a very important announcement.

"There’s a car and bike show in Medicine Lodge on Saturday, June 3, 2006," he said. "Our band, Dorfus CrackTractor will be playing at the show," he continued. David brought flyers and was handing them out.

Now David is a Corvair club member who could be considered a "newbie" to the Derby area. This seemed to attract attention. He was a Corvair enthusiast and a musician. I could see that there was a movement of interest towards our end of the table.

An alpha male of the Corvair group spoke up and announced that there was a meet in El Dorado that same day and there were "free" hot dogs after the parade.

Crap, those darn "free" hot dogs.

Someone announced to the group that the car show t-shirts in Medicine Lodge were free to those who paid their entries.

The alpha male reminded the group of how nice the people were that put on the parade in El Dorado.

David was losing the crowd. I could see he was in trouble and needed my help.

I disguised my voice and said, "I make a motion we all go to Medicine Lodge to their car and bike show. All in favor say so!"

I didn’t fool anyone. They knew it was me--the guy with the AMC Gremlin. The only car that drew more attention from the Corvair, simply by being uglier and probably more unsafe.

"Get them," I heard them scream as they lit their torches!

No, actually they laughed.

After much discussion about, none other than Corvairs, and a small argument about how big the steaks should be at their next get together, the group did "show and tell." Ned started by sharing his very funny story about his Corvair checking account and his difficulties cashing a money order. Knowing that I was about to say something I would regret or would warrant a severe beating, I quietly left my seat and wondered the hallways of the recreation building.

I heard music down the long corridor. I walked the line and peeked in the room where the strangest thing caught my attention. Square dancers.

I had gone from bad to worse. I watched through the reflection in the glass on a window across from the square dancers until a man came out and I quickly returned to my seat.

Back at show and tell, it was David’s turn and he held up his item for the group.

A long series of "ooooooo’s" and "ahhhhhhhh’s" filled the room as David showed off his rebuilt door hinge and spring.

It was like David had traveled to a far off land with his new invention, "fire."

At 45 mph, we traveled home from Derby with no heater. I reflected on the strange Corvair people.

David had won their respect.

The evening was very surreal. The last thing that struck me odd was seeing a bonfire in the distance and jokingly saying, "Oh look, a KKK meeting. Maybe we should catch that too."

Seconds later we were passed by an early 80’s model Chevy pickup that had two Confederate flags mounted in back. The truck turned in to the bonfire.

We said nothing to each other until Wellington.

It’s the hottest thing going now. If you don’t have one, you’re a square. Wait, that was so fifties.

Web blogs are now the "in" thing. If you don’t know what a blog is, I’m sure someone has written an entire blog on blogging.

What is a blog?

I first heard the word a few years ago and thought it was a cool word, but the concept wasn’t anything new. According to the blogging experts, a blog is a shared on-line journal where people can post diary entries about their personal experiences and hobbies. Blogs are also like opinions and opinions are like, well you know…..

Like I said, nothing new here, just building on an old concept that a teenage girl kept in a pink book with a tiny, worthless lock and key. Yeah, sis, I read your "blogs", only it was a called a diary back then and Strawberry Shortcake was on the cover. I’m really sorry about leaving you at the cemetery late that one night when you were only 7.

I did a quick search of blogs and there are blogs on dogs, blogs on cats blogs on war, blogs on Bush, blogs on television shows, blogs on current events, blogs on health and yes, even blogs on creating blogs. It seems everyone wants to share their experience about something.

This is mostly being done by the younger generation of web surfers who spend their entire night on the Internet, which, by the way it is 12:09 a.m. and I am still working on putting this info into a Word Document. So, it’s kind of a blog.

Blogs are too much of an open book in most cases. They have become popular with services such as "MySpace.com". I think it is a HUGE mistake to keep a blog here where people and potential perverts can learn almost all they need to know about you with the click of a mouse.

No worries for me though. This is how my blog would read:

Dear blog,

I have to get up. It’s time for my shower and to get dressed. Which pair of camo pants will I wear today? Tiger stripes, desert combat or jungle? They are all so comfortable. I love the way Ronda makes my socks smell. I don’t know how she does it. Brushing your teeth and shaving in the shower saves so much time and it’s so much less messy. You just have to be awake enough to know which to shave with and which to brush your teeth with.

It’s now 10 a.m. I’m not sure how I got here at my desk. I’ve had my 12th cup of coffee. I can’t find my glasses. Oh, here they are on my head. Wow, it’s already time for lunch. I hate waiting 5 1/2 minutes on high to nuke a Healthy Choice dinner that will leave me hungry in 30 minutes. I’ll just cook two to be safe.

Early this afternoon, I was all alone. Oh, the horror. Thank God Ronda came back from the post office when she did. The phone was a killer and one customer asked a question that I just couldn’t answer. Fortunately, I was only convinced to sign up for one more credit card and the customer wanted a "prescription" not a "subscription". I hope he’s not mad that I sent him down the street to the pharmacy.

I’ve answered all my emails without buying a fake Rolex, investing in a company called IMOD, or refinancing my property at 110 N. Main that I don’t even own - not a bad day’s work. I should get a Black Cherry Coke and celebrate.

Before leaving town, I aired up my tire. I’ve been doing this for two weeks. I should just get the hole fixed, but I get great satisfaction from filling up something on my truck for "FREE".

For supper I had chicken on the grill, a baked potato and salad.

I’m so glad they kicked Lisa off of the American Idol. She just didn’t have the right voice and Simon hated her.

Before bed, I ate a bowl of Grape Nuts. I’m ahead of the next day on my fiber intake.

I’m changing the channel to….. Man, Bill O’Reilly is a genius. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I’m also in a particularly interesting position of having to eat right and exercise due to a recent (4 months ago now) heart episode.

It’s amazing what some chest pain and a couple of surgeries will do to get you motivated to take care of yourself.

And so it goes....

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"

And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 18.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island and Ranch Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep -fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created insurance companies and HMOs.

Ok God, it’s your turn. Save us......

It’s not easy getting fit, but one place in town does make it a little easier. The Wellness Center on Main Street has super torture devices, I mean exercise equipment and expert advice on how to shed pounds, tone up and get heart healthy.

Maybe you’ve thought about stopping in, but you just can’t seem to find the time or build up the courage. Or maybe you were like me and went every day for more than a year and then stopped suddenly and never got the motivation to go back?

I’m writing this not only to encourage you to find the time and motivation, I’m also trying to keep myself motivated.

According to the U.S. Health and Human Service: Physical inactivity contributes to 300,000 preventable deaths each year in the United States.

Daily physical activity can (among other things):

• Substantially reduce the risk of developing cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, and certain cancers.

• Lower blood pressure and cholesterol.

• Help slow the development or progression of osteoporosis.

• Reduce the livelihood of obesity and symptoms such as anxiety and depression.

• Ease the symptoms of arthritis.

Thirty minutes, four times a week can make a difference in your health. Stop by or call 886-5370 to find out how you can benefit from The Wellness Center.

Have a great, healthy week!

Don't put those winter coats away just yet. What? You never got them out?

The world's most famous weather prognosticating groundhog was roused from his burrow at 7:23 a.m. Thursday and saw his shadow, a sign that there will be six more weeks of winter.

I said, "Bring it on" as I walked outside in my shorts and sandals at 8 a.m. to get the dog. Isn’t global warming wonderful?

And though the crowds booed, hundreds were rowdy anyway, dressed in black and gold and swirling Pittsburgh Steelers Terrible Towels in the air in anticipation of Sunday's Super Bowl. Again, I yawned.

Phil even got in on the Steelers frenzy, with his handlers draping a Terrible Towel over him as he emerged. Earlier, members of the groudhog's famed Inner Circle threw the trademark towels at the crowds as they sang "Here we go Steelers!" Phil, scared, pooped on the floor.

Each Feb. 2, thousands of people descend on Punxsutawney, a town of about 6,100 people located about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh, for a little midwinter revelry, celebrating what had essentially been a German superstition.

The Germans believed that if a hibernating animal casts a shadow Feb. 2 — the Christian holiday of Candlemas — winter will last another six weeks. If no shadow is seen, legend says spring will come early.

"This is just a ball. I'm having so much fun," said Nancy Durr, who had rub-on Punxsutawney Phil tattoos on each of her cheeks. Durr, of Paxton, Neb., who came to this small western Pennsylvania town with her six brothers and sisters to celebrate her 50th birthday.

"Next year, I am going to water a plant and watch it grow," she said.

She had been outside awaiting Phil's arrival since about 2:15 a.m. Thursday. Seriously... I won’t even stand in line for free concert tickets and this chick stood outside for a rodent....

"I just always wanted to spend my birthday here," she said.

Susan Leal traveled from Rancho Cucamonga, Calif. The trip was a gift from her husband, John, for her 40th birthday.

I think John needs to spice things up a bit.

"I've always dreamed of coming to see Punxsutawney Phil," Leal said. "It's in my genes. I have just always wanted to do this."

According to the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, Phil has seen his shadow 96 times, hasn't seen it 14 times and there are no records for nine years. That makes Phil the oldest-living, mostly wrong, groundhog of all times.....

The last time Phil failed to see his shadow was in 1999. Still, Thursday's forecast was calling for variable cloudiness and a high of about 48 degrees — significantly warmer than the temperatures in the teens the last two years.

But the weather is secondary. The real point is having fun.

"It's kind of crazy that so many people come here," said Justine Juart, 21, of Punxsutawney. Justine is obviously single.

Nic Weymouth, 27, and Ben Thompson, 30 (also probably single), traveled from Alabama to join in the fun. Both are big fans of the 1993 Bill Murray movie "Groundhog Day."

I’m guessing Justine will hook up with one of these party animals....

"That's probably what turned us on to Groundhog Day," said Weymouth, a preacher.

Thompson began planning the journey while he was in Tanzania, Africa, where he spent two years as a missionary.

"He said, 'The first February I'm home, we're going to Punxsutawney,"' Weymouth said while stopped at the edge of town to pose for pictures in front of a large groundhog cutout.

Because no tickets are sold, organizers don't do an official count. But, an estimated 2,000 people were on hand last year, when Groundhog Day fell on a Wednesday. Crowds are larger when Groundhog Day falls on or closer to the weekend and in 2002, estimates placed the number of revelers at 30,000 to 40,000.

Interest in the town's festivities got a huge boost after "Groundhog Day," in which Murray plays a television reporter covering Groundhog Day. Each day he wakes up to the same day.

"As repetitive as it can be, it's different every year," said Mike Johnston, a member of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club's Inner Circle — the top-hat- and tuxedo-wearing businessmen responsible for carrying on the tradition.

In his regular duties, Johnston is the evil banker who knocks on widows’ doors demanding payment on the mortgage or face foreclosure on the farm... Have a great week!

"Roughing it" is a phrase that seldom slips into my vocabulary. I admire those who can rough it, but it’s not a situation I try to put myself in. I hear stories from my friend Nate, who is in the Army. He told me a tale of survival in a course he took years ago. In his survival course, Nate was forced to live off the land for several days while eluding an imaginary force of "bad" army guys. At one point in his two week long adventure without food, he was forced to eat the remains of a freshly hit dog on the highway. He said it tasted like chicken and really wasn’t that bad.

If I were on the run for two weeks without food I am sure I would resort to eating some pretty disgusting things, but I would hope I could find a payphone and order Dominos Pizza, which I find disgusting.

You could say that roughing it for me would be settling for a hotel without a coffee pot or hair dryer in the room. I’m kind of used to being somewhat pampered. I hear the stories of people who survived plane crashes by eating other victims. Most likely, I would have been been the passenger who was eaten. I might be able to force myself to eat another human being if there was like a cargo hold of Ranch Dressing on the plane with me. I just hope to never be in that situation.

It’s all over the news. You see where an unlikely survivor of an earthquake was able to hold out for several days with nothing to eat or drink other than his own….. yes, urine. It’s disgusting, but amazing.

I don’t even camp because I can’t be without my necessities. I’m so set in my ways and routine that I can hardly manage if faced with having to rough it.

Last week we made a trip to Wichita to my daughter’s ball tournament. The game ended late, dinner reservations fell through, and we were forced to take a late spot at a restaurant for our group of 10 people. Service took a long time and by the time dinner was finished, it was nearly 11 p.m. and we were full and tired. Nobody wanted to drive home and since we have family that live in the Wichita area, they convinced us to just spend the night.

Spending the night anywhere other than my own bed takes preparation at the very least for me. Many things have to be packed in my "survivor" kit before I can sleep away from home. I’m kind of anal in this respect, but it’s just who I am and I am not about to change.

Some of my essentials include, but are not limited to: Toothpaste and toothbrush, mouthwash, Q-tips, my brand of soap, razor, shampoo and conditioner, my vitamins and heart medicine are a must, clean clothes, my bathrobe, jam jams, my contour pillow, a fan for white noise, my laptop, a TV, my dog, bottled water, a bedtime snack, chapstick and a nightlight.

It takes me several days in advance to pack for a one night’s stay with friends or family. I just can’t help it.

My wife will tell you she is less maintenance, but she’s lying. I’ve seen her pack things like, pillows, several changes of clothes and shoes and even our coffee pot and coffee before.

I will admit, coffee is essential for me as well, but when staying in Wichita, I can usually hold out until I reach a Starbucks, which are conveniently located every 250 feet apart in the city. Ronda, on the other hand, must have "her" coffee, made at her convenience.

So we were roughing it last weekend when we had none of the above with us and were forced to spend the night. We slept in the same clothes as we had on the day before, were forced to shower with other than our own soap and even had to skip brushing our teeth. But my wife would not go without coffee, and being an early riser, was first up and on the hunt for the magic brown fluid we so love.

Not being familiar with our cousins’ house, Ronda searched frantically for coffee. After finding the coffee pot and some stale coffee (our cousins aren’t big coffee drinkers) she went in search of the coffee filters. Apparently, the search for coffee filters went on for several minutes before Ronda’s survival instinct kicked in. She finally gave up and began thinking of ways to make coffee without the coffee filter.

I could smell the coffee brewing and knew it was my cue to get up and partake. Little did I know what she had done.

I poured myself a cup and sat down at the breakfast table. Just as I was about to take a sip she said, "I had to improvise on the coffee this morning."

The cup was nearly at my lips. The aroma filled my nose with joy.

"I couldn’t find the filters so I went into the baby’s room and searched for something to make a filter with," she said.

"Oh?," I said.

By this time I was flirting with the warmth of the coffee on my lips.

"I got a diaper out and cut out the middle and made a filter," she proudly proclaimed!

I put the coffee down and I know I must have looked scared.

"What’s wrong," she asked?

By this time our cousin Andy was in the room and overheard her coffee story and ran into the baby’s room. He returned with the diaper box and began reading the materials in the diapers.

The anatomy of a Disposable Diaper: The outer cover of a disposable diaper is made of special plastic that has been formulated to feel like cloth. But it's still plastic, and it is waterproof and coffee proof, so Ronda cut that part off.

The absorbent middle layer, or Ronda’s makeshift coffee filter, is the essence of the "magic" disposable. It has a cotton/polyester mesh that covers a chemical powder that will turn into gel when it gets wet and release pleasing fragrance. The gel is supposed to stay inside the diaper but it's common for parents to find gel beads on their baby's skin during a diaper change or in Ronda’s case, in the bottom of her cup. The gel will allow for multiple pees, or one good brew, before needing a change. The child will probably not feel wet until the diaper gets very full. And for the coffee drinker? Well, the coffee drinker may or may not become ill, depending on how many cups he or she drinks from the baby diaper coffee filter.

It was an hour later before we made it to Starbucks, but I am proud to say, I made it without drinking Ronda’s survival brew.

Have a great week!

You’ve probably heard someone say it, or even have said it yourself, "kids think they’re so smart." Some even think they’re smarter than their parents. Being the father of two teenagers, a boy and a girl, I experience the intelligence of both sexes of this generation. But hold on – we may have spoken too soon.

A cliché it may be, but you have to admit it’s true. Most kids are much smarter than their parents at programming the video recorder or setting up the new computer. Almost certainly they can thrash Mom and Dad at video games. And they always think they are smarter than their parents.

But here’s the surprise: those kids may be right. If IQ tests tell us anything at all, today’s young people really are smarter than their parents! Studies from numerous countries suggest that IQ scores have been rising sharply since at least the 1950s.

Humans, it seems, even teenagers, are getting more and more clever with each passing generation.

But not so fast. Intelligence is a slippery thing at the best of times. There’s a serious argument among psychologists over just what the upward trend in IQ scores really means. Some researchers argue that we’re not getting more intelligent overall, just getting better at a particular sort of problem-solving.

In my travels and studies of the human teenager subject, I believe the trend may be about to grind to a screeching halt. My new research proves that parents are actually smarter than their children 60% of the time, everytime.

Humor me for a moment.

Remember back when you were a kid. Think about an instance where you were caught doing something you weren’t supposed to be doing. Got something in your mind now? Good. Now remember your parents saying something like, "Don’t try to pull that over on me. I was your age once and I’ve done everything you’ve done (and possibly more) and you won’t get away with it."

Your parents remind you that they’ve been there, done that, and that you as a teenager weren’t doing anything new.

Now fast forward to 2006. Yes, it’s already 2006 and still no flying cars.

My middle son, Joey, is 13 and for the most part, a really good kid. He avoids mischief, when at all possible. He’s your typical teenage boy: gamer, always sitting in front of either the TV or the PC, showers more frequently and without being reminded as often, eats anything not healthy or nailed down, has an attention span shorter than Ashlee Simpson’s career and has one annoying habit – he has to jump up and touch the ceiling like every 10 minutes.

I don’t know if it is his way of showing us how tall he is, how high he can jump, or if he just wants to be reassured he has a roof over his head, but Joey loves to run and jump and touch the ceiling. Breeann, my 16 year-old daughter, did the same when she was younger and often resorts to this same behavior when provoked by her brother.

I also remember this isn’t anything "new" to teenagers.

Rewind with me to 1985-1986.

It was a new school year with new seniors and I recall third hour. The bell would ring and the room cleared and we would have three minutes to get to our next class. A group of upper classmen would run down the hall by the art classroom (taught by none other than Claudia Vollbacht). As they passed her classroom door, there was a short flight of stairs that everyone naturally jumped over. While jumping, it was customary for them to slap the speaker-bell hanging over the stairs. The bell was kind of loose and would swing a little bit and made for a fun target. After a while, we as freshmen would do the same thing. Art imitates life I guess.

One morning that tradition came to a halt, when a friend of mine (name withheld to protect his identity) jumped up and hit the bell. The bell swung a bit then was hit by another friend (name withheld to protect his identity). This time the bell came flying off the ceiling and went skidding down the hallway.

We were terrified.

I remember clearly the interrogations of Bud Moore, principal at the time. There were too many witnesses and eventually there came a confession.

Now fast forward to present again.

Jumping up and touching the ceiling seems to be an unavoidable behavior in teenagers. I often get annoyed by this, but usually let it pass. The one rule I have is: If you jump and touch the ceiling don’t hit anything or break anything. It’s not really a written or spoken rule, but it is implied and understood clearly.

But that didn’t stop Joey from jumping up and slapping a certain item on our ceiling last week.

In our home we have several fire and smoke detecting devices. One such device is a spring-loaded fire alarm that, once heat is detected over a certain temperature, it releases a triggered spring that sets off a 10 minute alarm that cannot be stopped until the spring reaches the end. The alarm is, well, "alarming." It is perhaps the loudest, most annoying sound in the world, next to Ashlee Simpson singing. The alarm is designed to, well, "alarm" in the event of fire in your home.

What happened next took place in slow motion. I watched as Joey came out of the bathroom and jumped up and hit the fire alarm. He gave it a tap and knocked off the trigger. The alarm well, "went off" and "alarmed us" to his stunt.

Everyone came out of their rooms to see what was happening.

In an unrelated side note, I did discover that in the event of a fire in my home, the alarm will sound and everyone will come to where the alarm is and die a horrible death after being engulfed by flames. But that’s another column.

I was not pleased by this act of stupidity, but wasn’t particularly angry. I was annoyed because we were getting our house in order for company. I was cooking dinner and Ronda was cleaning. Now we were all holding our hands over our ears like we were listening to an Ashlee Simpson song.

You can’t stop the noise, but you can muffle it by holding your hand on the alarm. And what more of an appropriate punishment could be handed down than to place a chair under the alarm and force Joey to stand on his tippy-toes muffling it? How about winding the alarm after it is finished? That takes about 10 minutes as well and is a feat in itself.

I did learn something by all of this. IQ levels may be on the rise in our youngsters, but stupidity is still handed down from generation to generation.

Have a great week!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, but don't expect to hear someone say it.

There sure is a lot of noise this year about saying "Happy Holidays" or "Merry Christmas.

I was thinking about the whole "Merry Christmas" vs. "Happy Holidays" debate. Why can’t the atheists and/or the ACLU leave that alone? I don’t remember them going after the "Happy Halloween" crowd. Since when does Satan and Frankenstein get more pull than Jesus and Santa Claus?

Even commercials and advertisers are giving in to pressure by excluding saying "Merry Christmas" in their promotions. It’s pretty silly to see a picture of a Christmas tree accompanied by "Happy Holidays". Come on, it’s a Christmas tree, not a Holiday tree.

I don’t mind a "Happy Holiday" greeting from someone. I just don’t want it replacing my traditional feelings for Christmas. And I don’t want it imposed on me that it isn’t OK to say "Merry Christmas".

What really fires people up over this issue is that Christmas is a religious holiday and almost 90% of Americans celebrate it and observe it as a Christian holiday. Why then are we making such a fuss over 10% of the country not observing it?

I’ve read stories where retailers are making their employees say "Happy Holidays" as opposed to "Merry Christmas" so as not to offend anyone. Well, that offends me and I am sure it offends a majority of the employees it is imposed upon. For example, Wal-mart is one of many stores asking its employees to replace "Merry Christmas" with "Happy Holidays". The company says its trying not to offend anyone, by catering to one kind of celebration.

What’s next? Will we have to be so politically correct that we have to change the greetings of all the holidays? If we have to, let me be the first to make them up.

I’m sending out a memo to all my employees. It will now be proper for them to say the following greetings where appropriate holidays come in to question.....

- Happy day we celebrate the nation’s symbol sewn onto cotton and flown from a pole!

- Happy day off work! (No, never mind.... just work!)

- Happy recognition of those who have died day! (at least we all celebrate or become celebrated on this one...)

- Happy feelings for another human being day where we give flowers and chocolates to show our affections! Gender not important, so as not to offend.

- Happy beer drinking, green wearing day!

- Happy ignite gunpowder fueled, loud noise making devices that light up the sky day!

- Happy first day of May! ... duh

- Happy person you work for day!

- Happy Martin Luther King Day! Oh.... that one’s already politically correct.

- Happy leader of our country day!

- Happy chocolate egg laying rabbit day! They’ve already screwed that one up.

- Happy birth giving human day! This one applies to both men and women who have chosen to procreate.

- Happy round-globe of which we live on day!

- Happy "man who supposedly discovered our country" day!

- Happy .....August.... (There wasn’t anything going on and to be fair to all the months.....)

- Happy devil worshiping day! OK, that was uncalled for, I know.... so how about... - Happy scary mask, candy eating day!

- Happy war people day.

- Happy overeating, while watching football day!

- Happy first calendar day of the year!

Anyway, I’ll be saying "Merry Christmas" this season and don’t worry, I won’t be offended if you say "Happy Holidays" back to me, but don’t even expect me to get you a "Happy Holiday Gift" because it isn’t going to happen.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! Ha, I said it!

Sometime between Labor Day and Valentines we rush into this frenzy of holidays that I like to call "Hallowthanksnewismasyear". It’s a time where leaves fall off trees, we hang pumpkins off the turkey tree and eat black beans, while promising to lose weight and stop looking more and more like that guy who brought us presents on December 25th.

It all just seems like a blur, but we just celebrated Halloween and this week we’ll be eating turkey. I’d say I don’t know where the time went, but since I spent 5 days in ICU at the Kansas Heart Hospital, a week off my feet and now back to half days at the office, I have a good idea where the time went.

With my recent "heart episode" I have been trying to follow a new type of diet. It’s the type of diet where you eat food that doesn’t taste good, while watching your friends stand in line for corn dogs at the deli. You can only imagine how difficult this is during the holidays.

If it just wasn’t plain wrong, I’d wish heart-attacks on them all for eating that stuff in front of me, but I’m not that vicious and I am really starting to enjoy things with 0g of "trans-fats" NOT. These things are called "air" for the most part. You just imagine you’re eating something yummy while in reality, you’re just breathing.

This whole new diet thing is like trying to quit smoking. I remember after quitting long ago the smells of someone who had just smoked a cigarette and how bad I wanted one. You just wanted to put your nose in close to them and inhale, hoping to catch a buzz off of the nicotine trapped in their hair. My mom came to visit me last weekend and I gave her a hug and caught a whiff of something, "Hey, you smell like Mexican food!" She had just eaten Mexican food in Pratt. Man, I wished I could have had Mexican food. I have missed the friendly, dark-skinned, border-crossing, heart-haters’ food. And I miss their funny big hats.

I padded her down, but didn’t find anything on her and sent her on her way.

Ronda felt bad for me. She knew I wanted Mexican so she surprised me with chips and salsa one afternoon. I eagerly tore into the sack of chips and had her open the jar (I didn’t have the strength to open a jar and wanted her to feel useful – hey, give me a break. I just had a heart attack three weeks ago.)

I dipped the chip into the salsa and took a bite, "What the heck is this?"

I didn’t mean to be ungrateful, but I’ve tasted cardboard with more flavor than these chips. I looked at the bag and they were "baked" chips. I had tasted the salsa, but the chip wasn’t really there. It was more like a delivery system for the salsa. After reading the bag, I understood why I didn’t taste the chip. The chips had no "trans fats", no "saturated fats", no "sodium", no "carbs" and most importantly, absolutely no "taste". They were like a disposable, dissolving spoon…….

I began to wonder, had I been delivered from my heart attack to be forced into a world of hellish tasting foods? For a moment I wished my brush with death had turned out differently.

Being in ICU for five days was like introducing kryptonite to Superman. I was weak and needed to regain my strength. Since they didn’t feed me well in the hospital, I expected to be fed once I got home.

I had been fortunate enough to have Ronda as my nurse while home resting. There were many benefits to having my attractive wife as my nurse. For one thing, she would cook me some pretty darn good meals that week I was home getting my strength back. She also helped me out of my chair, helped me put on my socks, etc....

Once I started venturing out of the house before lunch, I became responsible for my own nourishment with strict orders to stay within the rules for eating: no trans fats, low saturated fats, no taste, you get the idea.

Have you ever shopped for foods without these things in them? It’s pretty tough. I’ve learned to hate reading labels on foods. They’re like seeing attractive movie rental covers and then reading the back to find out that no one you know is in the movie and it probably sucks. After reading several, you pick one that looks good, go home and watch it, only to find out it sucks. That’s what food shopping has been like for me.

As a general rule, if there is a food I once liked and it has a substitute sitting next to it that has a big "low fat" sticker on it – avoid it like the plague. It won’t taste anything like what I remembered the good stuff did.

Last week we dug out the George Foreman Grill. I soon realized why we had stored it away in the first place. If you want to make yourself a tasteless, greaseless steak, here’s your tool. It cooks a sirloin in 5 minutes and leaves it as tasty as a piece of shoe leather.

And now that I’ve managed to eat right for three weeks, we enter into the middle of the "Hallowthanksnewismasyear" holiday, commonly known as "Thanksgiving". Thanksgiving is better known for foods that have great taste, possibly so great, I can’t eat it.

Let’s examine the menu:

Turkey: yes, I can eat that as long as you peel off all the skin, rinse off all the taste, make sure it’s white meat and that the turkey had a complete physical before becoming the meal.

Ham: no, this is pork and pork is very fattening. Did Porky ever look healthy to you?

Dressing: no, I shouldn’t eat this. I don’t really know what’s in there, but it tastes way too good to be something that I can eat. I should avoid this, but I will probably take some and hide it under Beets. Beets are ok, but I hate them. They’ll simply come in handy for hiding things I can’t eat. I’ll throw them away once I’ve dug out the yummy foods underneath.

Green bean casserole: Yes, I can eat this once I rinse off the cream of mushroom and French-fried onions, making this dish simply "green beans".

Mashed potatoes and gravy: Yes and no. I can eat the mashed potatoes without the gravy, but only about a teaspoon of them because starchy foods should be avoided.

Bacon-wrapped water chestnuts: Yes, I can eat these after disassembling them into their basic elements – the toothpick, the water chestnut and the bacon. I can eat the toothpick and water chestnut but have to throw the bacon away.

Layered salads: No, I hate this stuff anyway and now I have an excuse why I can’t eat it. Not only does it make me gag, but it is full of trans-fats, or so I have been told.

Rolls: Yes, as long as they are whole-grained breads and no butter or margarine. Just choke it down with a glass of water.

Dessert: Are you kidding? If I get dessert it will be while hiding in the closet somewhere while the football game is on.

Happy Thanksgiving......

From November 7, 2005

Have you ever had one of those days that didn’t go as planned?

My column is going to be a bit scattered this week, but bare with me and find meaning in it, where you can.

I had one of those days last Monday. It was a Monday like any other Monday that started off great, but ended in near death for me. Yes, you read that correctly.

I got to work kind of late, got some work done and grabbed a bite to eat. After lunch I began experiencing some discomfort that I credited to the spicy food I had just eaten. I blew off the first couple of waves of pain and went about my business.

The pain didn’t stop and it came more frequently and I became concerned. This was the type of pain you see on TV when Fred Sanford had a heart attack. I didn’t really think that was the case, but didn’t want to risk it. So, like a good boy I drove myself to see my doctor.

By 1:30 p.m., my pain hadn’t stopped and my doctor believed I was indeed having a heart attack. He called a helicopter for me, put me on the necessary meds to stabilize me and by 4:30 p.m. I was at the Kansas Heart Hospital in Wichita, KS.

Tuesday morning, bright and early, I had a heart cath that revealed I was nearly 100% blocked on one side and 75% on the other. They immediately fixed the 100% blockage and sent me back to bed until Thursday afternoon to repair the other side.

I’m 36 and I have a family history of heart problems. But I never imagined in a million years I could have been so close to death over something you rarely think about – your heart.

You might read in our classified section letters of thanks and appreciation from people who have been in similar situations, but I sort of skim them. They didn’t have much meaning until now. It’s pretty tough to be able to express thanks in the classified section of my paper, but it just so happens I don’t have to. I can do it here and I can do it in a way that draws attention to several things.

Pete Meador has been my friend for a number of years and he’s been my family’s doctor for longer than I can recall. I’ve always known he’s a good doctor – even when I second guess him. I’ll stop doing that.

By God’s grace, Pete saved my life and gave me a little longer to be with my family and friends. Hey Medicine Lodge… We have a really good hospital and really competent people working there. If you don’t believe me get really sick and go see them. There are great nurses there, responsive EMTs, gentle lab technicians and people who will stop their other jobs to take care of someone in need. I was that someone.

I also got to take a helicopter ride that I am sure will be an interesting bill to open when I get home! These folks were really cool, although they wouldn’t fly me by my house to pick up an extra change of clothes or let me try flying. They’re just real people with important jobs that they take very seriously. They got me to Wichita in one piece and I appreciate it.

l love my family so much. They showed so much concern for me. Lowell and Cheri Dohrmann brought my kids up to see me Tuesday. My children were so sweet. Nicholas, my seven-year-old, already started changing his diet to accommodate me and my new diet! Joey and Nicholas both drew me funny pictures and my Daughter BreeAnn wrote me a beautiful letter that, well, it made me cry.

My wife held it together. She’s amazing. I went in for my second heart cath on her birthday Thursday, November 3. That’s not exactly how we planned on spending her birthday. She spent it in the waiting room with my parents and my sister and a friend Tim Crow. Later she fed me and stayed with me while I laid still for 4 hours.

Thursday’s heart cath was a little more complicated. I had some damage and blockage they hadn’t seen on the first peek. After about three hours on the table, they came out smiling and so did I.

I actually had them smiling going in. Humor was my way of relaxing (the awesome drugs they give you didn’t hurt either).

There’s a good group of people at Kansas Heart Hospital. My Doctor Roberts and his staff fixed my bad vessels. RNs: Jan, Angie, Mike, Brian, Mindi, Tami , Dani and Veronica – you guys made my stay a little easier. I would also like to thank the makers of Ativan, Valium, Restoril and Versed for making me extremely comfortable and Making Pink Floyd’s "The Wall" so much more interesting.

Our family here in the Wichita area gave Ronda a place to stay. ICU doesn’t allow sleep over guests, hehehe…. I tried, but they sent my wife out.

My dad knew exactly what I was going through and now we even share something more in common than bad genes – we had the same heart doctor, 19 years apart.

My office gang is awesome. I don’t know what I would have done without them. This is the first paper in 15 years that I had very little to do with. This column is about the extent of my work this week. The office staff deserves all the credit and thanks from me and Ronda for keeping things running. I’ll be giving them my critique when I get back to work in a couple of weeks. (Kidding of course).

Lots of people stepped up for me and Ronda and took our children in while Ronda stayed in Wichita with me. I know Mike and Christi Rutan helped us out, my sister, my mom, Carol Ward, Barbara Hawkins, Deb Kolb and I am sure there were others, but I was kind of out of it and didn’t keep up with everyone. Doris took care of my other kid, Hyde. Hyde is my dog and he gets a little lost without me and had a little separation anxiety. Knowing that my kids and my dog were ok, made it easier to be in the hospital.

I wasn’t a model patient as any of the staff will tell you. I quickly figured out how to disconnect myself from monitors and IV drips and wander off for moments of fresh air. Most the staff didn’t mind that I was restless and they understood. They were, after all, about all my age!

It’s strange where I went to a hospital where the young guy before me was in his late 50s. I bet that made him feel good when he heard I got checked in.

The community has been wonderful. Doris shared with me some of the calls I received and some of the visitors. As of yet, I haven’t been able to answer my emails.

On Wednesday I started answering the phone in my room, "Kansas Heart Hospital. This is Dick Cheney." That was David’s idea. I must have had 50 calls a day from people and before my stay ended I had more cards, letters and flowers than I could carry off. I even got a plant arrangement from Kandahar, Afghanistan! Of course it was from my buddy Dale who is serving there. I even got a phone call from him on Thursday night. People in Mexico sent their wishes!

Lots and lots of people came and visited. I appreciated Kevin Colborn coming in and he and Tim with helping me hack the hospital’s computer network so I could at least surf! I saw my accountant walk through the door and nearly died thinking he was going to give me bad financial news! Kidding Cecil! Cecil’s son Mike and his Grandpa Dwight poked in to say hi. My friend Gary Renburger, a correspondent from the paper Kim (Hoagland) Fowles and our local Superintendent Suzanne Germes came to see me. My bandmates David and Justin came in and had me laughing so hard it nearly gave me another heart attack while they were here. We had a little Dorfus CrackTractor unplugged moment, except for the fact that I was plugged in. I had classmates who drove from Medicine Lodge and Pratt to see me. My grade school music teacher Mrs. Tatera was also a patient there so I walked down to see her and her husband Art. My Pastor and his Wife, Michael and Jane Law came to see me and I met countless other pastors who were sent by friends to visit me while I was in the ICU.

I got well wishes from folks at the courthouse, calls from my Uncle in New Hampshire, a call from Mike Lynch and dear old friend Daryl Johnson, former Superintendent of Schools. My friend MT Main even found out and called me from his vacationings in Wisconsin. Tate and my brother-in-laws and my father-in-law called to cheer me up as well.

I already mentioned my family: Uncle Greg, Aunt Deb, Cousins Amanda and Andy and calls from Grandma Mildred and friends at Lake Arrowhead. Each one of them meant so much to me. If you came and saw me or called when I was under the influence of any sedatives, I might not have remembered you visited me, but I do appreciate you. It is so hard to name everyone.

I never got tired of any visitors. But each night they would leave and I realized how much I appreciated each one of their visits.

You almost hate to write down each and everyone who showed you kindness, but at the same time, you know who you were and you know I appreciate you helping me be here today and others who simply showed compassion to me and my family. It blesses us to the bottoms of our hearts – mine especially now that is it working agian.

Although I was anxious to get out of there, I was also in perfect peace about my situation and knew the promises God made me through his Son Jesus.

Seemed like a good time for a plug for that guy!

This is from Matthew 25. It has a new meaning to me: 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ 37"Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ 40"The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’

Kevin 1 would read, "I was hungry, you didn’t feed me right away because I was going to have surgery, but afterwards you sneaked in food from Applebee’s and gave me something to eat and watched movies and shared pictures with me. I was thirsty, I wasn’t allowed a drink, but you gave me ice chips and you wet my lips, I was a stranger and afraid, but you gave me drugs and calmed me down, I needed clothes and you gave me a robe that showed my backside, I was sick and you took darn good care of me, I was in Prison (hospital), but you let me unplug my stuff to let me roam around and you let my friends and family come visit me and call me."

Thanks friends, I love you all – Have a great week!

It takes very little to get the rumor mill started.

Have you ever played the game as a child and told the person next to you a secret? Then you watched as the secret went around the circle and came back to you told completely different?

Ah, those were the days. Things like, "Billy rides a white horse and eats peanut butter." Then it got back to you that, "Billy eats peanut butter covered horses….."

Well, things haven’t changed much since we were kids.

Aren’t you ever curious how some rumors start in Medicine Lodge?

Every time I hear a rumor, and ask the person how they got their information, ‘The Rumor Mill’ or ‘The Grapevine’ is always one of the top ‘vehicles’ that people mention. Now, that’s fine when the information is accurate (which it often is, I know). I’ve actually used the informal grapevine to pass along information for David to follow up on for a story or two.

But what about when the information is inaccurate? And where do those inaccurate rumors come from?

Last Tuesday, the talk of the area was about two convicts who had escaped from a prison facility in south central Oklahoma. A couple of really bad characters kidnapped a gal in the prison’s parking lot, bound her and took her and her van. Reports from authorities state they headed north, dumping the girl off alive and unharmed near Oklahoma City. They continued north until they dumped the van at the Kansas/Oklahoma border near South Haven.

From that point, nothing was a fact. Only rumors.

We happened to be in the area and picked up the news from friends and family. Schools in some of the small towns were "locked down" as a precaution and by the end of the day, several "sightings" had occurred in the area between Belle Plain and Ark City.

Our office received several calls of "tips" about the situation in town. My favorite came as I was walking out the back door with one of the Sheriff’s Deputies. The caller stated that she had just overheard at the courthouse that the two suspects were being arrested at the Barber County State Lake. That was news to the deputy I was accompanying.

Just as that call came in, another caller reported a sighting at nearly the exact same moment in Attica, KS. I was waiting patiently for the call that Elvis had been sighted at White’s Foodliner, but it never came.

So, I know what you are thinking. What does Kevin feel about the sightings of the convicts in Medicine Lodge?

Well, personally, I don’t think they were ever here. I think it was a case of mistaken identity and a few stirred up rumors that caused several to believe that they had seen the escaped convicts on Tuesday and Wednesday in the area.

One of the convicts confirmed my suspicions that they were never here after he was caught near Midwest City in Oklahoma on Wednesday night. The two were originally (allegedly) seen running through a field near Wellington, KS just hours earlier.

So, my belief is - the rumor mill was working overtime.

I was impressed with how thoroughly local authorities investigated reports and how the community took precaution over the news. But could it have been one of the men? Sure it could have.

Some rumors keep circulating long after they are debunked. Take for example this rumor that originated in the mid-1940s:

The Harvard School of Medicine will buy your body for $500. All you have to do is let them tattoo the words "Property of Harvard Medical School" on the bottom of your feet. When you die, your body will be shipped C.O.D. to Harvard. It spread by word of mouth back when $500 was a great deal of money.

The truth is, Harvard says it has never paid people for their bodies, and only accepts donations from people who specify in their wills that they want their bodies to go to the school. Even then, surviving relatives have to agree with the bequest. To this day, the school still receives several calls a week asking about the program.

I guess it is just human nature to take a story or event, retell it and ad flavor to it. It kind of makes you wonder how accurately history has been recorded. - Gotta run.. I think I just saw Elvis.

Have a great week!

Today, Monday, October 3rd, 2005, my oldest child and only daughter turns 16-years-old. It is somewhat of a benchmark year for her, making her a legal driver, being half-way through her teen years, officially becoming smarter than her parents - you get the idea.

But oh, what a beautiful woman she is becoming. I am so very proud of her, whether she thinks so or not.

I found this really funny article on teenagers and decided it would be my little tribute to her (one more thing I do to embarass her) for her birthday.

If you have a teenage daughter, you can totally appreciate this....

Teenage Daughter Owner’s Manual

Congratulations! You are now the proud new owner of a teenaged daughter.

Please read this manual carefully, as it describes the maintenance of your new daughter and answers important questions about your warranty (which does NOT include the right to return the product to the factory for a full refund.)

IF YOU FEEL YOU HAVE RECEIVED YOUR TEENAGER IN ERROR

To determine whether you were supposed to receive a teenaged girl, please examine your new daughter carefully.

Does she:

a) Look very similar to your original daughter, only with more makeup and less clothing?

b) Refuse to acknowledge your existence on the planet Earth (except when requesting money)?

c) Sleep in a burrow of dirty laundry?

If any of these are true, you have received the correct item. Nice try, though.

BREAK-IN PERIOD

When you first receive your teenaged daughter, you will initially experience a high level of discomfort. Gradually, this discomfort will subside, and you will merely feel traumatized. This is the "Break-in Period," during which you are becoming accustomed to certain behaviors that will cause you concern, anxiety, and stress. Once you have adapted to these behaviors, your teenager will start acting even worse.

ACTIVATION

To activate your teenaged daughter, simply place her in the vicinity of a telephone or Instant Messenger. No further programming is required.

SHUTDOWN

Several hours after activation, you may desire to shut down your teenaged daughter. There is no way to do this.

CLEANING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER

Having a teenaged daughter means learning the difference between the words "clean" and "neat." Teenaged daughters are very clean, because they take frequent showers that last more than an hour. They will scrub themselves with expensive, fragrant soaps that you must purchase for them because like I'm sure I'm going to use like the same kind of soap my mom and dad use. When they have completely drained the hot-water tank, they will step out and wrap themselves in every towel in the bathroom, which they will subsequently strew throughout the house. If you ask them to pick up the towels, you are confusing "clean" with "neat." Teenagers are very busy and do not have time to be neat. They expect others to pick up after them. These others are called "parents."

FEEDING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER

Your teenaged daughter requires regular meals, which must be purchased for her at restaurants because she detests everything you eat because it is like so disgusting. She does not want you to accompany her to these restaurants, because some people might see you and like I'm sure I want my friends to see me eating dinner with my parents. Either order take-out food or just give her the money, preferably both. If you order pizza, never answer the doorbell because the delivery boy might see you and ohmigod he is so hot. Yes, your daughter's idea of an attractive man is the pizza boy.

CLOTHING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER

Retailers make millions of dollars a year selling stylish and frankly sensible clothing that will look adorable on your daughter. If you enjoy shopping, you will love the vast selections that are available to you. Unfortunately, your teenaged daughter wants to dress like a lap dancer. You may be able to coerce her into putting on a cute outfit before leaving the house, but by the time she walks in the schoolhouse door, she will be wearing something entirely different.

OTHER MAINTENANCE

Teenaged daughters require one of two levels of maintenance: "High," and "Ultra High." Your daughter is "Ultra High." This means that whatever you do won't be enough and whatever you try won't work.

WARRANTY

This product is not without defect because she has your genes, for heaven's sake. If you think this is not fair, talk to your parents, who think it is hilarious. Your teenaged daughter will remain a teenager for as long as it takes for her to become a woman, which in her opinion has already happened and as far as you are concerned never really will. If you are dissatisfied with your teenaged daughter, well, what did you expect? In any event, your warranty does not give you your little girl back under any circumstances, except that deep down she's actually still there - you just have to look for her.

Breeann was her given name, but she now goes by things like Bree, Breezy or BreeAnn. She’s my first baby, my only girl, my pride and joy. I love you sissy - Happy Birthday! - Dad

Believe it or not, I’m actually old enough to remember when gasoline was under a buck a gallon. Those were the days when you didn’t have to sell a kidney to go cruising the square. $15 would nearly fill my gas tank and buy me a soda.

Those days seem like they’re long gone now with prices at the pumps reaching near the $3.00 a gallon mark. It just seems like last summer that gas was under two bucks a gallon. Oh wait, gasoline was under two bucks a gallon last summer.

Nobody is talking much about the fact that gasoline is so expensive and there doesn’t seem to be anything that can be done about it, unless you buy into the hype of one day gas protests and pump boycotts that circulate on the internet, which by the way, don’t harm the oil companies one bit. Eventually, you have to purchase fuel and it doesn’t really matter when you buy it. "Going slow at the pump" is only going to tick off the guy behind you that is wanting to fuel up his racecar or dune buggies for a weekend of entertainment.

This hike in fuel costs couldn’t come at a worse time. My daughter just recently got her license to kill, I meant drive. And she’s always on a mission to nowhere by the longest road possible with nothing to do, but has to get there in one of our gas-guzzling vehicles right now!

Conversations go something like this:

Breeann: "Dad, I need your truck to go to town to (insert friend’s name here)."

Me: "Why. It’s like 10 p.m.?"

Breeann: "Because she needs this pencil."

Me: "Just bring it to her in the morning."

Breeann: "Dad, this is her favorite pencil and Medicine Lodge is all out of pencils and she has to have this one right now!"

Ok, that wasn’t a real scenario, but similar to recent events in our household.

We have become a carpool family overnight. I don’t know why it took us so long to figure it out, but Ronda and I don’t have to take two vehicles to town everyday. We both work at the same place! It is more convenient to each have our own transportation, but not necessary.

Now that Breeann is driving, it became instantly obvious that something was going to have to give. As it turns out, it is me…… giving her money to put gas in the vehicle!

It’s not all bad though. Since gas is so high, I have refused to mow my grass. It’s just too expensive to waste gas on keeping up on my yard! My wife disagrees and I don’t really think I am going to get away with that, but it was worth a shot.

Never before have I paid so much attention to detail of my vehicles. I check my tire pressure like every 10 minutes. One pound of air off could kill my gas mileage. I use gas additives that promise increase performance and fuel consumption. I look for ways to conserve my gas. I have even considered removing non-essential pieces of my truck, like the backseat, tailgate, bedsides and doors, to lighten up my load.

I dread when my "low fuel" light comes on in my truck. It might as well say, "wow, that went quick" or "which one of your kids doesn’t need a college education?"

The "low fuel" light is now a subject of my nightmares. The yellow light with a picture of a gas pump on it haunts me in my sleep. I actually had a dream where my truck’s gas tank had a tiny hole in it and I was leaving a trail of gasoline wherever I went and some guy was putting a cup under my truck and stealing my gas at night.

I got up the next morning after the dream and checked my truck. There wasn’t a hole.

You probably do this too, but when I go to the pump I am so careful not to spill any remaining gas that the last customer might have left in the nozzle. I carefully place it in my truck like it is a prize left behind by some wasteful idiot. It’s a find that will surely give me just enough gas to get me two inches further away from the pump, absolutely free! Two inches every time I fill up adds up. If I fill up 36 times a year that’s 72" further I get on somebody else’s dime!

Hope your week is a gas, gas, gas.....

Last week I had the good misfortune of having a mechanical problem on I-35 just north of Oklahoma City. I was on my way to see my friend Dale McCurdy who was home on leave for two weeks from Afghanistan.

"Good Misfortune"…. That’s a funny phrase isn’t it? I’m sure I am not the first to use it or say it, but it was true. I started the day off great. I was ahead of schedule by several hours. The paper was going great. Nothing was standing in my way to leave early and get to my friends’ house by dinner time. I was fully loaded – Three kids, check; one wife, check; cooler full of pop, check; snacks, check; jetski trailer and two SeaDoos, check.

I stopped in Blackwell and did a trailer check. Everything was perfect. All straps were tight, the covers were tight and the tires were up.

We tooled along the interstate when suddenly…. Here it comes…. We got hungry! So, we decided Cracker Barrel sounded good and we exited.

I asked Ronda, "Did you feel that?"

The trailer shifted a little and felt funny when I turned the corner. We pulled into the restaurant and I jumped out to do a trailer check. I’m pretty sure I said a naughty word as I looked and saw that I had lost my driver’s side wheel bearings and smoke was rolling off the axle.

"This isn’t good," I proclaimed.

We went inside and I started making calls to wrecker companies. Nobody had a problem with towing my vehicle, but nobody could fix my trailer’s axle. We were stranded. It was hot and my family was losing their senses of humor.

"I want to go home," Breeann said.

That wasn’t happening. I tried to explain to her that the wheel would come off at any moment. I would have had better luck explaining to my dog the theory of relativity.

I was running out of options when I remembered that our Editor, David, was from the OKC area. I gave him a call.

I asked, "Hey Dave, you know anyone out here that can help me?"

He told me that he was the one that usually got the call from friends needing mechanical assistance. None of his friends were of the mechanically inclined.

"Let me make some calls and I’ll get back with you," he said.

I kept making calls on my end and was hitting rock bottom. Even one "Christian Mechanic", as advertised in the book told me he was on vacation and couldn’t help me. It ended abruptly with "click". Hmm… God bless you too sir….

David called me back and said, "My dad’s on his way home from WalMart and will give you a call shortly."

Sure enough, he did and he had tools and was on his way with his grandson, Shane.

They were about an hour away and were a welcome sight when the pulled into the Cracker Barrel Restaurant. We jacked up the trailer (after he arrived with a jack because I forgot the "jack handle") and as I suspected, the wheel came off without the use of tools.

David’s dad, Clarence, had already made some calls and found the necessary parts to fix the trailer, so we left and drove south into "bling-blingville". Maybe it wasn’t "bling-blingville" but everyone I saw there had lots of "bling-bling".

"This is the part you need," said the parts guy. "But you’ll need the washer to hold this together. You’ve got the washer, right?"

I barely had the wheel when I got there, let alone a washer.

"Uh, no," I explained.

"Well, we don’t stock that part," he said.

It’s a washer: A little round, flat piece of metal with a hole in it….. They didn’t stock the washer that holds it all in place.

"I can have one here by Tuesday or you can check at ACE," he said.

Tuesday wasn’t good for me…..

Off we went. We checked at ACE, nope; AutoZone, nope; O’Reilly’s, nope; Lowe’s, nope; some garden shop, nope; in the parking lot of each, nope….. Nobody had a washer that was going to fit. We took a shortcut back to the restuarant that turned out to be not such a shortcut and returned to the trailer, the truck and my very angry family by this time - three and a half hours later.

We were going to have to make due without the washer and I was going to have to do this job over when I could get the trailer somewhere safely.

Unbelievably, the washer was still hanging off the scored and burned axle. I couldn’t have felt any dumber.

We took the rest of the axle apart only to find the guy had sold us the wrong bearings!

One side of my face went numb. I wanted to cry, stomp my feet and throw a hissy-fit, but I contained myself somehow.

Clarence devised a plan and I took Ronda and the kids to a not-so-fancy hotel and he went to get more parts.

He returned shortly with bigger bearings and a file and within minutes, the trailer was fixed.

Earlier in the day, Clarence’s Grandson said, "Hey grandpa, we’re like superheros. We need capes!"

I couldn’t agree more.

Now for my "good misfortune".

I had met David’s dad a couple of times before and first impressions were – nice guy.

I bought Clarence supper and Shane went and swam with my boys at the hotel. Supper was the least I could offer. Clarence drove me all over OKC and had to drive all the way back to Newcastle. He went out of his way – like a superhero, only without the cape and evil villains, invisible jet, hall of justice, etc…

I had the "good misfortune" of having a serious problem that didn’t result in an accident and the "good misfortune" of having a cup of coffee and dinner with some pretty good Fasgold stock. Now I know where David gets it……

The trip went without much more excitement. Seeing my buddy Dale was great and my kids didn’t mind spending time around his pool.

I found a book in Dale’s bathroom titled, "Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff… and it’s all small stuff. - Author Richard Carlson, Ph.D. It sure reminded me of the problem I had on the interstate and Clarence’s kindness.

Clarence made the problem, "small stuff" and was instrumental in helping my family have a wonderful vacation.

Thank you and God Bless you Clarence!

We’re all a little crazy deep down inside. It must be the single qualifying factor for being a newspaper publisher. Something about deadlines drive people crazy. Now multiply that times 52 weeks a year and factor in any special edition you might want to throw at your readers and that equals one crazy publisher.

This goes for editors too. Editors wouldn’t get jobs if it weren’t for crazy publishers who can’t concentrate long enough to write simple things like headlines, their own names and paychecks, let alone an entire news article. Therefore, we as publishers choose our editors wisely. They can’t be any saner than we are or they would make the publisher look bad. Maybe you think David is sane. And yes, he probably does make me look bad at times, but you only know the "sane" David. I know the crazy David.

Small towns are notorious for not-so-sane editors (pre-publisher era 1860-1940). In fact, one such editor was run out of Medicine Lodge in the later part of the 1880s when he published the same exact newspaper twice in a row.

His problem was that he was so well received with the first edition of his paper, he partied with the townsfolk past the deadline of his next issue and upon reasoning with himself, decided his best course of action was to just put out the first edition again. Besides it was so well received right? Well, not quite so the second time and the town decided to teach him a lesson with tar and feathers.

But wait! The small town general store was all out of the ingredients to make a good "running them out on a rail" recipe of tar and feathers and had to resort to another sticky substance made of molasses and stickers.

That seemed to do the trick as I can only vision the poor editor screaming as the cheering crowd set him down outside of town and told him never to come back.

Thank God we live in civilized country where those types of things don’t happen anymore. *Gulp*

There’s also a lot of history of alcoholism with newspaper folk. Several stories throughout journalism history report publishers/editors were found drunk just hours before the paper was to hit the street and the printer’s devils were known to save the day and produce the town’s paper, saving the publisher/editor from certain shame, humiliation and possibly newly dreamed up schemes involving sticky substances and pointy objects. For those of you who don’t know what a "Printer’s Devil" is, look it up sometime.

I’ve been fortunate to grow up in a business where I have been a part of many editors’ and publishers’ lives at different levels of their careers. One such Editor and mentor of sorts, is a man named Dennies Andersen. Pronounced "Dennis", Dennies played an instrumental roll in my upbringing in my early teens as a printer. He would show up with his newspaper pages from Coldwater each Wednesday, somewhere close to the deadline, but never on time. Dennies produced Coldwater’s fine newspaper, "The Western Star".

Picture if you can a tall fuzzy, frizzy-haired man wearing a one piece jumper suit with pinstripes and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth that when he finished it, another one would magically appear in its place and relight itself.

Dennies was full of unwise, useless advice about life, but was always worth a few laughs, even when the paper was done and we were all ready for him to leave at the printing plant.

Years later our newspaper sold to a large chain and my dad retired from the business. My dad, who was seeking to regain some of his sanity, was ready to retire, but not ready for me to take over the reins of my grandfather’s newspaper. It didn’t take me long to figure out that the new owners didn’t care about the newspaper itself, but wanted the money generated from our printing plant where we printed newspapers like the Western Star and the Protection Press, another fine publisher story of Bob Greer should be forthcoming, but will have to wait due to space. This is Dennies’ story. He and many others didn’t stick around to be the new customers of the printing plant that moved out of Medicine Lodge and into Pratt, KS.

The business of printing left Medicine Lodge shortly after the sale of the paper. Shortly after, I quit the newspaper I had worked since early childhood. Now I had my hands deep in ink and in July of 1991 I had a new family and no ideas.

This Dennies Andersen of Coldwater said to me, "Start your own paper Needle!" Needle was one of many nicknames I had been given by Dennies. Another one was "Reggie".

I didn’t have a clue how to start my own paper. I was a print shop guy. Bring me the camera-ready pages and I’ll make you a newspaper in a couple of hours and send you on your way. I could run a line camera, develop negatives, burn plates and slap them on a press, get ink adjusted and put out a nice looking edition with as little waste as possible. That was the extent of my knowledge of the newspaper business. That and having Rosie Shoemaker chase me around the office with a pica pole. (You should look that one up too or stop by. I’ll show you what one is.) I had very little knowledge of what happened outside of the print shop.

Dennies persisted and before long I was hooked up with equipment, local financing and a plan for a hometown newspaper that has spawned over 750 issues since its debut in 1991. As of last week, I was still calling him for advice.

Like I said, as of last week….. Then something changed. Dennies apparently changed. After several decades of being the editor and publisher of the newspaper in Coldwater, KS, Dennies put his keys on the counter and walked off into the sunset with about $3.00 in his pocket and an unfinished newspaper on the layout tables.

The paper made it out without him, but it wasn’t the same paper without him at the reins and the town started buzzing about rumors of his disappearance. I got a call as a possible contact for Dennies, but I too had no idea where to find him.

With some tips from a Western Star staff member and after an extensive search over the week, he was located in cyber space by my 12 year old son. Dennies was on a popular fantasy gamesite online called Runescape. Joey hooked me and Dennies up and I asked him point blank if he’d lost his mind and gone crazy?

Dennies replied, "I’m pretty sure I could pass any loony test anyone threw at me."

That could mean he’s either sure he’s loony or he’s sure he isn’t, but that was a good enough answer for me. He was alright.

He also said, "You’re accusing me of being insane? You still collect Star Wars action figures!"

I corrected him. It’s Star Trek… not Star Wars, but that’s irrelevant.

Dennies like many publishers from the past was so much a part of his paper, he couldn’t separate himself from it and it got him in the end. Dennies is leaving the town and the county’s largest newspaper and he’s probably not coming back.

Where am I going with this column? I don’t really know. Just wanted to share a story about another crazy publisher in the area. And Dennies wouldn’t mind me sharing it.

I sat around last weekend remembering some of Dennies’s advice. I really can’t think of anything he told me that would be helpful, but at least I laughed.

I sort of feel like Luke Skywalker without Obi-Wan Kenobi teaching him the powers of the force. Just like Luke, I never listened or took much advice or paid attention to my training. I was ready to go off on my own. I am pretty sure I know enough to battle the evil forces of the dark side of the newspaper business: big newspaper chains that only want a town’s money and give them nothing more than a scaled down version of what the paper had for the town in its glory days. The light side was simple to me. Dennies taught me to enjoy the newspaper business, be thick skinned at times and never, never appear sane.

For the community’s sake, his sake, and The Western Star, I hope he finds an ounce of sanity and returns to Coldwater to churn out the news of Comanche County. Best of luck to The Western Star.

Good luck to you "Bearded Sage" wherever you are. (he's back now.... :-)

We all ask questions. It’s how we communicate. We all love to hear the cute little expressions our kids come up with as their language skills blossom, but sometimes their insistent questioning seems a bit like the drip, drip, drip of an ancient water torture device.

All of my children ask "Why"? There are different degrees to asking "Why?" and each of these degrees is based on their age. My 15-year-old daughter’s "Why?" is much different than my 7-year-old son’s "Why?".

Example #1: Breeann might ask, "Why can’t I take the car to town and see my friends?"

I would answer, "Because you aren’t legal to drive by yourself"

To which she would respond, "But all my friends do it."

Come to find out, not all her friends do it - one might, and this constitutes "all" in her mind.

This conversation is over despite the whining and door slamming.

Example #2: Nicholas will ask, "Hey Dad, hey Dad, hey Dad…. Why do you shave?"

To which I would respond, "Because mommy likes me clean shaven."

This question has to be answered promptly or it is followed by more, "Hey Dad, hey Dad, hey Dad….."

For someone older, this would seem like a legitimate answer and end to a question, but not so for Nicholas. This answer, or any answer as a matter of fact, only opens the doors to more interrogation by the little master-mind. "Why does mommy like you clean shaven?"

There is the trap. You’ve answered once already. You should be able to quit right? Wrong.

"Because," I always answer.

"Because," is my ending answer, but it never seems to work.

Still not good enough.

Nicholas will ask, "Because why?"

And then for some unknown reasoning, possibly an involuntary parental reflex, I will answer yet another question, "Because she likes my face when there’s no hair on it."

This is where I am confident I have answered the question in detail and left no loopholes, but I lose again. It’s right here that I am hit with a barrage of questions.

"How do you shave? When did you start shaving? Does it hurt when you shave? How long does it take to shave? Hey Dad, can I watch you shave? What time will you shave? Will I shave when I grow up?"

AAAAHHHRGGGG! This is when I break and must only give name, rank and serial number. Remember though that your seven-year-old may not recognize the Geneva Convention rules for interrogation. In fact, don’t even mention that or you’re bound to get, "What’s the Geneva Convention? Why do I have to follow it? Where’s the convention at? What’s a convention?"

Last week Ronda and I were gone for a couple of days. It was a nice break from all of the questioning, but my little boy’s mind was working overtime and I swear he had a tablet with hundreds of questions written down and memorized for my return.

"Hey dad, where did you guys go?"

I answered, (first mistake), "River rafting buddy."

"What’s that?" he was trapping me.

"It’s where you get into a raft and float down a river," I said, figuring this was the end of it.

"What color was your raft?" he asked.

This was followed by, "What did you bring me?" Which opens up a whole new series of questions and answers.

"NOOOOOO! Stop!!", I said, running from the room with my hands cupped over my ears.

Sometimes I use others to divert his attention.

"Look Nick! There’s David!"

He’ll then forget what he asked me and run to David’s office to ask him questions.

"Hey David, hey David, hey David. What are you doing?"

David’s nice. He’ll answer a lot of questions before going and locking himself in the bathroom to cry.

The other day I was leaving for Pratt in the morning and Ronda said, "Hey, you should take Nicholas with you."

That’s like saying, "Hey bring these fingernails and drag them down this chalkboard for a couple of hours will you?"

No, I’m kidding, he’s a great kid. I was able to zone him out a little bit. He picked up some magazine and pretended to be interested in it.

"Hey Dad, hey Dad… Why do you have these magazines in your car?"

Uh oh, I was thinking. How was I going to get out of this?

It was only thirty minutes, but it seemed much, much longer. By the time we got to Pratt, I was twitching a little bit.

As I was standing at the register of a business in Pratt writing my check I could hear Nicholas bringing out the full arsenal and asking the owner, "Is this your store? What do you do? Why do you have so many cats in here? Did you know I have cats?"

The owner’s eyes glazed over as I paid my bill. We left the store and I put Nicholas in the car.

"Can we go to McDonald’s", he asked?

You never say no in a situation where McDonald’s is brought up by a seven-year-old.

I pulled up at the drive through and he yelled in the speaker, "Do you have happy meals? What’s the prize inside? Can I have ketchup? I like Sprite. Do you have Sprite?"

I got his food and drove as fast for home as I could. He knows it’s not polite to talk with his mouth full.

"Why is it not polite to talk with your mouth full," I fully expected him to ask, but he fell asleep. Have a great week.

I’m going to preach at you a little bit this week. It won’t be a religious theme this time, but it will be on something that could save your life.

Last week our little community at Lake Arrowhead was saddened to learn that one of our own had been killed in an auto accident on the edge of Ford County.

There will be a memorial service for Mike at 10:00 a.m. on Tuesday, June 7, 2005, at the First Christian Church.

If you knew Mike, you knew that he was a fun-loving, life-living guy. I never saw that guy frown. He always seemed happy and our hearts go out to his mom and dad. I know, like many others out at the lake, I’ll miss seeing that crazy "Huckleberry Finn" raft he’d float around on with the tree in the middle.

As I understand Mike Davis and his girlfriend were driving to Colorado after the holiday weekend and their lives were cut short when their vehicle hydroplaned and struck an oncoming semi.

Sadly, neither were wearing seat belts and in this case, it may not have saved their lives, but we’ll never know. This has been an ongoing theme for my family. They are probably sick of me telling them to put on their seat belts.

Several years ago, we lost a family member in a one car accident by Wellington. He wasn’t wearing his seat belt either and he left behind a pregnant wife, three children and family that will never be the same. In this case, his death probably could have been prevented if he would have been wearing a seat belt.

Accidents happen and sometimes it’s no one’s fault. In most of the accidents that result in a fatality, the drivers were not wearing their seat belts.

Here’s some interesting statistics from the department of transportation...

More people under 60 now die from injuries sustained in car crashes than from any other cause.

Isn’t it funny that we’ll take medicine to protect against heart disease or exercise for better health and longer life, but many are still unwilling to put on a lifesaving device like a seat belt?

Kansans are among the least likely in the nation to wear seat belts. Only 64 percent of adults buckle up, according to a KDOT survey conducted last summer. That terrible performance earned Kansas a ranking of 46th in terms of seat belt use – only Arizona, Mississippi, Massachusetts and New Hampshire have lower compliance rates. The national rate is 79 percent, and in several states the compliance rate exceeds 90 percent.

Sadly, it appears too many of Kansas’ young people are taking a cue from adults and neglecting their seat belts. A survey of seat belt habits among young people conducted over the past two springs revealed only 55 percent of those under 18 buckle up. The lowest compliance rate was among children ages 10-14; only 44 percent were buckled up. Children ages 5-9 also had a low seat belt usage rate – 45 percent. Children up to age 4 were much more likely to be in compliance with the Kansas child passenger safety belt law, with 79 percent in child car seats.

An advertising and education campaign recently ended today, June 6; the "Click it or Ticket" campaign. I hope it continues.

Don’t expect a break from law enforcement if you or your passengers are found to be unbelted during a traffic stop. Police have enthusiastically joined this effort to save lives and minimize preventable injuries. Their mission isn’t to punish; it’s to educate.

Law enforcement officials know their aggressive writing of tickets for seat belt violations won’t win them any popularity contests among drivers. But, as they say in radio and television ads that are blanketing the state: "We’d rather have you angry than dead."

Kansas Highway Patrol Second Lieutenant John Eichkorn says changing Kansas’ seat belt law for adults from secondary enforcement status to primary enforcement status could make a difference. The secondary status means a person must be cited for another traffic violation such as speeding before being ticketed for not wearing a seat belt.

"There is nothing worse in this job than going to a house, knocking on the door and trying to explain why a loved one has been killed in a car crash," said Eichkorn.

I’m speaking to all reading, but particularly, I want my kids and their friends to know how important they are to us and that we love them. Buckle up.

Have a great week.

From May 23, 2005

Another school year is nearly behind us. I can only imagine what your calendar looks like if you have children. You’ve got music programs, art shows, graduations, fiestas .....etc.

I have to admit, I always dread going to my kids’ music programs. It’s a mind set. More than anything, I hate to be confined to a metal chair for more than about thirty minutes.

Once the program starts, I have a new attitude as I see and hear how awesome our kids are. I’m not just talking about mine.

Last week I attended the music program at the Middle School. The program started with the 5th grade band. My preconceived notion was that they would be terrible and I would politely applaud at the end. Boy, was I surprised when I heard them! They were on the opposite end of terrible. In fact, I wondered if they were even 5th graders at all! It was one of the most incredible things I had ever heard and it made me sit up in my chair and enjoy the rest of the program!

I remember being in middle school and I remember the music program well. I hated it. I hated band and I hated vocal music, but with a little encouragement from my teacher, family and friends (and the fact that vocal was not an elective), I stayed in there.

I even stayed in chorus and band through high school. I ended up on some neat drum ensembles and eventually ended up singing and dancing in show choir. By my senior year, I was in a rock band playing a new instrument and truly finding my love for music.

Where am I going with this? Well, on the way home from the music program my middle son, Joey, was grumbling about how he hated music. Against my wishes, he quit band last year as a 5th grader and if vocal music were a choice, he would have quit that too. He said he was quitting music as soon as he could.

When I told Joey he couldn’t quit music, he became angry at me. I told him, no music, no sports. That got his attention, although it just made him angrier at me. I’m not trying to force my kid to do something he doesn’t like. If that were the case, I would let him quit math and English. He dislikes those too. I simply believe that there is something to learn from music.

Could the arts like music be a dying thing in our schools? This question was raised at the music program by Gloria Morford. Some schools, when faced with cutting programs, consider cutting music.

Don’t worry, I don’t believe our music programs in Medicine Lodge are facing the ax. In fact, they will be going through some changes. Hopefully - good changes. I hope to see the music departments continue to prosper as they have over the past several years. Interestingly, the state will now require all entering Freshmen to take one hour of fine arts starting next school year. Music is a fine art.

To love something like music so much to decide to become an instructor of it, is just awesome and admirable. It’s terribly sad to have to teach something that is less and less appreciated. I personally know people who were instructors of music, who quit from burnout. Imagine you had a job that required you to teach something that most of the kids didn’t want to learn.

You don’t have to go very far to see that music is taking a back seat to many other things in our society. Just turn on the radio and listen to the crap. I can only tolerate about one song out of every five played. I know, I sound like your parents, who just don’t get the music teens listen to today. Well, you’re partly right. There’s some that I can’t believe is even classified as music. I do love music - all kinds. The only thing I can’t listen to is rap and angry music. I can appreciate Bach and Beehtoven as well as Metallica and Tool. Ask my wife. She just doesn’t get it.

I’m hoping one day when Joey’s not mad at me anymore, that he’ll look back and see some good in being involved in music. Right now music seems less important when compared with XBox, TV, computer games and sports.

Even though I was probably a total headache to them, I look back with appreciation for what my music teachers contributed to my life and to the community.

Have a great week!

My kids are always cracking me up. Sometimes they say things in a totally serious fashion and it just turns out funny. Other times, they’re just being funny.

Our youngest son, Nicholas, is a first grader this year and was totally thrilled to see me and his mother standing in line for lunch waiting for him. He gave us instruction on what to do in the lunch line, we grabbed our trays and sat down for lunch. It was kind of awkward . I felt like a giant sitting at the tiny lunch table with my tiny glass of iced tea and my tray full of beef tips and mashed potatoes. Don’t get me wrong, it was a very good lunch, I could have eaten everyone’s tray at the table though.

I was making conversation with some teachers and then Ronda reminded me that I was there for Nicholas and I should talk to him so I said, "Hey Nick, how’s school today?"

He fired off, "Just fine dad."

Ah, small talk with small people......

"What have you done today," I asked?"

He responded with: "School work dad."

This wasn’t going well. I was running out of things to talk about. I mean, I could have told him about all the stuff I had done at the newspaper that day, but I didn’t want him to go to sleep and drown in his mashed potatoes, so I asked, "How many classes do you have left?"

With a frustrated glare he put down his fork and counted on his fingers and answered, "Second, third, fourth and fifth grade, DAD!"

? ? ? ?

Breeann is gearing up for her Sophomore year. I’m hoping she’ll include some home economics in her course studies.

For some reason, Ronda thought it would be both fun and educational to begin teaching our daughter how to cook. I went along. It was bound to be fun. I thought it would be a nice break for us too since Ronda and I share in that responsibility. On that particular evening, Breeann would be cooking the noodles she picked out from the grocery store and making the salad, which consisted of opening the sack of premade salad….

"What do I do," she asked?

"Read the directions," her mother and I said in unison.

She read outloud, "In a medium saucepan…. Wait, what’s a saucepan?"

Ronda pointed to the pot already on the stove and I just rolled my eyes.

She continued, "Bring 4 cups of water, 1 cup of milk and 1 tablespoon of butter to a boil. Stir in package contents." Frustrated now she yelled, "Where am I supposed to get all that stuff?"

Without missing a beat, Ronda pointed to the faucet and said, "Well, water is right here!"

We both nearly hit the floor laughing. How did we ever make it as parents?

? ? ? ?

An ad was FAX’ed to our office last week. I can’t image the feeling this ole’ cowboy had when he realized he’d placed the following ad with our paper:

"Come visit the Caldwell Cowboy Church. Short sermons, and lots of GREAT Christian Country-Western Music. Not your normal Sunday go to meeting service. Come as you are - Don’t get dressed on our account. Services held at the Caldwell Sales Barn 1 mile East of Caldwell, KS on 81 Highway 1st and 3rd Monday evenings at 7 p.m."

Now there’s an interesting church!

A new FAX came right after it!

What should have read was.....

"Come visit the Caldwell Cowboy Church. Short sermons, and lots of GREAT Christian Country-Western Music. Not your normal Sunday go to meeting service. Come as you are - Don’t get all dressed up on our account. Services held at the Caldwell Sales Barn 1 mile East of Caldwell, KS on 81 Highway 1st and 3rd Monday evenings at 7 p.m." Have a great week!

KWIBS  - From May 9, 2005 - By Kevin Noland

It all started Friday, April 29th.... It was a very busy day and weekend, as many of you remember. Martina came to town for the KaBOOM! playground build and the Greater Barber County Historical Action Association held their dedication of their new building.

Those two things were going to make the weekend a very busy, fun one, but both David and I would not be a part of it because of a previous engagement in Wichita. In fact, it was so previous that it was on the calendar last October, 2004. When we found out the build date and dedication date, we panicked because we didn’t know how things would be covered over the weekend with both of us being absent.

Little did we know, a big-hearted, hard working member of our community would come to our rescue. Deb Kolb saved the day when she graciously volunteered her time to the paper to take photos and write the story on the KaBOOM! playground activities. This, on top of her already busy volunteering for the project itself, helped us out tremendously!! We can’t thank you enough, Deb, for all the fantastic pictures and great story.

One out-of-towner had this to say in an email to me last week:

While thanking, I have to mention Martina. She was, after all, the entire reason everything happened. What a great person you are! When we pulled back into town late Saturday, we pulled into the park to see the awesome donation of the new playground, I got goosebumps.

Already, I am hearing from my nephews about how great the playground is and my youngest son (who’s been sick all week) can’t wait to go to the park and play!

Martina also helped raise close to $30k dollars for the county’s new Heritage Center! Her acts of kindness have energized the group as well as the community. Her donations will be enjoyed by many generations to come!

Medicine Lodge is so proud and so grateful to you, Martina, for all you have done for us. Thanks for remembering us with the kind gifts and donation of your time and energy. We appreciate you and are proud of your career, family and many accomplishments.

? ? ? ?

Our community made a big impression on a lot of people last weekend. I guess you could say we were on our best behavior. John Nixon relayed this act of kindness to an out-of-towner during the weekend:

? ? ? ?

I should have just stayed in bed all week..... After the paper came out, it was brought to our attention that the traffic report was wrong. Really wrong.... Correction and apology: Due to a human (me) /computer glitch, last week’s traffic report (week 45) was overwritten by week 5 of last year’s Gyp Hill Premiere (July of 2004). I am terribly embarrassed and sincerely apologize for the error and have corrected it for this week’s edition.

Have a great week!

From May 2, 2005

Last week I learned how little I actually knew about prom.

It was Breeann’s first prom and my wife couldn’t wait.

Even though I had 4 years experience with proms and dates at all of them (including multiple dates my freshman year), I still knew nothing about prom. At least from a male perspective.

As I’ve learned, from looking at my credit card statement, prom is big business and when you have the gentler of the two chromosomes in your home, it becomes an even more expensive and emotionally draining venture.

Dress shopping was something I avoided like the plague by being conveniently busy. Yes, I got out of it and it was to my daughter’s advantage as well as my advantage. Me being forced to go shopping with Breeann for evening attire is just as cruel as the time I took her to a tool sale where I spent over an hour shopping for locking pliers.

Anyway, stage one of prom was complete. Ronda and Breeann had gone to Wichita and found a prom dress.

Prom dress $150

Lunch $30

Fuel $40

Years drained from my wife’s life - 3

The dress came home in a pretty expensive looking garment bag and a hanger that looked like it cost more than my old ratty jean jacket that gets thrown over a doorknob. And to think, I wear that jacket almost every day and she’ll only wear that dress once! I was totally going to score on that hanger….

Don’t get in a hurry, fathers with little girls, this is in no way where the wallet closes for prom. Start saving now or begin selling blood plasma while they’re still young (clarification: your blood, not their blood….)

For girls, prom means it’s time to tan. I like a good tan and appreciate having dark skin, but news flash: It’s dark where they have prom! Not only will her date barely see the expensive dress I bought her, he won’t notice the tan unless he carries a densitometer. Tanning begins, at the very least, a month before prom.

Tanning sessions $45

Somewhere in prom history it became necessary for woman to have their real fingernails filed and buffed down to a dull finish and fake, long, synthetic ones glued on over the top. This may be some type of self defense weapon used to ward off other females that ask to dance with their date. I’m not sure, but open up the wallet guys….

Fingernails $20

Polish $5

Prom day finally arrives, but the giant prom money sucking machine is still turned on.

Within five minutes of saying the word "prom" every hair dresser in a 50 mile radius becomes booked up. By mistake, our family waited until 3 weeks before prom to make an appointment locally. With no options for local hair styling left, it meant another trip back to Wichita.

Hairdresser $25

Hair accessories $10

Lunch $30

Fuel $40

Prozac for my wife’s life – $100

Sorry guys, even though your cash is depleted and your last credit card burst into flames when it was swiped, you are not finished.

Make up $15

Picture package $35

Prom night tickets run about $10 (if you’re lucky, her date will pay!)

Prom guys don’t get off too easily either. A good tux will cost you at least $100 to rent. You also have to take your date somewhere nice to eat and you’ll be expected to buy her flowers.

Grand total (rounded for clarification) of prom 2005 was around $450.

Seeing how beautiful my daughter looked as she emerged from the bathroom to meet her date was simply priceless. And to think. I only have to do that 3 more times at the very least before I have to think of which kidney to sell when she decides to get married.

Check out the prom photos on page 11 of this week’s Premiere. Have a great week!

Sometime in our early childhood we begin to take the form of who we are to become as adults. I’m not sure when that is exactly, but I do know that we bring many of the attributes of our childhood with us into adulthood.

I’m talking about things like, what we like and dislike to eat and feeding what we dislike to the dog under the table, or when we drink directly out of the milk jug and put it back in the fridge empty and that we all still occasionally put our fingers in our noses when we think no one is looking. The last one usually happens to me when I am driving and I pass someone I know.

These things can be annoying, but often times humorous to those who witness the behavior of others as they are acting "badly". When we see a kid doing it, it’s annoying and it usually results in reprimand because we don’t want them forming these habits and taking them with them to adulthood. When we see an adult doing it, it’s humorous. We point, stare or laugh because we can’t believe they are acting like children.

Here’s an example. I find my 12 year old son, Joey, in the basement with a bag of chips, hiding them under a blanket just minutes before supper. This results in reprimand. This isn’t a behavior or a habit I wish for him to continue. First off, it isn’t healthy. Secondly, it will spoil his dinner. Thirdly, he is making a mess for someone else to clean up – could be me, but more likely, his mother.

I can see him in 20 years if this behavior keeps up. He’s in his office, hiding under his desk with all of the corporate ledgers that proves he’s been padding the books to support his popsicle habit. The feds take him into custody and put him in prison where he’s forced to eat healthy food.

Here’s another example, but with an adult added. You finish dinner and realize your wife left the table and gone to the bedroom. You get up to investigate. Upon opening the door to your room, you don’t see your wife but you hear rustling, like a nest being built by large birds or some kind of snack food being opened. You investigate further to find your wife sitting behind the far side of the bed, out of sight, eating something. When the beam of the flashlight hits her you discover it’s your girl scout cookies! Apparently, if you eat them behind your bed and no one is looking, the cookies can’t make you fat.

Finding your wife with your stolen cookies invokes the following from you: First you laugh that your wife is so worried about eating cookies that she is hiding it from you behind the bed. It’s not like I found her back there with a bottle of vodka, just my cookies. Secondly, you become suspicious. What else is she hiding back there? Vodka? Thirdly, you begin to feel anger as you realize she is eating the last box of your favorite Peanut Butter Girl Scout Cookies that you ordered and paid for using money you stole from her purse and hid from her in the first place! Besides that, doesn’t she realize that it takes the Girl Scouts weeks to make those peanut butter cookies from the time they take my order?

That’s right. The dirty little secret is out. Ronda has been hiding behind our bed and eating my Girl Scout Cookies, possibly other things too, but I can’t be for sure yet. I wasn’t sure what to think of this.

"What are you doing down there," I asked?

"I’m weeting ur irl shout ookies," she said shyly with a mouth full of my cookies.

I expected that kind of behavior from Joey, but not of my wife of almost 17 years.

"Why are you hiding from me back there," I asked?

"Ooo on’t hare’em wishme," she answered!

So I stormed off to find a quiet place to pick my nose and think about how to handle this situation. Several questions began racing through my mind. Why my cookies? Who shot JR? How could I get even with her?

I’ve got it! The next time she’s out of the house, I’m going to fill the tub with her smelly-good soaps, light up all the scented candles in the house and take myself a bubble bath. That will teach her to eat my cookies.

Ah, who was I kidding? I didn’t have it in me. I walked into the kitchen where I found Joey cleaning up a glass of milk that he spilled all down the cabinet doors. He was using his mother’s good dish towel and he had a Popsicle hanging out of his mouth. It was nearly bedtime. Without saying a word to him, I went to the fridge, took the last swig out of the milk jug and put it back in there empty. Have a great week.

Have you ever wondered what that handle above the passenger side door in your vehicle is for?

Well I happen to know. The makers of my vehicle knew someday my 15-year-daughter would be learning to drive. It’s like a security blanket for scared daddies. It’s the "instructor’s handle".

It’s something most adults take for granted, but there is a learning curve to driving. When I am in the vehicle with Breeann, I find we’re either going way too fast, way too slow or we’re in the wrong lane of traffic and people are honking at us.

While driving around the square the other night she asked, "Dad, when I turn left onto the four lane, which lane do I need to be in?"

"You need to stay in the far left lane," I told her.

She did.... the one with on-coming traffic in it.

But that’s why all the other cars have horns, brakes and steering wheels and their drivers have middle fingers.

We practiced parking that night too. I told her to pull up and park next to this little green truck. She did so closely I couldn’t get my door open.

For the most part, she (we) are doing pretty well with driving. There’s a few things we (she) needs work on like the bright lights switch. For some reason, there is immense fascination and confusion with this little switch. It’s like she uses it to make her own little dance club on the highway. If you are run off the road going north on Highway 281 some evening around 6-7 p.m. by some crazy bright light flasher, it’s my daughter. I apologize.

In my opinion, the main components to driving are: Common sense and courtesy, the steering wheel, brakes, the gas pedal, turn signals and lights. My daughter also uses: The steering wheel tilt, the electric seats control, the makeup mirror, the stereo and of course, the bright lights switch all at the same time.

Breeann has a car. Her car is a 1992 Pontiac. When I first started driving they promised us flying cars by 1992. Even though her car does not fly, her car is a lot nicer than my first car - a 1966 Ford Ranchero. I could peel up my floor mats for ventilation. The only problem with that was when driving through puddles your shoes would get wet. Breeann’s car, in my opinion, is a really nice car. She told me that for Christmas she wanted a new car. When I asked her why she told me that her car doesn’t have a good stereo in it...... My first car didn’t have a heater or air-conditioning, power steering, brakes, a horn, cruise control or seatbelts, but it did have a groovy 8 track tape player with a cassette tape adapter and one working speaker.

She is currently finishing her driver’s education course, once the instructor is released from the institution where she drove him to. I think they were in the middle of the "Road Rage" chapter when he mysteriously became ill and needed medical attention.

A couple of weeks ago we were trailing a farm truck going home and it was obvious that she was going to overtake the truck. I was measuring the distance between us and the truck by counting, "one thousand one, one thousand two." I was also taking my own pulse for curiosity.

"Can I pass him daddy," she asked?

"Uh....," nothing intelligible came from my mouth.

The next thing I heard, over my heart pounding and pants soiling, was the roaring of my 5.7 liter V8 truck as we hit somewhere around the speed of light. If you’ve ever seen the movie "Space Balls", I think we hit "Plaid or Ludicrous Speed".

Signs and fence posts began to blur by outside my window and I grabbed the instructor’s handle above my door. I saw the face of the farmer as we flew by and he looked scared for me too.

My tires were as close to dirt on the left side of my truck as the tolerance of the heat tiles on the space shuttle and I think nearly as hot. I could hear calculators clicking at State Farm Insurance as they figured my new insurance rates. It would be ok, if I lived through this. I could afford them once the second mortgage on my house was approved or I could sell a kidney on Ebay.

When I looked back, the farm truck we passed had disintegrated into ashes. Poor farmer - he never knew what hit him. He’ll be missed.

Have a safe and happy new year!

Oddities. The supernatural. The world of the bizarre and the science fiction. All my life, I have been fascinated by amazing facts. I subscribe to several newsletters via the internet that give me plenty of amazing and bizzare facts. But I just can’t get enough.

And so, with our giant budget at the Premiere, I formed a team of researchers and sent them around the globe, searching for oddities and outlandish trivia. They returned with facts so amazing, so incredible, so fantastic they could hardly be taken seriously, let alone believable!

Which stands to reason, because it turns out most of these "facts" were just BS those guys thought up on the ride home. Just another way to waste my money!

Still, I've got space to fill. So let's look at some other facts, ones that maybe aren't so amazing. Let's enter the world of the credible, but true... the world of Less-Amazing Facts!

It’s a fact: There are well over one dozen bones in the human body. If you were to lay them out end to end, they'd stretch for several feet!

It’s a fact: Jupiter may be the largest planet in the solar system, but it boasts less phones than the tiny town of Sun City, KS!

It’s a fact: The Gyp Hill Premiere has more than 5 "ands" per page. Go ahead, count’em!

It’s a fact: The Aztecs had no word for "Corvette." They also had no word for "Internet", "Cell Phone" or "X-Box".

It’s a fact: It is easier to smile than frown. Smiling uses only 17 facial muscles while frowning takes 42. However, it only takes 24 muscles to smile at someone sarcastically while giving them the finger.

It’s a fact: If you ate a 10-year-old grilled cheese sandwich with the image of the Virgin Mary on it that you paid $28,000 for, you would probably still become very ill.

It’s a fact: Ancient rock pictures, recently discovered in a prehistoric cave in France, reveal that as early as 2 million years ago, cavemen were really bad at drawing.

It’s a fact: "Napoleon" is a palindrome for "Noelopan"... a made-up word which has no meaning at all.

It’s a fact: It's common knowledge that kangaroos carry their young in pouches and ants can lift many times their own weight, but few realize that an ant can't lift a kangaroo and kangaroos seldom carry ants in their pouches.

It’s a fact: The Millennium Dome in London, England is the largest enclosed space in the world. If you were to completely fill it with people, then your band must be really good.

It’s a fact: Thomas Edison invented the lightbulb in 1879. Ironically, it was the solution to exactly the same problem he'd been working on!

It’s a fact: When you lose something and then find it, it is always in the last place you look!

It’s a fact: A chameleon can change colors to match its environment yet, come on, you can still see there's a chameleon there.

It’s a fact: The tallest man in recorded history, who lived in a remote village in Kenya, stood well over six feet!

Fact 16: Some cars have over 300 horse power, but none are designed to, in fact, "carry" any horses.

Fact 17: Many have heard of the Great Wall of China, the world's largest man-made object and the only human construction visible from orbit. But fewer have heard of the Okay Wall of China, which is also pretty good.

It’s a fact: The human body consists of more than 75% water. The other 25% is stuff that we actually might need to live.

It’s a fact: There are over two hundred words in the English language. Some of them are very hard to spell.

It’s a fact: The Sun shines on over 99% of the total mass of the solar system and has shone for several billion years. If it were shrunk to the size of a golf ball and placed on the pitcher's mound of Yankee Stadium, it would most likely burn many of the players and fans.

It’s a fact: Eskimos have over 17 words for snow. Yet, they still get sick of talking about it.

Now don’t you feel smarter for reading "KWIBS" this week?

It’s a fact: "KWIBS" is an acronym that stands for absolutely nothing.

Have a great week!

When you meet new people, you often learn interesting things about them. These things can often shape your life. It’s true. Imagine if you were born on a deserted island and met no one. You wouldn’t really have much of a personality when the ship came to rescue you. You’d probably stand back and heave coconuts at your rescuers.

OK, I got off track a little there.

I met our Editor David Fasgold just one year ago. He came from a land far away called "Oklahoma". I liked this guy when I first met him. He was witty and had a fun personality. You could say we clicked and with a little persuading (begging) he came to work for the Premiere. He met all of the requirements for working here: Sense of humor and I forgot what else.

David brings with him some interesting things that we both share in common like: we’re both musicians and we’re now in a band together on the side. We both like motorcycles and he’s talked me into buying a dirt bike to do some trail riding. We both like humor and we’ve shared some things that make us laugh. I like peanut butter and he likes jelly. The list goes on and on.

One thing David enjoys is asking stupid questions. His favorite person to direct stupid questions to is his wife Tonya. This has been a little game he’s played with her for more than 5 years now. He’ll ask things like, "So, what was your favorite thing we bought at the hardware store today?" or "How long is a piece of string?"

Sounds dumb doesn’t it? But take this to an extreme. You’re shopping with your spouse or a friend and at the end of the day you ask, "What was your favorite thing you got today while shopping?" They might answer something like shoes, but you counter by asking, "What is your favorite thing about those shoes?" They might say the price. You again throw out a questions, "How did you pay for them, cash or credit card?" They might answer, credit card. And that’s when you nail them with, "What’s your favorite credit card?"

This gets really annoying, really fast as you can tell.

David’s wife is sick of this game, but since it is new to me, I’m just beginning to enjoy playing it. We watched a movie at our house last weekend and I asked, "So, what was your favorite part of the movie?" I got a lot of serious answers from everyone but Tonya. She wasn’t amused and knew exactly what I was doing. She decided it was time to go home, but David wanted to play too.

"What was your favorite part about today," he asked? She wanted to leave desperately now. She was getting angry. David wasn’t ready to go. He was negotiating borrowing an XBox game from my 12-year-old son.

Tonya went to the vehicle. It was 11 p.m. on a cold Saturday night and it was about to get colder for David. I yelled out the door. "What is your favorite part about leaving?"

Tonya started the car and began driving slowly towards the end of the driveway. David let out a scream like a little girl would and began chase while Ronda and I stood at the door and watched her pulling away with David running behind her.

I picked up the phone as they were driving away and called their house. I got the answering machine.

After the beep, I asked, "Hey Tonya, What part of driving away and having David chasing after you was your favorite part?"

This game is getting raving reviews. We’ve even tried it on our new drummer after his audition with the band, "Hey Justin, did you like that song we did?" To which he answered, "Yes". And we asked, "What was your favorite part of the song?"

It didn’t take him long and he was hooked.

We even shared this with some locals in town. Jeff Clarke is our scapegoat "Local" as we’ve labeled him and Tuesday he took the time to ask some stupid questions of his own. Jeff is really "cracktractored" if you know what I mean. (please refer to an earlier "Dave’s Waves" or visit www.dorfucracktractor.com. )

Here’s some of Jeff’s questions: "Hey, does water float? ... If you choke a smurf what color does his face turn? How many times does a radio play? What part of incomprehensible don’t you understand? Do moles drag their dead to the surface? What was your favorite part about Hitler’s mustache? This is fun, and such a waste of time.... Of all the people you know, who blinks the loudest? Is the world turning right or left? Isn’t it cool how dogs give you that split second warning before they barf on your carpet?"

That was really cool, Jeff. Thanks for sharing. What was your favorite part about my column?

This may turn out to be more of a public service than a column for my readers.

We are approaching the Thanksgiving holiday, when we pause to give thanks for our blessings by eating pretty much everything not nailed down for an entire day, then staggering off to find a comfortable chair or couch to sleep on during a football game.

It’s a spiritual time, yes, but it can also be a tragic time if an under-cooked turkey gives us salmonella poisoning, which occurs when tiny turkey-dwelling salmon get into our blood, swim upstream and spawn in our brains (this is probably what happened to Michael Moore). That’s why the American Turkey and Giblet Council recommends that to ensure proper preparation, you cook your turkey in a heated oven for at least two full quarters of the football game, then give a piece to your dog and observe it closely for symptoms such as vomiting, death, etc.

If you don’t have a dog, look for your least favorite family member and give them a piece, again observing their behavior. If they want to play cards and talk about the war, call a vet immediately. Your dog probably died 15 minutes ago. Stop feeding your family the cold turkey.

Apparently, it has been determined that turkeys aren’t washing their hands after going to the bathroom. Try taping the turkey’s rear-end shut (Do this after the turkey is dead. Remove all the icky stuff inside that nobody eats anyway). If your dog didn’t die, give him that stuff. If you are afraid to stick your hand up inside the cold, clammy turkey rear-end to remove the icky stuff inside, take your turkey outside and stick a garden hose in his neck and turn on the hydrant. This will flush out the icky stuff. Remember, take your turkey outside.

It is also recommended that you carry a rectal thermometer in your pocket this Thanksgiving Day. Don’t place your pride in front of your family’s health and safety.

Here’s some more useful Thanksgiving Holiday tips:

I always eat way too much at Thanksgiving. So, I start by starving myself the day before. Taking special care to eat only diaretic foods and drinking lots of water.

Find time to drink a lot of coffee and get little sleep the day before Thanksgiving. This will ensure that your naptime will not be interrupted after your noon meal.

Wear clothes that fit someone bigger than you. You may become that person in a few days and you may still be wearing these clothes if you slip into a gravy induced coma. If you have elastic clothing, wear that. The more it stretches the better. Remember, you have lots of body fat and you can survive several days if you become lodged in your bathtub. Do not panic.

Get plenty of exercise the day after Thanksgiving. Running to the bathroom because you undercooked your turkey does not count as exercise, but studies show that vomiting will produce weight loss in most people.

Thanksgiving dinner, particularly where you have it, can cause relationship stress between partners and among families. Especially family members who don’t get along. The following relationship advice should ensure a peaceful Thanksgiving dinner for you and your family:

Rather than choosing between two families, choose a neutral location for Thanksgiving dinner and invite both families together. Take your immediate family and go to the neutral place and don’t tell the other members of your family where you are.

A warm, juicy turkey is probably the one Thanksgiving tradition that everyone can agree is essential to properly celebrating the holiday.

But one of the greatest fears for people inviting friends and family over for a holiday feast is how to prepare the bird .And so I share this favorite Thanksgiving recipe of mine:

1.Heat car to operating temperature.

2.Place family in car far enough apart that they won’t fight.

3.If fighting occurs, separate a little further making idle threats.

4.Point car in desired direction and leave.

5.Arrive thirty minutes later at a relative’s home. (one that isn’t tired of your family because you only see them once or twice a year.

6.Eat their food and watch their TV until you can’t keep your eyes open.

7.Place leftover food (that you didn’t help prepare) on a tray with plastic wrap over the top to take home.

8.Reheat car to operating temperature and repeat instructions 2-4. 

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Man, I am totally freaking out because this is the first year I can’t get a flu shot.

I’ve been watching the news and the presidential campaign wasn’t the only thing sickening people this season. There’s the flu. And since the discovery of contamination at one of the two factories in the world that make flu vaccine for the U.S. market, over half the vaccine doses ordered will not be delivered, causing massive shortages throughout the country. This is bad news for people suffering from the flu, but good news for people looking to scam some days off from work.

When I found there was a criteria for getting the flu shot, I looked to see if I fit it. Nope - Irritable Bowel Syndrome does not fall into that criteria, so I guess I’m not getting a flu shot.. Trust me, I asked new County Health Administrator Heather Henke.

A few weeks ago, John Kerry criticized Vice-President Dick Cheney for getting the shot. Let’s see, Mr. Cheney is over 60, has a heart condition that includes his need to wear a pacemaker, has had a few open-heart surgeries........ THAT GUY GOT A FLU SHOT? How dare he!

Doctors warn this year’s flu could be particularly strong, with symptoms including: headache, fever, vomiting, fatigue, and jealousy of your neighbor who got a flu shot.

Meanwhile, companies unable to get enough vaccine for their employees are resorting to measures such as hand sanitizers to keep their employees from contracting the potentially deadly disease. Because when it comes to providing America’s workers with health care, nothing is too good if it comes in a small bottle for 89 cents and smells like flowers.

In past years, demand for vaccine has not been an issue, with doctors typically reaching the end of flu season with millions of unused doses. But if there’s one good way to get Americans to want something, it’s to tell ‘em they can’t have it.

As a result there have been reports of long lines at pharmacies, price gouging, and even thefts, as 62 boxes of vaccine went missing from a Colorado health clinic. An employee at the clinic said, "I could not imagine that someone would actually steal a flu vaccine." She then added, "I mean, not after my imagination-ectomy."

This means that a needle full of flu vaccine is now both more expensive and harder to come by than a needle full of heroin, which means, for the first time ever, that your grandma has more street credit than Robert Downey, Jr.

If I end up getting the flu, I’m gonna be sick about it.

? ? ? ?

As if Wal-Mart doesn’t have enough stores in our country....

The chain’s latest store is being built in Teotihuacan, Mexico, barely a mile away from The Pyramids of the Sun and the Moon, literally in the shadows of the 2000-year-old ruins. But hey, don’t feel bad for the ruins. Just think of them as being even "more ruined."

I visited some ancient ruins a few years ago and commented to my wife, "Wouldn’t it be handy if there was a Wal-Mart nearby so we could get our prints developed?"

Despite Wal-Mart’s long history of generosity to the Mexican people — including employing them illegally in the United States, until it was forced to stop doing so by the federal government — the new store was greeted by protestors.

The 2000-year-old ruins were built by a little-known culture which is believed to have abandoned the pyramids 800 years ago, after the local economy was destroyed when a Sam’s Club wholesale warehouse opened up across the street that had cheaper live human sacrifices.

In other Wal-Mart news, the company recently opened "the world’s biggest Wal-Mart" in Honolulu, Hawaii, where thousands of shoppers were so eager to take advantage of the wide selection and low prices, they barely even noticed the handful of folks out front protesting the fact that Wal-Mart unearthed 44 ancient Hawaiian gravesites during construction.

Native groups had tried to stop the opening until the 44 remains of Hawaiians unearthed during construction could be reburied. A Wal-Mart spokeswoman said the company is treating the remains with respect, placing them in the entrances to the store to greet customers.

Wal-Mart says the store will offer residents, "quality merchandise, low prices, and Wal-Mart’s spirit of aloha." A nice gesture to local custom, although it should be pointed out that Wal-Mart’s spirit of aloha was made in China.

Have a great week. Shop your hometown first.

November 8, 2004 - By Kevin Noland

I hadn’t given it a whole lot of thought, but it occurred to me last Sunday evening that all Halloween is, is a time for children to stock up on sugar to last them until Easter…..

Halloween’s origins date back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain (pronounced sow-in). The Celts, who lived 2,000 years ago in the area that is now Ireland, the United Kingdom, and northern France, celebrated their new year on November 1. This day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. I associate this time with it getting dark by 6 p.m..

Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31, they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth, probably searching for candy. In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter.

Somehow this ancient tradition evolved into the holiday that will push thousands of children over the edge to becoming diabetics.

So, like all good parents do, Ronda and I loaded up our costumed boys and took them to town to trick-or-treat last weekend. They were like a couple of heroin addicts who had just escaped the Betty Ford Clinic looking for their next fix. We got to town and entered the first neighborhood. They were like Trick-or-Treating Special Forces and they organized and hit like 30 houses in less than 15 minutes. I walked the streets with the kids, while Ronda drove the Suburban like a get-away vehicle leaving a bank robbery. We had 1.5 hours and we were on a candy mission.

There’s always the usual houses we hit: John Nixon’s (giant candy bars), Dr. Pete’s (fun decorations and scary music), Grandma Joyce’s house (for photographs), Tate and Elisa’s (where there is usually a trick or treat for dad) and the Holy Grail of Halloween Houses – Johnny Bowers house on A-way Street. I’m probably blowing it for my kids’ Halloween future, but this is the house where candy is distributed by a backhoe and my kids know it. I’m guessing that either the Bowers spend hundreds on candy for Trick-or-Treaters or my kids are two of the luckiest kids in town. It’s one of the best kept secrets around. Well, it was one of the best kept secret in town.

In the course of the evening, Joey and Nicholas netted some 10 lbs of candy each, enough to rot out 25 complete sets of teeth. Joey’s orthodontist is most likely behind this madness. I’m sure he takes the thousands of dollars we’ve spent on his mouth and uses it to promote the Halloween Holiday.

I could hear my kids in the back seat on the way home inventorying the spoils of the evening. Occasionally, I could hear a wrapper being peeled, quietly, so not to alert their parents that their children were eating sugar so soon before their bedtimes.

We got home just before Nick’s bedtime and I was trying to help him out of his costume and into his pajamas. You wouldn’t believe how hard it was since he refused to put down his sack of candy. He might have even gained a pound or two during the ride home.

Joey, will no doubt, lock himself into his bedroom with his sack of candy and slip into a chocolate induced coma by the week’s end. We’ll have to call in professional negotiators to talk him out so that he doesn’t hurt himself. I’m planning on buying a defibulator in the event I have to jump start his heart. Nicholas will probably use his candy like currency to purchase favors from his older brother like playing his Xbox. And what about me? Well, I’ve been sneaking into their rooms at night and stealing the Mr. Goodbars and Snickers from each of their sacks!

My tummy hurts….

Have a great week!

I’m a restless person, so when I travel long distances, I prefer to fly. Driving is too stressful and I can’t sit still longer than about an hour before going crazy.

We flew to South Carolina last week to attend a military graduation for former Medicine Lodge resident Dale McCurdy. Naturally, we flew there. It’s 900+ miles.

I’m not afraid to fly, but I do get that nervous, anxious feeling on planes. I hate the feeling of being crammed in a seat designed for a 12 year old girl’s frame. Most designers of airplanes don’t include foot room either. They’re probably a bunch of "footless" designers sitting in a room punishing the rest of us who do have feet. A lot of times, I’ll hang my feet out in the isle. The flight attendants seem to always whack an elbow or drive that mobile concession stand right over a toe on every flight. I’ll bet it’s a game for them.

Have you ever noticed that men who are flight attendants seem to be very, how should I say it, happy?

On our last flight home from Atlanta, I was really tired and my mind started paying very close attention to all of what the flight attendants were saying and doing. I was pretty sure that our female flight attendant was Mr. Bean wearing a blonde wig. I have illustrated this with the magic of photo shop.

The no smoking sign on the newly built airplane had me thinking too.

What idiot actually thinks he COULD smoke on the plane? It is probably the guy they froze in 1972, dieing of lung cancer and just thawed out, looking for the cure. He’s on his way home from the Chryo Clinic and needs a smoke really bad. This is for his benefit, right?

They stressed NO SMOKING in the bathroom, like we were a bunch of mischievous high school kids. And don’t tamper with the smoke alarm or you’ll get fined $10,000, the equivalent of the cost of about 3,712 smoke alarms.

There were no ash trays on the arm rests like I remember from years ago, but there was an ash tray on the door of the bathroom. It was like they were saying, "just try and smoke in here buddy."

Who could smoke in the bathroom of an airplane anyway? There’s probably not enough air in there to make the combustion part of lighting the cigarette possible. The bathrooms are miniaturized. I can barely get my pants down in there. And if I do manage to do that, I can’t stand up off of the stool without resting my chin on the stainless steal sink, trying to keep my knees from getting pinched in the accordion door, while pulling up my pants.

I always fear that I might accidently push the "Call Flight Attendant" button instead of the "flush" button. Everything is so close together in there. There’s even a 110 volt outlet for passengers who carry in things like toasters on the plane.

While in Atlanta, we were grounded for some time while we were waiting our turn in line to take off. I sat and listened to the flight attendant as she flipped through the safety features of our airplane, specifically the emergency exits and the passengers’ responsibilities of opening the doors in case of an emergency, i.e., crash....

She said, "If you are seated in row 14, this is an emergency exit. If you are unable to perform the duties or are injured and cannot perform your duties, please ask a flight attendant to move you at this time."

I thought, now if I’m in that row and an emergency arises, how will I know if I need to move because of an injury? I’m not currently injured and I really won’t know if I’m injured until the time comes for me to open the door.

Fortunately, I wasn’t in that section, so it was someone else’s problem, unless of course, we were to crash, survive the crash and needed off the plane. Then it was everyone’s problem.

A guy sitting in that row raised his hand and asked to be moved. He didn’t look injured to me. If I had a choice, I’d want to sit there. I’d be the first person off of the plane, if the plane was still something to exit from in the event of an emergency. Upon closer observation I learned he didn’t speak English. So it was a good idea to move him.

"Sir, open the door. The plane is on fire." He just smiles and waves......

She showed us how the seat belts worked. This is something I didn’t need instruction on, but paid close attention to anyway.

Just before take off, we had a problem with the main door. Apparently, Mr. (or Mrs.) Bean shut his tie in there or something and we had to wait. So I decided this was a good time for a bathroom break. I got up and asked the other flight attendant if I could go and she said, "Yes, but hurry."

Saying "Yes, but hurry" automatically tells my body to cease all function except respiratory and limited nervous system. I went into the bathroom, shut the door and instantly the plane started rolling. This did not help the "hurry" part. Then came the "sir, you need to take your seat. We’re departing. That pretty much ended "hurry" all together.

"I’m trying to hurry," I said. Ah forget it... I returned to my seat, now very uncomfortable.

As soon as plane took off I heard, "ding, dong". I thought to myself, who could be at the door at this altitude? Then I realized it was the fasten seat belt sign. The flight attendant said I could now roam the cabin freely, like the buffalo on the plains I imagined.

I shot out of my tiny chair and ran for the bathroom, only to be beaten by someone in first class. Those jerks in first class think they’re so cool. So, I asked the flight attendant if it was OK, if I sat down in first class while waiting my turn for the bathroom. Before she could answer, I clicked my seat belt, smiling to show her that I was paying attention earlier when she showed the passengers how they worked. I figured, she’d have to let me sit there now. I was putting safety first. She agreed to let me stay there, but only until the bathroom was free and then I had to return to my peasant seat in coach.

These seats were awesome! They reclined way back and I could stretch my feet all the way out.

"So, this is what first class is all about," I said to the lady sitting by the picture window. She somewhat ignored me, only acknowledging that I was sitting there for a short period of time. This was done by raising one eyebrow and looking at me over her glasses. She had a bigger bag of pretzels than what we were given back in coach. Hey, come to think of it, we hadn’t even been served back there yet.

The concessions cart rolled by. This time my hands, feet and elbows were comfortably tucked away in the Lazy Boy recliner-style seat in first class. The flight attendant glared at me, but I pointed to the "Occupied" sign on the bathroom door and she went on her way, reaching now for smaller bags of pretzels and bottled water for the less fortunate passengers. It seemed like she was throwing them at the passengers.

The bathroom door opened and I nearly knocked the old guy that was in there into the cockpit door on my way past him.

Ahhhhhh......

I practically had to stand on the stool to open the door while exiting and realized that the concessions cart was now blocking coach. I tapped the flight attendant on the shoulder, the one that was glaring at me earlier and asked, "Is it against federal aviation rules for me to hurdle the cart in the isle?"

She said, "Yes, it is sir. Please take your seat."

"I can’t," I said, pointing 15 rows back.

She pointed to the first class seat and without hesitation, I plopped my butt down, stretched out and opened my pretzels.

Finally, after about 15 minutes, I looked back to see my seat was clear, so I gingerly walked back and sat next to Ronda.

The flight was only 45 minutes long so by the time I got back, we were preparing for landing.

The announcement came to put our tray tables up and our seats in the upright position, like there is any other position to the seats in coach. They only recline about 4mm - again, punishment by the "footless" airplane designers. This statement is for the benefit of those in first class who can actually recline. They were laughing up there, I could feel it. Have a great week!